I hear Xander cough under his breath in order to hide his growl of disapproval.
Rose tries to argue but is stopped by her mother.
“I think you might be right,” she says nodding her respect to Kellan. “Addie,” she says, turning to me with a sad smile, “tonight was beautiful, and I’m sorry for the disruption and chaos that descended on your wedding day. Perhaps when this is all over, we shall join together to celebrate without all the drama.” She flicks Xander a disapproving look before turning her face and her smile back to me. “I truly hope you get the happiness you deserve. Dante,” she says, extending her hands to be received by his. “I wish you all the very best. Keep strong.”
“Thank you,” he says, trying to smile, even though it pains him.
“Thank you,” I say, hearing the note of a sob in the back of my throat. If I don’t move soon, I’m going to cry and that’s the last thing I want to do.
Kaden steps towards the door. “And on that note, I think we should head back to House Bane. There is much to sort there,” he says, looking over to Xander, his expression unreadable. “Come, brother.”
Xander remains unmoved against the wall. He doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere whilst I’m still in the room. I glance to Kellan, desperate for someone to take control of the situation.
Kellan pulls himself up and thrusts out his chin. “Yes, Kaden, I agree – that will be the best thing right now. Michael can stay as guard for Sophie and Addie, but I think the rest of you should leave,” Kellan orders.
It pains me to hear Xander ordered away from me – especially as he has only just returned, but Kellan is right, his presence here isn’t helping the situation. I can’t think straight with him being in the same room as me. I take a deep breath, and it feels like my warm breath. I feel so cold that I have no fight left in me, and I know that I’m suffering from shock. If I don’t get some sweet tea soon and a blanket to warm me up, I’m going to flake out. The very last thing I need at the minute is to be lying unconscious whilst the rest of the world decides the rest of my life. This night’s events have drained me to the point of exhaustion. I still can’t quite believe it. I lean into Dante, who hasn’t left my side. Always the rock. Solid in his love and duty of care for me. He would never leave me – not like Xander.
I look to Xander as he reluctantly pulls himself away from the wall and falls into line behind his brother. I know I should feel an uncontrollable urge to run to his side, and trust me, there is still a strong pull there, but I have it by the scruff of the neck and I’m not letting it overcome me – not like before. How many nights had I imagined our reunion? How many nights had I wished Xander to return to me so I could run to him and feel him wrap me up in his arms, his lips crushing into mine. The feeling that I would never let him go again – and now… now the realisation of everything has started to sink in. I can’t find it in myself to go to him. Especially not when Dante is still here, so full of care and loyalty. So concerned with my happiness.
“I don’t think…” Xander starts to object, narrowing his eyes at Dante, but Kellan holds up a hand to silence him.
“I think your thinking has gotten us into enough trouble for now, boy. You should be on your way with your brother.” Kellan stands firm, staring Xander down, and I’m grateful to Kellan in a way words cannot describe. It’s as if he knows the turmoil inside of me.
Xander looks to me and I offer him a small, tired nod. Kellan is right, this is his mess, and I’m going to have to clean it up – along with Kellan and Dante. I sigh as I think about how close I was to living an uncomplicated life; of being a princess and Dante being my prince. It was an idea that I had grown used to. I had allowed myself to believe that I might be happy – it was all so close. And while I would change nothing, because this, no matter how complicated, brings Xander back to me, I can’t help but wonder if Dante and I were always doomed to never have a chance to be happy together – to explore the love we found for each other without interruption. To ever be husband and wife. The thought of never being physically intimate with Dante, of never declaring and showing our love for each other in that way, adds a further layer of sadness to my emotions. I think it would have been beautiful.
Kaden, Dimitri and Xander take their leave, and Kellan walks over to Dante and I.
“You’ve been very controlled,” he says softly, taking my hand, and squeezing it affectionately.
“I know, I just…” my words trail off as my mind zips a million words a minute, but none of them are enough to explain the emotions tumbling through me.
“I understand,” he says, smiling warmly. “I will try my best to get the outcome you truly wish for – it’s the very least I owe you. But for now, even though I am sure that you are furious at me, and feel let down by my actions – or inactions, we must remain a strong united force. Difficult times are coming. Dante, I just want to say how proud I am of your conduct in the last couple of hours.” Kellan nods with respect. “You are a fine young man and it is my intention that we try and solve this tangled web of hearts and loyalties as kindly as we can.”
Dante bows his head in reply and says, “Thank you, your majesty. I just want Addie to be happy.”
As if my heart wasn’t broken and confused enough, Dante’s selflessness cracks it a little more. He truly is a good man. A man that in different circumstances, I could have loved with a full heart – but now…?
***
Duty calls, and our first stop is the council. They will have many questions, so I prepare myself for a long night.
Kellan fends off most of the councils’ questions until the morning, placating them with tales of joyous reunions and reassurances that all will be fine so that we can all sleep after such an exciting evening. Dante and I do an almost convincing job of showing a united and bound front – happy even. And although the council are scrutinising me for signs of rebellion, they seem satisfied enough when I reach out and hold Dante’s hand. I wonder if he can feel it trembling, and I wonder what he’s thinking of me as I sit there and smile lies about how Xander is no threat to our happy union. The deception makes me feel sick. I don’t want Dante to ever think less of me.
