Jake smiled down at Sam as the boy fawned over Cooper, but I wondered what brewed beneath the surface of Jake’s composed demeanor. His eyes were telling, I just hadn’t figured out how to read them yet.
Just as I was about to push away from the tree I was leaning against, Sam jumped up to his feet, brushing his hands off on his pants. “Did you hear? Zoe’s Ability’s back.”
Jake’s smile faltered, and his gaze darted from Sam to me. “No,” he said. “I didn’t.” His hands flexed at his sides.
“Not her memory yet, but the rest of her.”
I thought I should probably talk to Jake about us before too much more time passed and the distance continued to grow between us. But just as I was about to ask him if we could go somewhere to talk, he turned and walked away, calling for Cooper over his shoulder.
Slouching back against the tree, I sighed. Or not.
5
JAKE
MARCH 28, 1AE
San Juan National Forest, Colorado
Lost in a tornado of thought, Jake swung an archaic, rusted axe, splintering the last of the firewood into stackable, burnable pieces—probably more pieces than were actually necessary. His palms were raw, but he welcomed the burn, the distraction.
The sun had just set behind the serrated mountaintops, and the brisk, evening air against his sweat-dampened skin helped take the edge off of a day filled with problematic surprises.
Jake crouched and gathered as much of the firewood into his arms as he could carry and headed over to the wood stacked on top of one of the carts. Cooper raised his head from snoozing, no doubt hopeful it was time to go lie by the campfire, where it was warm and there were plenty of people to pet him.
“Not yet, buddy,” Jake said as he unloaded the armful of wood.
Watching Zoe, wondering what the hell she was thinking, had become almost unbearable over the past week. Simply talking to her about what had happened, about them, proved harder than he’d imagined. If she wasn’t laughing with Tavis, she was with Dani learning the ropes in their new world, or Chris was prodding around in Zoe’s brain, trying to figure out exactly how much damage Clara had done. And since the blood transfusion they’d tried a few nights ago hadn’t done a damn thing to repair her shattered memory, he was beginning to lose hope that she would ever be the same.
The good things are worth fighting for, Joe, his guardian during the year after his mom died, had told him once. It was a motto Jake lived by, but now that Zoe’s Ability was back, Jake wasn’t sure fighting for her was the best thing for her. He was worried about what she might feel or see when she was around him, and he didn’t want to scare the hell out of her before she even had time to get to know him—or herself—again.
But Zoe wasn’t the only complication he was dealing with. Having Gabe and Becca suddenly back in his life was almost more than he could handle. His sister was still different, and looked at him like he was a complete stranger. And Gabe…Jake shook his head. He didn’t want to think about Gabe, which was easy enough.
As usual, his thoughts returned to Zoe. Over the months he’d known the teal-eyed, raven-haired beauty, she’d become his home. But she didn’t tease him anymore, and her maddening stubbornness and innate devotion to those she loved was nonexistent.
Resting the axe on its head, Jake let the handle fall to the ground. He exhaled and scrubbed both hands over his stubbled face.
A shadowed figure came toward him from the copse of trees a few dozen yards away. Cooper was up and running toward it before Jake even realized it was Gabe. He was carrying an armful of firewood that he let fall to the ground as he stopped in front of Jake.
Needing to put some distance between them, Jake decided it was time to call it a night, and he reached for his jacket draped over the cart.
“I need you to know something,” Gabe said quietly. Jake turned around to find Gabe crouched and leaning on the discarded axe.
Jake clenched his jaw, contemplating whether or not it would be best to simply walk away.
Gabe sighed and rested one elbow on his knee, letting his hand drape in front of him. “I know you won’t forgive me,” he said. “But I am sorry. I didn’t want any of this to happen. If I’d known what Becca was going to do…” After a short pause, he shook his head. “I did everything I could to help her in the Colony.”
“And Dani?”
