by Tara Fuller
Noah said, the only place I felt like I belonged anymore was with Anaya. She could push me away all she wanted, but when she looked in my eyes, I could see it. She felt it, too.
“Did it follow you?” Her gaze flicked to the edge of the room and I shook my head. She relaxed into her pillow. “Good. You can sleep in here if you want to.”
“No way. Your bed smells like a dude,” I said.
She laughed that sleepy laugh that reminded me of when we were kids camping out in the backyard, hopped up on marshmallows and chocolate.
“How many times have I had to endure the various god-awful perfumes left behind in your room?
Payback’s hell, isn’t it?”
She was right. She’d put up with my sleeping around for the past two years. Payback was exactly what I deserved. I didn’t have a right to be jealous of Finn, or any other guy she decided to date. Not when I’d been throwing girls in her face for as long as I could remember.
She touched the spot between my brows and frowned. “Did you drink the green shake I made for you earlier?”
“You mean the sewage you put in a glass and gave to me?” I arched a brow. She slapped my arm and I grinned. “I drank it. I won’t tell you it was delicious, because it wasn’t. It kind of tasted like ass.
But it did make me feel better,” I lied.
“It’s good for you,” she said. “And you look pale. Do you want some juice? I looked up this recipe earlier that had carrots and apples, so it might taste a little bett—”
I grabbed her hand, cutting her off, and sighed. “Em, stop. You don’t have to keep doing this. You don’t have to take care of me.”
Her bottom lip trembled and she squeezed my hand. “I don’t know what else to do. I can’t lose you, Cash.”
I hated that this was happening to us. It took her so long to get over losing her dad. She still wasn’t all the way there. What was going to happen when she lost me?
“You know what? I think I could go for some of that juice you were talking about.” I was getting too good at lying to her. “I bet it will help.” Anything to erase the hurt, helpless look in her eyes.
“Really?” Her face lit up.
“Yeah, really.” I smiled and sat up, rubbing my hand around on her head to muss her hair even more than it already was.
“Hey!” She batted my hand away and ran her fingers through the tangles, cringing. “I’ve got knots now, jerk.”
“That was the point.” I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the door. I didn’t want to go back into that room. I couldn’t. I didn’t really want to stay here either, though, pretending that things were the way they used to be. Emma’s hand settled on my shoulder.
“This is going to get better,” she whispered. “I promise.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whispered back through the ache in my throat. “I want to. But I can’t.”
“Then I’ll believe enough for both of us.”
The door creaked open and Finn crept in, settling on the end of the bed, looking uncomfortable.
Thinking about what Noah said, I didn’t know how to feel about him. I knew better than to mention
Noah, but he didn’t say I couldn’t ask questions.
“Did you work for Balthazar?” I asked him. “Before all… this?”
He looked surprised, but answered. “Yes.”
“Is he bad?
“What do you mean?” His brows pulled together.
“I mean, what is he capable of?” I asked. “Do you trust him?”
“He has the power of God at his fingertips, Cash,” he said, a hard edge to his voice. “He’s capable of anything. Do I think he’s evil? No. Do I think he’d go unimaginable lengths to get something he wants? Yes.”
I studied Finn’s expression, trying to determine if he was telling the truth. As much as I wanted to trust him, Noah’s warnings kept coming back to me, telling me not to trust anyone on this side. I knew
I trusted Emma. But this guy who had swept in and stolen her out of my life…no. I wasn’t ready to trust him yet. Not when he was hiding things from me. And even now, I felt like there was more to the story than he was telling. Maybe even more than he wanted Emma to know. The fact was, Noah was the only one being honest with me in this. He was the only one giving me enough information to make any kind of choice.
“And what do you think he’d do to get me?” I finally asked.
Finn frowned, something dark and secret flashing behind his eyes. “Why do you think he wants you?”
I stared out the window and shook my head, not really knowing how much to say. Em was sitting right here and that pretty much made my decision for me. “Just what if he did?”
