She stroked his cheek. ‘I’m old enough to cope with whatever life throws at us. If it were just you and me, Ben, then I wouldn’t hesitate.’
‘But it isn’t only us. There’s Theo to consider and neither of us wants him to suffer.’
Ben straightened abruptly, not needing her to answer because he knew how she felt. Emily couldn’t bear to think of their child suffering any more than he could. He went back into the surgery, needing a few minutes to get his thoughts together. Emily had said that she needed to think about the situation but what was there to think about? If they stayed together and the cancer came back, Theo would suffer. However, if he left at the end of the week and broke off all but the most minimal contact, that wouldn’t happen.
He took a deep breath, feeling the pain scoring deep inside him. The solution to the problem would be as clear to Emily as it was to him.
* * *
Emily collected Theo but instead of going straight home, she went to her parents’ house. Frances Jackson was just taking a casserole out of the oven when Emily let herself in. She took one look at her daughter’s face and popped it back into the Aga.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ she said, setting it on the hob. She smiled at her grandson. ‘Gramps is in the milking parlour if you want to go and help him.’ She took Theo by the hand when the little boy eagerly agreed and led him to the door. She paused and glanced at Emily. ‘I’ll just take Theo across to your father and come straight back, darling. All right?’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Emily dredged up a smile. She fetched a couple of mugs and placed them on the table then put some tea bags into the pot. By the time her mother returned, the tea was ready.
‘Tell me what’s happened,’ Frances instructed, shooing Emily towards a chair as she picked up the pot.
‘I realised today that Ben was right,’ Emily told her flatly. ‘It would be better if we ended things.’
‘You don’t really mean that!’ Frances exclaimed. She put the teapot down and stared at her. ‘I thought you were determined to convince him that you could work things out?’
‘I was, but I was wrong.’
‘Why? I thought you loved him,’ Frances challenged her.
‘I do.’ Emily grimaced, hoping the feeling of numbness that had enveloped her on the drive over would last. ‘And I know Ben loves me, but that isn’t the point.’
‘Call me old-fashioned but I’d say that it is the point.’ Frances shook her head. ‘You two love one another and, I assume, you want to be together, so why on earth do you want to end things?’
‘Because of Theo. He could get badly hurt and neither of us wants that.’ Emily bit her lip as she felt pain pierce her heart. Obviously, the numbness had been a temporary state of affairs.
‘You mean if Ben’s cancer comes back and he dies,’ Frances said bluntly and Emily winced.
‘Yes.’
Frances sighed as she pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘Darling, I know you want to protect Theo. You’re his mother and it’s your job to make sure that he’s safe and happy but you can’t wrap him in cotton wool. He has to learn how to deal with difficult and painful situations.’
‘Having your father die isn’t just a difficult situation, though, is it?’ Emily retorted.
‘No. It must be a terrible experience for any child to go through. But children are very resilient. They can and do cope with all sorts of dreadful things. I’m sure that Theo would cope too if something happened to Ben.’
‘Do you honestly believe that?’ Emily said slowly, feeling a little bubble of hope surface. ‘You aren’t just saying that to be kind?’
‘No, I’m not. I love Theo and if I thought this could cause him untold harm then I’d be the first to agree that you were doing the right thing. But I know he will cope if the worst happens.’ Frances patted her hand. ‘I’m more worried about you, darling. I know how much Ben means to you.’
‘I love him so much, mum,’ Emily admitted. ‘The thought of him dying is more than I can bear.’
‘I understand that. But Ben is fit and healthy at the moment, isn’t he? There’s no reason to believe that the cancer will come back.’
‘You’re right.’ Emily felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She smiled at her mother. ‘I let it all get on top of me. Simon was talking about Becky today and it brought it home to me how awful it must be to lose the person you love.’
‘It’s only natural, darling. I worry about your father, too, especially now that we’re getting older,’ Frances admitted.
‘I never realised,’ Emily said, guiltily.
‘Good. The last thing I want is you worrying unnecessarily,’ Frances said sternly.
Emily laughed. ‘Still trying to protect me?’
‘Of course. I’m your mother and it’s my job to protect you even if you are all grown up!’
They both laughed and it broke the tension. Emily agreed to stay for supper and went to tell her father it was ready while Frances dished up. As she crossed the farmyard she realised in relief that it had been a temporary wobble and that she no longer had any doubts. Theo would gain so much from having Ben around and it would far outweigh everything else. Now all she needed to do was convince Ben.
Her heart lurched. Would he agree with her though, or would he continue to believe that the only way was his way? Come Saturday he was due to leave and that would be the end for them if she didn’t manage to convince him he was wrong. She squared her shoulders. She had just over twenty-four hours to bring him round to her way of thinking, which meant she had to make every second count. She was going to have to pay Ben a visit on her way home!
* * *
Ben switched off the television. Tom and Hannah had gone out for dinner and he was on his own. They had invited him to go with them but he’d refused, using the excuse that he had paperwork to do. It wasn’t a lie; there was paperwork that needed doing, but it could wait until he got back to Paris. He simply couldn’t face the thought of making conversation when his heart wasn’t in it.
