“Riley,” I pleaded, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I never meant to hurt you.”
He blinked several times and shook his head. His body tight with tension. His unreadable gaze swept across my face and softened slightly. “I know you didn’t,” he whispered in a raspy voice. “But that doesn’t change anything.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
His gaze met mine, and the intensity and determination shining there drove me back a few steps. “I don’t want to be just friends. I want it all, Tiff, and I want it all with you.”
“I don’t know—” The weariness crept into my voice and my body.
“Why didn’t you stay with Duke? Why’d you leave him to run after me if you don’t want the same thing?”
“Duke? That’s his name?” My throat constricted and my heart pounded in my chest as he pressed against me and framed my face between his hands. Despite the anger in his gaze, his touch was amazingly gentle.
“You want it, too. Admit it.”
“I think so.” I felt myself nod. I stared up at him, wide-eyed and speechless as I watched his lips move closer and closer. My eyelids fluttered shut, my body gave up the fight, and I leaned into him.
My heart followed.
* Riley *
I hadn’t wanted to come to this house party, but one of the baseball players had turned twenty-one, and Gage insisted we all go as a show of solidarity among the Chinook teams. I’d spent a good portion of the night talking sports with any guy who’d talk with me and drinking a little too much beer.
Somewhat drunk, I staggered upstairs and looked for the bathroom. Recalling it was the door at the end of the hall, I yanked it open and stopped. This wasn’t a bathroom, and it was occupied, not only by a bed but by a couple making out hot and heavy.
A varsity baseball player known as Duke was sucking tongue with some petite blonde. I’d never liked the guy. The douche actually called himself the Duke of V. If anyone asked what the V stood for, he told them virgins and vaginas. I wanted to gag.
The couple was still sitting on the edge of the bed, fully clothed, but it was obvious what was happening next. Duke never took no for an answer.
I should have left, but my feet were rooted to the floor for some unfathomable reason. I did a double-take as the asshole slid his hands under the girl’s tight shirt.
What the fuck?
I moved one step closer, unable to stop myself. That petite little blonde wasn’t just an anonymous hookup, she was—
Tiff.
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, unable to believe what I was seeing. Tiff wasn’t the type of girl who hooked up with some random guy for a cheap orgasm.
I narrowed my eyes, unable to fathom why she would be with a dickhead like that.
I fisted my fingers and counted to ten, taking deep, calming breaths. Blood thrummed through my veins. There was a roaring in my head. I wanted to beat the crap out of Duke and kiss some sense into Tiff. Only I knew the truth. She would not appreciate my interference. She wasn’t mine. As much as I wanted her to be, nothing could change that fact but Tiff herself, and she’d made it very clear she wasn’t interested. She could do what she wanted with whoever she wanted. There wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about it.
But I wanted to. Damn it, I wanted to.
I should be with her, not some asshole who didn’t give a shit about her. Tiff wasn’t a hookup type of girl. She was a girl a guy got serious with after he tired of the superficial hookups. A guy like me. Not a guy like him. I ran down the stairs, three at a time, and out the front door, racing down the street, until my lungs burned and my legs were numb.
After opening the door to let Otto out, I sank to my ass on my front porch and buried my head in my hands. Otto ran around the front yard, did his business, and came back to sit next to me. He rested his big head on my slumped shoulders, wiping drool across my sweatshirt. I didn’t care. At least somebody loved me.
I was having a big pity party and proud of it.
Otto whined, calling my attention to Tiff striding up my sidewalk with purpose.
Before I knew it, I was standing on the porch with her, cupping her delicate face in my big hands and leaning down. She gazed up at me. Her lips parted in silent invitation, and her reaction was all the invitation my body needed.
I touched my lips to hers and felt heaven, pure, absolute, awesome heaven. If I had to pick between having sex with ten supermodels or kissing Tiff, I’d pick Tiff every time. My kiss was gentle as I tasted those lips I’d only tasted one other time too long ago. She was tentative, but as the kiss deepened, I could feel her gain confidence. Our tongues explored and tangled; I forced myself to keep it slow and easy, despite the lust raging through my body demanding to be fulfilled. Her kiss sent me to places I’d never been before with emotions more powerful than any I’d ever felt.
