I ignored the fact that his aura—a dull blue—was only faint as I studied him, hoping, for once, his expression would give a little bit more away. “What is it?”
“We’ve been talking, but…” Jason gave me a sidelong glance, then asked, “How’s she doing? I mean really doing? I feel like she’s holding something back.”
I smiled inwardly. “Dani’s okay, Jason.” I squeezed his arm. “At least better than when she thought you were dead—when we all thought you were dead. She was a mess, but now that she knows you’re alive and on your way home…she’s better. And from the sound of it, a lot has happened since we’ve been gone. So, tonight’s dinner conversation should be fairly interesting.” We both looked at our dad as he helped Peter and then our mom into the cart.
“Yeah,” Jason grumbled, “Interesting.” We stopped beside one of the cart’s wheels. Chris’s eyes were gleaming as she wrapped Jason in her arms, seeing him alive and real for the first time in weeks.
When she was finished fussing over him, she turned her attention to me, until finally Harper stepped in and interrupted. “If we don’t get these two home,” he said, motioning to Jason and me, “Dani’s going to have a conniption.”
Chris let out a belly laugh. “Isn’t that the truth.” She motioned to the cart, but just as I was about to climb up, I noticed Shadow standing off to the right, his ears perked up and alert. “Sorry, just one more sec,” I said and took a few wobbly steps over to him.
Shadow gnawed at his bit, and his nostrils flared as he took a step toward me.
“Hey, boy.” I trailed the tip of my finger down his silken muzzle and stepped closer. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Kissing the side of his face, I inhaled his scent and thought of the farm. I’m finally going home.
“Who’s riding you tonight?” I asked, not expecting a reply.
“I think that would be me,” Biggs said. He stepped over and patted Shadow’s rump. “If you don’t mind, of course. My horse is still en route back to the farm from Sacramento.”
“Of course you can ride him,” I practically chirped. I was still so happy Biggs had come back he was welcome to ride Shadow as much as he wanted. And then I realized Everett and Ellie would be at home, waiting for us too.
“Come on, Baby Girl. I wasn’t joking when I said Dani’s going to throw a fit. Let’s get you home.”
Biggs grinned at me, and I felt myself smile, really smile, for the first time in what felt like forever.
~~~~~
“How are you feeling?” My mom asked from her seat across from me in the back of the cart. Her eyes, even her tone, were soft…soft, but guarded.
“I’m okay,” I said. “It feels good to be outside, in the fresh air, even though it’s a tad chilly.” I glanced at Peter who sat cross-legged beside her, swaying with each bump in the road. His gaze scoured the landscape of rolling green hills, live oaks, and the wooden fence lines that followed us along the frontage road home. I could sense his curiosity and wonder at all he was experiencing for the first time.
“Your friend, Harper, seems like a good man to have around,” my mom said. “He takes good care of you.”
I nodded. “Yes, he does. Always. But then, we all take good care of each other. That’s what families do.” I hadn’t meant it to be snide, though I felt it’d come out that way.
Eyes fixed on mine, my mom said, “I can see that. I’m happy you and your brother have such good people in your group.”
If that was her underhanded way of telling me Jason and I didn’t need her, I wasn’t biting. I looked at Peter. “It seems like you’d be a good guy to have around, too,” I said. “If it weren’t for you, I don’t know when they would’ve found me.”
Hearing Jake’s baritone, I looked over at him as he spoke to Jason as they rode side by side behind the cart.
“Becca told me about her prophecy—the one about you two,” my mom said, ruminating.
I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I hadn’t thought about it in a while. “She’ll die because of you… The woman with the long black hair and teal eyes…you’ll save her, but she’ll die because of you.” I took a much-needed breath. “Yeah, it’s a lot to wrap your mind around. I’ve sort of stopped trying.” I shook my head, thinking about the poisoning… I had died, and Jake had saved me. “I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if I’d never met him.”
She eyed Jake a moment, then said, “He loves you.”
I laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I know.”
Peter’s focus shifted between Jake and me, like he’d never paid attention before.
