The gesture earned her a rebuke from Tobias. “You should at least hear what I have to say,” he snapped, raising his voice. “I don’t have to do this, you know.”
She apologized, and he told her about Mitchell. She instantly felt like she’d entered into some kind of parallel dream world. It was one of the few times he’d done anything right for her. Really right.
The only worry after that was preparing for it. She’d never gone on a date—Mitchell was going to take her to an Italian restaurant on the east end of New Bagram. Apparently his dad owned the place. That added some pressure.
“You have to make a good impression,” Dolores had said. “Not just with Mitchell, but with his family.”
“They won’t actually be working at the restaurant, will they?” Sarah had asked.
“Well, no,” Janet said. “I think his cousins work there, though, and word’ll spread fast if it goes wrong or you wear something ugly.”
The morning of, she sat on her bed, trying to mentally decide on an outfit. Thinking about it proved an insurmountable task that she would have to somehow accomplish before she could open her closet. So many things could go wrong. And not simply wrong, but disastrously wrong. Even if she found a good outfit, she needed to decide on a hairstyle, makeup, perfume. So far she knew she was going in jeans with sandals. Her friends had gotten her that far. But it left a lot of room for mistakes. She could feel the fluttering in her stomach whenever she really thought hard about it.
Her friends had shown her how to properly apply makeup. But applying makeup didn’t feel like painting a picture of someone’s face. And it always tested her, the tones appearing all wrong in the mirror. Her hair was another story altogether.
“Have you picked something out yet?” her mom asked from the doorway.
Sarah glanced at the still-shut closet door.
“Oh,” her mother said.
“Am I getting too nervous about this whole thing?” Sarah asked.
She knew a lot of her classmates had already dated. Maybe not seriously dated, but even hanging out with other boys when they were twelve was something compared to her nonexistent history. She’d hung out with Johnny and Krem’s friends, but never as anything more than friends. Tobias’s reputation as a crazy old veteran generally scared off a lot of boys.
Her mom joined her on the bed.
“Well, you shouldn’t be nervous about the closet. Your selection can’t be that bad. As for this evening, try not to think too hard about it. This is only your first date.”
“Most girls have already gone on one,” Sarah said quietly, heat rising in her cheeks.
“They must not be that life changing, then. Because you’re not so different, right?” her mom smirked, all but winking.
“I guess I don’t know what Mitchell will think of me.”
“If you ask me, stay nervous. If he’s right for you, he’ll make you feel calm. You have to let him do some of the work, right?”
They exchanged a smile. Her mom patted her knee.
“Is that how you met Dad?” Sarah asked.
Her mother’s eyes displayed a flicker of sorrow, but a look of warm nostalgia replaced that. She nodded, locked in memory.
“We were at an art gallery. This had to be twenty years ago. And I was as worked up as a bottle rocket. I wasn’t quite the painter I am now. And a lot of my pictures were on display. For people to judge against other people’s art. And then your father came and said how much he enjoyed my art.”
When Sarah woke up, she felt calm and free. Like she could be back in New Bagram. Even as the hospital rooftop formed around her, the hot sun clinging to her skin, she could only think about wanting it all back. New Bagram was gone, but her mother would be enough.
She cursed at a stinging on her skin. As she sat up, she touched her cheek. Even that hurt. After surviving Anunnaki and tigers, a sunburn seemed an ironic injury.
Gritting her teeth against the discomfort, she noticed Hamiad standing at the other end of the roof. Her heart pounded at his sudden proximity to her.
“Hey,” she called to him. Had he even seen her?
A few seconds later, he turned to look at her, but she wished he hadn’t. His sharp eyes lurked with a regret that she both pitied and feared. Pitied because she couldn’t help him. Feared because she couldn’t help feeling that regret was aimed at her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked instinctively. A stupid question as soon as it came out of her mouth, given everything.
He offered more of an answer than she’d expected.
