by Alex Fall
Wow. I didn't think Reggie was that observant. I also didn't think I had a set wake up time. Maybe it feels that way cause life has been so hectic since I've been in Lenburg.
"I see you’re moving around much better since the last time I saw you," I told Reggie. "And how did you guys find me?"
"Lori," answered Wyatt. "Or did you mean how did we find the city?"
"No, but that does bring up an interesting point. Why did you come back? I told you," pointing at Wyatt, "to stay."
"You think I'm really gonna follow that order?"
"Do I need to kick you out of the team?" I threatened.
Reggie tried to hide a laugh, and Wyatt dropped his head to look at me from under his brow. "Really? Really?!" He asked.
"I'll let it slide this once." Sitting down on a nearby stack of metal strips, I found myself rubbing at the burns on my leg. "But I'm serious, why did you come back?"
Didn't I ask Lori this too?
"To find you. I thought that would be somewhat obvious," Wyatt said. Reggie sat down next to him, but Wyatt got back up. "Sorry, but I am NOT gonna get sick."
Reggie dismissed his nonsensical remark with a wave. "Fine with me, you can take the lead on fighting and heavy lifting."
"Guys, stay focused," I said, irritation growing slowly.
"What's this I hear about you not going back to the Decapolis?" Asked Reggie. His interruption bumped up my irritation.
"That's correct. I'm not going back."
"What?!" Wyatt shouted. "Why?!"
"Because there's some things I need to take care of!"
"There's some things you need to take care of back at home too!" He retaliated.
"That place can handle it's own! All they want me for anymore is fancy delivery!"
"So what are you doing here?" Reggie piped up.
"Sapphire?" The innocent voice caught my ear like the pure harmonic bells of Fake Arty's classical music. All three of us turned to see Sharon wrapped in a blanket peeking halfway out of the doorway to my bedroom. That's right, I'm not angry at her. Must stay calm, don't alarm the child. Don't alarm the Dwellers.
I finished breathing an exasperated breath through my nose before holding out my hand to Sharon as a sort of unspoken way of permitting her to come near. "How's your burn feeling?" I asked her quietly.
"Better..." She replied distantly as she scanned Wyatt and Reggie with caution.
"Who is this young lady?" Reggie asked.
"This is Sharon," Pointing to my crew members, I said, "This is Reggie, and Wyatt."
"But I go by Gar."
Sharon stared at him for a second. "What is Gar?" She asked timidly.
"What do mean, what is Gar? That's my name! Er...nickname!"
"It doesn't sound like Wyatt though..."
Reggie held back another laugh, and I felt a smile crawl on my face when I saw the bewildered state Sharon's comment threw Wyatt into.
"Well...it's not related to that name." He kneeled down and pointed at her jokingly. "I bet you think you're something don't you? Being all confusing and filibuster-ee."
Sharon just returned him stare, before she looked up to me. Did she want me to decipher what he just said? I don't know what this look she's giving me means.
"Be nice," I told Wyatt.
"What's filibuster-ee?" She asked quietly.
"Where did you meet her? How did you meet her?" Reggie asked in a legitimately surprised tone.
"You've run into people with powers, yes?" I asked. They both nodded. I drew a breath in to continue talking and noted that it was shaky from me being so cold.
"They took over the city and pretty much kicked out all the normal people, or forced them to do whatever. I found Sharon as someone's house servant."
"Sapphire saved me," she added.
"Sapphire?" Wyatt asked.
"House servant?" Reggie asked simultaneously with Wyatt's comment.
"Yes. House servant."
"But...she's like, what, ten years old? Eleven?" He inquired with some shock.
"Doesn't stop them. They probably would have done worse to her if I left her. Those people aren't really people at all."
"Sapphire? Where'd that come from?" Wyatt insisted.
“Like Sapphire Eyes?” Reggie inquired.
"Sapphire Eyes, yes. It’s what everyone here knows me as."
"Like what Ellie nicknamed you?"
"Yeah." That's a name I haven't heard in a while. Makes me think of Fake Arty...