My mom’s eyes flicked to Jake again. The way she studied him made me feel sad, though I wasn’t sure why.
I was still having a difficult time feeling her mind, given the fact that the neutralizer hadn’t faded completely yet. But then her gaze slid from Jake to my dad, who was talking and riding alongside Biggs behind them, and I knew.
“Have you two talked yet?” I asked, knowing that would be an intense conversation.
“Not really, no.” She cleared her throat and met my gaze. “Why, has your father said anything to you?”
I shook my head. “But you’ve got to talk to him,” I said, almost pleading. “I’m worried he’ll—” I steadied my breath, trying not to let my resentment for the last twenty years of our lives harden my voice. “You don’t know what it was like for him. If you’re staying, you have to fix things.”
She was silent for a moment, considering something. “There are many relationships that need repairing.” And given the fact that I barely knew my mother, having only really met her under singular circumstances—in a faded memory, under the influence of Clara, and one other time in a dream—I wasn’t sure how she planned on doing that.
“Are you going to try?” I asked, a little too hopeful.
“Does that mean we’re staying with them, at the farm?” Peter asked, and the loving mother she was, she grabbed his hand and held it in her lap.
“I’m not sure yet, sweetheart.” Her gaze shifted to my dad again. “I’m not sure.”
I wasn’t expecting that answer, and my heartbeat quickened. “Where else would you go?” I knew Peter had a better chance with all of us than he did anywhere else outside the Colony. I didn’t say that though, not with him sitting there, hopeful, like me.
“Can you possibly go any slower, Zo?” Dani’s voice was sharp with unbridled anticipation. “I’ve been waiting for you to get back here for hours…”
“We’re almost there—”
The sound of barking dogs stole my attention.
“You’re here!”
I peered around Chris and Sanchez in the cart’s driver seat to see the outline of the farm, still shed in darkness, come into view. Chris steered us through the gate, where we were greeted by Jack and Cooper bounding our way…and Dani and Annie. They stopped at the driveway as Grayson and Carlos strode out from the farmhouse, cradling babies in their arms and Sam following slowly behind them. Dani looked close to bouncing in place, biting her lip as she impatiently waited for our approach.
“We’re home,” I breathed and smiled at Peter, but when my eyes met my mom’s, my smile faltered. She looked petrified. “Everything will be fine,” I said, a little louder than a whisper so she could hear me.
She met my gaze and gave me a single, curt nod before she swallowed and looked around at the homestead we’d created for ourselves. I could imagine she’d never seen anything like it before, not without holding cells and concrete rooms where people were experimented on and tortured.
“I promise.” I smiled, trying my best to reassure her.
The cart came to a halt in front of the barn, and everyone began to move in a rush. My gaze went instantly to Dani. She rocked back on her heels, her hands in her pockets and her eyes gleaming as her gaze met Jason’s. He was off his unnamed horse in an instant and striding toward her. Dani met him in the middle and was in his arms before Grayson could even help me out of
the cart. There was an orchestra of greetings and hugs, tears and laughter as the dream of being home became real.
But my growing smile faltered when I saw Sam. His eyes were shimmering, his chin quivering as he surveyed the group. It was like he’d hoped it wasn’t true, that he would find Tavis among those of us returning home. When his pale eyes met mine, the saddest I’d ever seen them, I lost what was left of my strength.
“Sam,” I rasped, barely able to take a few steps before I nearly fell to my knees in front of him. “I’m so sorry,” I said, wishing I could rewind everything and make Tavis stay behind—that I hadn’t promised Sam I’d bring Tavis back to him, safe and sound.
Sam didn’t say anything, his eyes fixed on me until he ran into my arms.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated, yearning for him to feel my words, to believe them as he sobbed, inconsolable, in my arms.
“I know.” He hiccupped and gripped me tighter.
35
DANI
DECEMBER 16, 1AE
The Farm, California
For the first time in weeks, I felt whole. Complete. The empty places in my heart that could be filled, were. More so, even; they were full to bursting. I choked back a joyful sob and gripped the back of Jason’s jacket more tightly. It was the same one he’d been wearing the last time I’d seen him. I inhaled deeply, breathing him in. He smelled the same, too—like him.
