by Alice Dee
“We kissed.” Hope stared at the table in deep thought.
“Uh huh. Go on…”
“That’s it. We just kissed, all night.”
Shamayla scrunched up her face.
“You kissed all night?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “We just made out for hours. I haven’t done that since I was in high school. It was sweet. He felt me up but he didn’t ask me to undress. We just made out till the sun came up and it was nice, it was fun, it was exciting.”
Shamayla dropped her chin in her hand.
“Is he a good kisser at least?”
Hope smiled to herself for a moment, remembering every last detail of his wet but never sloppy kissing.
“Yes,” she replied. “He had me wanting to do more than kiss but he was a perfect gentleman about it.”
“How romantic,” Shamayla mumbled. “Are you going to see him again?”
Hope bit her lip.
“Well, I don’t know about that.”
“Are you crazy?? Why not?!”
She shrugged with a feeling of uneasiness.
“I wish I would have met him before Dominic. I wish Dominic never happened.”
“But he did. So what?”
“I just don’t want this to look the wrong way.”
“If you like Shane you should see him again. He’s a nice guy. I was wrong about Dominic. So fuck him, get with Shane.”
Shamayla continued to talk and Hope pretended to listen. She nodded her head a lot but she didn’t know what the heck Shamayla was rambling on about. She was thinking about Dominic.
44…Jealousy lingers
Tristan sat up in bed, eyes roaming around the room. Through the brown sunshade sun rays barely made their way through, and stripes of light lined Dominic’s walls and dresser top. No pictures. She got out of bed while Dominic snored and went into the kitchen for a drink, but mostly to see if her suspicions were right. They were. Not a single picture where their photos were once taped. He took every picture of her down, every picture of them together. She crossed her arms and went into the living room. Same thing. It was as if he tried to erase her existence from his home.
She wondered how many times Hope had been in the apartment because no way could Dominic deny Hope had been. She knew Hope had been inside and no doubt laid in his bed, tainting it along with everything else she touched. It sickened Tristan to think Dominic could even do that. It was disrespectful to their relationship and downright disgusting. She regretted coming home with him last night. Maybe they should’ve gone back to her room instead.
“Come back to bed.”
She saw Dominic standing in the hallway, rubbing his wild, wavyish hair. Her fist tightened at the vision of him being with Hope, of Hope having her dirty paws all over him.
“I can’t stay,” she lied. “I have stuff to do.”
“Not even for like, an hour?”
“I can’t,” she snapped. “I have to go.” She roughly brushed past him and went to his room to gather her belongings.
“Is something wrong?”
“Nope,” she said, stuffing her purse with her bra and wallet, cell phone and keys. Fed up with this and that, she angrily snatched her keys out of her purse.
“Can I have a kiss?”
She wanted to knee him in the balls, no doubt. She remained calm though it took everything in her to do so, turned around and pressed her stiff lips to his soft ones.
“Sure you’re all right?”
“Yep,” she spun around with her purse and headed for the front door.
“I’ll call you-“
His front door slammed before he could finish what he was saying.
She sat in her car for a moment, thinking about that night when she stopped by to drop off a package for Dominic while he was at the gym. She had Charla with her and as they were about to walk out of Dominic’s apartment, she saw Hope pull in. The girls went back inside.
“Pretend you’re having sex with Dominic!” Charla blurted.
Tristan’s eye lit up. Charla was a fucking genius. As Hope made her way inside her apartment, Charla started pounding on the wall, Tristan shouting “oh Gawd Dominic, oh GAAAAWD…BAAAAAABYYY…” She had Charla bent over laughing her head off. The faces Tristan was making were priceless.
“Yeeeeah…oooooh, yeeeeeeah, oooooh Dom,” Tristan moaned, all dramatic, eyes squeezed shut. Charla gave one final thud and Tristan moaned, “I love you toooo!”
“You think she heard that?” Charla whispered.
Tristan smiled and shrugged. It felt so good to do that…she was actually smiling for the first time in a long time.
Now, Tristan started the car. The memory of what she and Charla did had her smiling again. If there was any surefire way to right things wrong, it was to wrong things right. She was willing to fight dirty. She would go miles to destroy Hope so no, this was by far over.
Dominic knew there was a lot of wrong he had to make right with Tristan. A part of him told him there was no way he could ever make up the fact he left her own her own, triggering her stress which led to her miscarriage. He didn’t blame her for being angry with him and knew that he was lucky she even considered taking him back. So no, nothing he could do would ever make it better, but he would try anyway.
He felt he was deserving of a beat down and would allow Tristan to go for broke until it was out of her system. She was a woman so he knew he was in for a long ride. But she was his girl and yeah, he told himself, he still loved her. She was changing his mind slowly, and he was thinking less about Hope.
He picked her up Sunday afternoon and took her shopping. Dominic knew girls love shopping. They love to spend money, especially someone else’s. But she seemed out of it and wasn’t interested in anything. He knew it was because she was still emotionally scarred from the loss of their baby so he moved on to the next plan, lunch. They ate at the food court because she didn’t want anything fancy. But she only picked at her food and answered all of his questions with attitude. Finally he asked her what was wrong, the baby?