Gabe let a despondent chuckle escape from his throat. “Like I had a choice? Don’t you get it? I had to bring her in—to protect your sister.” In an instant, Gabe was on his feet. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect Becca. The General—he would have tortured her. He did torture her. If I hadn’t brought him a two-way telepath…you don’t want to know…” Seeming to deflate, Gabe let out a humorless laugh. “And poor Dani was the one to pay for my loyalty to Becca…to you.”
“Loyalty? Loyalty would have been telling us what the hell was going on in the first place, not bringing armed fucking soldiers into my house…not letting them knock me out, then disappearing and taking my sister’s body with you.” Jake gestured toward the campfire, where everyone was gathered. “What happened to Dani isn’t on me and Becca—it’s on you.”
For a moment, Gabe said nothing. “I know.”
His hopeless tone affected Jake more than he wanted it to. “How the hell did you get yourself in this mess to begin with?”
Gabe looked at Jake, his eyes silver in the moonlight. “I’d been researching Abilities for a while, but I didn’t know about the General’s plan until the Virus was already spreading. When you called and told me Becca was sick, it was right when I’d started putting the pieces together…” He looked away. “They wouldn’t let me off base without an armed escort. I came—brought them—because I wanted to help her, and I didn’t have much of a choice.”
Jake pinned Gabe in place with an accusatory glare and allowed himself to ask the one question that outweighed all others. “Did you know they’d turn Becca into a Re-gen?”
Gabe returned his glare. “No, Jake, I didn’t. I didn’t know she’d kill herself, either, or that they’d knock you out or appropriate her body.” He was breathing harder. “Do you know how I left your house that night?” He paused. “At gunpoint. I wasn’t going to leave you, not passed out…I thought you were dying, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t let them take Becca. I was barely able to write that goddamn note before I was escorted out.”
Jake was speechless, more than stunned by Gabe’s admission.
Gabe sighed, and his voice softened. “In case you lived…I needed to warn you, and I knew you would go to the gun cabinet.” He was quiet for a moment, leaving Jake’s thoughts to reel. Finally, he took a deep breath. “You’re my brother in every way that matters, Jake—always have been, and always will be. Nothing could change that, not even you hating me for the rest of your life.”
Jake leaned against the cart, crossed his arms over his chest, and sighed, expelling months’ worth of anger and betrayal and hurt. Having no idea what to say, he stood there in awe, the orchestra of crickets the only thing filling the silence. He was surprised by how quickly things seemed to shift, and how grateful he suddenly felt to be standing only a few yards away from his friend again, despite all that had happened.
Jake shook his head. “What does Becca know?”
Gabe shook his head, and he ran his hand through his loose hair, a nervous habit he’d had since childhood. “Nothing. She has no idea who I am, or that I’ve been looking out for her. To her, I’m just Dr. McLaughlin.” He lowered his hand. “And I swear I had nothing to do with what happened to Zoe. If I could do something, help somehow—”
“I know,” Jake said. He knew Clara hadn’t needed any incentive to hurt Zoe. “I know,” he repeated. Not wanting to think about all the bad decisions he’d made and how they kept returning to bite him in the ass, Jake grabbed his jacket. “Thank you,” he said and turned to head back to camp. “Come on, Coop.”
Voices and laughter carried on the bre
eze as Jake drew closer to camp. Cooper rushed past him, heading straight for Becca and Carlos, who were chatting by the chuck wagon. Despite Jake’s best efforts, his eyes automatically sought out Zoe. She was sitting by the fire, her hair wet and hanging around her shoulders. Sam was sitting beside her, and both had pencils in their hands and sketchbooks on their laps.
Jake’s heart ached at the sight of her smiling with the kid. And when he noticed Tavis leaning over Sam’s shoulder, misery cemented in the pit of his stomach.
As if he’d voiced the thought, Zoe’s gaze shifted up to his. Her smile vanished, making him feel like an intruder, and her eyes grew wide and questioning. Instinctively, he offered her a curt nod before he turned and strode for his tent.
“Hello,” came a soft, raspy voice.
