Why didn’t they say something? What were they waiting for?
Joy needed help. But then again, did she truly want it? “The thing is though, I want someone who can tell me what’s going on and answer the questions I have that sent me searching in the first place.” Joy threw her hands up. That sounded hopeless. It probably was. Maybe she would spend her whole life searching for meaning, but never find it. “I mean, I can’t just empty myself of everything again and have nothing to fill the hole. But I can’t go back to what I was before all this either.”
“That is the wisest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Dad put his glasses back on and stood up from the bed. He reached his arms out and pulled his daughter close. She let her arms hang by her side while her daddy squeezed. Too spent to move.
“I love you, sweetheart.” He stroked her hair. “Your mom and I will move heaven and earth to help you through this.”
That did it. Heavy tears plopped onto his light gray thermal. She reached her arms around him and breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t in it alone. Then again, they had no idea what they’d signed up for.
Mom sat up straighter. “So are you leaving this up to us? Will you do what we think is best?” She held up a finger. “No. Better question. Will you embrace what we think is best?”
Interesting distinction. Joy stared out the window at the still falling snow. Embrace did hold a completely different meaning than simply doing. But, if she wanted true and lasting results, she’d have to give herself over to whatever process. No matter how scary.
“You tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.” At least she’d try. Joy dropped her head. “I’m really sorry all this happened.”
Mom gave two sharp nods. “Your Dad and I love you. We forgive you of course. Now, just so you know, I’m jumping on this without looking back. It can’t wait another day.” Mom eyed her with intensity. “Agreed?”
Joy nodded. Oh boy. She knew that look. Circumstances were going to spiral out of her control faster than she could imagine. Like when Adam Samuelson followed her into the girls’ restroom in eighth grade. She almost hadn’t told Mom about it. But then she did, and everything turned upside down within minutes. Mom didn’t fool around when she got it in her head to take care of something. And Joy’s mess was likely to get the full-scale treatment.
“Then with the first light of day, I’m on the phone with Mark Stapleton from Diamond Estates. I’m going to get his advice, but I’m pretty sure I know what he’s going to say. You ready for that?”
“I think so.” What other choice did she have?
“No matter what?” Mom pulled her glasses off and chewed on one of the arms.
Joy nodded. She’d do her best. Hopefully that would be good enough.
“Good.” Mom put her glasses back on and picked up her Bible.
She’d better get out of there before Mom started reading out loud. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ve got to get some sleep.” Joy pulled the bedroom door closed. If only she could hear the conversation they were surely having on the other side.
Now what? Bed? No. She was too pent up, too anxious. She needed air.
Joy slipped into her coat and boots, felt the pocket for her gloves, and grabbed her keys just in case. She stepped through the front door and breathed in a gulp of the crisp air. Inhale. Exhale. Her body relaxed with each breath.
Would she get in trouble for leaving the house? Definitely, but really, what could they do to her? Besides, they’d never allow her to leave, but there was no way she was staying inside. In this case, forgiveness was easier to get than permission.
She moved off the porch and turned right at the bottom of the driveway. Just walk. The powdery snow kicked off the tops of her boots with each step. The moon reflecting off the snow made the night bright.
She’d promised herself she was ready to do whatever they said, no matter how scary. Did she mean it?
No matter how scary. The sight of Silas chasing her with foam dripping from his mouth, the fury in him as he ran in circles around her to trap her in, the fear she’d felt caused by the one who was supposed to always protect her.
What would he do to her if she pulled further away?
But he wasn’t real, right? He couldn’t actually, physically get at her from the spirit realm, could he? She’d felt his warm breath before, but hadn’t ever ruffled her fingers through his fur. And he hadn’t touched her when he was all worked up—even though he looked like he wanted to kill her.
Wait a second. He had tugged on her, she felt the pressure of his strength, and it did move her body. Did that mean he could get physical with her? Or not? Who would know the answer?
