Ashley had questioned her about love, and she’d never known it the way her sister described it. Part of me feels empty as if something is missing. I want to feel whole again, but it will take someone special. The only time she’d felt empty was the last time she’d seen Jonny. She’d felt hollow as if her heart had been... The realization washed over her like a flood. She lost her breath in the memory. What was she doing with her life?
The sound of the back door opening stirred her to rise and get a grip. Lately her dad seemed to study her as if he were looking into her mind through her eyes. She wanted no one to look in her head since she had no idea what they would see. When she swung through the kitchen doorway, she stopped cold.
Jonny stood behind her father, a fleeting smile lighting his face. “Hi.”
She gave a nod to Jonny, confusion railing her senses. “Dad, I was worried about you.”
“It’s my fault.” Jonny stepped around him and braced his hand on a kitchen chair. “I called him from school and asked if he’d like to walk. I guess we didn’t think to tell you.”
“Tell her?” Her dad gave a chuckle. “She’s not my keeper. Are you, Neely?”
She pondered the comment. “I guess I’m not.” That had been her mother. His keeper with a whip. “I didn’t expect you to be out, but exercise is good.” She turned to Jonny, fearing to look in his eyes. “Thanks. That was thoughtful.”
He shrugged. “I wanted to get out anyway. This time of year is fleeting. Once the snow falls that puts a damper on walking.”
Finally she looked into his eyes, her chest constricting. “Have a seat.” She motioned to the chair his hand rested on. “How about a pop? Cola? What’s your choice?”
Her dad lapped his jacket over his arm. “Give the man a cup of coffee. It’s getting nippy out there.”
She strode to the coffeemaker as Jonny slipped off his jacket, hung it on the chair back and sat. Seeing him now sent her thoughts back to the last time they’d spoken. He’d said he’d see her at work but he hadn’t. Sometimes he’d pop into the office just to say hi and see how she was doing, and occasionally they ran into each other in the lunch room, but that hadn’t happened, either. Was he avoiding her? The question entered her mind more than once.
And then there was Cindy. She’d watched the woman flirt with him at the fitness center. He’d seemed to be polite but didn’t fall for her come-ons. But the last time they’d spoken, he’d mentioned Cindy wanted to see him. If something was going on, she wanted to know before she made a fool of herself...if she hadn’t done that already.
She’d filled the coffeemaker in a trance, and when enough had dripped into the pot to fill a cup. She opened the cabinet, pulled one down and filled it. When she turned, Jonny’s eyes were on her. She set the cup in front of him, and then returned to find the low-calorie chocolate chip cookies she’d baked for her dad—amazing what almond flour and sugar substitute could do.
Though he had left the kitchen, at the scent of the coffee, her dad returned. She poured him a cup but he only grabbed a couple of the cookies and left again, leaving her to face Jonny alone. She grasped a cookie and slipped into a chair across from him. “I appreciate your spending time with my dad. I know he enjoys company.”
“He’s a good man, and he’s filled with wisdom.”
A frown tugged at her forehead. “What kind of wisdom?” Her dad offering wisdom was unexpected. Yet her attitude had been tainted by her mother’s influence.
“Your dad has a grasp on life and faith that’s worth hearing.”
“He is a man of faith. I saw that with the love he continued to shower on my mom even when it wasn’t returned.”
His jaw tightened when he looked at her. “Wouldn’t it be great if we could all be that way?”
The comment threw her. Beneath the words, she sensed a meaning that she didn’t comprehend. Was he referring to her feelings for Erik? If so, he didn’t realize that neither of them knew anything about love back then. They still didn’t as far as she could see. Though she longed to ask Jonny to explain, she closed her mouth to give his comment more thought.
“I’m learning new things about Dad every day. My time here has been good, I think. It’s opened up windows with a fresh perspective on life in general, but most about me as part of it.”
His eyes searched hers. “I’m glad, Neely. I want you to be happy. I think you deserve it.”
“No more than anyone else.” She studied him, longing to know what was going on in his head. She’d never know if she didn’t listen and open her mind.
Her memory shot back to the last time they’d talked. “Tell me more about your church’s work with charities.” She rose and poured herself a cup of coffee, then brought the pot back to refill his.
“Right now, we’ll be focused on Welcome Inn and help for Haven, a home for abused women and their children. Then we’ll have a food collection around Thanksgiving for the homeless and our own food bank. The Giving trees happen at Christmas. They put up ornaments with people’s names and gift suggestions. These are given to various organizations.” He lifted his cup and took a sip. “You used to help Rainie with some of those things years ago.”
His face had brightened, and the memories warmed her, too. “You, Rainie and me.” She lifted her gaze to his. “I’m surprised how much time I spent with you back then.”
He drew in a ragged breath that surprised her. “Those were good days.”
“Actually they were.” She reached across the table and pressed her hand against his. “I’m sorry that I didn’t appreciate you then, Jonny.”
“You mean you do now?”
He placed his other hand over hers, cocooning hers in his warmth. The heat rolled through her. “I do.”
“We’d better eat. Ashley will be here soon.”