He stood up, too strung up to sit any longer. Knowing that Emily had come round to his way of thinking should have been a relief but it wasn’t. He kept thinking about how empty his life was going to be without her and Theo even though he knew how selfish it was. Maybe a walk would help, he thought as he went to fetch his jacket. A bit of physical exercise should help him prioritise what was really important.
It was growing dusk as Ben made his way to the harbour. There were several fishing boats preparing to set sail and he stopped to watch them. The sound of the men’s voices carrying on the breeze reminded him of holidays he’d had as a child on the French coast. Even though the fishermen there had spoken a different language they had made the same preparations, taken the same precautions before setting sail. Weighing up the risks was key.
He sighed. Emily had obviously weighed up the risks of them being together and decided against it. It was what he’d advocated yet it hurt to know that she felt Theo would be better off without him. Maybe he was being contrary but his cancer might never come back. In which case, he’d have lost his one and only opportunity to be a father to Theo and a husband to her. All of a sudden, he could see the situation from the other side and he cursed roundly. He should never have taken such a hard line!
‘There you are. I wondered where you’d got to.’
Ben swung round when he heard Emily’s voice. His heart leapt when she held out her hand. Maybe it was the poor light but he would swear that the doubts he’d seen in her eyes earlier had disappeared. ‘Come on.’
Ben automatically took her hand as she headed back to the road. ‘Where are we going?’ he asked, his voice sounding hoarse.
‘Home.’ She stopped and looked to him. ‘Theo’s spending the night with my parents again so we’ll have the house to ourselves.’
/>
‘But you said...’
‘I know.’ She rose on tiptoe and kissed him, effectively stopping his protest. She drew back. ‘I know what I said, Ben. I know why I said it too. I was having a bit of a wobble but not any more. Theo needs you. I need you. Having you in our lives is the best thing that could ever happen to us. Now all I have to do is convince you.’
Ben knew he should object. He knew that he should set out all the reasons why it would be better if he removed himself from her life for good. He knew what he should do but he realised that he wasn’t going to do it. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her right there in the middle of the street, uncaring that there were people staring at them. He didn’t give a damn about anyone else; he only cared about Emily. He loved her, wanted her, and even though his head said no, his heart said yes, yes, yes!
They walked back to her car in silence. Words weren’t necessary when they each knew how the other felt. Ben could feel the excitement building inside him and knew that the same thing was happening to her. They had no problems when they were making love and maybe it was through their lovemaking that they would find a solution to this problem. He was willing to be convinced, eager to be swayed by her arguments, desperate to have what she was offering him—a future with her and Theo. His heart overflowed with joy. He couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful than that!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MOONLIGHT streamed through the window, casting a silvery glow over the room. Emily watched the play of light and shadow on Ben’s face. Even though she couldn’t read his expression, she knew how he felt, that he loved her with the whole of his heart, and joy enveloped her. It was going to be all right! Ben was going to stay. He could no more walk away and leave her and Theo than she could have done.
She kissed him, softly, lingeringly, and heard him sigh. Running the palms of her hands down the strong column of his back, she urged him closer. Tonight their lovemaking was taking on a different role. It wasn’t just a way to express their love, it was putting the seal on their future. After all the heartache and uncertainty it was almost too much to believe that what she had hoped for had come true.
‘I love you, my darling.’
Ben’s voice vibrated with emotion and Emily shivered. To know that he loved her this much was humbling. She closed her eyes, feeling the sensations build inside her as he entered her. Making love with Ben had never been just a purely physical experience and tonight it was so much more again. It was a promise for their life together as well as an expression of their love. No matter what happened, they would be there for one another, as they would be there for Theo. For the first time since Ben had come back into her life, Emily was sure that they were united in their objectives.
They lay side by side afterwards, their hands touching because neither of them could bear to lose all contact. Emily sighed softly, wishing the night would never end. Ben turned, a frown drawing his brows together as he looked at her.
‘Why did you sigh? Is something wrong, chérie?’
‘No. Far from it.’ She smoothed away the frown lines with the tip of her finger. ‘I sighed because I never want tonight to end.’
‘Me too,’ he murmured, leaning over so he could kiss her. He drew back and smiled. ‘Although I have to confess that I feel like that every time we make love. I always wish the night would never end!’
‘Do you?’ Emily laughed. ‘Good. Long may it continue.’
‘Oh, I can’t imagine that my feelings will change,’ he assured her.
Emily rolled onto her side and rested her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beating beneath her palm and drew reassurance from the heavy, steady rhythm. ‘So am I right to think that you’ve changed your mind and are going to stay?’
‘Oui. Although we shall need to work out the practicalities, of course.’ He took her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm before placing it back where it had been. He grimaced. ‘I shall have to return to Paris, unfortunately, because I’m needed at the clinic. I wish I could stay here with you and Theo but it isn’t possible right now.’
‘I understand, Ben, really I do.’ She smiled at him. ‘I know how important the clinic is to you and I don’t expect you to abandon it for us.’