“Do you love her?”
You would think Tristan had just smacked him across the face. He fork fell from his hand.
“Love... what?”
]“Her.” Tristan looked him in the eyes. “Tell me the truth. Are you in love with her? I need to know.”
“Oh my go- Tristan I’m with you.”
“You left me for her.”
“Oh give me a fucking break!” He pushed his food away, making her feel bad for ruining his appetite.
But then again, he’d ruined her appetite for weeks. She crossed her arms.
“I don’t know if I can move on, if I can get passed it.”
“Passed what?”
“Passed her. It’s like, a reminder everywhere. Every time I go to your place I’m going to think of her.”
“She doesn’t even live there anymore, she moved!”
“Yeah,” she pouted, eyes watering. “Was the break up that bad? It must have been passionate for her to not even be able to be your neighbor anymore.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You must think she’s prettier than me. Is that why you did it? Is it because she’s skinnier, is she better at it than I am?”
“We’re not doing this.” He sat back. “We’re not.”
“If you really to work things out, you’ll tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“What’s she like.”
“Why are you doing this? What good is talking about her?”
“I need to know!”
“Keep your voice down!”
“I want to know so I can prevent it from happening again!”
Dominic closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.
“It was a mistake, ok? Drop it Tristan. It’s over.”
“If it wasn’t for the miscarriage you would still be with her, right? Do you love her? Answer me.”
“No!” He grabbed their trays and angrily dump
ed their trash. Tristan jogged to keep up with him as he walked out of the mall. When she caught up she went on.
“If you loved me how could you leave me for someone you don’t love, someone you don’t even know?”
“Don’t do this.”
“Does her profession excite you?”
“No.”
He unlocked the doors to the truck and hopped inside.
Tristan buckled herself in and stared down at her hands, the tears splashing them, one after the other.
“She’s not prettier than you. She’s not better than you in any way. Okay? You’re a far better fuck and you’re way hotter. You’re the girl I want, not her, not anyone else.”
Tristan’s featured softened a bit.
“Do you mean that?”
“Yes, I mean it. We were having problems and I used it as an excuse to go out and do something really stupid. But I’m sorry,” he insisted. “She’s only a memory, and not even a good one. It was a mistake, Tristan. I want to get passed it. But you have to let me. If you want this to work out, you have to get over it. It happened, we can’t change it. Let’s just move on.”
“How do I know if you run into her you won’t-“
“Stop. I want you.” He put his hand under her chin. “You. Only you.”
She replayed his words over and over in her head, still not fully convinced.
“Okay. You’re right. I want to move on too, I want to forget this.”
‘Yeah because who is Hope?’
Tristan crossed her arms and stopped crying. How could she cry because of Hope? Hope didn’t give two shits about her relationship with Dominic. Hope knew he had a girlfriend and seduced him anyway. Tristan cleared her throat and took in a deep breath that felt really good. Screw Hope.
45… Shane’s got balls
The atmosphere inside of Denny’s was hazy and every person and object was haloed by an opaque glow. Glenna put an elbow on the table and held up a cigarette, blowing smoke up at the lamp above the table. She swept her bangs aside and listened to Hope and Mercedes talk. Hope opened her purse and took out a cigarette. As she lit up she glanced at the doorway and did a double take when she saw Dominic walk in with his thick arm around Tristan’s shoulders. The blood in Hope’s veins seemed to run chrome, flooding her insides cold. She paused for a moment, saw Shane and some other guys she’d never seen before tail the volatile couple. She went back to lighting her cigarette, dropped the lighter in her purse. The girls went on with their chatter while Hope took in the clique heading for a booth across the way.
“What’s wrong?” Glenna asked, noticing Hope’s rigidness. Hope made a face like nothing was wrong but a few seconds later she caught herself staring at them again. Tristan was in a tight dark pink mini skirt and black and white polka dot halter top. Glossy crayon green heels hugged her feet and her eye makeup was dark and intense. Her peanut butter hair was pulled down to one side, resting over her right shoulder.
Hope made her eyes small as the smoke filled her head.
And there he was, looking all happy with his buddies and his girl. Hope knew he definitely wasn’t thinking about her these days. She often wondered why he went back to Tristan. It had to be because she was a ho. Why else? Hope knew she was no beauty queen but Tristan was nothing to look if it weren’t for her fake breasts. Hope felt herself hating on Tristan and tried not to look at her again.
The waitress approached Dominic’s table as Hope’s server appeared with their plates. Shane’s eyes scanned the restaurant. He turned around casually to see if that really was Hope he saw when he walked in. He saw her with a hand over her eyes, not touching the food in front of her. Hope knew he’d see her eventually, and so would Dominic and Tristan.
“Let’s swap sides,” she whispered to Glenna.
“Okay,” Glenna said, trying not to ask questions. They quickly swapped spots so that Hope’s back was to Dominic’s table.
Suddenly a red blur was under Hope’s nose. A little startled, she looked up from the rose to Shane who slid into the seat beside her. She looked up at Glenna and Mercedes. Glenna was making a funny face like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ and Mercedes had a silly smile on her face.
