The sun glinted off the fresh snow like crystals on a wedding dress, a picture recently embedded in his mind. Pure, fresh, beautiful. His gaze slipped to Neely who had followed Joey into an open stretch of snow, and he watched her showing him how to form a snowball.
Temptation overcame him as he scooped up a handful and formed it into a weapon. Instead, he headed for an open area and added a larger handful of snow to the smaller ball and began forming the base of the snowman. When he looked up, Joey and Ashley were searching for limbs and rocks to form the face and arms of the snowman. Neely caught his eye and headed toward him.
“She’s not saying much about Erik, but I can tell she’s already forgiven him.” She lowered her head and shook it. “I fear she’s going to be hurt, Jon.”
He straightened his back and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “You can’t protect everyone, Neely. They have to learn for themselves. That’s what you’ve done all your life, haven’t you?” He had an ulterior motive for his comment, but he thought it fitting.
She searched his eyes and nodded. “I’ve learned more than I would have believed.” She looked away for a moment before she faced him again. “Even now.”
“We all do.” They looked at each other, eyes searching each other’s face and the meaning seemed clear. Neely had grown and changed. Something had made her see him differently, and he thanked God for the new awareness. Now, he prayed she might realize she couldn’t live without him. He lifted his head toward heaven. Was that asking too much?
Joey’s giggles sailed across the stillness. He forced his mind back to the snowman, and when Joey toddled to his side, the boy gave the snowman’s bottom a big hug. “Help me, Joey.”
The boy dropped the three stones he’d held in his hand, and joined Jon pushing the next snowball across the snow, watching it gain in size. When it was ready to hoist onto the base, Jon moved Joey to the side and lifted the heavy white ball. While he and Joey rolled the snowman’s head, Neely and Ashley bolstered the snowman for stability and shoved in the arms—two mismatched tree limbs but it was better than nothing.
When the head was attached, they let Joey add the last stone for the other eye and they stood back while the boy clapped his hands, his grin long and his cheeks rosy.
“Who wants to go down the slide?” Jon clapped his hands and Joey headed toward him, but tripped over his too large boots and landed on the ground. Not a tear, he laughed again, and Jon wished he could be as joyful when he tumbled over one of life’s too big problems.
Ashley stood at the bottom of the slide while he lifted Joey to the top and guided him down the snow-filled incline. His giggles filled the air and made Jon laugh, too. When he turned to Neely, he found her seated on a swing, too small for her, but she looked cute.
Ashley’s cell phone played its melody, and her focus shifted to the call. Joey wiggled, wanting to be let go, and Neely came to his rescue while Ashley continued her conversation. When she clicked off and turned around, her face glowed.
“Erik?” Though Neely tried to cover her sarcasm, he heard it on the fringe of her question.
Ashley nodded, her cheeks glowing. “He said he loved me.” She gazed at them as if she expected a cheer, but neither said a word, and Ashley’s glow faded. “He had a family emergency, but he’ll come by tonight after Joey’s in bed.”
Jon clamped his mouth closed, longing to send out a warning, but Erik would give himself away just as he suspected.
With the excitement of the visit, Ashley gathered Joey in her arms and gave him a kiss. “It’s time to go home, sweetie.”
“No, Mama.” He kicked his feet, but the kicks did no good.
Ashley gave a wave. “Thanks for joining us. It was more fun with you here.” She pointed toward her car. “We need to head home. I want to have dinner and then get—” she pointed to Joey “—to bed.”
Neely waved back without a word, but he added his concern. “Take care, Ashley.”
She only grinned and hurried to her car.
When he turned and looked at Neely’s face, he knew what he had to do. She’d be upset for the rest of the night if he didn’t try to make her forget. He sprinted away, formed a powdered snowball and flung it at her.
She ducked, but it hit her cap. “Rat.” She bent down and grasped a mitt full of snow, forming a ball as she ran toward him. She gave aim and as he swung around, she hit him in the back. He pivoted and dragged his glove through the snow as he headed toward her. She tried to run, but he caught her and slipped the snowy glob down her back.
Her scream scared birds in the trees, and they took flight as he caught her in his arms before she could grasp her ammunition. She wiggled and slipped her boot between his, tripping him up. He stumbled backward and she threw her weight against him, and he plopped into the billowy snow with Neely on top of him. She slid sideways, and he held her tight before she could wrestle away.
Their eyes met, anticipation rushed through him, longing to tell her how he felt and to feel her lips against his. Neely stopped struggling and braced her hands against his chest, her gaze adhered to his. He arched his back, raising himself and drawing her into his arms. Their lips met, firm and eager. No hesitation. No withdrawal but giving and loving. He opened his eyes and looked at hers, half-lidded. They eased apart, connected by the moment.
She drew in a breath. “Jon, I—”
He shushed her. No excuses. No apologies. No Fred. This kiss had been part of God’s plan.