I broke the kiss first out of self-preservation more than anything. I was losing myself, getting sucked down so deep, I’d never be able to fight my way out.
Tiff’s brown eyes fluttered open, and she gazed up at me, her arms tight around my neck. I held my breath, waiting to see if she’d bolt like a frightened deer who’d gotten too close to a possible captor or predator. I was neither, and I’d need the patience of a saint to show her how good we could be.
“Riley,” she said simply, my name a sweet song on her well-kissed lips. A slow smile curved her beautiful face. With my arms looped around her waist, I relaxed somewhat, unable to do anything about the raging hard-on currently rubbing against her stomach.
We stood like that for a long time, letting our eyes say what words never could. Otto nudged me with his nose, bringing me back from the brink of total absorption.
“Be my girlfriend,” I urged, going for broke, putting all my cards on the table. I’d always been an all-in kind of guy.
Her soft laughter wasn’t what I’d expected. “You don’t mince words, do you, Riley Black?”
“Never have. Not when it comes to something I want, and I’ve wanted you for years.” I smiled back while my cautious heart thudded against my chest and hoped for the best. “Be my girlfriend,” I urged again.
“We’ve never had a real date.” She smiled, one of those rare Tiff smiles that spread sunshine and laughter.
The enormous cloud that had blocked my sun ever since I’d seen her again lifted. Her teasing gave me hope and warmed my cold insides. She was such a little thing, and I was a big guy at six five and two hundred forty pounds. I weighed more than twice what she weighed.
“I’m glad you didn’t sleep with him.”
She touched my cheek. “So am I.” She sobered, her frown returning, and I braced myself for all the reasons she used as to why this wasn’t a good idea. “Riley, I’m a screwed-up mess.”
“And I’m not? We’ll make a good pair.”
“Not as much as me.”
“You have no idea.” The sad thing was that she didn’t.
She managed a smile. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
That ship had sailed long ago, but I didn’t point out what should’ve been obvious. “I’d rather be hurt and have my heart broken than never try at all and keep it safe. Let’s have that date. It’s long overdue.”
She was caving. I could see it in her eyes.
“We’ll take it one day at a time,” I added in the spirit of mutual cooperation.
She looked away and worried her lower lip between her teeth, a sure sign she was thinking. I forced myself to wait. She met my gaze. I sucked in a breath and held it.
“Okay, one date.”
Relief flooded me. I wanted to dance for joy and shout out my good fortune from the rooftops. “Are we exclusive?”
“It’s one date.” She smiled, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Yeah, but one date leads to another and another and—” I grinned at her. “So are we?” I waited impatiently while my heart slammed against my chest.
She sighed and looked heavenward for a moment. “
I’m not going to see anyone else if I’m seeing you.”
I wrapped my arms around her and only loosened my hold when she started squirming. She pushed on my chest, and I let go.
“Riley, I can’t promise you anything. I don’t know if this is going to work, but I’m willing to try.”
“That’s all I can ask. Tomorrow, I’ll take you to dinner.” I wasn’t wasting any time.
She nodded and swallowed. “I hope you know what you’re getting into.”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. I knew what I was getting into. I was getting Tiff, her laughter, her tears, her smile, her hand in mine. I was getting long nights cuddling in bed and the joy of seeing her wear my jersey on game day. I was getting my dream.
And I was determined to make this work.
“Sweetheart, trust me. Together we can conquer our shit.”
She smiled at me and squeezed my hand. She thought I was referring to the shooting. She had no idea what my childhood had been like.
Absolutely no idea.
