by Colbie Kay
“I’m tired, but I’m doing ok.” I think. “I know, but we can’t.” My voice is hoarse from all the crying, my body feels weak, and my head is pounding.
“You want to talk about it?” Cydney asks while rubbing her hand soothingly up and down my back. Shaking my head “no” against her chest, I start to get control of myself again. “You have a missed call.”
My eyes fly open and I hop out of my sister’s arms and off the bed. Maybe it’s the café. I need some good after this horrible day. And I missed all of my other classes between my retreat home and the unbidden recollection of the beginning of my nightmares. Searching the floor for my phone, because that’s where I threw everything in my haste, Cydney hands it to me.
I find the missed call and hit the button to call back, my fingers crossed because I don’t recognize the number. After a few rings, someone answers, “College Café. This is Lisa, how can I help you?”
“Hi, Lisa! This is Callie Fisher—I missed a call from you.” I bite down on my bottom lip waiting to hear good news.
“Yes, Callie! Thank you for returning my call. I went over your application and the interview you did, and I would like to offer you the job and get you in here tomorrow at four pm for paperwork and training.”
“I’ll be there! Thank you so much.” I hang up with a smile on my face. I really needed that call right now.
“Who was that?” Cydney questions from my bed.
“I’ll tell you tonight at our family meeting. Right now I need a hot shower.” I have a sway in my step as I gather everything I need and head to the bathroom.
Placing both hands on the bathroom counter, I look into the oval mirror and hate the reflection that stares back at me. My once vibrant deep green eyes are now dead. My normally tanned skin is pale from being indoors so much, and dark circles have taken up space under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I’ve never let myself go like this, but I can’t go back to how I was. It will draw attention and I don’t want that. Turning away from the mirror, I check the temperature of the water. It’s hot and perfect! I step inside and close the curtain so I don’t get water everywhere.
The shower feels absolutely amazing as I let the water cascade over me. Trying to clear my thoughts, I start to replay that night in my head. I slide down the wall of the shower and sit there, wanting it all to go away. I can’t live like this anymore! I need help or I need to make a change—something has got to give. I hardly sleep because the nightmares come, I can’t talk to a guy anymore without freaking out, and I don’t leave this condo unless I have class. Who does this to themselves? Me, that’s who!
The pain, the sorrow, and especially the feeling of not living my life anymore have all got to stop. I need to start putting the past behind me and look forward to the future. Poor Dex, he probably thinks I’m some crazy person, and I can understand why he would think that. I don’t care that much about myself right now, but I think that needs to change. I want the old me, the old Callie back. I’m just not sure where to start trying to get her back. I wish time machines existed so I could go back and do things differently, but they don’t and I can’t. I guess I’ll just have to take one day at a time from here and take one step at a time. I’ll start by working in the café and that’s good enough for now.
“Smells good in here. What are you cooking?” I ask as I come into the kitchen after my shower. Cayden always knows how to bring a little bit of Momma to the place.
“We’re having roasted chicken, asparagus, and rice pilaf,” Cayden responds as she pulls the chicken from the oven. “Cydney told me you had a freak-out. I’m so glad Roger got his ass handed to him that night, but I would have loved to get my hands on him. I’da shoved my twenty-two in his face and repeated Scarface! ‘Say hello to my little friend.’” And this is why she is the badass. She wouldn’t hesitate to take a person out for hurting someone she loves.
Even though I know Cayden is completely serious I can’t help not giggling. I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him dead so he’d never be able to hurt me again. “Change of subject. Dinner sounds good!” That makes her laugh and I join in. I’m starving, so I’m all-in for her cooking.
One thing Momma taught us how to do well was cook. She taught us many things as we grew up, but with her having to work so much, we needed to feed each other, so all three of us excelled in cooking. We made a deal when it was the three of us home that the one who cooked didn’t have to clean, so while I like it when the other two cook, the cleaning isn’t my favorite part to do, but it’s only fair.
After dinner is finished and everything is cleaned, we sit back down at the table to start our family meeting. Cayden sets her cell phone in the middle of the table on speaker as it rings.
“Hello.” You can hear the happiness in her tone.
We all say in unison, “Hey, Momma!”
“My girls! How are you this week?”
Smiling at each other, Cydney starts, “Classes are good. I got a job at Barry’s Garage a few blocks from where we live.”
“Always my tomboy.” We hear her laughter through the phone and join in.
“Classes are good for me and I’m still looking for a job,” Cayden tells her.
“I’m sure you will find something soon. And Callie?”
“I’m doing ok. I’ve had a few freak-outs, but I got a part-time job at the café on campus.” I smile and look at my sisters. They’re grinning back at me.
“That’s so good, Callie. I think that will help some, getting out and being around people. I’m proud of all you girls.” Momma’s tone starts sounding shaky and we know she is holding back the tears.
We chime in unison, “Thanks, Momma!” I add, “How are you?”