“If he really wanted you?” Finn sighed. “He’d do anything.”
The nighttime air felt good in my lungs. The rest of me didn’t seem to like it so much. I pulled the scarf a little tighter around my neck and looked up and down the quiet street before stepping out onto the road. A chill pulsed through me, all the way through to my bones. My teeth chattered as I walked under the green glow of the streetlamp. My jaw felt sore. Everything did. My stomach clenched and ached from puking up the radioactive-looking shake and two glasses of carrot juice Em had forced down my throat. But I couldn’t go back in that room. Not when I wasn’t sure if I’d wake up. A warm glow spread out around me and a set of soft footsteps approached me from behind. Anaya.
“Hey,” I said brokenly, then stopped to clear my throat.
“Wow,” she said. “A real greeting. Don’t you want to yell at me some more?”
I sighed and turned around to face her. She looked like her own little sun standing there in the night.
So out of place in the dark around her.
“Don’t you ever get tired of fighting with me?” I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked up at the moon so I wouldn’t look at her. I wanted to look at her more than I should. And that scared me more than the rest of it combined.
“Yes,” she said so soft I almost didn’t hear her.
I gave in and let my eyes gravitate back to her. “So what are you doing out here, lighting up the whole neighborhood like a firefly?”
Anaya smiled. Just a small one, but it was enough make warmth bloom inside my chest.
“I’ve been out here for a while,” she said, staring at the ground. “I figured out I don’t have to be in the room with you. Most of them will stay away even if I’m just outside. I thought this might be… better.”
She bit her bottom lip and looked away. She looked…hurt. She was Death, for Christ’s sake. Was that even possible? Besides, I was the one who got rejected the last time we’d been together. I frowned at the uncomfortable twist in my gut seeing her this way and walked over to one of the big maple trees that lined the street. I pressed my back against the bark and slid down until I felt the cool grass beneath me.
I patted the ground beside me. “Sit down.”
“Why?”
I closed my eyes. “Because I want to talk to you and I can’t stand up anymore.”
Anaya hesitated for a second, then crossed over and sat down beside me. So close our thighs almost touched. So close her warmth reached out and latched onto me, making me shiver.
“What happens to me after all of this, Anaya?” I asked. “After all of this is over, what are the chances that I get the kind of peace you give to all those souls you carry over? What are the chances that I’ll get to be with my dad?”
She tensed beside me. I leaned my head back, letting the bark dig into my scalp, not wanting to acknowledge how much I wanted to touch her in that moment. Just how much I wanted the things she told me to be true. When Anaya didn’t answer me, I cracked an eye open to look at her. Her golden eyes were closed but her lids still glowed. Her skin looked like bronzed silk under the moonlight.
“Anaya?”
Anaya averted her gaze so that I couldn’t see her face and whispered, “Can’t we talk about something else?”
My he
art thudded painfully in my chest. Noah was right. This wasn’t going to end well for me. I looked down the street to the dark windows of Emma’s house where the shadows waited. I should have demanded answers from her, the kind Noah was willing to give, but I didn’t. I didn’t think I could stomach it if she lied to me.
“Does it hurt?” she whispered.
“A little,” I said. “It’s hard to breathe. And I’m so freaking cold. I’m tired of being cold all the damn time.”
Anaya rested her hand on my wrist and I opened my eyes.
“Maybe I can help,” she said. “If you’ll let me.”
I swallowed and nodded. Anything. I was starting to think I’d do anything this girl asked me to.
Even with Noah’s words ringing in my ears, I was helpless when it came to wanting her. I couldn’t deny it anymore. I looked down at her hand. Hell, what did I have to lose? I was on my way out anyway.
Anaya sat on her knees and leaned in close to me. I couldn’t help but notice her white dress bunched up around her thighs. I probably shouldn’t have been looking. Probably.
“Cash?”
I tore my eyes away and Anaya was grinning. “Huh?”