Joy reached down to the hem of her coat, just near the zipper where he’d clenched his teeth to pull her.
She gasped as the bottom corner of her coat dangled in four-inch-long shreds.
About exactly what it would look like if a spirit wolf crossed into the flesh and attacked her.
OUTSIDE UR HOUSE CAN U COME OUT 2 TALK?
Joy touched SEND and dropped the phone onto the passenger seat beside her. She rested her head on the headrest. One o’clock in the morning. After the past two days she’d had, she should be cuddled up in her bed sound asleep. But she needed to see Raven. Now.
Her phone buzzed.
B RIGHT THERE.
Still warm from her midnight walk, Joy tugged at the collar of her coat and fiddled with the knob to turn down the heater. She stared at the front door. Come on. Where was she?
Movement caught her attention as a shadowy figure crept from around the back of the house toward the car.
Who was it? Joy fumbled in the dark and pressed the LOCK button as she squinted at the form. Where was Silas when she needed him?
The face glanced up, and moonlight reflected off Raven’s pale skin. She pulled her winter coat tight around her as she clomped to the car in black sweatpants and what appeared to be her father’s shoes.
What was she doing coming from the back? Almost gave Joy a heart attack.
Raven slid into the passenger seat and turned to Joy, her eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on? You okay?”
Joy shook her head. “No. Nothing is okay. I’m in big trouble, and I’ve got to get out.”
“What do you mean? What kind of trouble?” Raven chuckled. “Can’t be any worse than the other night at the cemetery. I mean, really.”
“No, not that kind of trouble. Worse. Look, I tried to take Beatrice for a hike yesterday. We got stuck in the blizzard out at Ash Hollow.”
“Yeah. You told me. It must have been really scary.” Raven’s concern was laced with annoyance.
“Well, what I didn’t tell you is …” Joy glanced around her. No sign of Silas. Was he there, but invisible to her now? Maybe he’d always been able to go invisible. Or hopefully he just wasn’t there at the moment. “I spoke out loud and asked Silas to guide us to the car.”
“Smart. Did he?” Raven yawned, exposing the fillings in her back teeth. Gross.
Joy held up a finger. “Just wait. Beatrice heard me and totally freaked out. It was like she knew I was praying or talking to a spirit, but not God.”
Raven rolled her eyes and stifled another yawn.
“Seriously, she freaked out and wanted me to pray. So I started to say a supposed prayer to God, and Silas came totally unglued. He was like foaming at the mouth and having a fit … and Beatrice wouldn’t follow me because she thought I was evil. What do you make of all that?”
“Of what? Your cousin is a little nutty about that God stuff, but we knew that already.”
“I mean about Silas. Why did he turn on me?”
“Why? Well, you turned on him first.” Raven shrugged. What, that was supposed to explain it?
“I didn’t. Unless a five-word prayer is turning on him.” Joy tried to tone down her own irritation. She needed Raven’s help.
“Apparently it is, or he felt like it was.” Raven grinned. “Spirit wolves have feelings, too, y
a know.”
“I’m glad you can joke around about this. But I’m scared.”
“Oh, you have no reason to be scared. Just tell Silas you’re sorry and make up. It’ll be fine.” Raven patted Joy’s leg. “Everything will go right back to how it was before you messed up.”
“That’s the thing. What if I don’t want it to?”
Raven waved her hand. “Oh come on. You don’t mean that. You’re just a little freaked out. That’s normal. You made a commitment. It’s a for-better-or-worse kind of thing.”
Trapped. That’s what Joy had been afraid of. “But Beatrice …”
“Beatrice doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and it’s not like she’s the sharpest tack in the box. You can’t go making decisions based on what she senses.”
Joy blinked. How dare she insult Beatrice? “Ray. Don’t even go there with me. You should know better than that.”
Raven nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have said it. Beatrice is awesome. You know how I feel about her.”
