Escape. Joy needed time to reflect. Yeah. A reflection day. That’s what she’d call it. It sounded way better than cutting school. She had to get out of Ogalalla no matter what. North Platte wasn’t that far. Maybe a movie and a walk around the mall, just for a change of scenery.
After pocketing one of Mom’s twenty-dollar bills for gas along with her stash of birthday money, Joy slung her backpack into the passenger seat of her car. She slid into the driver’s seat then started up her yellow Bug. Shivering, she flipped the heat on full blast, backed out of the driveway, and turned toward the interstate. North Platte or bust. Shouldn’t be that difficult to find, though she’d never driven all the way by herself. Her parents wouldn’t have allowed it. But Joy wasn’t in a permission-asking mood.
Once upon a time, she would never have dreamed of blatantly ignoring her parents’ wishes like this. Rule follower. Girl next door. Dependable. All terms people might have used to describe Joy. At least in the past. Now though, it seemed like Joy was out for whatever Joy wanted, and it felt good. She hadn’t thought about putting herself first before, but things changed so fast, it no longer made any sense not to look out for number one. In the end, she was the only person she could be sure of. So what if she had fewer friends? So what if people thought less of her? She didn’t really care when she looked at the big picture.
Joy took her eyes off the stretch of flat interstate and looked beside her. Silas was sound asleep in the passenger seat, resting so he could be on alert when he sensed a change in Joy’s mood. She’d really come to know her guide well. He’d never let anything happen to her.
She took the ramp into North Platte. Now, where was the movie theater?
On second thought, that was something she would’ve done with Melanie. How about something different? She’d been wanting to do some research, so she’d hang out at the library for a while. Cut school to go to the library—how lame.
After finding it right where it was last time she’d been there, Joy buzzed into a parking space.
“No school today?” The librarian lifted her glasses and looked at Joy over the bridge of her nose the instant Joy walked through the doors.
“No. I’m homeschooled.” Not really a huge lie.
The disbelief was evident in the crease of the librarian’s eyes as she slammed the staple through the stack of papers she’d been collating. She must’ve heard that one before.
Get a grip, lady. It wasn’t like Joy had gone out drinking or partying. She was at a library for crying out loud.
Joy wandered to the religion section with no idea exactly what she was looking for. No way she’d go ask the Nazi up front. Joy scanned the rows of books about everything except what she’d been experiencing with Raven, Lucas, and Silas … and now Heather. What would she call it? Was it actually a religion?
She envisioned an old, leather-bound Neverending Story-type book called something like the Guardian Spirit Bible or something fancy like that. But no. She’d found better stuff at home with her Google searches. The closest it seemed she could get were the books on Wicca or Paganism, neither of which had anything to do with her. She was just being spiritual, not satanic. There was a difference, right? Maybe no one had written a book about that. She’d have to ask Raven later.
Okay. She was bored. Enough research. Time to face the real reason she’d come all the way to North Platte—even if she hadn’t admitted it to herself. There had to be a tattoo shop nearby. Joy found an empty computer station and did a quick search. Flipping through the options, she liked the looks of Twizted Needle on its Facebook page. It seemed clean and professional. But, oh no, they required a parent or guardian to be present with minors. Well, Joy would just have to look like she wasn’t a minor. At least she was wearing her Nebraska Huskers sweatshirt. The tattoo guy might believe she was a college student.
The next problem was how she could make sure the tattoo captured Silas’s individual look. It had to be him. Not just any white wolf. Him. They had to get the eyes just right, which would mean she’d have to have a picture of exactly what she wanted. She typed white wolf in the search engine. So many pictures were just not quite right. She scrolled for miles through photos that came close, but missed the mark in the eyes.
Finally, there it was, the perfect picture of her Silas. Almost as though he’d posed for a portrait session himself.
Print.
Now, would she need an appointment? Could be a problem. She couldn’t ditch another day of school to come back later, so it had to be today. Besides, if she didn’t do it right away, she might lose her nerve. Maybe they wouldn’t be busy since it was the middle of the day. She navigated back to the Facebook page of the tattoo parlor and entered the number into her cell phone.