Chapter 10—Tangled in the Past
* Tiff *
The funny thing about fleeing from the past is that it follows you no matter where you go. For the first time since I’d fled Washington over two years ago, I wanted to heal. Really, truly heal. Not just surface shit to make everyone around me feel better while I felt like a fraud and a liar. I wanted to be whole. I wanted to love, to give someone my heart and my trust. Yet I didn’t know if I had the strength to open up old wounds, to see them bared and bleeding, to feel the agony of those tragic memories, to relive the deaths of my best friends and classmates at the hand of my boyfriend. I didn’t know if I could get beyond associating Riley with those moments, seeing the astonishment and fear in his eyes, seeing him dive for Gina and me, while successive shots sounded and the smell of gunpowder mixed with the awful iron-laced scent of blood. Riley was tangled tightly in the worst memory of my life. If this was to work, I needed to untangle the mess and separate the man Riley had become from the boy who saved me on that tragic day.
I had to try.
But not for me.
For Riley.
Because I had loved him once, and I probably still did. And because I wanted to be the girl who deserved his love.
Right now, I wasn’t that girl, and I didn’t know if I ever could be. Now I understood: it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, despite how corny it sounded.
I stared at myself in the full-length mirror in Alisa’s room, turning this way and that to make sure the simple rose-colored dress showed my figure off to its advantage. I had a cute figure, so I’d been told, and I worked at it. Riding powerful dressage horses outweighing me twelve to one was hard work, even though most people didn’t realize it. Even the twenty minutes of grooming I gave Dex twice a day was as good an upper-body workout as most people got at the gym. I was slender and petite with shapely legs muscled from a lifetime of riding horses.
I brushed my long blond hair until it gleamed and curled it so it hung down my back and framed my face in golden ringlets.
“You’re going to knock his socks off, along with his boxers and every other stitch of clothing he has,” Alisa said from the doorway.
Wayne stood behind her, wearing his smudged, geeky glasses. He was grinning. “You are so lucky,” he said enviously. “Riley is so hot.”
Riley was hot. Teenage Riley had been cute, but Riley in his twenties was hot, masculine, and drool-worthy. Even as a messed-up teenager, I’d fantasized how it would feel to kiss him, touch him, get naked, and feel him deep inside me. We’d shared only one night, but it’d been so incredibly epic, I’d known at the time I didn’t dare stick around, or I’d be ruined for life.
Riley had been that good.
“He’s going to pass out when he sees you in that dress.”
I shot Alisa a puzzled glance.
“In a good way,” she hurried to add. “A very good way. That boy will never be the same again.”
That boy had turned into a man I wanted in the worst way despite my claims to the contrary. I adjusted the neckline of my dress, worried it showed too much cleavage. Both Wayne and Alisa groaned.
“Pull it down farther. Don’t pull it up. Good Lord, woman, you need to get laid so you won’t be so uptight.”
“I am not getting laid tonight.”
“How about tomorrow night? Then I can live vicariously through you.” Wayne winked at me and elbowed Alisa. The two of them were unbearable at times.
“I’m not sleeping with Riley. I’m only going out with him because he wore me down.”
“Maybe, but only because you secretly wanted him to,” Alisa said.
A knock on the door rescued me. One last glance in the mirror. I looked so good I barely recognized myself. Riley’s tongue would be hanging out.
Ignoring the butterflies waging a war in my stomach, I walked slowly to the door and opened it.
Riley’s tongue wasn’t the one hanging out. Mine was. He looked incredible. Absolutely incredible. He wore a crisp dark blue shirt, black slacks, and a black suit jacket that looked as though it was custom made. Knowing the amount of money his uncle made, it probably was.
His gaze roamed down my body and back up, slowly and deliberately. “You look amazing.” His blue eyes sparkled.
“So do you.” An understatement if there ever was one. He looked good enough to lick all over. I salivated at the thought. Maybe I could do this. Maybe I could learn to trust a man again and give my heart to him. Maybe Riley really was the right guy. If he wasn’t, I didn’t know who could be.