“I’m the same: working all the time, but the house is awfully quiet and lonely without you three. Have you found any boys that have caught your eye?” When Momma switches to boy-talk she’s trying to be happy and not get emotional.
“NO!” We all practically yell into the phone, which makes us all laugh again.
“One day you three are gonna find your matches. Now, whether they can put up with all your feistiness? That’s another story.” She laughs more, and I picture her shaking her head at the thought.
“Momma!” we all say again, laughing.
“Well, it’s true, and when those boys come along I will welcome them in with open arms. Now, I’m coming to visit in a couple of months around Thanksgiving, and I’ve already requested the time off work.”
Yes! I can’t wait to see her again. We talk more about her visiting and how long she will be here for, and after another hour we say goodnight and hang up. After the long day, I tell my sisters goodnight and I head to bed for another restless sleep.
Chapter 4
Sitting in class Thursday morning, I decide I’m going to try again. I’ve left Callie alone since last week when I first asked her to tutor me and I freaked her the fuck out and sent her running for the hills. When I finally got those jade green eyes to look at me, I thought my heart would fall out of my chest. Her side-view beauty has nothing on her full face. She looks like she belongs in a magazine, even with her vacant eyes and pale skin. The dark circles under her eyes let me know she needs a good night’s sleep, and just from that one look I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to take care of her.
I couldn’t help grinning when she so blatantly checked me out, but I was checking her out just as much. Those pouty lips she tried to purse, and when she narrowed her eyes to try and look tough…it all just made her look even cuter. Callie’s high cheekbones are prominent on her slender face. My cock twitched when I saw that blush forming, and I know that was probably bad timing, but he has a mind of his own sometimes. It was funny when she turned towards me and didn’t expect me to be a whole foot taller than her. She looked right at my shoulder like she was about to cuss it out.
I figured I’d give her a little time to calm down, so I’ve tried not staring at her as much, instead actually paying attention during class, but I still don’t understand all this shit. So...it’s time I try again.
Leaning towards her, I whisper, “Callie.” The shiver doesn’t go unnoticed, but neither does the way her body tightens up at my close proximity. I want to reach out and run my finger along her skin to see if it’s as soft as I imagine it would be.
“What?” she questions, but doesn’t look my way. Her eyes are trained on Professor Bryant.
“I’ll pay you.” I’ll try the bribing trick first.
“I don’t want or need your money,” Callie whispers back.
“I’m out of options. Do you want my dream of playing ball to go up in smoke?” Maybe I can make her feel bad. Not my usual MO, but I’m a little desperate here. Don’t hold it against me.
“Not my problem. Maybe you should pay more attention to Professor Bryant and a little less to me.” So she has noticed me watching her.
Time for begging, and I’ll get on my knees if I have to. “Please, Callie. I wouldn’t even be asking if it wasn’t so important. Do you want me on my knees? ‘Cause I will have no shame.” I see the hint of a smile. Making progress. Home run for me!
As I start to get out of my chair, I hear her huff loudly, and the Professor interrupts what I had going on here. “Mr. Mitchell, while I’m sure the conversation you are having with Ms. Fisher is important, it needs to wait until after class.” Sitting back in my chair, I look over at Callie to see a slight blush rising on her cheeks from being called out because of me.
When class is dismissed, Callie stays in her seat with clenched fists, but turns my way. “You aren’t gonna give up, are you?”
“No.” I try to hide my smile, but inside I am high-fiving the shit out of myself.
“Here’s the deal. I will agree to one tutoring session. If I feel uncomfortable in any type of way, I am out of there. It has to be in a public place and not in the library. I have work tonight and tomorrow, so Saturday is the first free day I’ll have to be able to help you. Look me up on Facebook, send me a friend request, I’ll accept it, and you can message with the place and I’ll give you the time to meet me.”
“Deal.” Feeling hopeful, I help Callie grab her books, then grab my own before we walk out of class together.
The bases are loaded and I’m up to bat. Walking to home plate, I swing the bat around, stretching out my arm and shoulder. I take my position; knees slightly bent, bat over my right shoulder, and my focus on the pitcher. He throws a curveball and I miss.
“Strike one!” the ump calls.
Shaking it off, I line up again; this time I know what to expect, and when I connect the ball goes flying. I run to first base as my teammates take off—fuck yes! It’s a walk-off grand slam!
We line up, hitting hands with the losing team before heading into the locker room to shower. My mind wasn’t fully in the fall ball scrimmage game today because I keep drifting to thoughts of Callie and how I’ll be seeing her tonight.
I sent her the friend request and she accepted right away, so I messaged and gave her directions to The Dugout and she said seven pm. I’ll be cutting it close when we get back to campus, but I should make it there before she does. It’s four pm now with a two-hour ride back, so my team better get their hustle on. I really don’t want and can’t afford to fuck this up with her. My plan is to make her as comfortable as possible so she’ll agree to continue tutoring me.