She laughed and her whole face softened, taking the serious edge away, leaving just a pretty girl with gold eyes staring back at me, making my heart work a little faster. She reached up to cup my cheek with her palm and I flinched. Her fingers spread out, consuming the right side of my face.
“Just breathe,” she whispered. I took a deep breath. Exhaled. Took another breath, focusing on the feel of her open palm against my cheek. That last breath stayed stuck in my lungs when the warmth began to flow. Slow. Steady. It poured from Anaya’s palm and fingertips. Straight sunshine, seeping into my pores, setting my skull on fire. I closed my eyes and placed my hand over hers to hold it in place. God… Oh my God, she was so warm. So right. The heat spread down the left side of my neck.
My heart pounded like it had been frozen for so long, it’d forgotten it could pump this fast. I needed more. Couldn’t wait. Without thinking, I reached out and snaked an arm around Anaya’s waist and jerked her on top of my lap. She gasped and the sound forced my eyes open.
“Cash…”
I pulled her other hand up and placed it on the right side of my face. My skin instantly began to thaw. So good. I’d almost forgotten what being warm felt like. Her thighs set my hips on fire, the flames spreading all the way down to my toes.
Heat. Peace. Pain. I could barely breathe through it all.
“Please,” I said. “Please, don’t let go.”
She slid her palms down my neck until they rested over the pulse throbbing just under my skin. She shook her head. “I won’t.”
Anaya pressed her forehead to mine and our breaths clashed in the one inch of space between our mouths. It took everything in me not to kiss her. She’d made it clear she didn’t want me, but it didn’t stop me from wanting her. I shuddered, gripping her hips, not wanting to let go. Not ever wanting this moment to end. Slowly, every part of me warmed. The blood in my veins. The bones and skin that held me together. All of it blazed with Anaya’s essence.
“Thank you,” I whispered against her cheek.
Anaya nodded, causing my lips to brush against her face. “Just…try to sleep. You need it.”
I needed a lot of things in that moment. But having her molded to me like this, her heat filling up my insides, my hands on the swell of her hips…let’s just say sleep was pretty far down the list.
“Like this?” I asked.
Her thumbs rubbed up and down my throat, causing me to squeeze her tighter. “Yes. Like this.”
“Why does this feel…”
“Right?”
“Yeah,” I said.
Anaya sighed and shook her head. Her braids created a tent around our faces. She smelled like the sea. She smelled…familiar. “I don’t know,” she said. “I…don’t know.”
Chapter 16
Anaya
“Rise and shine.”
Cash groaned, pushing his face back into the pillow, and I frowned. I was risking a lot being here today. Especially after last night. Cash falling asleep cocooned in my warmth, his hands touching places that hadn’t known another in a thousand years…it had been too much. Too close. But it had helped him. He had actually slept all night. I hoped today would add to that progress as well as give me the answers that Balthazar refused to give.
“Sleeping,” he grumbled into the cool pillowcase.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “You can sleep when you’re dead. Get up.”
“How about you crawl in here with me to keep me warm instead? Fair warning, though, I can’t be held responsible for what happens once you’ve entered my lair.”
I could see half of his grin against the pillow and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling, wondering exactly what he would do if I took him up on his offer. I shouldn’t have been wondering things like that. Not when I would eventually end up trading him in for a ticket back to Tarik. I touched a fingertip to the back of his neck and watched him bow up off the bed as heat singed down his spine.
He inhaled, and stilled as if he expected me to go on. I pulled my hand away.
“Come on.” I sat on the edge of his bed and the sheets began to warm. “I want to show you something. It will make you feel better.”
Cash rolled over and squinted up at me.
“Don’t you have souls to reap?”
“Not at the moment.” I yanked the blankets off him. “But that’s why we should hurry. My time is limited.”
Cash grumbled something under his breath and stumbled off to the shower. When he emerged, his hair was wet and spiky and he was wearing a green T-shirt that said Kiss me. I’m pretending to be
Irish.
