‘What was your morning sickness like when you had me and Helen?’ asked Libby. She wanted to compare notes.
‘I don’t think I really had much. To be honest, I can’t really remember. One of you was worse than the other but I’m not sure which.’
‘I’m so worried about the scan,’ said Libby. ‘What if there’s nothing in there?’
‘Darling, that is extremely unlikely if you’ve been feeling sick!’
‘What if the baby has Down’s Syndrome?’
‘The chances of that are very slim. But there are plenty of Down’s children who go on to live perfectly happy lives, so it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. They will do further testing if it looks as if it might be a possibility.’
‘Yes, I suppose we would try and find out everything we could.’
‘You’ll have to decide that together.’
‘Thank god Luca is coming over for it.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be just as curious as you are to see the baby,’ Miriam told her.
After they had walked back home, Libby helped her mother gather her belongings and then drove her to the Tube so that she could make her way back to Kent.
‘Bye darling,’ said Miriam. ‘Look after yourself.’
‘I will, and thanks for being so understanding.’
‘It is what it is, darling.’
‘Call me when you get home?’
‘I will.’
Libby watched her mother disappear into the underground system. She felt a big weight lift off her shoulders now that she had told her the truth. She realised she had been dreading her reaction. Whilst it had hardly been overjoyed, she hadn’t been completely furious either, so Libby couldn’t complain. There would be plenty of time for Miriam to get her head around the idea. On a roll, Libby decided to bite the bullet and call her sister. Unsurprisingly she didn’t pick up. Libby left a message asking her to call back, but she didn’t receive any calls until the following Saturday.
‘You took your time getting back to me!’ said Libby. She was sitting on the sofa with her feet up and a cold glass of iced water by her side. At week eleven her baby was the size of a Brussels sprout, though the bloating she was suffering from made it look more like the size of a small pumpkin at this precise moment.
‘Sorry, sorry! I know, I’m useless on the phone.’
‘And on email…’
‘Yup. I’ll admit it. I’m a terrible sister.’
‘How’s it going?’ asked Libby. As always it was good to hear her voice.
‘Same old, same old. Nothing much to report. You?’
‘Well as it turns out, I do have something to tell you…’ Libby bit her lip and winced as she envisaged the reaction she would get from her sister. This was going to be awful. She felt crippled with guilt as she imagined how this news would impact Helen. ‘Hels, I’m… I’m pregnant.’
There was silence down the other end of the line. Then, ‘You’re what?’
‘Pregnant. I know. It’s absolutely crazy—’
‘You are pregnant?? What on earth…? Oh my god! Are you going to keep it? How many weeks are you?’ Helen was never one to beat around the bush, and Libby appreciated her directness.
‘Eleven weeks… It happened by accident. Luca and I had only been together six weeks or so when I found out. We used condoms, but somehow one of them must have broken or something. And yes, I am going to keep it.’
‘I’m sorry, I cannot quite get my head around this. You’ve only just got together with Luca and now you are pregnant?’ Each word was exaggerated with disbelief.
Libby winced as she realised how this would sound to Helen, single for a year and about to turn thirty-eight. If anyone should be getting accidentally pregnant, it should have been Helen.
‘Are you happy about it?’ Helen asked.
‘Well, initially I was just unbelievably shocked. I was so upset that I had got myself into a situation like this, but I knew we had been careful. It’s not like I had unprotected sex or anything like that. It was just coming up to the end of my time in Italy, and the timing couldn’t be worse with starting my training contract. It’s hardly ideal and there have been moments when I have felt as if I’m going out of my mind worrying about the future. But Luca and I are determined to at least try and give it our best shot, and I suppose I’m coming around to the idea, slowly.’
‘Well, I guess you are lucky, in a way. So many people never get the chance. Even if it is in completely the wrong order, and you would never have chosen for it to happen this way, at least you will have a baby. I’m actually a little bit jealous,’ Helen managed a small laugh. Libby’s heart broke for her sister; she knew how hard this would be for her.
‘Look, I’m sorry, Hels. I know this must be really weird for you and that it’ll have taken you massively by surprise. I still can’t get my head around it. Of course I’d rather have had a more traditional route to having a family, like we both always wanted, but it just hasn’t worked like that for me by the looks of things…’
‘I suppose sometimes the traditional route isn’t so great after all. You have avoided all the years waiting for the perfect man to show up. You’re pregnant and you’ll deal with whatever happens next, I know you will. You could have waited around and never met anyone you wanted to father a child with… I may never… And I really do want a baby…’ She trailed off, sounding wistful and sad. Libby felt awful.
‘Perhaps you could adopt as a single mother, or use a sperm donor?’ suggested Libby. ‘There are lots of options out there for women these days.’
‘Yes, I suppose you’re right,’ said Helen.
‘Maybe when you get back?’
‘We’ll see,’ replied Helen. They talked for a while longer. It felt good to know that Helen would be by her side, and her mother. She knew just how much she would need the support of her whole family on this uncharted path.
