by Anita Higman
Mom looked toward the front door. “Such an eccentric woman. I wonder why Ivan would hire someone like that?” She wandered off into another room, still murmuring to herself.
Left to my own devices, I glanced around the guest house, taking in its warmth—the snuggly chairs, the floral tapestries, and hardwood floors. Before we came, I had been told that there would be no conveniences of the city—no televisions or computers or cell phones. It seemed barbaric to live that way. As if we’d entered the remote jungles of the African Congo. And even they probably had Internet access. But to live in a castle. Wow. That was truly singular, as Jane Eyre might say. What would my friends think? Guess I would know if I had any friends.
I pushed my long hair away from my face and milled around the living area, checking out every detail of the place. A crystal container full of candy sat on an ornate end table. After removing a sweet from the jar, I unwrapped the gold paper and slid the chocolate into my mouth. Yum. It was some kind of mousse truffle thing. Probably brought over from Switzerland and super expensive. That jar of candy was totally mine.
A stuffed teddy bear sat innocently in a nearby chair, looking needy. One was never too old for stuffed animals. I gave the bear a good hug. Amazingly, someone had thought of everything. Well, everything except Internet access.
Mom had gone quiet, so I peered into the master bedroom.
She sat on the edge of the bed. “They have silk comforters here and feather pillows.” Her fingers danced along the fabric. “I’ve never seen anything so nice. I think we’ll be very comfortable in the guest house.”
“After the wedding we’ll be moving into Belrose. Right?”
“Yes, of course.” Mom slipped her shoes off and slid under the covers. “Someone has already turned down the beds for us, Anne. Can you imagine? I barely know how to act around such luxury.” Some of the anxiousness was gone from her face. “It’s only eight-thirty, but it feels like midnight.” Mom snuggled down into the fluffy bed and looked like she might drift off, so I took to meandering around the cottage again. Upstairs, I found a small room with two French doors that opened to a large balcony. I approached the doors and watched as they swung outward with no more than a touch from my hand.
Stepping out onto the balcony, I looked out at the dark landscape and felt a tug in my heart. In spite of Miss Easton and the strange primeval feel of the place, I was thankful for a safe place to live. And even thankful for Ivan, a man who was destined to take care of my mother. And take care of me. That is, until I could make my own way in the world.
I breathed in the warm air. It felt good in my lungs.
Far above, the sky was putting on quite the lunar show. Clouds painted over every star with a hundred shades of gray, but a full moon broke free of the gloom and dazzled the night.
I yawned and slumped against the railing. Guess I was more tired than I thought. Bed sounded good. The big fluffy kind you could disappear into and come back up for air sometime later. Much later. I was leaving to find my bedroom when I heard a rustling of leaves. I jerked around and scanned the surrounding landscape. Nothing was there. Nothing at all—except the feeling of a presence I couldn’t explain. Great. With that ghostly thought, how would I ever sleep tonight?
Chapter Three
Dauphine
My eyes opened to the darkened bedroom. The guest house was quiet, so Anne must have gone onto bed. As tired as I was, I couldn’t sleep. Too much to ponder. My dear Edgar was gone. Another day without him. Counting the days since his death was easy. The hard part was everything else.
Unfortunately, my body had become my enemy, more so now than before. My heart still kept up its beats, but it felt weaker now. And my hemophilia—which I’d been told was only mild—could rear its ugly head if I sustained any kind of injury.
My daughter deserved so much more—a mother who was well and full of life. My darling Anne was the only truly precious thing I had left on earth and sometimes the only person who’d been able to keep me within the safe walls of sanity. But sometimes her expression looked so serious that it tore at my spirit. She’d been forced to mature beyond her sixteen years. She had no choice, because of me.
I rose from the bed. Above all, I would not tell Anne of my recent decline in health. It would upset her. She’d already lost so much. Her father’s death, and then our financial troubles, making it difficult to live day to day. But God had sent Ivan to our rescue. Hadn’t he?
I searched out a lovely balcony overlooking the grounds.