He caught me reading it and grinned, scrubbing his fingers through his hair to shake the excess water out. “You wouldn’t be the first girl this shirt has worked on. But you could be the first dead one if you wanted.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let’s go.”
A half hour later, I’d directed him to a small lake on the edge of town. Thankfully, we were alone.
The water looked like a smooth glass mirror, reflecting the bright-green pine trees that bordered the rocky beach. The sky above us was bright blue and perfect, lending just the right amount of heat to the breeze sifting between the trees. Cash climbed out of his Bronco and approached me from behind, hands shoved in his pockets. Probably to keep them warm.
“So, what are we doing out here at the butt-crack of dawn?”
“We’re going to try something to make you feel a little better.”
I rubbed my arms and stuck a toe into the water. After a few moments, steam started to roll off the surface. Cash peeked over my shoulder and blew out a breath. “You’re doing that?”
I nodded and kicked my sandals off, then stepped into the water, wading out until it lapped up around my waist. The bottom of my white dress floated up so that it felt like I was sitting on a cloud.
Little green and orange fish rippled around me, curiously inspecting my fingertips hovering on the surface. I smiled and smoothed my hand in a circle around me and they scattered. When I looked up, Cash was standing on the beach, mouth half-open, looking uncertain. A shadow swirled up the base of a tree behind him, but I don’t think he noticed. He was too focused on me, the look in his eyes tearing down the walls I’d worked decades to build up around my heart.
“Are you coming in?” I waded out a few steps deeper and leaned my head back to dip my braids in the now-warm water. Cash made a stuttering sound that I assumed was supposed to be words, then started yanking at his clothes. First his T-shirt. Then his jeans and shoes. My breath caught in my throat and I looked away, feeling warmer than usual. Once he was down to his boxers, he stepped into the water and swam out to meet me.
He shuddered out a breath. Steam rolled off the water that splashed up against his well-defined chest. He dunked his head under the lake water a
nd popped back up with a laugh. He smoothed his hair back as water streamed down his face. Seeing him like this, laughing and alive, started the unraveling in my stomach all over again. I fisted the sides of my dress in my hands to keep them from doing something I’d just regret later.
“It’s so warm!” He swam close enough so that we were only inches apart. Steam rose up between us.
“How did you do that?”
I shrugged and treaded water. “I thought of it last night. I always wondered how far the heat could go if I let it.”
Cash’s gaze lingered on my face and he swallowed. “Pretty far I guess.”
“I always loved the water when I was alive,” I said, my mind wandering back to dangerous memories of days spent on the edge of the sea.
“Oh yeah?” Cash grinned. “Where did you live?”
I let myself sink a few inches so that the water coated my lips, then pushed myself back up. “Egypt.
Near the sea. Our home was so close, the sound of the waves breaking onto the shore used to put me to sleep at night.”
“Lucky,” Cash said. “The only thing I ever remember putting me to sleep when I was a kid was
Mom and Dad arguing. Then after she was gone it was just quiet all the time. The quiet almost made me miss the arguing.”
My chest ached thinking about him small and alone at night. “I’m sorry.”
Cash floated on his back while his arms made lazy circles in the water as if he hadn’t heard me. “I always wanted to live by the ocean. I’ve never lived anywhere but here, but when I went to the beach with Em a few times, it always felt like home. I never wanted to leave.”
Ignoring the way our legs brushed together, I tipped my head back to stare into the sky, wondering how long it would take for me to get called away from this. I didn’t want it to end. But I knew it had to. Which reminded me that we were here for more than just this.
“Do you feel better?” I asked.
Cash smiled. “Yeah. I finally feel…warm.”
“Good.” I held one of my hands out and he just looked at it, confused. “I want to try something.
Touch my hand.” It was risky giving him free rein over me like this, but if he were really a shadow walker, I had to know. I couldn’t have his fate ending up like the boy on the cliff who saw no other way out. That wouldn’t be Cash.