Chapter Eleven
Libby’s heart thumped nervously as she waited in the Arrivals lounge at Heathrow. Luca’s flight had landed forty minutes ago. He would be walking through the door any minute now. Her palms were sweaty and her throat felt dry. It was the evening before her twelve-week scan and, as promised, Luca had flown over to support her. Libby had come straight to the airport from work to meet his flight. She was suddenly terrified that it would be awkward between them; that she wouldn’t know what to say, that she would be self-conscious. She looked down at her stomach, skimmed over by a loose grey top. Would he notice that it had grown? She drummed her fingers on the railing. Suddenly she saw a familiar face pushing a trolley laden with suitcases through the crowds. Her heart skipped several beats and she broke into an enormous grin, pushing her way around to the opening in the barrier and calling out his name.
‘Libby!’ he shouted, rushing towards her. He abandoned his trolley and wrapped her in a huge hug, covering her neck, her cheeks, and finally her lips in kisses before pushing her away to look at her, then hugging her once more.
‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he said, gazing adoringly into her eyes. He was even more handsome than she remembered; his eyes shone and his beautiful smile stretched across his face from ear to ear.
‘I’ve missed you too,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe you are actually here.’
He put his hand on her belly and said, ‘I’m here for both of you, Libby. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise you.’ It took her a few seconds to realise what he was saying. She looked at the trolley and realised that, rather than a weekend’s carry-on, he had two enormous suitcases with him.
‘Do you mean you are staying? For longer than the weekend!’ She could barely believe it might be true.
‘Exactly. I’ve told Floriana – it’s nearly the end of the season and she is happy to let me finish a bit early. My work for Prospero can mostly be done from home and I can always fly over if I have any meetings that can’t be done via Skype. I will look for more work in London. If that’s what you want?’ He suddenly looked worri
ed, as if perhaps he had presumed too much.
‘Luca, are you crazy? Of course that’s what I want! I can’t believe you would do that for me… What about your family, have you told them?’
‘I told them last night. They were more than a little shocked, I must say, but they definitely approve of my being here by your side.’
‘Oh my goodness. I just can’t believe it. Thank you! God, I hope you like it here. I hope you like the flat! I have a spare set of keys so that’s going to be fine.’ Libby wittered on nervously, thinking aloud as she adjusted her train of thought to this change of events. They got a taxi back into London with all Luca’s stuff, and she let him into her flat.
Picking up a letter that was lying on her doorstep as he came in he read, ‘Forty-four Lansdown Road. My new address, I’d better get used to it!’
‘Yes, you are now an official resident of Shepherd’s Bush.’
She showed Luca around. There wasn’t much to see: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and separate sitting room with a small dining table. There was also a tiny spare room which her mum used when she came to stay.
‘So this would be the nursery, I guess?’ Luca asked.
‘I think so. Though we might have to get rid of the bed or there won’t be any room for a cot and stuff. But we’ve got plenty of time to figure all that out.’ Luca hung his coat on the back of the door. Libby felt so nervous she didn’t know what to do with herself. If she could have drunk, she would have necked a glass of wine to still her nerves, but she couldn’t even do that. Luca, on the other hand, appeared not to have a care in the world. He seemed completely at ease in his new surroundings and in her company. He turned around, listening to her nervous chatter. Smiling, he crossed the room towards her and silenced her mid-sentence with a kiss. Her heart was beating so loudly that each beat echoed in her ears like a rhythmic drum. She thanked god that her morning sickness was over. A week ago she would not have been in the mood for this, but Luca’s kisses were having a forceful impact on her libido.
Slowly, Luca undressed her, one item of clothing at a time. She had put the radio on after arriving home and the room was filled with music. He took his time, caressing her softly and kissing her over and over again. Every touch sent a thrill though her body, small electric shocks that drove her into a frenzy of longing. He pressed himself against her and pulled her towards him. He muttered endearments into her ear. He picked her up as though she weighed next to nothing and carried her into the bedroom, closing the door behind them, determined to remind her just what she had been missing since they had been apart.
Libby was relieved that he had come to London; it felt good to have him with her. She realised a part of her had been unsure whether he would turn up. Now, they sat at the table in candlelight and talked and talked late into the night. She was suddenly excited beyond recognition that he was here to stay. This meant that they had a real shot, a real chance to be a family when the baby arrived. It was more than she could have dared hope. This amazing guy, this handsome, kind and sensitive man wasn’t going to leave her to cope alone. He was there by her side and he would be there every step of the way. It made her realise just how much she had been dreading facing it all by herself. Even if their relationship had worked out long-distance, what would have happened when the baby arrived? You could hardly have a family straddled across the continent. They fell asleep, as they had done on their last night together in Positano, wrapped in each other’s arms.
The next day was the day of the scan. Libby had to go into work in the morning. The scan was at four o’clock and she gave Luca instructions, choosing to meet at the closest Tube and walk to the hospital together rather than leaving him to his own devices. The Tube would be confusing enough for him. He had barely left Italy before, except for the odd family holiday when he was young. He was the opposite of Libby in terms of how much he had travelled, and again she wondered just how well he would cope with life in London. Reluctantly she tore herself away from bed and got dressed.
‘My god you look sexy in your work clothes,’ he said. ‘I loved beach Libby too, of course, but this is a whole new you.’