“We buried Ibdan outside of the hotel,” Hamiad said. “I went inside after. I thought I might learn something.”
He stopped, gathering his thoughts, and sighed. “I wanted some kind of closure, and I guess deep down I knew what I would find.”
With a grimace, he revealed a small dark green ring. The grenade pin. And at that, he brought the pin to her.
“To remember how courageous you could be.”
His words sunk into her like a branding iron. He knew. He knew she had faked her fear.
She took the pin, speechless, and he walked away.
“You can show your mom. Tell her you were a real hero.”
Only as he began descending the stairs did she offer a partial response.
“I wasn’t thinking when I threw that grenade,” she said.
“Exactly. The Naga’s stunning device blocks all but your subconscious. You acted on instinct.”
And he started down the stairs. He didn’t need to say that she had only pretended to be afraid. That in reality, she could’ve helped fight off the Naga, only she’d chosen to prioritize survival instead.
She hopped to her feet and ran after him.
“Hamiad,” she cried, swallowing. “I’m sorry, okay. I made my mom a promise.” And the words poured from her. “A long time ago when I tried to become a recruit, I forged her signature, and she found out. And to make it up, I promised never to fight. I couldn’t break that.”
He gave a tremble, lowered his chin. She stared at the dirt in his hair, tracing the ripples there as they seemed to distort under the sun’s glow. Expanding from waves of hair into thousands of individual strands.
“I made a promise too once,” he said impatiently. “A promise to my family. But guess what. I couldn’t keep that promise. The Anunnaki made sure of that when they firestormed New Bagram.”
He shook his head and quietly added, “Breaking a promise isn’t such a big deal.”
She thought about what he meant by all that. What was he implying? A sickening feeling welled up in her. His real family…they’d perished the same as those in New Bagram.
She plopped down on the stairs like he’d slapped her across the face. The grenade pin felt bigger than it really was in her grip. Maybe breaking a promise wasn’t a big deal to him. That was the difference in their childhoods.
Once she’d complained to Tobias, asking why she had to learn Nebirian. He immediately went off on a rant about how she was spoiled. How she had an easy life. That his teaching her Nebirian was nothing compared to what some kids went through. Was he talking about kids like Hamiad?
A few minutes later, Krem popped in.
“Sarah, what are you doing up here?” he said.
“How long was I asleep?” she asked.
“A couple hours. The caravan’s leaving soon.”
“Caravan?”
“To the train.”
“Oh.”
She didn’t have anything to collect. Zatra’s designator rested in her pocket. Her knife was still clipped to her leg, and the only other things she’d brought were Johnny’s medals and her tunic top. She didn’t know where the tunic top had ended up, and she didn’t care.
A minute later, she joined the handful of recruits and weary-looking locals at a pair of ox-driven carts. It was time to leave. Funny, she thought she would’ve been happier about it.
Chapter 18
Sarah rode in the second cart. Kathe
rine to her left, Krem to her right. Hamiad and Skunk sat in the cart ahead of them.
“Anybody want a drink?” Katherine asked, holding up a canteen. No one responded. They were an hour into the ride, and she’d asked about a dozen times. Offering water seemed to be her method of keeping sane. The sun still lingered in the sky, heat licking at every inch of Sarah’s body. But she didn’t want to accept the water. If she did, the other recruits might judge her somehow.
Then one answered Katherine. “Is it healing water?”
She hesitated. “No, you know that, Clint.”
“Then what good does it do us?”
Sarah felt sorry for Katherine. Sorry for all the ones the Ascendi had mind-controlled. Before boarding the carts, she’d seen the guards restraining two patients in their beds as one screamed, I can still hear his voice.
Sarah didn’t know if the Ascendi had really left them all or not. Aside from her being skittish, Katherine hadn’t tried to attack anyone. Sarah doubted she could cause any more damage.