And as I clung to him in the wee hours of the morning, pale moonlight and all of our family and friends surrounding us, I realized that part of me had expected him to come back different, after all he’d been through…but he hadn’t. He was the same Jason. My Jason.
“Red…” One of his arms was wrapped all the way around the back of me, his hand clutching my side like he was trying to fuse us together. His other hand was buried in my hair, and he pressed his lips against the top of my head. “God, I missed you.” His breath heated my scalp, and the yearning in his voice warmed my heart. “Red…God…”
I made a squeaking noise and nodded against his chest, neither of us ready or willing to put any physical distance between us just yet. “For a while there, I really thought you were dead,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. I was coming to understand that while being happy was a lovely feeling, happiness that piggybacked extreme fear and sadness was the greatest feeling in all the world. And I hoped to never, ever feel this kind of happiness again. The up and down—it was too much.
Jason’s arms shook as he tightened his hold on me. “I know.” He inhaled and exhaled heavily. “I wish…I just wish it hadn’t been so—so…” He paused, struggling for the right words. “I don’t know—so hard, I guess.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Jason wasn’t vociferous, but he always knew what to say, at least when something needed to be said. He always had a snappy comeback or a sharp retort. It was so strange to hear him struggling to voice his thoughts. Me, on the other hand, I struggled plenty. Which was why, once again, the only response I could manage was a nod and a muffled “I love you so much.”
Jason’s fingers tangled in my hair, pulling a bit, but I hardly cared. “God, if anything happened to you…if you’d pulled the trigger when Cole made you put the gun—” His whole body was shaking now. “He was so close to killing you…to making you—”
“But I’m okay,” I said, forcing myself to pull away enough that I could look up at him. “Somehow, amazingly, despite everything, we’re both here. We’re both home. We’re both okay.” I beamed up at him. I’d been wrong; it was possible to feel even happier. I knew it, because I felt an unbelievable surge of joy as I drew in the breath to tell him, “We’re better than okay, Jason.” I cleared my throat, my lips shaking and eyes stinging. “I—I’m pregnant.”
For the briefest moment, Jason’s eyes lit up, but the light—the anticipation and excitement and joy—faded so quickly, I almost doubted I’d seen it at all. He searched my eyes. “The documents from the Colony,” he said slowly, carefully, “they said…none of the babies lived…and some of the mothers died, too.”
I was shaking my head before he could finish. “They’re different,” I explained. “None of them are like us—or like you, I suppose. I’ve been over this a dozen times with Harper and Gabe. Your cells are already genetically stable, remember? And Becca said the baby would be safe so long as I stayed on the farm, so…” I shrugged. “Becca’s never wrong.”
Jason’s eyes narrowed.
I rolled my eyes. “If it’ll make you feel better, we can ask your mom about it later. She’s the expert on all of this, so—oh!” I squeaked.
Jason released me and captured my hand, wasting no time in leading me toward the cart, where Dr. Wesley was standing with Gabe and a teenage boy who could only be her youngest child, Peter. Both mother and son looked more than a little lost, though Gabe appeared to be trying to acclimate them to life on the farm with words and enthusiastic hand gestures alone.
“Dani’s pregnant,” Jason said as we closed the distance to the trio. And he didn’t speak quietly. Around us, excited voices quieted and eyes turned our way. I caught Chris’s, and glanced at the stable. No telepathy necessary; she picked up on my silent request for privacy and quickly rounded up the humans and horses and herded them toward the stable door to start getting the animals settled in for the night, or rather, for the morning.
By the time I looked at Dr. Wesley, her attention was entirely on me. “Congratulations are in order, then.” She bowed her head, her sleek, gray-streaked black bob swaying.
I indicated Jason, hovering beside me, with a flick of my eyes. “He’s, er, concerned about it…because of the results of Project Eden.”