“Twizted Needle. What’s up?”
“Hi. I was wondering if you could get me in for a tattoo this afternoon. I’m only in town today.”
The librarian gasped and dropped her stack.
Joy shot her a glare. Hopefully the tattoo shop wasn’t owned by the lady’s nephew or something. As if.
“Um …”
Joy heard the rustling of paper. An appointment book?
“Yeah. Looks like if you come over right now, we can get you in, if it isn’t too big.”
“Cool. I’m on my way. Should take about ten minutes.”
It wasn’t too late to back out. Joy stared at the brown brick building. She didn’t have to go in. If she did, someone would take a needle and shove it into her skin over and over and over. What was she thinking? She glanced to the right and locked eyes with Silas. No, it was important she do it. A final step in uniting them permanently. Eternally.
Time to face the music, or the needle, in this case. Joy climbed out then slammed the door shut. She smoothed her clothes and ran her fingers through her long hair. Look older.
The door chimed as she stepped inside.
“Be right with you.” The tattoo artist called from behind the white divider as he finished up with a client’s back tattoo.
She wandered to the wall where photos of people who’d had tattoos done, and even of people receiving tattoos, hung on display. A coffee table held albums with even more samples of possible designs. Joy flipped through the pages, arriving at a section displaying tattooed body parts she could have gone her whole life without seeing. The heat crept up her neck and warmed her ears. Act cool.
Joy patted the printout of Silas she’d tucked into her pocket. Hopefully it wouldn’t be a problem.
“Joy Christianson? Come on over here.” The young, bald guy with head-to-toe tattoos slid back on his chair and leaned out of his cubicle to beckon her.
Prepared to plead ignorance about the age restriction, she stepped around the curtain and offered a wide, albeit shaky, smile.
“Hey Joy. I’m Mike.” He stuck out a hand to shake hers. “Oops.” He ripped off a rubber glove then shook her hand. “What did you want done today?”
So far, so good. Joy reached into her pocket and pulled out the folded picture of Silas. “This is what. Probably just the face. I’m worried about the eyes though. I need them to look just like this.”
Mike nodded. “Oh yeah. This is a great shot. It won’t be difficult at all. Except white can be kind of funny on the skin.” He peered closer at the picture. “What if we did the wolf in black outline and only the eyes in color?”
Joy gasped. “That’s so perfect. I love it.”
“Great. Me, too. Where did you want to put it?”
“Well, tell me what you think. Originally I had thought about over my heart.”
Mike grimaced and shook his head.
Joy shrugged. “But the more I think about that, the heart is kind of in the middle of the sternum, which would be weird.”
“Uh, yeah. Assuming this is your first tattoo. If you were covered, it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Right. And it doesn’t make sense to put it somewhere I can’t see it. So I think I’d like him right here on the side of my thigh
where I can touch him if I need to or look down and see him. Plus right there, I know he is right in step with me everywhere I go.”
“Sounds pretty well thought out and easy enough. Let me work up a stencil and we’ll get started.” He slipped the picture under a piece of tracing paper and set to work.
Joy’s eyes remained locked on the paper. Get the eyes right. That was all she asked.
“Okay then, have a seat.” Mike spun the chair so she’d be facing him.
Joy settled in the seat. This was it. She could still back out. Wonder how many people actually did at that point?
“Okay.” Mike laid the stencil over Joy’s thigh. “How’s this, here?”
Hmm. If it were too high, she’d hardly ever see it. “Actually, could you scoot it down just an inch or two?”
“No problem.” Mike wiped the design away with an alcohol pad and repositioned it.
She didn’t want it to show when she wore regular shorts, but just above that would be … “Perfect.”
“Great.” Mike turned and fiddled with the tattoo gun and ink tubs. He whipped back around, gun in hand. “You ready?”