“Then we make a good pair.” He reached for my hand, wrapping his long fingers around mine. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.” I returned his smile with a genuine one of my own. It felt good to smile again, truly smile.
I glanced behind me as I grabbed my purse. Wayne and Alisa watched from the living room, both grinning. I grinned back, turned to Riley, and we went out the door hand in hand.
“You’re spoiled,” I said as I settled into the rich leather seats of his Mercedes SUV.
His smile faded and his eyes clouded over. “Not really.” He started the SUV and drove away from the curb. “I’m just well loved.” The smile and the sparkle came back as if they’d never left.
I breathed a sigh of relief, not certain if I’d hit a nerve or imagined his distress.
“Do you still love seafood?”
“Of course.”
“Good.”
He drove us to a nice little restaurant on Lake Washington. Everything was white tablecloths, linen napkins, and soft lighting. We were led to a semiprivate table for two behind a couple of huge potted plants and right next to large expanse of window. The view was breathtaking. You could even catch a glimpse of the Space Needle and the Seattle skyline across the lake.
“So what do you think?” Riley asked, fidgeting with the cloth napkin and adorably nervous.
“I think it’s really nice.” I stared at the one-page menu on fancy paper. None of the items had prices. Riley was spoiled. He didn’t bat an eye at any of this. Once upon a time, I’d been spoiled, too. My life had revolved around shopping excursions to Nordstrom, cheerleading practice, and giggling when a cute boy looked my way. Thinking back, it was hard to believe I’d ever lived such a shallow life and how everything had changed in a manner of seconds.
Riley held a penny out to me. “For your thoughts.”
I smiled up at him, and he grinned back. “I’m just thinking how quickly things can change and how long they can stay the same.”
He nodded, completely understanding my cryptic statement, one of the things that made Riley special. He got me, and he understood where I was coming from because we’d shared our biggest life-changing experience.
“Do you ever think about them?” I actually had the guts to ask.
He didn’t need to clarify who “them” was. “Yeah, I do. I wonder who they’d be and what they’d be doing with their l
ives. I even wonder about Jacob. He had the world at his feet and chose a dark path.”
I nodded, surprised I was able to discuss this. “And he chose to kill people. Now he’s staring at the same four walls every day with very little human interaction and all the time in the world to think about what he did.”
“Do you ever hear from him?”
“Oh, God, no.” I clutched my hands to my chest. “He can’t contact me. There’s a protection order.”
Riley nodded grimly.
“He wasn’t a bad person, just spoiled and used to getting his way. He didn’t know how to cope when things went poorly for him.”
“Like getting kicked off the team and you breaking up with him?”
“Yeah, like that.”
“Why did you? The two of you seemed joined at the hip.”
“Until we weren’t.” I laughed a little too bitterly and drew a pensive frown from Riley. “He started to get weirdly possessive. Didn’t want me to wear my cheerleader uniform because the skirt was too short and it gave other guys ideas. He became verbally abusive and almost hit me on more than one occasion. I didn’t need that. Besides, I was interested in someone else.” I didn’t add that I’d already developed a bit of a crush on Riley by then, but Riley had barely noticed me. He was too busy drooling over my friend Gina. I never told him why I broke up with Jacob. He’d probably take the guilt of the entire shooting on his broad shoulders. That paralyzing guilt was my cross to bear.
He held my hand in his, leaned across the table, and lowered his voice. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, but try to tell that to my overactive conscience.” I’d carried the burden so long it’d become a part of me. In theory, I knew he was right. In practice, I couldn’t shed the responsibility so easily, even after years of counseling.
He studied my hand, and he drew small circles on my palm with his thumb. A shiver slid through my body, and he raised his blue eyes to mine. They smoldered with heat, the kind of desire that’s a slow burn building up to any all-consuming wildfire. Riley wanted me, and I wanted him. The wetness between my legs backed up how much, along with the puckering ache in my nipples.
Sacked in Seattle: Game On in Seattle Rookies (Men of Tyee Book 1) Page 8