"A girl, huh?" Stated Wyatt after a break in conversation. "You don't seem the type to adopt..."
I answered him with a glare. Reggie piped up again though. "So where were you since we saw you last? What happened? Obviously you've been fighting....no offense..."
My burns ache. I rubbed at the scar on my leg some more while I answered. "A lot happened. What are you wanting to know?"
"The gist, I suppose."
"Went through the gate, got knocked out and captured by people with powers. Broke out, met some people that didn't have powers, went to hunt down my tracking device, found Sharon, got my armor and tracking device back, got severely injured, so on and so forth."
The two of them looked at me then at each other. "Sounds like an awfully abridged version," Reggie said.
"Oh yeah? What have YOU been doing that's useful?" I retorted.
"Hey, we worked our tails off trying to reboot that warp gate," Wyatt said with legitimate irritation. "Only to find that you were missing on the other side. The only reason we didn't give up was because we kept hearing whispers of a certain ‘Sapphire’ blue eyed girl with fire powers."
"And how long did 'working your tail off' take, tech op?" I came back.
"Are you saying I'm incompetent?"
"Hey now, keep in mind I kind of slowed everyone down because of healing," Reggie added, clearing his throat afterwards.
"Well that shouldn't have happened!"
"What, getting shot? Excuse me for not being the perfect government trained killer!"
My temper boiled, but surely theirs were by this point as well. "I didn't ask to kidnapped and tortured! You DID have a choice to come on this mission!"
"And what? We're not allowed to make mistakes?"
"You're not allowed to make stupid decisions!"
"Stupid decision?! I wanted to stay out of that *cuss* warp gate, but YOU, oh great flawless captain, ordered me to go with you, and it almost cost Reggie his life!"
"Do you even care that we worked for a whole freaking month to come find you?!"
"Don't *cuss* with me! I-"
"Hey!" Lori shouted above all of our raised voices. "There is WAY too much testosterone in this hall! Everyone sit down!"
"What?! You're saying this is our fault cause we're guys?" Wyatt boomed.
"No. I'm saying all three of you have too much testosterone," she said in a lower voice, glancing at me. Her answer silenced the men, who complied and sat down.
My anger, however, still boiled. I bored into her eyes with mine. "I am the captain. You do not give orders, especially to me."
"You're not the captain here," she replied as she tossed me a small gym bag full of clothes. "Forgive me for being so direct, but it's time for you to start thinking more like a woman. More feminine." Lori looked over to the frightened child I was taking care of, then kneeled down by her. "It seems the only calm one here is Sharon."
I breathed the irritation from my nose. What does she mean I'm not the captain here? I ought to throw her into a hold and submit her! And think like a woman?! The audacity! I can't even find words to how much rage that gives! Is she calling me male? Does she think that I have the capability to resemble a normal human? How stupid can she be?! I dare her to say something about me again! Come on, please, PLEASE! Say something about me again, call me vain, domineering, ugly! I'll tear your throat out faster than you can apologize! If she comes back and says she's sorry, or any of them, I'll beat those *cusses* until they're groveling, until they're calling me
the best, and beautiful!
Beautiful...
I'm not beautiful. I'm not pretty...or even cute. I'm not desirable. I don't have anything desirable about me, which means Lori is right. I looked off to the side. If I try to make eye contact with anyone, my anger will simply rekindle. Why am I so irritable today? I wish...I wish Fake Arty were here, to help me calm down.
I can't believe I just thought that. Shut up brain! And get out of my head you *cuss* Fake! And don't tell me not to cuss!
Opening up the gym bag, I found several changes of clothes. And to my surprise, I also found two changes of underwear made of my fireproof material. Half of me was thankful to finally have a change of truly clean clothes, but the other half condemned me heavily for exploding on my crew who worked so hard to get here. There was a certain heavy silence trying to build up that kept us from talking, but Lori's chatting with Sharon kept it from getting any worse.