‘Well I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be fitting into my old outfits, so enjoy them while you can,’ she laughed. She blew him a kiss as she shut the bedroom door behind her. It was so nice having someone in her apartment again. It had felt so empty without a man around since she had broken up with her ex. She wasn’t used to living completely alone and was glad to have someone to share her home with once again.
After a busy day in the office, she made her excuses, explaining that she had an unavoidable medical appointment. She was relieved to see Luca at the exact location she had written down for him when she emerged from the underground, looking very cool as he lounged against the wall, staring down at his mobile phone. His good looks were rewarded by several admiring glances from women passing by. Luckily he seemed oblivious as he scanned the crowd for Libby. Catching a glimpse of her, he smiled. Her heart melted at the sight of his dimples.
‘Ciao bella.’ They had slipped into an easy mix of Italian and English. He would have to be using English a lot now that he was to be based in London, and her Italian had improved so much over the summer she felt confident about sliding between the two now she was home.
‘I’m so nervous,’ Libby said, clutching on to his hand.
He leant across and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Me too. I’m sure it’ll be fine, though. Think of all the millions of babies that are born each year, perfectly healthy.’
‘Yes, that’s true. For every horror story there are hundreds of happy endings.’
‘Exactly.’
After a short wait in the waiting room they were collected by the sonographer and led to a small room. She invited Libby to lie down on the bed. Luca sat on the chair by her side.
‘Is this your first pregnancy?’ the sonographer asked. She was a smiley lady with rosy, round cheeks.
‘Yes it is. I’m terrified,’ Libby told her frankly.
‘Every mother-to-be feels exactly the same, don’t worry. Now let’s see what we have here.’ She squirted some cold jelly on to Libby’s belly and turned on the monitor. ‘Any history of twins in either of your families?’ asked the sonographer.
‘No neither of us have any twins,’ replied Libby.
Luca cleared his throat. ‘Actually, my father is a twin,’ he said. ‘You haven’t met him…’
Libby was mortified that she didn’t know about this. What would the sonographer think? She flushed with embarrassment.
The ultrasound was projected on to a small screen on the wall in front of them. The sonographer pressed quite firmly on Libby’s stomach and a grainy black-and-white image emerged on the screen. Libby found it impossible to make head or tail of what she saw, until the sonographer talked them through it. She confirmed – to Libby’s relief – that there was only one baby, and that it looked perfectly healthy. The relief Libby felt was immense. She held Luca’s hand and squeezed it, her eyes welling up with tears as she looked at the little baby on the screen. It was hard to believe that it was really inside her. It was like a miracle. She knew in that moment that she had been right to keep it. It was meant to be, this baby, and she vowed to the baby that she would do everything in her power to love and protect it for as long as she lived.
Having got the all-clear, they were given a small photograph of the scan and allowed to go home. Luca immediately phoned his family, passing on the good news, and Libby phoned her mum and Helen, and Jules and Angus, to tell them all was well. She was seeing Jules and Angus the following evening to introduce them to Luca, and the same with her mother on Sunday. Miriam was delighted to hear that Luca was intending to stay. That normalised the situation just enough for it to be socially acceptable among her friends, just in time for her to be able to spread the happy news that she was to become a grandmother. Jules seemed equally excited, declaring it even more important that they should meet, seeing as they were going t
o be part of each other’s lives from now on.
Libby decided not to go back to work, knowing full well that the rest of the team were working late that evening but refusing to care. As soon as they found out she was pregnant, she would be compromised anyway. She wouldn’t be able to hide it for much longer, and there was no point trying to impress everyone with her commitment when she was going to be off work for nine months in six months’ time. Instead she took Luca into central London, deciding to have a glass of champagne (she would allow herself one) at the Ritz. He had always wanted to go to the iconic hotel, and what better way to celebrate?
They stayed for a couple of drinks and then found a nearby French restaurant for dinner. For the first time Libby allowed herself to accept the fact that she was becoming a mother. They talked about arrangements for the baby, Luca’s own experience as an uncle to Antonia’s little girl, and what they would need to do to the house to prepare for a baby’s arrival. They also decided that they wouldn’t find out the sex at the next scan, preferring the idea of a surprise. It was both surreal and exciting.
Libby marvelled at how life could turn on its head in mere moments, uprooting every plan you had made and throwing you completely off course with no notice. It was amazing to her how well everything seemed to be working out. An unexpected bonus of the pregnancy was the refreshing sense of perspective that it gave her about work. She realised undoubtedly that there were more important things in life than a career in law. If her training contract didn’t work out, she would cross that bridge when she came to it. From her limited experience thus far, she had a sneaking suspicion that she was not a natural lawyer in the making. She had chosen law because it had seemed like a sensible, grown-up job to have, something respectable and with good earning potential that would set her on a steady career path once and for all. But she found the work rather repetitive and dull, and the levels of stress within the firm were extremely off-putting. It was hard to avoid being sucked into negativity and complaining, although Tammy and Sam were both remarkably upbeat. They genuinely seemed to enjoy it. Maybe that was why Libby was so drawn to them.
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