* * *
At work, Neely avoided Jon. He’d tried to talk with her after they’d returned home on Sunday, but she said the exercise wore her out, and she didn’t invite him in. She saw the disappointment on his face. Her reaction had nothing to do with her feelings for him. She’d faced weeks ago that Jon had gotten under her skin, deeper than any other person in her life, but she didn’t know what to say to him and until she told him about her and Erik, she had no idea where their relationship would go. That scared her.
The kiss lingered on her lips that day, and even today, she could still feel the pressure of his mouth, the warmth of his lips on hers, and she’d allowed her own feelings to exceed the depth of her emotions that she’d worked so hard to contain. He knew she hadn’t backed away from the kiss. No matter what she did or said, the feelings she had for Jon influenced her every waking moment in one way or another.
What she needed was courage to talk with him about Erik, but telling her sister had only caused more harm than what she’d intended. She’d expected her sister to rally round and agree that Erik had taken advantage of her naïveté. Instead, Ashley had concocted a twisted view of her being the one to take advantage of Erik. Now her confidence about Jon’s reaction see-sawed.
Her trip to the lounge to warm her lunch undid her avoidance during the morning. She knew Jon had classes at the other end of the building, and she thought he had lunch later, but she’d timed it wrong. When she opened the door and walked in, he sat at one of the round tables talking with his friend Dale.
She gave a quick nod and headed for the microwave, but the brief acknowledgment only made her avoidance more obvious. Before she could heat her soup, Jon strode to her side and slipped between her and the doorway. “I don’t know what’s wrong, Neely, but I know something is.”
She shrugged. “I’m okay.”
He studied her face a moment, then gave his own discouraged shrug. “Did you remember we’re supposed to cook for Welcome Inn tonight?”
His reminder punctuated her foolish behavior. She and Jon’s life had bonded. She couldn’t walk past him as if they’d just met. “I forgot, Jon.”
“But you can make it?” Question glinted in his eyes.
The look weakened her attempt to find an excuse. “Yes. What time?”
He told her the time and menu. “I’ll pick you up. It’s on my way.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
He gazed at her and the beep of the microwave saved her from being caught by his probing eyes. She lifted out the container and closed the door. “I’ll see you later.” Before he could say anything more, she swept past him and strode to the doorway. She didn’t look back.
In the hallway, she stood a moment, trying to make sense out of her behavior. After analyzing her feelings and digesting the truth about their relationship, fighting it was as useless as kicking at stones. She had done nothing wrong, and neither had Jon. They’d kissed, a mutual expression of their feelings. They couldn’t hide it anymore. She’d resolved her antiquated attitude over the age issue. At least, she thought she had, and now only one thing kept her from being open and accepting the love that Jon offered her.
But her teenage discretion lay on her heart like a boulder. If it had only been once, she could explain it away, but she’d given in to Erik’s sexual conquests repeatedly, always wondering what was supposed to be so wonderful about the act. To her it only left her feeling stained.
Those were times she wished she had a mother she could have talked with, one who would provide her with answers and soothe her guilt—even if she’d been able to talk with Ashley, but Ash already had her sights on Adam, and she prided herself on staying pure for him. Purity was no longer an option for Neely. But now she remained as close to pure as was possible until the time when God blessed her union with someone...if that would ever be.
She might have been stronger if she had understood how Erik had deceived her. Love didn’t have to be proved in the way he demanded, or any way, for that matter. Love proved itself by its unselfishness, concern and thoughtfulness. Love opened doors of the heart offering tenderness and giving while wrapping every fiber of a person’s body and mind with fortitude and faithfulness. What she had with Erik had not been love. She’d given in to his lust and had been a victim of her own ignorance.
She carried her soup back to her office, and having lost her appetite, she delved into her work and willed the day to pass quickly.
* * *
Jon stirred the red meaty sauce and stole glances at Neely as she grated cheese for the lasagna casseroles. Periodically she stepped beside him to eye the noodles, adjusting the temperature and giving the pasta a stir.
They’d talked briefly but not about anything important. With others in the church kitchen, conversation of importance wasn’t possible, but he refused to leave her this time without dealing with the crazy things going on in their relationship.
He’d weighed the idea of dating someone else and seeing if that triggered a change in Neely’s attitude, and even though Cindy came to mind, he again rejected the idea as unkind and impossible. He would have been miserable and if Cindy did have feelings for him, he would have hurt her, and who knew if Neely would have reacted or not. Her behavior left him in a muddle and seemed beyond understanding. He wondered if she understood herself.
Since she’d begun to call him Jon—which still sounded strange coming from her—he’d assumed the age difference and their past relationship had faded in her memory. So he suspected that wasn’t the issue holding her back.
The kiss he’d longed for made him weak. The feeling embarrassed him, and he would never admit it to anyone. His lungs had collapsed, his pulse fluttered like a moth drawn to light, and his heart pounded. He suspected those descriptions were found in romance novels and not reality, but he couldn’t deny he’d felt every crazy sensation with her lips against his. Even the icy ground warmed with her touch.
Mad man. He’d flipped. Lost his mind. No, he’d lost his heart.