“Dauphine?” a voice whispered from behind me.
I whirled around, frantically searching the gloomy corners of the balcony. “Ivan! It’s you.” My hand gripped my chest. “I’m so relieved. What were you doing back there hiding in the shadows like that?”
“I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Ivan shook his head. “I just wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, you did.” I held up my hand. “Just let me catch my breath.” I rested against the railing, forcing myself to calm down and get my heart beating normally again. Goodness, Ivan had no idea that he could scare me to death. Literally.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine now.”
Ivan pulled me into a gentle embrace, and then we sat down on a settee. “I’m so glad you’re finally here. Tell, me…how was your trip?”
“Good.” Kind of unsettling too, but I left off that part. “This is such a magnificent estate, Ivan. I had no idea you lived in such a place. So—”
“Intimidating?”
I laughed. “No, not at all. Well, maybe some.”
Ivan took my hand in his, his touch much cooler than I’d remembered. “I don’t want you to feel that way here. My home is yours…and Anne’s. All right?”
I nodded and quietly studied the man who was trying to steal the last piece of my heart from Edgar. Was it possible to love both men—a man who resided in heaven and a man who was very much alive on earth? Was I being brave to want to spend the rest of my days thinking of life and not death? Bravery wasn’t the right word. But I did know this—it would be hard for a man to marry a woman with a grown child who wasn’t his own. And Ivan had promised to care for Anne and give her the best education money could buy once the new school year began. It was what Anne deserved, what I’d always hoped to give her but couldn’t.
Ivan turned my hand over in his. “Why aren’t you wearing your engagement ring, my love?”
I pulled a necklace hidden under my blouse and showed him the engagement ring dangling on a gold chain. “I wanted to keep it close to my heart.” I hoped he would believe me. I didn’t want to hurt him, and yet to wear it so soon, seemed a betrayal of all those many years with Edgar.
Ivan rose and smiled down at me with a look of understanding. He was handsome by any woman’s description. Tall and sturdy with a jaw line worthy of the silver screen. And an eye color that seemed to change from gray to violet, depending on the light, or his mood. How could such a man love me? I had always been told I had a certain splendor about me with my ivory skin and wispy curls, but the luster had faded over the years. And grief hadn’t exactly encouraged a youthful glow.
“You’re here with me. That’s enough.” Ivan reached down and lifted me up to him. “Everything about you is so uncommonly soft…so fragile.” He fingered the fabric on my blouse. “Did you know that about yourself?”
“Sometimes I wish I weren’t so fragile. I want to be a stronger woman for Anne.”
“You’re perfect the way you are. In fact, I wish I’d had a mother like you, loving and affectionate.”
I realized I didn’t know much about Ivan’s mother, except that she was no longer alive. “Were you not close to your mother?”
His face clouded with a strange mix of emotions. “Far from it. She was successful at running the abbey after my father died, but she was strict, not to mention…austere. Like one of those grand lion statues on the front steps of the abbey.” He stared away as if thinking of a distant time i
n his youth. “She had a way of reminding me of my place.”
“Oh, I see.” I put my hand on Ivan’s cheek. “I’m so sorry you had to grow up that way. You deserved so much more than that.”
He came back to himself and took my hands in his. “I want to tell you something.”
“Yes?”
“There have been times I’ve felt trapped in this life. It’s as if I’ve been locked away in a windowless room ever since I was a boy. I’ve grown up never knowing there was a vast and lustrous world outside that door. Then someone came along, an angel, with a key. She opened the door, and the boy, who’s now a man, saw the world for the first time. A life that he’d never known existed.” Ivan gave my hands a squeeze and then released me. “You are the key, Dauphine. But more than that, you’re life to me. The world I’d never imagined.”
Tears stung my eyes. Ivan had so many words for me, and they were always so persuasive and passionate—not to mention entrancing—that my heart yielded a little more with each soliloquy. And he knew it. I could tell. But what could that matter? Edgar had been far from a romantic. He had loved me, yes, but he had been a pragmatic, calling sweet nothings no more than manipulative claptrap for the weak minded. But Ivan wasn’t manipulating me. He was simply loving me.