Her dad’s voice jolted them, and they pulled apart their hands. “Ashley? What’s up?”
“I’m taking care of Joey.” Her dad looked away. “While she goes out with Erik.” He ambled deeper into the room. “You’d think I had my fill of that guy years ago, but here he is again after another one of my daughters.”
Jonny’s eyes bore through her.
She struggled to control her reaction, but she knew she’d failed. “A stroke of bad luck, Dad.” She tried to keep her voice light as she headed for the refrigerator. “How about the rest of that spaghetti, I made?” She turned to her dad. “We have plenty, Jonny.”
“No. I’d better get home.” He pushed back his chair, rose and carried his cup to the sink. “I’ll see you later.”
When? That’s what she wanted to know. Whenever Erik was mentioned, he seemed to withdraw. “If you’re sure. I really have plenty.”
“I’m sure.” He slipped on his coat and headed toward the back door. “I’ll go out this way.”
“Jonny?” She stepped toward him, but she forced herself to stop.
“I’m sure you’ll want to talk with Ashley.” He opened the door. “Alone.”
Before she could respond, he closed it. She moaned. If she let her past control her future she would remain stagnant. She returned to the refrigerator, deep in thought.
Chapter Ten
Two days passed and Jonny still hadn’t stopped by the attendance office. Neely struggled with what to do. She understood his aversion to Erik. Allowing Erik’s presence to control her life had been a mistake and one that accomplished nothing but creating more bad memories. Now the bad feelings had spread to Jonny, she feared.
To her surprise, she’d controlled her comments to Ashley. She’d said nothing about the date and waited for Ashley to report how it went. But Ashley had kept quiet too.
Progress required action. She knew Jonny’s schedule and had resolved to do something to get their relationship back on track. Losing his friendship hurt, and she blamed hers
elf. When his prep hour arrived, she headed to the gym, but didn’t see him there. Hoping he wasn’t in the men’s locker room or someplace she couldn’t enter, she took the hallway to the teachers’ lounge. When she opened the door, she saw him, his nose buried in a sports magazine.
She stepped inside and stood a moment, waiting for him to notice her. He didn’t so she took the initiative. “Good article?” She sank into the chair near him.
He looked up as if surprised. “It is.” He turned the magazine over and lay it on the table. “Problem?”
“No. I just...” Her lungs locked. “I miss you.”
His brow arched before he spoke. “You do?”
She nodded, unable to get her tongue wrapped around the words lodged in her throat. What could she say that didn’t unveil more than she wanted to admit? “It’s still fairly nice weather. Do you want to run tonight?”
He tapped the table with his thumb a moment. “I can’t.”
She mumbled an “oh.” But then she took a brave step. “You have plans with Cindy?”
“Cindy?” He shook his head. “No. Where would you get that idea?”
Heat charged to her cheeks, and she lifted her eyes to heaven asking herself why she’d mentioned Cindy.
“I called your dad a while ago and we’re walking...unless you want to join us.”
Drowning in mortification, she shook her head. “I’ll let you two walk. Maybe another time.”
He studied her a moment. “Join us, Neely. We can’t really run but—”
“It’s good for Dad to have your company without me butting in.” She shrugged. “Man to man.” She lowered her eyes to garner courage. “I’m sorry I brought up Cindy. You’d mentioned talking with her the other day and I assumed—”
He shook his head. “Nothing’s going on between us. Not that she wouldn’t like that.” He grinned.
“I noticed.” Heat continued to burn her cheeks.
“You did?” He arched his brow again.
She nodded. When he didn’t say anything else, she slid the chair back and rose. “I’d better get back to work.”
He appeared to have something on his mind, but he didn’t share it with her. Instead he lifted the magazine. “Maybe I’ll see you after the walk.”
“Okay.” Inviting him to dinner rolled onto her tongue but she stopped. He’d refused the last two invitations. Three strikes and she’d be out. She lifted her hand in a wave and headed back to the office. This kind of relationship wasn’t what she’d wanted. When she took the job at the high school, she anticipated seeing Jonny daily. She’d looked forward to their talks and making plans to do things together as friends.
Friends. The word fizzled. Friendship is what had begun and maybe to Jonny that’s what it still was, but to her, their friendship had taken on a new meaning—deeper and fuller. Today again she felt drained. Empty.
An icy chill rolled down her spine. She had to face it. Without Jonny, she felt hollow.
* * *
At the end of the school day, Jon slipped into his down-filled jacket, scanned the equipment room to make sure he’d put everything away, and headed for the door. As he opened it, Dale spotted him as he came down the hall and gave him a wave. “You’ve been quiet lately. What’s up?”
“Not much.” His mind skipped over Neely to his basketball team. “We’re doing pretty good.”
“Then why so quiet?” He arched a brow.
“Have I been?” Too much thinking, he suspected, but he didn’t know it showed.
“How are those plays we talked about?”
That stymied him. Football yes, but not basketball. He couldn’t remember talking to Dale about plays, but then he’d been distracted. “The team’s doing great. We’ve won the last two—”
Dale chuckled. “I was talking about the woman.”