Reggie cleared his throat. "Well now that everyone's awake..." He muttered upon seeing Monica peeking around the corner. When she saw my blue eyes meet hers, slowly she disappeared back into her room out of sight. I guess all our shouting did wake up some people...
"Where's Vick?" I asked quietly.
"He's coming. He was the furthest away," Lori answered. By now, she had a brush and was smoothing out Sharon's hair to begin braiding a part of it.
"Want to scold him too?" Wyatt said. I felt my anger flutter at the comment.
Lori sent him a warning message by simply saying his name, "Gar..."
"Look, I'm sorry I yelled and whatever. Get over it..." I said aloud to no one in particular. I noted a Dweller security guy standing at the end of the hallway.
Reggie stood and sighed. "Are we staying here tonight?"
"I guess. Not really anywhere else to go."
We all sat in silence for a minute. I listened to the thunder rumble and slightly vibrate the floor.
"I've got another medicine bag for you by the way," Wyatt said sullenly, as he pulled it out.
"Don't give her any sleep meds," Lori warned.
Too late. I quickly snatched the bag before Wyatt could pull away. How dare you try to deny me one of my only comforts. Now that she mentioned it though, some sleep meds sound really good...
"Don't take them from her, she gets mad when she doesn't have any," Sharon whispered to Lori.
"You're back on sleep meds?" Reggie asked with some worry in his voice.
"She is..." Lori said gravely.
Wyatt looked at their two faces then mine, which surely grew darker as I glared at Lori. It won't be long before she looks away. "Wait, what did I miss? What's wrong with sleep medicine?" Wyatt asked, back in his normal half joking, half serious voice.
Lori looked aside, and Reggie peeked over at me but stayed silent. I don't need to explain myself. I also don't need to sit here and subject myself to their condescending looks. I got up and returned to my bed, listening to their comments as I left.
"Erin got severely addicted to sleep meds a while back," Lori told 'Gar.'
"Really? She's an abuser?"
"She DOES suffer from like, the worst post traumatic stress syndrome I've ever heard of, or whatever that condition is called," Reggie added. "She claims it helps her sleep, but I don't know. She wasn't on anything before she found that warp gate."
"Well can you blame her?" Wyatt asked.
"No...but she wasn't on it before. Now she is. So what happened?"
Some silence came in the conversation, with the only discernable noises being the sound of Lori's fingers running through Sharon's hair and me swallowing some sleep meds. I'd like to see them go through what I've been through and see how they fare without sleep medicine...
"But don't medicines not affect her as bad as other people or something?" Wyatt asked.
"Guys..." I said loud enough for them to hear. I just wanted them to go talk elsewhere. And hopefully about something else.
There were sounds of movement coupled with Wyatt whispering "Oh, right," and Reggie saying, "No, to the left." I laid on my bed, rubbing at my burns and feeling my body throb. I don't know how I want to spend this day. I'm not even sure if I want to stay awake or go to sleep.
Faint noises tickled at my ears. Even though my eyes were closed, I could tell someone or something was at my door.
"What do you want Monica?"
"You were tortured?" She asked cautiously.
I peeked over at the girl standing on my doorway. "Yes. But I don't want to talk about it."
Monica remained silent. Was that what she wanted to know? Did she want something else? Do I have to be the one to deal with her?
"Go meet my crew. They're good people, and they're not Greaters."
Monica quietly disappeared from my doorway, followed by the sound of her feet moving down the hall. Now I'm here alone with my thoughts. I need to figure out how to spend my day. Perhaps I should eat.
And I never did figure out where the smell of peanuts was coming from.
* * *
"Now follow the beat and play for only two beats."
Fake Arty was instructing me further on cello, so now we were practicing real notes on the D string. His digital speaker acted as a metronome set to standard 4/4 time, and I just finished learning whole notes. Now I was on half notes, then after that I would be trying quarter notes. He felt that my experience was far enough along to progress to timing, and that I would still be practicing my innate pressure on the strings while I did so. This part was easier for me, as it felt more like pattern recognition and timing than passive learned habits and musical skill. Even still, I had little patience for it today.