At that moment, a strange brooding stillness washed over him—one I’d seen before—almost as if a curtain had closed, and I was no longer allowed to see him, or be with him, no matter how close we were. At times he seemed burdened with something, even tormented. Perhaps he had hidden things in his heart as I did.
That thought moved me—connected my heart more closely to his. Perhaps it was time for a deeper level of commitment on my part. I unclasped the necklace and removed the ring from the chain. After placing the emerald ring in his palm I closed his fingers around it.
Ivan seemed to be shaken from his trance as he grasped my arms, almost a little too tightly. I don’t think he knew his own strength.
“Tell me you’re not giving me the ring back,” he said with a twinge of brusqueness. “Please.”
“No, no, of course not.” I cupped his face with my palms, trying to calm his fears. “I’d like for you to place it on my finger now.”
“Oh.” Ivan’s whole demeanor softened as he relaxed his shoulders.
“Also, I thought it might feel more like a real engagement…if we finally sealed our love with a kiss.” I’d never been a woman to blush, and yet my face heated the moment I’d made my request. It had been odd to become engaged without truly kissing, but then Ivan’s old-fashioned ways seemed endearing.
Ivan turned away.
But why would he refuse me? Dismayed at his response, I touched his back.
He trembled under my fingertips.
Feeling bolder, I turned him around to face me. He’d grown pale. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” My hands felt restless, so I folded my arms around my waist. “I suppose it’s possible to love someone and have little passion. I’m willing to marry you even if you don’t have those kinds of feelings for me. But am I that undesirable?”
Ivan looked at me, his eyes a darker hue than I had ever seen. “You are desirable to me.”
“Please tell me what’s troubling you.” I reached up to his face, cradling his cheek in my hand again.
Ivan started to speak and then paused. “I do care for you in every way.” He took in a deep breath and looked at me with the saddest eyes. “It’s a cliché to say I’ve waited a lifetime for you, and yet for me, it is far beyond that.”
His declaration was a mystery, but his affection moved me. My fingers touched his lips. “So you understand me then?”
“Yes.” Ivan kissed the palm of my hand. “Tokeletesen megertem.” Then he placed the engagement ring on my finger. “It means I understand perfectly.”
From the way he stared at my lips, I knew that he’d been fully persuaded. I smiled and closed my eyes. Waiting.
Ivan lowered his lips to my mouth, but he paused just before we touched. Our breath mingled. Was it indecision, or was he trying to gain my attention? I hadn’t expected such a tug of emotion within my body, such expectancy. A new awareness filled me, taking me by surprise. I reached up to him and eased his lips to mine. There was little warmth in our contact, but the union was not unpleasant.
He pulled away for a moment. When he caught my gaze, his eyes appeared misty, but his expression was unwavering. This time when Ivan leaned down to my lips there was no more hesitation, no more need for persuasion. He kissed me at length and with fervor.
Then Ivan slipped a scarlet ribbon from his pocket, swept my hair from my shoulders, and as his fingertips lighted across my skin, he tied the piece of satin around my hair. What kind of sweet bewitchment was this? I felt myself descending as Ivan let his finger glide from my temple to my chin. Then he bent down and kissed the exposed curve of my neck.
Up from the vast grounds rose a lone and savage howl. Was that a wolf—in these parts? Couldn’t be. I’d never been one to be overly undone from noises heard in the night. And yet this sound, this wailing cry echoing through the forest, held anything but comfort.
Chapter Four
Anne
The food spread out on the long, polished table redefined the word “breakfast.” There were bowls overflowing with fresh fruit, frosted pastries, glass carafes of different juices—one for every color of the rainbow. There was steaming coffee, a dozen types of cereal, and bagels heavy with cream cheese and smoked salmon.
I paused outside of the arched doorway leading into the breakfast room, just so I could take it all in. “Whoa. Is this all for us?”