Gathering his wits, he turned the burner to low, then stepped away from the stove and strode to her side. “Need any help with the cheese? The sauce is ready, and I suspect the noodles are al dente.”
She arched a brow, a slight grin touching her mouth. “Al dente.”
“I know a few classy cooking words.”
She chuckled and set down the grater.
He watched her stand beside the pasta and give one noodle a test. “You’re right. If you drain these and rinse them with water, I’ll bring the cheese over to the work table.”
He followed her instructions, and they stood at the table, layering sauce, noodles and cheese into six casseroles while others in the room where making chicken and rice casseroles and one was baking cookies. Giving to others had touched Jon since he was a kid, and he’d recognized the same value in Neely.
Sometimes he asked himself if their mutual interest in charities had been the attraction, but he negated it, recalling that he loved her banter. Her quick rebuttals and playful digs didn’t hurt him but made him feel worthy of her time. Pretty ignorant when he thought about it, but maybe not so after all. Here she was in his life again.
When the casseroles were constructed, he popped them in the oven, and thought about a place they could go not too far away to find privacy to talk. He preferred to be somewhere else without people nearby, but what could he do?
“Jon.” One of the women who seemed to be in charged approached him and stopped to check the casseroles. “Nice job.” She smiled at them. “Let me know what time they can come out of the oven, and I’ll see they get into the freezer when they’re cool enough. No sense in waiting that long. I have to be here anyway.” She waved her arm toward the exit. “Now you two get out of here and have fun.”
She smiled, and he smiled back, thanking her for the offer. Hope rose, knowing they could leave the building. Neely followed him to the coat rack where they slipped on their jackets and headed into the frigid night air. Once inside the car, he turned the key and as the engine sounded, he adjusted the heater. They sat a moment, letting the defrosters work on the windows.
When the wipers swept away the moisture, he turned to her, and when he spoke, he heard her voice echoing the same words. “We need to talk.”
Her eyes widened, and they laughed. He eased sideways. “Sounds like we’ve had the same thing on our minds.” The kiss? The relationship? He hoped it was both.
“I think so.” She looked uneasy, but he decided it was shyness rather than discomfort.
“Here or should we go someplace? I have cocoa at home.”
“Hot chocolate sounds good.”
He backed from their parking spot and pulled onto the highway heading home in silence. She leaned back in her own thoughts while he moved words around in his mind, deciding what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it.
The ride was short, and once inside, with the hot chocolate ready for their cups, he poured the drinks and guided her into the living room. His fireplace had been converted to gas, and he turned it on, pleased that he’d purchased a quality insert with flaming logs that glowed along with glowing embers and ash.
Neely sank into a chair near the fire and curled her legs beneath her. She watched the flames lick the logs and then faced him. “It looks real. Amazing.”
He thought she was amazing. “I like it. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell what’s real and what isn’t.”
Her brow flickered with question. Then a coy grin stole to her lips. “Is that an innuendo? I suspect it is.”
“It does relate to life, don’t you think?” He hoped she accepted his attempt at a lighthearted comment.
Her head lowered, she nodded. “Jon, you’re right. What’s real gets lost sometimes in what’s in our memory and in our imagination. Even if we suspect it’s real, we doubt it because it’s not what we expected or what we think it should be.”
“Memories can fade, and imagination can stimulate.” His chest constricted watching her struggle with her words. “I told you a few months ago that I had a teenage crush on you in high school. That memory never faded.”
Her head pelted upward, her eyes searching his. “But the feelings faded.”
“Not really. It slipped into hibernatio
n waiting for spring. Spring came last August when I saw you on the football field.” A weight fell from his shoulders releasing the words he’d wanted to say for so long.
“You feel the same way now?”
He shook his head. “No. That was a boy’s crush on the first girl that aroused his awareness.”
“Oh.” She lowered her head again.
“Now my feelings are man size, and it’s no longer a crush. It’s much more than that.”
Her head inched upward. “My mixed up thinking lasted for a long time. You know that.”
“I do.”
“And then it grew into a nightmare.”
He tensed.
“But like nightmares, I woke up. I began to see the man and his wonderful attributes. The past faded. I admitted it the day I dropped the name Jonny and called you Jon.”
He nodded, praying what she said next turned out to be as wonderful as her present confession.
Her eyes searched his once again. “You’ve become important to me. You’re someone I can count on and whose companionship I enjoy.”
But what about love? “You’re important to me, too. Very important.” He waited.
She remained silent, and the longer he waited, the crazier his pulse responded. “So what does this mean?” He held his breath.
“I think...”
The wait dragged on, draining his patience. “You think what?”
“I think...we should see where it goes.”
Where it goes? It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was better than what she might have said. “Okay.” He shuffled the idea around, trying to make something practical out of it. “Do you want to continue as we have been? I’m not sure I like that idea.”
Her face paled. “I...”
This time he wasn’t going to provide suggestions. He needed to know what she wanted, but as time ticked away, he had to bite his tongue to keep from speaking.
A sigh rattled through her. “I think we should date. Real dates, not just you dropping by.”
Her Valentine Hero Page 15