Hope licked her lips, tried not to smile but couldn’t help it.
“Where did you get this?”
“I’m a magician,” he said in a sexy raspy voice.
She reached for it and put it to her nose.
“How you doing?” He put his hands on his lap and nudged her with his arm. The flame in her stomach glowed bright, making her face appear flushed.
“I’ve been good, working.”
Shane leaned his head in and put his lips to her ear.
“I’ve been waitin’ for your call.”
Her arms broke out in chills against his rasping voice. It could have been awkward with the girls staring but Hope wasn’t so focused on them.
“I’m sorry; I’ve been busy with work.” She twirled the rose in her hand.
“Are you going to or will I be waitin’ forever?” He nudged her again, his head turned toward her.
“Let’s do something.”
“When?”
She looked back at him.
“Tonight, after this.”
He stayed quiet a moment, just looking back at her face. He bit his lip and then put his leg against hers. She smiled.
“Aight.” He looked up at the girls, barely acknowledging them now. “She’s going out with me after this, you heard it.”
The girls still had the same expressions on their faces.
“He’s a cute white boy,” Mercedes said, smiling and dimpling her cheek.
The situation was all around awkward. Dominic didn’t know what to think or how to feel. He saw Hope when she and Glenna swapped spots. Luckily Tristan hadn’t noticed but he did and so did Shane. Dominic couldn’t believe the balls Shane had. He blatantly got up and went over there to talk to her. Dominic felt a tiny bit at ease with the possibility Hope would never go for Shane. Sure, Shane was a nice guy and he made Hope laugh once or twice, but she would never go out with him.
Dominic cleared his throat as Shane got up sans the rose and suavely returned to the table. He acted like nothing, sticking a cigarette above one ear and flipping through the menu. This would be a hell of an interesting night.
Hope explained to the girls her need to stick around after dessert. Mercedes and Glenna left and Hope stayed. Dominic and Shane saw the girls get up and leave. Not giving a straight fuck, Shane excused his self and slid back into the seat next to Hope. From where he sat, Dominic couldn’t see her. He could only see Shane’s leg.
Tristan squeezed Dominic’s leg and went back to conversation. Dominic squeezed her shoulder back but kept his attention on the booth. Minutes passed and they dragged on like sandbags but eventually Shane stood up on his feet. Dominic’s heart pumped fast as Shane held out his hand. Shane pulled her up on her feet. She was laughing and they were holding hands. Hope walked ahead not once looking at Dominic or his friends. She was still smiling to herself; rose under her nose as she walked passed and breezed out the doors.
This time Tristan saw her. She looked at Shane in confusion. He came back to the table and put a twenty on the table top.
“Sorry boys, gotta bail.” He turned away and went out the doors.
Tristan felt herself go up in flames. She looked at Dominic. He knew why she was looking at him. It was a test and one he couldn’t fail. But the situation was all around painful. He was trying to suppress all kinds of emotion.
“Let’s get out of here,” Tristan said. She went through her purse for her compact mirror and lipstick. Dominic knew she wasn’t happy and he couldn’t blame her. She was trying her best to let it go and so far, she was doing well.
Out on the warm street, Shane and Hope held hands. He swung their arms up and down, making her feel childish. She didn’t care. The street was super black and shone red and gold, yellow and green. When the cars on the busy boulevard would spee
d by, a wind would gust over them, blowing her hair back. That last whiff smelled like motor oil and burnt rubber.
“Don’t you love that street smell?”
Hope stopped suddenly and turned into him. Her eyes were low.
“What up?” he said when she wouldn’t say anything. Right now she looked a little younger than her age. Maybe it was because she wasn’t wearing much makeup so her face had a glow with that matted shine.
“Nothing,” she said, looking down and shaking her head.
Dominic and Tristan stepped out. They both looked to the left and saw Shane and Hope a few yards away. Seconds later Shane and Hope linked hands again and carried on, headed up the street.
Shane and Hope hit the bar -his idea- and within a short time Hope was already tipsy. They backtracked out of the casino and onto the hectic street. Before she knew it they were in the quiet of his car making out. She was hiking up her dress and he was working on his pants. Everything was spinning with Euphoria but still, that nagging in the back of her mind wouldn’t free up her head. She moved her breasts away from his face and sat back. Shane moved his hands away from his zipper and put them on her thighs.
“What’s up?” he asked.
She hiccupped.
“I don’t want to do this…here.”
She climbed off him and sat in the passenger’s seat, buttoning the top buttons of her dress. Shane pulled his seat upright and zipped up his pants.
“My place or yours?”
Hope didn’t respond. She was staring through the windshield at a wall but it was Dominic she saw. She couldn’t get him out of her head. Everything she did, everywhere she went and there he was like sky. He wasn’t in the picture physically but he was dominating every thought in her mind and affecting every aspect of her life. She could feel him in her chest, in her veins, flowing through her head. For the first time in a long time she thought of killing herself because being love sick like this was a reminder of how harsh life can be and she wandered if she could ever do it.