by Alice Dee
“Is this your guys’ first time?”
Shamayla smiled and her brows shot up twice. “I’ve been making him wait for the full version. But anyway, what’s up with you and Dominic, or should I say you and Shane?”
Hope paused. “I’m not into him.”
Shamayla squeezed herself into her black jeans.
“Into who?”
“Either.”
Shamayla’s head fell to one side.
“What?”
“You’d better get out there and talk to him before he leaves.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dominic, girl. I’m talking about him. You know exactly what I mean.”
Shamayla went to the vanity mirror, wiped away her eye makeup with moistened wipes. Her skin was naturally dewy and flawless but there were times when she would break out on her cheekbones. Recently she got a nose piercing that somehow made her look prettier. It was like that little sparkle on her face matched the sparkles in her eyes.
Hope got into her faded jeans and sweater that came off her shoulders, pulled her hair back into a pony tail. She couldn’t get Dominic off her mind. She couldn’t get that kiss from tonight off her mind, or the feel of him while they were kissing, leaving her wondering what it would be like.
Hope fumbled with her lipstick and it hit the vanity top, leaving a track of pasty chunks of red.
“He kissed me,” Hope admitted, looking star struck.
“He did? What, you mean tonight?”
“Yeah, as I was coming out of the restroom.”
Shamayla laughed and got overly excited and giddy.
“So what does this mean?”
Hope wasn’t sure. She knew Dominic was irresistible and left her wanting more.
“I don’t know. We’ll just have to see what happens.”
The girls grabbed their purses and headed downstairs. Justin and Shane were standing outside of Lounge 101. Hope expected to see Dominic but was disappointed when she didn’t see him anywhere. She was more disappointed to see Shane there instead. He was becoming annoying, a sort of pest Hope wanted to stomp and crush out.
“I’ll walk you to your car?” Shane enthusiastically offered Hope.
“Oh that’s all right. I’m waiting for someone.”
Shane looked insulted. He tried to hide it but he couldn’t help his expression.
“Okay. Well I’ll see you guys later then. Bye Hope.”
Hope tugged at her necklace and held her hand up in a still wave goodbye.
“I’ll see you two later,” she said as she walked passed Shamayla and Justin. She made sure Shane was out the doors before she walked out of the casino. She reached for the door and stepped out, saw Dominic outside talking to Roberto and his girlfriend. Roberto and his girlfriend left and Dominic saw Hope standing near the doors staring back at him. Like an anchor her stomach hit the sea floor. She wanted to see him but now that he was right there and it was obvious he had been waiting for her, she could feel the apprehension filling her like a glass. She felt sick now, wishing he’d just gone home.
“Hi,” he said, coming up.
“Hi,” she said back, her eyes rolling up to his face. He was tall and big and it still managed to surprise her every time she stood in front of him. She was feeling flushed with fever.
“On your way home?”
She nodded yes. “Are you waiting for someone?” She adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder.
“Yeah,” he replied. “You.”
She felt high enough just talking to him and this high was sweeter than any cannabis high…
“Me? You’re out here waiting for me?”
“Let me take you home.”
Hope scanned countless excuses and lies in her brain in nano seconds, anything to get her out of this.
“I have my car.”
“Fuck your car we’ll come for it tomorrow.”
She raised her eyebrows. His choice of words had her breaking out in a sweat.
“I want to take you home. I mean, like, I want to take you home.”
She couldn’t believe this was happening. She felt light headed, like she was floating.
He brushed loose strands of her hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes, drowning out the street commotion around them.
“You’re sure?” She asked, opening her eyes.
“Yeah I’m sure.”
Charla and her group of loud mouth girlfriends came out of the neighboring casino. She immediately recognized Dominic.
“Dominic!” she drunkenly stumbled to him, putting her arm around him. “Oh my Go-what are you doin here? Why aren’t you with Tristan?” She looked him up and down. “Don’t you guys ever hang out anymore?”
Dominic looked befuddled, like he didn’t know what to do or say. Charla totally killed his vibe.
Charla noticed and looked at his “friend”.
“Who’s this?” she asked, rudely studying Hope from head to toe.
“This is Hope,” he said.
Charla put the phoniest smile on her face and stuck out her hand.
“I’m Charla, his girlfriend’s best friend.”
Hope stayed silent, returning the fake smile and pulling her hand out of Charla’s abnormally tight grip.
“See ya later.” Dominic said to Charla.
Charla smiled and batted her eyes at him. Deep inside she wanted to stab him in the chest.
“Bye, Dominic. I’ll be sure to tell Tristan you said hi.” She and her gaggle of friends stumbled off down the avenue.
“Someone’s in trouble,” Hope said, crossing her arms, thinking this was a deterrent.
“Screw Charla,” he said dismissively. “What do you say? We try this again?”
“Try what?”
“We can go back to your place…take it from there?”
Hope gazed into his eyes, his pinched nose, his lips…
“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you do have a girlfriend and all.”
“That’s my problem.”
“Is it a problem?”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
He was going to say something but saw the look on her face, her body language, so said something else instead.