Did Joy know? How could she? It wasn’t like Beatrice and Raven spent all kinds of time together. “I guess. I don’t know. I’m just saying she’s not a target.”
“Point taken. Again, sorry. But back to your problem …”
How to describe it? “Well, I thought I’d gotten answers. But now I just have more questions.” She couldn’t tell Raven about going to her parents for help. Not now.
“Okay. What kind of questions?” Raven slid down in her seat and pulled her jacket up around her chin.
“Starting with this. Can you explain this?” Joy lifted the tattered corner of her jacket.
Raven’s eyes grew wide. “Who did that?”
It was a what, not a who. “Silas.”
Chapter 23
Joy pulled the covers over her head to block out the sunlight. And the noise. What was that banging, and why was it so close? Wait a second—was someone in her room?
She threw back the quilt and popped up on her elbows. Mom stood hunched over Joy’s dresser, rummaging through her underwear and sock drawer. “Mom? What are you doing?” Joy stretched her arms over her head and yawned. Was she dreaming?
“I’m packing.”
Was she serious? Where was she going? Come to think of it, why was she in Joy’s room packing? Joy glanced down to find the green Samsonite suitcase spread open on the floor with her belongings already filling most of the space.
Mom was serious. But she wasn’t going anywhere. Joy was.
Mom looked at anything and everything in the room … except Joy.
“What’s going on?” Joy sat upright.
Mom neatly folded a sweatshirt and tucked it inside the suitcase. She reached back into the depths of the sock drawer and scooped out an armful then dropped them into the zippered pouch on the side.
“Are you kicking me out or something?” Joy threw her legs over the side of her bed and stood up, instantly shivering in her tank top and shorts. She reached for the sweatshirt Mom had just put in.
Mom beat her to it and pressed her hand over the UN logo. “Let’s leave this one packed. Just grab something else.” Why wouldn’t she make eye contact?
Joy pulled a sweater off a hanger and yanked it over her head. “Mom. This is scaring me. Would you just tell me what’s going on? You’re kicking me out, aren’t you?” Where would Joy go? She had no real friends. Maybe Grandpa’s?
“Okay. Here’s the thing.” Mom blinked. “I wanted to talk to you about this when your dad was here, but he had to run out to pick up a few things for you, and if I wait, we’ll run out of time.” She sat on the bed and pulled Joy down beside her. “I took what you said last night to heart, and we’re getting you the help you need.”
Silas appeared at Joy’s side. Calm, but watchful. Alert.
Oh boy. This was going to be interesting.
“I talked with Mark Stapleton, and he’s on a plane right now.” Mom fiddled with a rip in Joy’s quilt. “He’s coming here so he can bring you to Diamond Estates.”
“What about school? You do know that yesterday was the end of Christmas break, right? I have to leave in … oh …”—Joy looked at her bedside clock—“less than an hour.”
“They have school at Diamond Estates. You’ll only miss today.”
Joy shook her head like marbles were rolling around in there. Maybe she’d misheard something. “I’m confused. How did this happen so fast? And how long will I be going?” Joy jumped from the bed. “Why didn’t I have a chance to talk to you about this? I mean, I thought you were getting information. I didn’t know you’d be packing me and sending me off today.” The tears spilled down Joy’s cheeks.
Today? She had no more time to make sense of it all? What if she’d changed her mind? What if she wanted to back out?
Mom nodded. “I had a lot of those same questions, too. But I have to agree with Mark. We’re dealing with some serious stuff, and it’s not time to play games. I also agree with Mark coming to get you because we’re not about to risk sending you off on the plane alone.”
“Well, why couldn’t you just take me there?” She couldn’t travel that distance beside some stranger, a super-Christian nonetheless, trying to make conversations about the weather. Come on.
“Honestly, sweetheart, your dad and I are simply not equipped to handle this with you, and we don’t want to mess it up. Mark says …”
Something told Joy she was going to get really sick and tired of those two words before this whole thing was over.