“Ah,” Dr. Wesley said, nodding sagely. “Those results don’t apply to you.” She scanned the rest of our companions, who were halfway to the stable. “Your friends, yes, they’ll have fertility troubles for a while yet, but you two, you should be fine.” She frowned. “Of course, there are the normal childbearing issues to worry about, but…” She shook her head and focused on Jason. “With Gabriel and Harper here to look out for Danielle, she should be fine.”
“And you,” I said, eyeing her quizzically. When she didn’t respond, I quickly changed the subject before the elephant in the driveway could become too obtrusive. “So you see,” I said, looking at Jason. “I told you. I’ll be fine.” I placed my hand on my belly. “We’ll be fine.”
And as wonder slowly transformed Jason’s scarred face, a high-pitched squeal sped our way.
“Sorry!” Chris called from the stable door. “Couldn’t hold her back.”
I laughed as Annie flung herself at Jason. She practically climbed up his body, clinging to his neck and waist like a spider monkey as Jason wrapped his arms around her. “ImissedyouImissedyouImissedyouImissedyouI—”
“Missed you, too, munchkin,” Jason said, closing his eyes and smiling. He extended one of his hands toward me and pulled me against his side. “So much.”
~~~~~
“You shouldn’t be out here doing this, Zo,” I said, taking the armful of bridles from her with minimal resistance and walking them to the extra hooks we’d drilled into the wall of the tack room months ago. I hung the leather and metal contraptions up one by one.
“Well, neither should you,” Zoe said, somewhat grumpily. Barely fifteen minutes had passed since she and the others had returned, and she already looked like the walking dead, she was so beat.
I glanced over my shoulder in time to see her plop onto one of the extra hay bales we’d stacked in here for the winter. They looked like they were made of shimmering gold in the dim lantern light.
Zoe caught my eye and cringed, just a little. “Sorry,” she said, sighing. “I know I’m in shitty shape right now, but you know I hate feeling useless.” She rubbed her eyes and laid her head back against the edge of a second-level hay bale. “I hate that everyone’s exhausted and unpacking anyway at four in the fucking morning, and it’s all because of me and my apparent need to be a goddamn damsel in di
stress all the time.”
I could hear the frustration in her voice, threatening tears. Closing my eyes, I hung my head briefly, hating hearing Zoe sound so weak. She was the stronger of the two of us, the one with a backbone of steel and a razor-sharp tongue. She was the one who pushed me to keep going, who could convince me to want to keep fighting, who would find a way, who would make things work, no matter what. It was her courage, her strength that inspired me. And when she was like this, deflated and defeated and somehow lost, I felt lost, too.
With a deep breath, I hung the last bridle on an iron hook and turned around. “Oh, Zo…” I sat beside her, which was a minor feat in and of itself, considering how poky some of the renegade straws of hay were, and hooked my arm around her waist. “It’s okay. You’re home now. Everyone’s home and safe and it’s all okay. We’re all okay.”
She rested her head on my shoulder just in time for me to feel the first jerky convulsion as she lost her battle against tears. “I—I’m so so—sorry,” she said miserably.
“Zo…” I raised my other hand to stroke her unusually tangled and grimy hair, not caring one bit that she was far from clean. “None of what happened was your fault.”
She hiccupped. “But—”
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted. “But did you slap a fake memory onto my mind or kidnap Jason? Did you lay the trap that caused the car crash?” I laughed bitterly. “Did you tell Tavis to drag you away from the accident or pull the trigger or ask those assholes to abduct you and tie you up and steal your blood? Did you—”
“Alright, D,” Zoe said, sniffing and laughing morosely. “I get it. You can stop bludgeoning me with sarcasm.”
I smiled, just a little, and looked up at the ceiling, eyes stinging again. Damn my stupid pregnancy hormones for making me constantly on the verge of crying.
Zoe laughed once more, and there was actually some amusement in the sound this time. Pulling away, she wiped her eyes while looking at me sidelong. “Please, D, like you wouldn’t be about to cry right now otherwise. Sure…blame the poor, defenseless unborn baby.”
The Ending Series: The Complete Series Page 161