Joy nodded and gripped the armrests. The gun buzzed. Joy squeezed harder and clenched her teeth. She turned her head away as Mike neared her leg with the humming needle. Closer and closer—like slow motion.
Oh, come on already. Get it over with. Joy scrunched her eyes shut.
The buzzing made contact with the surface of her skin. The first instant it tickled like butterfly wings, then, not so much. Not as bad as she expected, but definitely not a nap in the sun. But the work had begun, and there was no turning back now.
A quick peek at the work revealed a bloody wolf murder on her thigh. Breathe in. Breathe out.
How strange that human beings not only asked for someone to shoot ink into their skin with needles, but even more that they’d actually pay for it. The price of beauty … or art … or whatever.
Ouch. That spot was tender. When Mike went back to areas he’d already started work on … zowie! Joy wanted to climb the walls, but she held tight.
Phew. A break. Mike changed the color in the gun. Time for the blue.
Joy watched closely as he went to work on those perfect eyes. The color pooled with blood on the surface of her skin, so she couldn’t quite make out what lay beneath.
After ninety minutes of needles, Mike put the gun down. “That’s it. Want to take a look?”
“Absolutely.” Joy lifted her feet from the rests and placed them on the floor.
Mike put a hand on her elbow. “Steady as you go. It’ll take a few minutes to get your sea legs back.”
Joy almost laughed. She’d only been sitting for an hour and a half, but as she started to walk her knees wobbled. Wow. Yeah.
Sea legs—good term.
Mike helped her over to the mirror, and she turned sideways to look at her Silas on her leg. “It’s exactly what I wanted. Beautiful.” Now Silas would be with her forever. Joy looked down at the wolf’s face staring up at her, panting. Silas approved.
Chapter 14
You’re a smart girl.”
So they’ve said.
The chair rolled across the floor mat.
Joy glanced up from counting carpet squares. What was Mary Alice doing?
“I think this’ll help you to step back and see where you fit on the timeline of the stages of grief.” Mary Alice Gianetti’s orange bob bounced as she talked.
Real human emotions shouldn’t be reduced to scientific stages. Shouldn’t that have been part of Psych 101? Or maybe all shrink-types believed people all fit into nice, neat little boxes with bows. “Stages of grief?”
“Yeah, if you look back, you’ll see that you’ve followed a pretty textbook pattern, as most people do.” Mary Alice pulled a sheet from her printer and offered it to Joy.
Sigh. Joy cracked the knuckles on both hands before accepting the sheet.
“You’ll see by the chart …”
She let her eyes trail down the page to see where she fit on the graph of human existence.
Denial and isolation? Check.
Anger? Check.
Bargaining? Check.
Depression? Check. Check.
Acceptance? Never.
Where did the list say talks to dead people? How about goes Goth? And what about hates life?
“… there at the bottom. It’s quite clear you feel depressed, but I’m already seeing signs of you moving toward acceptance.”
Joy shook her head. No way. “I don’t see how that’s possible. I can promise you I’ll never accept what’s happened. Ever.”
Mary Alice shook her head. “No. I don’t mean you’re becoming okay with the events that took place. More … you’ll make the truths a part of your new reality and grow into a person who once experienced some horrific things. They become a real part of your past, but will no longer define who you are.”
Hmm. Was that what Joy was doing?
“But in this process of evolving, we have to make sure you’re still you on the other side of it.”
Huh? That seemed a bit contradictory. “Well, if it’s all like a natural part of the process, why not just let it develop? Why worry about creating some final outcome?”
“We have to make sure you’re in a healthy place as you move forward because it will lay the foundation for the rest of your life. You’re probably in the most pivotal moment of your life, and we have to manage it well.”
Sounded like loads of fun. Joy twisted her head until her neck popped.
“So, for the next few sessions, starting right now, I’d like to bring in your parents. Okay by you?”
And the fun just kept on coming. “They’re here?” No way they skipped work.