Jake turned around to find Becca standing directly behind him. He let out a shaky breath. He was still getting used to seeing his sister’s gray eyes, no longer the violet color he’d been used to growing up.
Jake’s hands found his pockets as he stood there, feeling an uneasy excitement.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, offering him a bowl of stew. “I noticed that you have not eaten much today, and you have been overworking yourself.”
He eyed her curiously, wondering if it was concern that slightly changed the cadence of her voice. “Aren’t you hungry?” He gestured to the bowl.
Becca smiled timidly and shook her head, her wavy brown hair brushing against her shoulders. “I’ve already eaten. This”—she took a step closer—“is for you.” Her eyes shifted between Jake and the bowl. “Please, take it.”
Realizing she might take his surprise as some sort of rejection of her kindness, Jake offered her a grateful smile. “I’m starving. Thanks.” He wrapped his fingers around the warm bowl and walked back toward the fire, lowering himself into an empty chair and accepting a red- and white-checkered napkin from Becca as well.
“Sarah has been teaching me how to cook,” Becca said as she pulled over a chair to sit beside him. A faint scent of herbs wafted off of her.
Becca had never been much of a cook; neither of them had, and Jake wondered if that happened to be the only thing about her that hadn’t changed. He stared down into the bowl and then back up at her, hesitant.
When her eyes met his again, they were expectant.
Clearing his throat, Jake took a deep breath, leaned forward, and put a spoonful of stew into his mouth. The broth was warm and salty…and surprisingly delicious. He looked at his sister askance.
She was fidgeting beside him, worrying her bottom lip. “Well,” she said, “what do you think?”
After chewing and swallowing a hunk of meat, Jake took another bite. “It’s good,” he said, proud of Becca’s effort to become part of the group. He was comforted by the fact that she was going to the trouble to have a conversation with him, too. “It’s really good.”
Becca smiled. “I am glad.”
“You like cooking, then?” he asked, taking another mouthful.
Her brow furrowed, and she looked at his bowl thoughtfully. “I think I do,” she said. “At least, I do not dislike it.”
“Good.” He offered her a reassuring smile before taking another bite.
Becca sat beside him while he ate, watching him intently. Although he wondered what she was thinking, he didn’t want to push her, so he sat with her in companionable silence.
“Jake,” she finally said.
His gaze shifted to her as he swallowed another spoonful.
“I wanted you to know that I am sorry.”
Nearly choking, he set his spoon down and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “You’re sorry for what?” he asked.
Becca’s eyes focused on his. “For not remembering.”
Jake was the one who’d gotten her into this mess. He looked away from her and into the fire, frustration resurfacing as the events of the past couple months came crashing back down on him. “It’s not your fault, Becca. None of this is. I should’ve—”
“Perhaps not,” she interrupted and placed her hand on his arm. “But it still hurts you.”
Jake was surprised she cared much about that; she’d been reticent to believe all he’d told her about her past in the first place.
“Although I do not have strong emotions like you and some of the others seem to have, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have me sitting beside you with no recollection of our past together. And now…” her eyes traveled over to Zoe.
Jake’s chest tightened.
“I know it is not easy for you, and I am sorry there is nothing I can do to help.”
Her final words to him the night she’d bled out in his arms coalesced in his mind, and he wanted so badly to know something. “You told me, that night—the last night I saw you—that I would save her, but that I would also kill her.” He paused. “Do you have any idea why you said that or what it meant?” Every time Jake thought the moment Becca had warned him of had come and gone and that Zoe would finally be safe, something would happen that would make him doubt the danger had past.
Becca closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, I am sorry.”
Appetite waning, Jake set the half-eaten bowl in his lap. “You don’t have to be sorry, Becca. You—”
“The way you look at her,” Becca interrupted him again. “You keep your distance when you should not.”
Jake collected himself, a little stunned by Becca’s adamancy, then his gaze darted to Zoe once again. Like before, her eyes drifted to his. “I don’t want to scare her,” he admitted.
“Why would she be scared?”