“… you’re under an intense spiritual battle. I just think it would be doing you a disservice if I were the only one there fighting with you. I’ll be on the sidelines praying for you every moment of every day, but you need real help. Help I can’t give you.” She twisted her hands together, but not before Joy saw them tremble.
Mom was scared. It all made sense. But could Joy really blame her? After all, Joy was terrified herself, and she was the one who’d caused the whole mess.
She let her body fall back onto her bed. Couldn’t really argue with Mom’s logic, if only it could be some other way.
“So how long do I have?” She had things to do and friends to say good-bye to. Well actually, maybe not. Maybe some things were better left alone. She could call Grandpa and Stella at least.
“Mark will be here in about two hours. You have time for a shower.” Mom turned back to the packing then looked up. “Oh, almost forgot. Grandpa’s coming in to see you. He’ll be here in about an hour.”
Joy nodded. “Stella, too?”
“No. We thought that’s probably not a great idea.” Mom offered a soft smile. “I mean, your dad and I feel that Stella might not be the best influence on you right now.”
Duh. You think? “Yeah …” Joy hoped Stella didn’t feel hurt. “I feel so bad that I’ve upset everyone’s life so intensely. I’d undo it if I could.”
“Don’t feel bad. Just get help. That’s the only way to undo it. Now go jump in the shower. I’ll finish packing so you have time with Grandpa, Dad, and me before you leave.”
Joy slumped off the bed and inched her way to the door. Her hand on the frame, she turned around. “How long will I be there?” Week or two … three, max?
“That will all depend.” Mom looked at her hands. “No less than six months. Probably a year.”
A year. The words fell like a lump in Joy’s gut, and tears filled her bottom lids. Mom and Dad were okay with Joy moving out for an entire year. When she came back, she’d be close to graduation. Then what? They were giving up the end of her childhood. And they were okay with that? What about next year’s volleyball season? Not that it mattered.
She could still say no, right? What if she backed out? She could tell Mom she got too nervous to be away from home. Raven said girls had to want the help at Diamond Estates to be accepted into the program. So she’d say she didn’t want to go. Send Mark home, unpack her suitcase …
But she wouldn’t do that. If she did that, there’d be
no hope left for her. She’d be forever locked between two worlds. One of them growing scarier by the day. No, she’d go. Make it easier on everyone. She could always change her mind later. Couldn’t she?
Those famous words from Casablanca filtered into her mind.
“You’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”
Fine. But regret what? Going or staying?
Chapter 24
We’re going to need everything in your house that’s in any way associated with the occult—books, games, DVDs, a Ouija board—anything you have. I need you to go collect them so we can burn them.” Mark rubbed his palms together like he couldn’t wait to get them on Joy’s stuff.
“Burn them?” He couldn’t be serious. That stuff cost real money.
Silas growled.
“Yes. We need to take care of that before we go.” His eyes searched the family room. “I don’t want to leave those things here to cause any problems for your parents.” Mark strode to the bookshelves that lined the family room wall and ran his finger along the spines looking … for what? A witchcraft bible?
Mom nodded. “I think that’s a great idea.” Her eyes never left Mark as he searched her books.
Dad coughed. “Is this going to be like an exorcism?” His face paled.
Mark shook his head and turned back toward them, two dog-eared paperback novels in his hands. Joy strained to see the titles, but couldn’t make them out.
“No. An exorcism is what’s done when someone is possessed. I don’t believe Joy is possessed because she’s not manifesting a spirit through her body—that we’ve seen evidence of.
But she’s clearly being affected by the satanic world—oppressed. So, while we don’t need to exorcize spirits from her body, we do need to break any association between her and that realm.” Mark looked around the room, making eye contact with each person. “And, like I said, we want to be sure that when Joy and I leave this house today, there is nothing remaining here to affect you guys or for her to come back to later.”
THE SHADOWED ONYX: A DIAMOND ESTATES NOVEL Page 17