“Oh. Right.” That resolved his confusion. They had talked plays.
“I thought you’d pick up on that.” Dale’s smile had vanished. “Not good, huh?”
Jon shrugged. “Could be better.”
Dale’s large hand grasped his shoulder. “Did you go for the touchdown?”
The coy look on his face made Jon grin, but the situation wasn’t a topic to smile about. “I tried, but we’ve had interference.”
Dale cocked his head.
“Her father walked in on us.” He closed his eyes remembering. “I could almost taste it.”
“Bad luck, but don’t give up.” He gave Jon’s shoulder a shake, and lowered his arm. “One day it will happen.”
Jon dug his hands into his jacket pockets. “You know, man, I’m not sure, but I sense her pulling away. She charges forward, and when it looks like a play, she backs off. So I did what I tend to do.”
Dale tilted his head, waiting.
“I stepped back. Now I’m sensing her moving in again, and I’m still pulling away. I don’t want to be hurt. I’ve been disappointed before, and I...I don’t know.”
“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never be loved at all. Someone said that.”
The quote jerked Jon to attention. Who’d think Dale would quote poetry? “Tennyson said it. I don’t remember the name of the poem.” But he wasn’t sure he agreed with the poet. He’d loved Neely forever, and the ache had never soothed. He tried to toss his feelings off as a teen’s infatuation, but now he knew better. Neely had embedded herself into his brain and heart. She would never go away.
“My recommendation. Keep pushing toward the goal. Don’t be worried if she heads away from the end zone. You know about fake hand-offs in football. It’s part of the game. But it doesn’t stop it. It just keeps you on your toes and the game interesting.”
Jon blew out a stream of air. “You have more patience and positivity than I ever will in this situation.”
Dale slapped his back. “It’s worth it, pal. Trust me.” He gave him a thumbs up and continued toward the exit.
Jon stood there and watched him go, feeling the sting of his encouragement. He wished he felt as confident about the outcome as his friend.
Outside the wind had picked up and the temperature had dropped. Dark clouds billowed above weighted with rain. Maybe snow. He shook his head, knowing that the walk with Fred would be short or not at all. When he pulled up in front, Fred stepped onto the porch, his jacket and cap on, ready to go. Rather than disappoint him, Jonny locked the car and joined him on the sidewalk.
The conversation centered around sports and the news, but as the wind picked up, Fred grew quiet, and Jon feared the older man was struggling with the walk which could do nothing good for his heart. Jon slowed. “This wind is taking the breath out of me. How about you?”
Fred gave a shrug, but Jon saw the truth in his face.
“Let’s head home. At least the wind will be at our back.” He turned without waiting, and Fred followed. The man’s determination reminded him so much of Neely’s. When the house came into view, the first drops of sleet-like rain hit the ground in large splatters, but he kept pace with Fred, avoiding the desire to run.
By the time, they hit the porch, the rain was turning to snow, and his jacket was drenched. Fred swung the door open and motioned him to enter. “You were right, Jon. Good thing we came back.” He closed the door, his breath still coming in short gasps. “Let’s toss your jacket in the dryer.”
“No. It’s fine.” But before the words left his lips, Fred had pulled the damp jacket from his hands and headed toward the laundry room. He followed as far as the kitchen, concerned about Fred’s well-being and now better understanding Neely’s constant worry.
He heard the clang of the dryer door and then the whisk of the dryer turning. Fred came through the doorway and headed for the coffeepot. “This calls for something warm.” He turned to Jon. “Coffee?”
No
point in saying he’d pass. “Sure.” Jon pulled out a chair and sat as he watched Fred spoon grounds into the coffee filter.
When Fred turned he leaned against the counter. “I’d like having a son-in-law like you Jon.”
He clamped his teeth closed to keep his jaw from dropping. “Thank you, Fred.” It was the best response that came to him in the flash of the man’s proclamation. “You’d make a great father-in-law.”
“You know...” He sank into a chair. “I had those two girls and never had a son. Marion decided no more babies even though I wanted to try one more time. I think a good son-in-law could be the next best thing.”
“I think you’re right.” He studied the man’s face, anticipating what might come next.
“Have you ever thought about it?”
Jon’s stomach lurched. “About what? Marrying one of your daughters?”
“Neely, naturally. Ashley’s seeing Erik, but I’m praying that ends soon. I never liked that boy. He seemed sneaky to me. You’re pure honesty, Jon. I’ve always known that. Your sister is the same. Nice kids. Good parents.”
“Thanks. They’re still good parents.” He held his breath.
“So what about Neely?”
His pulse galloped to his temple and pounded. “She’s wonderful, but marriage is something between two people. Both have to be willing.”
“Son, I know that. She’s a good woman and needs a good man.” He faced the coffeemaker and filled two cups. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Jon reached for the mug and saw his fingers tremble. He wasn’t opposed to marriage. Far from it. But he feared Fred would put their relationship in jeopardy with his blatant request. If he said anything to Neely, that could possibly end a good thing. He took a sip of the hot liquid and burned his tongue in the hurry to get out of the conversation.
Her Valentine Hero Page 11