Mom stopped in her tracks too. “I suppose so.”
Ever since we had entered the main house, Mom’s eyes had taken on kind of a glassed-over look, like she couldn’t quite register what she was seeing. I couldn’t blame her. The inside of Belrose Abbey was just as grand as the outside. Marble statues, massive oil paintings, ornate antiques, winding staircases, vast rooms, and echoing ceilings. Miss Easton had led us through so many doors and hallways that I was already hopelessly lost. If only Belrose were outfitted with those “You are here” signs, like at amusement parks. But somehow I doubted that.
Wordlessly, Mom and I entered the room and began to circle the buffet table like vultures. I hadn’t said much to her this morning. I had to admit, when I’d gotten up to go to the bathroom last night, I passed by the balcony and overheard Ivan and Mom talking, in intimate murmurs. Pausing just outside the door, I’d listened to Ivan give a speech about being trapped and Mom being the key to his release or something like that. While the words were dripping with sugary sentiment, something about them seemed almost…rehearsed. But my mom—who doesn’t have a drop of skepticism in her blood—latched onto it. I could hear it in her voice. The voice she used to use only with my dad.
As the conversation on the balcony heated up, I had slunk away, my heart sinking. I would do just about anything to see Mom happy, but this was going to be harder than I thought. Everything was going to change. It already was changing.
I grabbed a Danish from a silver platter and took a bite. Warm apple filling burst in my mouth. Perfection. Maybe not all the changes would be so bad. At least my daily breakfast menu would no longer include stale bagels and coffee out of a can.
After Mom and I piled our plates with food, we sat at a large dark oak table, which as situated by a mammoth window overlooking one of the gardens. We ate in silence—or really, I ate. Mom just picked at her food, pinching grapes off the stem.
When I’d washed down my feast with a glass of orange juice, Mom glanced at me. “So, what you are thinking, Anne?”
“About what?”
She gestured at the luxury around us. “All of this.”
“Well, it’ll take some getting used to.” I pushed a lone raspberry around my plate. “Living this way will be a little strange. But hey, I’m a little strange.” I gave her a lopsided smile and she giggled. It was good to hear her laugh. “What
about you? How do you feel about being mistress of this mansion-on-steroids?”
Mom sighed, her smile fading a little. “I must admit I’m overwhelmed. Ivan definitely downplayed his wealth—which I guess is a credit to him. But I chose him for a reason. He’s a good man. And he has such a way with words.”
As a dreamy look seeped into Mom’s expression, worry began to prick at me. Did she actually know the man she was going to marry in only a week or did she just fall in love with his honeyed words? Was Ivan manipulating her in some way? Mom could be so trusting. But maybe I was just being paranoid. I’d need to actually be around Ivan for a while to get a good read on him.
“So when am I going to see Ivan—er, Mr. Helsburg?” I asked.
“He dropped by last night,” Mom said, blushing, “and told me that we would all eat dinner together tonight, in the main dining room.”
“Oh okay, good. It’s about time I sit down with this young man of yours and see if he’s good enough for you.” I jutted out my chin like a stern father, and I was rewarded with my mother’s smile.
Done with our breakfast, we rose from the table. I felt weird not cleaning my dish, but I had no idea where the kitchens were. I supposed some servant would swoop down from the eaves and clear it away.
Walking back through the arch, I pointed to my left. “I think I saw a library this way. Would it be okay if I checked it out?”
“Sure. I think I’m going to go back to the guest house. If I can find my way, that is.”
I grimaced. “Good luck with that.”
We went our separate ways, and I turned a corner into a room where I thought I’d seen floor-to-ceiling shelves of books through an open doorway, beckoning me. But instead I found myself in some sort of parlor room with plush settees and a grand piano.
“That’s weird,” I muttered. I went farther down the cavernous hall, my footsteps echoing off the walls, multiplying them into a steady pitter-patter.
The hairs on my arms prickled. Was that a second set of footfalls? I paused and slowly turned my head to look behind me, out of the corner of my eye.