An hour and a half later they emerged from the jungle and passed into paved streets. The houses looked as well built as the nicer houses in Utbashi. Hundreds of people swarmed about, sporting bags or baskets or plastic containers filled with fruits, clothes, and household wares. Everyone seemed to speak a different language, and the whole place smelled like a tangy, salty blend of herbs and spices.
The drivers dropped them off. Nine New Bagramites and eight travelers who’d been unlucky enough to be in Utbashi during a battle. They gathered on the street outside the station.
“Is everyone here?” asked a short, lazy-faced man Sarah recognized from the breakfast table with the Ascendi. Zeke. He was a well-off businessman who’d offered to pay for Sarah’s and the recruits’ tickets. Samir had explained as much before they left.
They gave a collective murmur of acknowledgment.
Zeke nodded. “This way, then.”
They entered the station together. A couple of seconds of searching, and they spotted the proper counter. Sarah almost found it comical when they reached the clerk. All seventeen of them, plus baggage.
Along the ride, Zeke had asked them their intentions—where they hoped to go. Sarah told him about the Himalayas and the town her mom had once mentioned to her. Nagarkot. His face lit up at that. It wasn’t such a hard journey, he had said. Long and tedious, but straightforward. She and Krem needed only to take the train all the way to a city north called Shimla, then hire someone to take them to Manali. From there, they could easily find guides who would escort them all the way to Nagarkot. He’d even drawn it up on a map for them.
In the back of her mind hung thoughts of Zatra’s designator. She’d find a way to get it to the Anunnaki, but first she would find her mother.
The air seemed even warmer inside the station with everyone clumped together. Zeke purchased the tickets and showed them to the platform with two tracks side by side. When Hamiad, Skunk, and Levi sat on the bench opposite them, relief flooded her insides. They must’ve decided to join her and Krem. Which meant Hamiad had forgiven her.
But then Hamiad unfolded a map.
“We’ll spend five hours on this thing. Then we get off there and hike to the base.”
She nudged Krem. “What are they talking about?”
He frowned. “Everyone got pretty heated at Ibdan’s funeral. Levi thought we should get revenge somehow. That Zeke guy said if we were interested, he’d pay us to set a few explosives around an Anunnaki base. They accepted.”
Sarah’s eyes dimmed. Maybe there would always be people willing to hire resistance fighters.
“What are they going to do after?”
“It sounded like an ongoing deal.” Krem rubbed the back of his neck. “To tell you the truth, I considered it.”
“Why?”
She could see why Hamiad would accept. First the Anunnaki forced him out of his real home, wherever that had been. Then they destroyed Bagram and tore up Utbashi. Hamiad was running out of places to live very fast. But Krem had somewhere to go.
Krem lurched back, sounding defensive. “That whole what-would-Johnny-do thing…I actually did want to be like him for a while.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re not,” Sarah said. Only she didn’t sound glad.
With a rumble, they watched the first train lurch to a halt on the track. The gust of wind caught her by surprise. Everything about it was so huge. Bigger than she could’ve imagined. Even so, dozens of people rode atop the train, hanging from the sides, and dangling out the windows. The mass of travelers at the platform shifted, and groups began boarding.
“Hey, guess this is ours,” Katherine said, coming over to them with three other recruits.
“Where are you going?” Sarah asked.
“West. There have to be other survivors from New Bagram. We might be able to find them.”
“You could still come with us,” Sarah said. And she meant it. She barely even knew Katherine or the other recruits, but somehow she was going to miss them. “I don’t think they’d check your tickets.”
“I know,” Katherine said, patting one hand over the other. “But…”
Her trailing off almost completed the thought. But I have to follow my instincts on this one.
She and Krem exchanged hugs with Katherine and the other recruits and wished them luck. Then she watched as Hamiad’s group hugged Katherine’s good-bye. Their bio teacher had taught them that humans had developed a pack spirit when it came to war. A mental will to keep everyone fighting because no one wanted to disappoint anyone else. She guessed that for Katherine’s gang the urge to find their families was so strong, it overrode that.