"How much longer do I have to do this tonight?" I asked. I tried to refrain from sounding whiney.
"Why, what's wrong?"
"I just want to rest. I don't feel that great."
"Stressed?"
"...among other things."
"Well music is a great stress reliever! And apparently yesterday was pretty rough for you," he said in a chipper tone. I groaned inwardly at his answer.
"Do you think of me when you get upset?" He asked slyly.
I felt my face flush. If I didn't have so patchy of skin, I would undoubtedly be blushing. "What?!" I stopped playing to shout.
"You heard me," he prodded, adding a poke to my belly.
"Don't touch me."
"You like human contact. I'm the closest thing you can get to it," he continued saying with a grin.
"What are you trying to say?" I said as I stood.
"I'm saying that I run through your mind when you're awake. May I?"
He wanted to scan my memories. He's trying to show me that he's right. He's always right. I hate it when he's right!
"No!"
I swatted his hand away, but he caught my wrist. Was he wanting me to swat at him? Was he even trying to actually scan me? Yes, he was! I can't let him play mind games with me! I've been trained for that!
"Don't be so reclusive all the time. I know you inwardly like being touched. Human contact is something that you're deprived of. You know I'm right."
I clenched my teeth to keep myself from responding. Stupid subconscious figment!
"Fine! You win, you're right! I said it out loud, happy now?!" I yanked my wrist out his hand and put a little distance between us. I felt myself trying to vent the irritation that had built up in me. I also felt my face trying to cool down.
"Erin."
"What?" I peeked over just enough to see him sitting in a soft patch of grass holding his hand out to me.
"Come here," he replied cheerily.
"No."
"Then I'll come to you."
I heard him rise and approach behind me. He stopped a pace away from me, but I refused to make eye contact. In a sense, I was punishing him for making me admit my fault.
"Tickle tickle."
I tensed and spun around to face him, ready to break his fingers if he dared to tickle me. He simply stood there and chuckled to himself.
"A bit jumpy are we? Are you scared?"
"You don't scare me," I replied.
"Challenge accepted." He stepped forward. I stepped back. Those words are very bad coming from him...
To my surprise, he sat down in the grass again. I stayed just out of arm's reach, as I had no idea what he was planning. Either way, I don't trust him. I stood and watched as he did...nothing.
In fact, he simply watched me with that smile on his face. After a moment, I took a chance to let me guard down. Still no movement. Either way, I was afraid to let me eyes of him.
Botches....I AM afraid. I hate it when he's right!
I quickly grew bored. Even still...it was weird having him sit there and watch me. At least I was done practicing the cello. I moved away from him to stand at the bank of a pond. For a second, I watched a small fish swim through the shallows. I checked on the figment, who was still sitting, before meandering slowly around the pool of water. The fish darted away at the sight of movement, some taking shelter under some leafy pads that floated atop the water's surface. A beautiful pink bloom caught my eye. It was part of the aquatic plant. I paused to listen for any movement behind me. Still nothing. I wonder how much longer I'll be in this dream.
Fake Arty's warm arms slipped under mine and wrapped around my waist, pulling me close enough to him so he could rest his chin over my shoulder. I flinched out of surprise that he snuck up on me, but being so close to him kept me from reflexing somehow. My face flushed again as he snuggled in. I began to tingle where he was touching me. He's destroying my personal space!
"When's the last time you had a hug?"
"Please stop..."
"Do you like it?"
"No."
"Lie. Try again," he whispered.
I tried to free myself, but he leaned forward just enough to alert me that we might fall in the water. I don't feel like getting wet. But I don't want to be hugging with someone either, do I?...No. Maybe?...
"Stop. You know I'm not comfortable with this," I said with false certainty.
"That's a water lily. It's really pretty isn't it? If there was a blue one, they should name that strain Erin's water lily."
I raised my foot and shoved off a tree and we hit the ground behind us together. He grabbed me as we rolled down the slope just enough so that he was sitting on me.