“Do you want to come with me?”
Hope was quiet a moment and then said “Yes.”
He held out his hand which she stared at for a few seconds and then held out hers. He took it and led her up the busy avenue. The warmth and firm grip of his hand had her knees watery. She noticed nothing on the way to his truck. The street, the sounds, everything was all drowned out. She could only focus on him and what was about to happen in a short time. When they got home, she unlocked her door and let him inside. It was strange to see him in her surroundings.
Her living room had been converted into a bedroom, looking like a studio apartment though she had a bedroom. There was a fuchsia lamp with a contorted brass neck hovering over her bed that lit up the room in dark pink. He pulled her in all close, her body against his and started kissing her. Her clothes seemed to melt off as he slid the rubber band from her hair and let it fall down her back. For the first time ever she was able to touch him, to put her hands on his chest, his tiny nipples under her finger nails like braille.
The last thing he wanted or needed was to fall in love with her but he could see it happening. The only way to stop it now would be to never see her again. As he kissed her, he thought of never speaking to her after this. Fuck her, she was nothing to him. But a moment later she softly released this angel’s breath over his ear that directed another thought to his brain. Seriously, never see her again? No, he would definitely see her again but it didn’t mean he wanted her to be his girl or anything…he told himself.
Hope was a tease, no doubt. It got to the point where Dominic was practically begging for it. He finally got it and then mid bliss she bit his bottom lip hard. The sting actually made his eyes water. At first he wanted to pull away from her and yell what the hell what was wrong with
her? But the look in her eyes…the smile on her face… it excited him. He slurped saliva from the sides of his tongue and teeth, his lip still between her teeth. He grabbed her wrist and pinned them down with enough force to hurt her. Her face sexily contorted in discomfort for a second or two but she didn’t complain. Maybe she liked it kind of rough…seemed to be the case. But unlike with Tristan he didn’t want to fuck her all wild style. As a matter of fact, he didn’t want to “fuck” her at all.
21…The big nothing
Hope woke up first. The lamp was out and the room was dark blue. She had to look at the clock to tell the time because she couldn’t get a sense of it in the dark. It was six, and she could hear the rain tapping the windows. It was way too early for her to be awake. She stood perfectly still, the events of last night playing in her head like a movie reel. Dominic was passed out, his back turned to her. She knew that in a matter of hours he would be back be back with Tristan, and Hope would be back to her oh so glamorous life of being a pole dancer.
Dominic rolled over, nearly panicked when he felt someone next to him. He forgot where he was and scanned the room that resembled some aquatic cave. Hope was staring back at him with her common reticence that had him wondering if she was contemplating murdering him.
“Hey Beautiful.”
“Morning.”
His chest rose as he inhaled, carefully considering everything he’d done.
Hope noticed the face he made, saw him mouth the word “fuck”. If he regretted being with her, then she would instantly regret being with him. She didn’t want to feel regret because everyone is much better off without it. Dominic covered his eyes with his forearm and thought of Tristan. He felt like his guts had gone sour. What you want is what you don’t know. He knew it now, so what next? He knew the guilt would fill him up sooner or later but he didn’t think it would be this soon.
Hope’s mind started to run wild like fires. What if things got weird now? He was her next door neighbor so she couldn’t exactly avoid him all the time. And when she’d see him with his girlfriend, would it make her jealous? Would she be able to handle it? How could she even face Tristan?
Hope was positive Dominic was regretting everything. She turned over remembering that her car was back at The Lucky Star. So was Shamayla. Maybe Shamayla could drive it back later. Hope didn’t like the way she was feeling on the inside. Why did she have to purposely make the choices that left her feeling like waste? Sometimes, most times, she hated herself. In the midst of her self-loathing Dominic rolled over and stamped a little kiss on the back of her shoulder. It was the little jolt of electricity she needed to spark her up and kill the funk she felt herself falling into.
“I gotta go home.” He sighed and grunted, pulling himself out of bed.
Hope stayed put, her eyes open but staring into nothingness with her back turned to him.
“I’ll come back around eight to take you to get your car?”
“It’s fine. I’m going to have Shamayla drive it here later.”
“Are you sure? I told you I would take you to pick it up?”
She rolled over now.
“I’m sure.”
Dominic pulled his shirt over his head.
“I would stay but I don’t want to get too comfortable.”
Hope lay there on her back, motion and emotionless. Serious had never look so dead.
When he was fully dressed he grabbed his car keys off the floor and knelt down beside her bed, giving her a kiss on the head.
“I’ll see you later, okay?”
Hope closed her eyes. He left. She had to snip off the feelings that were beginning to flower. She knew the game and its mechanics. She knew exactly what she needed to do to insure she wouldn’t get attached to him. She couldn’t like him too much. For Hope, falling in love with guys like Dominic wasn’t a possibility and Dominic was someone she could very well fall in love with. Why? Who knew? Hope surely didn’t but she knew she was feeling something serious in the middle of her stomach that reeked of trouble.