The Dugout is a well-known sports bar, and the main hangout spot for the baseball guys. The Uber drops me off at six forty-five pm—I have fifteen minutes to spare. Hopefully I can find us a table, because on game days it’s usually packed. Glancing at the building, I hope she will be okay with this place; it doesn’t look the nicest on the outside, but the owners are great. Even with the outside looking a bit rundown, once you walk through the doors it’s like going back into baseball past, but with a modern flare.
There are photos of the greats displayed on the walls, including Babe Ruth. They have bleachers sitting in front of a big-screen TV to make you feel like you’re at a live ball game. The back of the booths are customized with baseball bats, and the stools that sit in front of the bar aren’t your usual barstools—they’ve been custom-made in the shape of baseball gloves. The tables are made out of recycled baseball bats, with wooden benches for seats. Walking into The Dugout is like a baseball lover’s dream. The best part about this place is the batting cage that’s in the back.
Luckily, I find one open table right by the door, so if Callie needs to make her great escape she can do so. As I take my seat, I look around the place. It’s not too busy yet, but I imagine some of the guys went back to the dorms first. When the waitress comes over, I order a beer for myself, but I don’t want to be presumptuous so I don’t order Callie anything yet.
A few sips in, I look at my watch and it reads seven on the dot. When I look back up towards the door, Callie is standing there, looking scared until her head turns my way.
With a scowl, she walks over to the table. “You picked a bar to study in?” She throws her book and papers on the table.
“You wanted public—this is the most public I could think of. Have a seat. What would you like to drink?” Giving her a grin, I stand and wait for her response.
She walks closer to me and grips the front of my black beater; I can see the fear in her eyes despite her outward toughness. “I’m giving you a little of my trust tonight. Do not let anything happen to me, don’t let me drink any drinks that are not mine, and don’t leave me alone. Do you understand?”
I grip Callie’s other arm, pulling her in close, and hold her against my chest. “Hey! You have nothing to worry about. I will always keep you safe when I’m around, I promise.” Her body relaxes into mine just a little and I want to keep her cocooned, but we have some work to do. “Let’s walk to the bar and get you a drink, then we will start studying.”
When we get back to the table, I slide the Bud across the table for her to take a drink before she slides it back over to me. I’m twenty-one, but Callie is only eighteen, so we have to sneak her drinking. It might be illegal, but who hasn’t drank underage? It might just help her feel a bit more comfortable.
I was right—a few beers in and Callie starts to loosen up a bit, even giving me a little info about her. “Before this past Fourth of July I was looking forward to coming to college. This would have been my scene.” She looks around The Dugout and adds, “Not so much now.” There’s a sadness in her gaze. “So, we have gone over enough tonight. I think it’s about time I get home. My sisters will be worried.”
“Yeah, we should call it a night.” I really don’t want to. Tonight’s been a lot of fun, but I don’t want to push her. “I hope you will consider doing this again.” I open the app for the Uber and order one to pick us up.
“I’ll think about it.” She gives me the first real and full smile I’ve seen from her.
We walk outside, get in the car, and have a quiet ride back to campus. Getting out first, I open her door, wait for her to get out, then shut it behind her.
“A true gentleman. I like it.” Callie gives me a wink and another smile.
Laughing, I ask, “Do you live in the dorms or off-campus?”
“I live right over there.” She points to the building right next to mine.
“I live in the building right next door, so I’ll walk you to the entrance.” Placing my hand on her back, I lead us in the direction we need to go.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I do. I made a promise and I intend to fulfill it until you are out of my sight.” Keeping my hand on her back, we continue to walk.
“You didn’t ask any questions about how I acted when I first showed up. Or the other day
when I ran out.” Her green eyes shine with curiosity in the moonlight.
Shrugging my shoulder, I tell her, “I don’t need to.”
We get to the entrance of her building, and Callie turns towards me. “I’m glad I agreed to tonight. It was the most fun I’ve had in months. I needed it. Thank you!” Callie’s face lights up as she speaks. The half-smile she gives me makes my heart swell, and I want to see it again.
“I had a lot of fun too. I’ll message you.” I lean in and give her a hug. “Goodnight, Callie.”
“Goodnight, Dex.” I stand there, watching her walk away, and once she’s out of my sight I head home.
Chapter 5
Crawling into bed, I think about my night with Dex. I was so scared at first, and I couldn’t understand why he would want to study in a bar. When he explained that it was the most public place he knew of, I realized then that he took my demands seriously and maybe he really did need this help from me. It’s not the typical place to study, but it wasn’t so bad. Kind of loud as the night went on, but we made it work, and when other students would try talking to him, he instantly let them know he was busy.
Something else I realized tonight was that, when Dex pulled me into his chest and gave me the comfort I needed, I miss being touched. I miss affection from the opposite sex, I miss being around people, socializing, and having friends. I realize that the way I’ve been living has caused me to, thus far, miss out on my whole college experience.