Hamiad’s eyes shone with the dying light of longing as Katherine’s gang boarded. All the utter pity Sarah had felt for him here and there channeled into one massive surge of sadness. Soon she would have to say good-bye to him. The idea formed a miserable hollowness in her. She needed him to be there with her. To survive as her friend.
Chapter 19
Sarah pressed her head against the window, the sun shining on her face. She thought of raising a hand or cloth for shade. She’d already been sunburned, though. What was a little extra sun? Besides, it would set soon. Disappear behind those hills. Just like Hamiad. She and Krem managed to find a cabin in the same train carriage as Hamiad, Skunk, and Levi. Not nearly close enough.
Krem fell asleep as soon as they settled into their cabin, leaving her with feelings of guilt. It was still hard to believe she’d screwed the battle up so badly. She kept trying to summon the words to get him to forgive her, but they didn’t come. And walking into his booth with no idea what to say seemed destined to fail.
She wondered if showing Hamiad the designator could change his mind. More than likely, he’d dismiss it as a trick of Zatra’s.
An older couple from Utbashi sat opposite them. Sarah noticed the man’s watch and asked the time.
“Six.”
They’d boarded after four. So if everything ran on schedule, Hamiad and the others would ditch the train in three hours. Inhaling deeply, she stared out at the stream flowing next to them and the fields with men, women, and even children still farming as cows and oxen roamed. She remembered the cow he’d attacked in Utbashi. Had that been purely a joke, or was there some deeper reason?
What if there was no helping him? If he was the kind of person who held grudges against cattle…? There was a knock on the door.
Through the glass pane, a woman appeared with a cart of fruits, candies, bottles, towels.
Sarah looked to the elder couple and shook her head. The man waved her off, and the trolley moved on.
“Anunnaki where?” Krem snapped to alertness, holding his arms out in a mock rifle-firing position.
“It’s okay,” Sarah said, then saw from the silly grin on his face that he was only playing it out. She wondered if she should get used to these kinds of jokes. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not bad,” he said. “But I’ll sleep better
when we’re with Mom.”
“Four days,” Sarah said hopefully. Zeke had estimated the time frame.
They lapsed into the roar of the train churning along the tracks. Listening to that as if it meant something more than what they could say to each other.
“There’s something I didn’t tell you. You or the others,” Sarah said, reaching into her pocket. She revealed the designator.
“That…” Krem faltered. “Does it work?”
“Zatra wanted us to take it to the Anunnaki. The ones who don’t support the Ascendi.”
“This is supposed to incriminate his coup plans somehow?”
Sarah nodded. Taking it to the Anunnaki would also delay plans to see their mom.
“Show it to Hamiad,” Krem said.
“I know, but I don’t think he’ll care.”
“Make him care. You made him care before.”
Whatever that meant. Sarah looked out the window and this time noticed all the squashed bugs. Someone’s bare feet dangled from the top.
She slid their cabin door to the side and started down the aisle. The carriage thrived on muffled chatter. If she listened, opera music competed with a fast-paced guitar song from the far end of the train.
Stopping outside Hamiad’s booth, there was only wood, no glass on the door. It was slightly ajar. She heard nothing. No talking or even laughing. What if they were asleep? Her entering wouldn’t help. It would only make them want her gone that much more. She could only hope Hamiad didn’t tell the others about her choosing to mislead them in Utbashi.
She knocked. A few seconds later, she peeked inside, and little by little she slid the door open.
Empty seats and an open window awaited her. Laughter and singing flowed through the cabin’s window from above. She sighed. Hamiad did love roofs, didn’t he?
She poked her head out. The wind made her eyes flutter, and she could feel little bits of dust smacking against her cheeks. Probably insects. Everyone else had climbed to the top, so it couldn’t be too dangerous. Then a deep gorge materialized below the tracks and made her insides do somersaults.
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