When Dominic walked into his dark apartment, the first thing he did was go to the refrigerator for cold water. He was dehydrated from the beer last night which was always a nice reminder to him why he wasn’t a drinker. He was so tired that he didn’t even remember falling asleep. He remembered massaging her scalp and running his fingertips up and down her arm, just lying there thinking of nothing but the elation he felt that he finally had her. Now he felt drained and thirsty and guilty. He didn’t want to think about it right now. He had to get out of Hope’s apartment and be in his own surroundings so he could get some real sleep. Being next to her was nice but he was too uncomfortable there, like he didn’t belong. He went to the couch and pulled a blanket over his body and face, and fell asleep.
Dominic woke up at nine-thirty. His apartment was filled with mild sunlight like it hadn’t been raining at all that morning. He turned on his phone and saw that there were new messages; at least ten texts and four voice messages. He already knew they were all from Tristan.
Tristan dialed Dominic’s number in another fruitless effort to reach him. She wanted to leave him one last message before giving up completely.
“I’m worried. Please call me.” She paused for four seconds. “Okay, I love you.” She hung up, dropped her phone in her purse and jogged downstairs. Josephine was snipping thorns and leaves off red roses at the kitchen sink, the fresh morning sunlight blaring through her coffee bean hair.
“Good morning. Where are you going so early?”
“I’ll be right back.”
Josephine turned back to what she was doing but pointed at a plate of toast on the counter.
“You should eat something. Grab one on your way out.”
Tristan couldn’t eat. She was too worried about Dominic. She had been trying to reach him all night and still he hadn’t gotten back to her. He had never done anything like this before so she didn’t know what to think. She eyed the toast and then grabbed one. Maybe the bread would sponge her nausea should a wave of it sweep her.
Tristan pulled into Dominic’s parking lot, saw his truck parked in his spot. She pulled in next to it, in Hope’s spot, and hurried off the car, hurried up the stairs. She knocked and he answered after her second series of knocks. Tristan saw that he was dressed but the color was washed out of his face and his eyes were swollen with too much sleep.
“Where have you been?” She put her hands on his stomach to sort of push him inside and force her way in along with him. He stumbled back, rubbing half of his face.
“Here,” he half-lied.
Tristan closed the door behind her and crossed her arms. He already knew he had a lot of explaining to do but he didn’t feel like talking.
“Why was your phone off? Why haven’t you called me back?”
He scratched at the back of his neck. It was hard to look her in the eyes but he had to unless he wanted to look guilty.
“I was sleeping.”
“Sleeping?” She saw the blanket on the couch so she put the back of her hand to his forehead. “Are you sick?”
“I think so. My stomach, it hurts. Well, it did. It feels a little better now. It was probably uh, food poisoning.”
“Why didn’t you call me? I would have brought you something.”
“I just needed to sleep. The food and work, it had me drained.”
“Oh, what happened to your lip?” She traced his bottom lip with her thumb.
He moved his head away and put his fingers to it, remembering it was sore.
“Training, I got socked.”
“Awww.” She kissed the exact spot Hope had bitten him.
Tristan smiled all big and cheery.
“Don’t scare me like that again. I almost thought you were fuckin’ around.”
He hugged her really tight, feeling renewed with her love. He kissed her head and closed his eyes, squeezing the life out of her.
“I missed you too!” she said, squeezing back.
He
grabbed her face and kissed her hard, as if her lips could undo the stain of Hope’s kiss on his.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You’re being really strange.”
“I just love you. That’s all.” He kissed her again.
“I love you too.”
She playfully pinched his nose and then moved from him to the kitchen.
“Suddenly I’m starving. What do you have?”
Dominic wanted to feel something. He wanted to feel that guilt fill his stomach as heavy as water would but suddenly he wasn’t feeling it much. What he’d always feared was coming true. He didn’t feel the same about her anymore. He was falling out of love with Tristan.
22… He was with who?
Tristan was sitting at her desk handwriting notes when she got a call from Charla telling her she was outside. Tristan took a moment to finish up, stuffed the notes in her binder, jammed it in a bottom drawer and dug around underneath her desk for her purse. She clocked out and headed out to the parking lot where Charla was waiting for her in her car. Charla as usual, was overdone. She had her hair up in a fancy up do, clean makeup, a pearl necklace and a long sleeve blazer over a silk blouse. She smelled like expensive perfume and her nails were manicured.
The girls went thru a drive thru to order fries and burgers and parked in a shady spot in the parking lot of the company Tristan worked at. Tristan was fourteen weeks pregnant now and a small baby bump was begging to appear. Of course it was still very small and only noticeable to Tristan. Her daily bouts of morning sickness were starting to wear and she could eat whatever she wanted now. She understood the whole “eating for two” concept now because as soon as she would eat, she could feel her energy draining and would have that empty stomach feeling in about an hour. She ordered two cheeseburgers instead of one and a large milkshake.
“I take it you’re keeping the baby?” Charla asked.
“And I’m going to tell Dominic.”
“When?”
Tristan picked one ketchup drenched fry and laid it on her tongue.