“Yes. They both arrived a few minutes ago and are just waiting until I invite them in.” The counselor leaned in and waited until Joy lifted her eyes. “You can say no.”
What good would it do? Joy shrugged. “I don’t really care—nothing to hide.”
Mary Alice paused. A flicker of doubt crossed her eyes but faded just as quickly. She stood up, though didn’t gain much altitude over her seated self. Short legs made long strides to the door. She opened it and poked her head out. “Come on back, Mr. and Mrs. Christianson.”
“Please. Call us Peg and Alan.” Mom sat beside Joy.
Dad shook Mary Alice Gianetti’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you … well, from my wife. My little girl’s been a bit of a clam these days.”
Joy rolled her eyes.
Mary Alice nodded. “That’s fine. I’ve encouraged Joy to keep our sessions private if she wished.”
Hmm. Was she on Joy’s side for once?
“Okay. Let’s dive right in. Joy, your mom and dad are concerned about what’s been going on. From the mood changes, the dress, the suspension … it’s worth taking a look at. I asked them to join us for the session today, but I want you to know we aren’t here to dig up trouble or break your confidentiality. We’re only talking.” She turned to Joy’s mom. “Peg, would you like to start? Share your concerns with Joy.”
Mom nodded and turned to Joy, biting her lip. “I’ve seen some scary things going on with you. You’re acting very strangely, you’re hanging around with people who make me very nervous, and Austin said those new friends of yours are no good.”
Austin. Seriously? Mom was going to listen to what he had to say? This was not good. Had he told her everything? “What do you mean no good?”
“He just said they are kind of known for making some bad choices.”
Oh? Austin hadn’t ratted her out completely. Which was smart, or he’d have sealed their fate for good. Well, it was sealed, but he didn’t believe her. It was the hope he held that kept him from telling all. She could work with it.
Dad cleared his throat. “I guess what makes us very nervous is how much you’ve changed.”
“You’re just not yourself lately.” Mom put her hand on Joy’s.
“Of course I’m not myself.” Joy turned to Mary Alice. “Does this make any sense? How am I expected to be myself?” She looked at Mom. “Don’t you understand what’s happened in my life? What I’ve gone through? My life got flipped completely upside down. I don’t see how people don’t get it.” Joy shook her head. “You know, I don’t think you guys are paying attention. I think you expect everything to return to your idea of normal within a short matter of time. In the meantime, you’re just looking the other way hoping the time passes quickly.”
Mary Alice nodded. “Good, Joy. Now tell us. What would you like them to know?”
Joy locked eyes with her mom. “I want you to accept that I will never be the same. I have to reinvent who I am, and you might not like me when it’s all said and done. Who knows?” Joy looked out the window. “Facts. I would do anything to change them, but I can’t and neither can you.” Joy jumped up from her chair, knocking it backward. She ran out through the parking lot into the field behind the church.
Run. She fled as fast as she could make her legs move, not fast enough, not far enough. But at least it was something. The wind whipped her face, but she felt alive with Silas at her side.
“There you are. I hardly ever see you around anymore.” Austin let his eyes roll from Joy’s head to her toes. “Then again,”—he shook his head—“I don’t know if I would recognize you if we weren’t standing in front of your locker.”
Whatever. So he didn’t like her in black? So what? “Look, Austin, I don’t have time to chat right now.” She dug through her locker. Where was that textbook? She had to get away from Austin, even if meant leaving her book behind and missing a homework assignment.
Austin reached in front of Joy’s face and blocked her locker. “Joy, look at me.” He grabbed her face between his hands and forced her to turn toward him. “What’s going on with you? I’ve heard some things, and I’ve seen stuff…. Those guys are messing you up. I can’t just stand back and watch it happen.” Austin dropped his hands and clenched them in fists. “Please don’t ask me to do that.”
How wonderful it would feel to fall into his embrace. So familiar. So comforting. Joy felt her body pulled like a magnet. His eyes reacted, like they knew.
THE SHADOWED ONYX: A DIAMOND ESTATES NOVEL Page 11