‘In that case, would you consider moving to Paris if only on a temporary basis?’ He shrugged. ‘Once the clinic is running smoothly then we can decide where to live. But at the moment, I need to be there to organise things.’
‘I shall definitely think about it,’ Emily said slowly. ‘It would mean uprooting Theo, but he’s still very young—I’m sure he’d soon adapt to living somewhere else.’
‘It would mean you moving away from your parents, though, Emily. I know how close you are to them so do you think you could bear it?’
‘If it means we can be together then yes,’ she said, coming to a swift decision. After all the worry about losing Ben, moving to Paris didn’t seem like such a big deal. She smiled at him. ‘Anyway it’s not as though Paris is a million miles away. It’s just an hour’s flight so Mum and Dad can always visit us.’
‘Of course they can.’ Ben pulled her to him and hugged her. ‘I can’t believe that you’re willing to give up your life here to be with me.’
‘It’s no hardship,’ she assured him. She kissed him lightly on the mouth then grinned. ‘The question is whether you’ll be able to put up with having Theo and me around on a permanent basis.’
‘It won’t be easy but I’ll manage—somehow!’ he told her, laughing when she grabbed a pillow and swatted him with it.
The ensuing tussle ended, predictably, with them making love again. As Emily drifted off to sleep some time later, she knew that she would never forget this night. It was the night when all her dreams had finally come true. She felt as though she should pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t really dreaming, but then she glanced at Ben, lying beside her, and realised it wasn’t a dream after all. She and Ben were going to be together. For ever.
* * *
Simon insisted that Ben and Emily should take Friday afternoon off so they collected Theo from the nursery and took him to the beach. The little boy was almost giddy with excitement as he raced across the sand, shouting for Ben to come and paddle with him. Ben laughed as he kicked off his shoes.
‘It appears I’m needed.’
‘Have fun.’ Emily spread the travel rug over the sand. She sighed luxuriously as she sat down. ‘I’ll just sit here and sunbathe while you entertain him.’
‘No way!’ Ben scooped her up and headed towards the sea, laughing when she tried to wriggle free. ‘If we’re going paddling then so are you!’
Emily squealed when he deposited her in the shallows. ‘My sandals are soaked now!’
‘You should have taken them off, shouldn’t you,’ he said with a grin, turning to Theo. ‘Silly Mummy. Fancy forgetting to take off her sandals before she went paddling.’
‘Silly Mummy,’ Theo repeated, laughing delightedly. Bending down he splashed them both with water, shrieking with excitement when Ben grabbed hold of him and swung him up into the air.
‘I think someone needs a ducking,’ Ben said, turning him upside down so that Theo’s hair just touched the waves.
‘Again! Again!’ Theo demanded so Ben did it again then placed him carefully back on his feet. He groaned when Theo immediately scooped up another handful of water and showered him with it.
‘Oh, no. Not again!’
Emily laughed as she moved out of the way. ‘You deserve a soaking after what you did to me. Go get him, Theo!’
The ensuing water fight ended up with them both soaked through but Ben didn’t mind. As he carried Theo up the beach so Emily could change him into some dry clothes, he realised how lucky he was. The fact that he had a child of his own was a miracle. That Emily loved him was another one. If it weren’t for the fact t
hat he was needed at the clinic, he would have cancelled this trip. Every minute he was apart from Emily and Theo was a minute too long.
Saying goodbye to Emily the following day was the hardest thing Ben had had to do in ages. What made it worse was that he had no idea when he’d be able to return. He still needed to sort out the problems with the clinic’s funding and that could take a while. He drove straight to the clinic when he reached Paris, not wanting to waste any time. His second in command, Alexandrine Allain, was in her office so Ben was able to catch up on what had happened in his absence. He was relieved to learn that there had been few mishaps. Once he sorted out the current problems, he thought, he could leave Alexandrine in charge again.
By the time he made it home to his apartment, it was almost midnight. He had intended to phone Emily but he decided it was too late to call her then. He texted her instead, just a brief message to tell her that he loved and missed her. When his phone rang a moment later, he smiled. Emily must have been waiting for his call, proof of how much she was missing him too.
‘And why aren’t you asleep, chérie?’ he demanded.
‘Because I can’t sleep. It’s so lonely in this great big bed without you.’
Ben felt heat scorch along his veins as he pictured her lying in the bed they had shared the night before. ‘I wish I was there with you,’ he said huskily. ‘You wouldn’t be lonely then.’
‘I certainly wouldn’t.’ Her voice echoed with the same memories and he sighed.
‘I didn’t realise how hard it was going to be, chérie. We’ve only been apart for a few hours but it feels like for ever.’
‘It does. Let’s hope you can get back here before too long.’
‘I don’t know how long it will take to sort out the problems with the funding,’ he explained. ‘It could take several weeks and I can’t leave while negotiations are taking place.’
‘In that case, why don’t Theo and I visit you? Don’t worry—I understand that you’ll have to work but at least we’d be able to spend some time together, plus it would be the ideal opportunity to show Theo around so that he has an idea where he’ll be living when we move there.’
The Son That Changed His Life Page 13