“She’s not the same, I can see it in her eyes. She won’t understand what she sees…what she feels.”
When Becca said nothing, he met his sister’s confused stare. “You mean, your feelings for her? Why should that scare her?”
“Wouldn’t you be?”
“Scared?”
He nodded.
“I am scared right now. I know no one, just as she does not. But I am still curious. I still want to remember. I want to understand the truth…to understand who I am.”
Jake closed his gaping mouth. “You do?”
Becca nearly smiled again. “It is hard to predict another person’s feelings, is it not?” She frowned infinitesimally. “You cannot protect her from what is. You can only help her understand. If I said such a thing to you…before”—Becca glanced quickly to Zoe—“then there was a reason, I am certain of it, but it could very well already have come to pass.”
Jake gave Becca a quizzical look. “Won’t it be overwhelming for her to learn about us if she doesn’t even remember me? I’m a complete stranger to her.”
Becca’s eyes brightened with understanding, and she smiled sympathetically. “You are assuming she will reject you.”
“Hell yeah, I am.”
His sister tilted her head. “And what if she doesn’t? What if she accepts you instead?” she asked fluidly without her stilted, formal inflection. “Shouldn’t she get to decide how she feels?”
Jake frowned this time. When he realized his sister’s eyes were gleaming with an emotion he couldn’t quite place, he couldn’t help but think she knew something he didn’t, and the hope that swelled inside him scared him shitless. Sighing, he leaned forward, knowing that allowing Zoe to see his memories could create an irreparable fissure between them.
“I should go,” Becca said abruptly and rose, taking his bowl.
Surprised, Jake straightened and glanced up at her. He was about to ask her to stay when he noticed Zoe slowly approaching from the other side of the fire. Her hands tapped at her sides, and her gaze fixed on the ground. Her face was relaxed, unmarred by the worry lines he was so used to. She smiled at Becca as they passed one another. Jake watched her approach with bated breath.
“Hey,” Zoe said, exactly as she had the day she’d walked into the auto shop at Fort Knox, the same uncertain, beautifully curious and awkward look on her face. But when she finally made eye c
ontact with him, Jake couldn’t help but notice that the usual, mischievous gleam was gone.
Jake smoothed his palms over his thighs and moved to stand.
Zoe held up her hand to stop him. “Please, don’t get up.” She shook her head, causing her hair to fall in front of her eyes. She let it hang around her face like it was a shield and stared down at the camping chair beside his. “This is so silly, isn’t it?” she said and finally met his gaze. There was something about the look on her face that prevented him from speaking.
Automatically, she started to lower herself into the chair beside him, then froze. Eyebrows lifted and eyes filled with what Jake thought might be embarrassment, she cleared her throat. “Sorry,” she said, and shook her head as she let out a nervous breath. “Do you mind if I sit?”
“Of course not,” Jake said. He had to resist the urge to brush her hair away from her eyes, to pull her closer, to hold her hand, to do something that was them.
Finally, gathering the loose strands of her hair behind her head, Zoe twisted them away from her face before she let them fall and unfurl down her back. She dropped her hands into her lap, took a long, deep breath, and closed her eyes.
Jake wanted to reach out to her, to offer her some sort of reassurance. But then she tilted her head to the side and peered into his eyes, which surprised him.
“You’re avoiding me—” she said as he began, “How are you feel—”
She smiled at him and licked her lips as she rested her elbows on her knees. “It’s weird,” she said, blushing.
“Which part?” Jake asked, knowing everything she’d learned about her life—about the world—was probably equally difficult to grasp.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she studied him for a moment. “You’re more difficult to read than the others,” she finally admitted.
Jake felt a sudden flood of relief.
“Well, except for Jason. But…” She waved the idea of her brother away. “Look, Jake…I know I’m not her, but I—” She gazed up at him thoughtfully. “I don’t want you to have to feel like you can’t be around me. I mean, if you still want to be. I don’t want you to avoid me like the plague unless you…ya know…”
The Ending Series: The Complete Series Page 92