Dante walks me back to my room, holding my hand tightly. I’m not sure if he’s helping me stay standing, or if he’s not to let me go. When we get to my door, we’re both painfully aware that tonight should have been a celebration. It had been something we had been ridiculously excited about. Dante had been flirting outrageously for days, not giving in when I kissed him and stroked him, begging him to break the rules and sneak to my room with me. Ever correct, Dante had resisted all my charms, and the effect had been intoxicating. I’d woken that morning with my stomach flipping at the thought of us sharing our marriage bed, of us finally getting to know everything about each other – and now…the sadness is almost too much to bear.
Here we are, reeling from yet another curve ball. I wonder if I will ever know peace. He opens the door and leads me through, helping me take down my hair and undo the bindings of my dress. There is no joy in it. No promise of delights to come. It’s nothing more than something that needs to be done.
I float into the bathroom unseeing, going through the motions. I should be happy – beyond happy that Xander is alive.
I am.
I’m also feeling guilty about Dante, and something else, a form of anger that Xander has come back and spoiled everything. While what I feel for Dante doesn’t measure to the love I feel for Xander, I still love Dante. I can’t help that. I also know, that just as the love between Dante and I has blossomed over the time we have spent together, it would have continued to grow into something special – something unbending, something steadfast and forever. Now, I have no idea which way is up, and I’m not even sure I know what love is any more.
I prepare myself for bed and wander back to my room. Dante is still waiting for me, stood like the Royal he was trained to be, looking out of the window and over the grounds. He would make me happy, I think to
myself. He would not keep things from me. He would not leave me. I shake my head, and he turns as he hears me.
“I’m sorry. This is really awkward, but Kellan instructed me to stay in your room tonight,” he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You know,” he shrugs, “keep up the appearance that we are blissfully happy. I’ll sleep over here on the chaise.”
I hear his voice snag in his throat and I go to speak. He stops me before I start. He knows that I don’t have the sincere words at the minute and he’d rather hear nothing from me than mistruths.
“Addie, you should sleep,” he says, sitting down on the chaise, and pulling off his boots. “We have a testing few days ahead of us.”
“I know, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” I tell him with a sigh, sinking down on the end of my bed.
“Get some rest. Tomorrow we shall talk about what you want. I know your first reaction is to break our bond, to go back to him, and if that is what you truly want, I will not stand in the way. But if you want me to stay by your side, I will do that, too. Don’t think that I say you can go back to him because I don’t love you, that it doesn’t break my heart to think about it. You know I love you, and I know you love me too in your own way. We could be good together. We would be fair and just rulers. Our friendship and love would grow into much more. I know you don’t feel that burning white love I know you feel for him. I know that I am not the same as him – but I’ll fight for you, Addie, if you want me to. I said to you before that I was competing with a ghost. Now I compete with a man, a flawed man who left you in the worst way, but still, he is a tangible threat to all that we have built. To who you could be. Sleep on it. I just wanted you to know that regardless of your decision, I will support you and fight for your decision.”
I sit stunned, watching the conviction and passion in his words dictate his actions. He would make a good King. A good Husband.
“Thank you, Dante. For everything. You know I treasure you dearly. Whatever happens, I fear another part of my heart will be lost along the way. Goodnight my friend.” I say, standing, and reaching up on tip toes to plant a kiss of his cheek before heading to bed.
When I woke this morning, I never would have believed that this would be how my day would end.I look up into Dante’s eyes and I see the sadness and loss I feel inside myself. We were so close to having everything. To having each other.
I raise back up on the tips of my toes and kiss him softly. To say goodbye, I reason with myself. He kisses me back gently, tentatively, his hands resting on my hips. He pulls back from me, and I rest my forehead on his chest.
“Addie,” he whispers, and I look back up at him. “We shouldn’t…” he murmurs, but I see the longing and the want on his face. His words are nothing more than what he thinks he should say, and that makes me love him that little bit more. I’ve tried to fight how drawn to him I am, but maybe just for tonight we don’t have to.
“We could,” I sigh, “but it would be just for tonight. Just for us.” I tell him as I lean into him and kiss him again. Just for once I want to do something for us. For him. For me. I can deal with the consequences of this tomorrow, but not my regret for never knowing. No matter how much harder it will make tomorrow.
He takes my face in his hands, his kiss demanding and hungry. “I will take just tonight if it’s all I get, Addie. We can start the rest of our lives tomorrow.”
***
I woke this morning incensed and invigorated. There had to be a way to resolve everything. My father was King after all. I spent several minutes watching Dante sleep. Feelings of tenderness and care swept over me. My love for him would have grown fierce. I know that.
I decide to see father and force him to do something. Anything. However, when I arrive at the throne room, it is to find the door locked and his guards strong. Even though I do not think they would harm me, he is still their King and I am second in line. It is his orders they answer to, and I don’t relish killing any of them. In the end, I slump down against the wall and wait it out, trying to ignore their disapproving looks.
Eventually, his council are dismissed and I am finally granted an audience, although by this point, I am so raging with frustration that I can barely string two thoughts together.
“Daughter,” Kellan says, smiling, and extending his arms in welcome.
Even if he has forgotten his part to play in this complete disaster, I have not. It will take more than a good night’s sleep for me to run back into the warm embrace of my father.
“Father, you must do something. You are the King for crying out loud. I'm trying to be mature about this, I swear I am, but if what Xander says is true, and that old crow knew he was alive, I will burn her where she stands."
“Addie, that is your mother you are talking about – and although I appreciate that you are angry – and have every right to be angry, she is still your queen.”
“She’s your queen – not mine!”
“Addie, careful, what you speak is treason.”
“Trust me, I don’t care!”
"Addie, calm yourself," Xander soothes.“You’ll get nowhere with a hot head. This situation calls for intelligence and patience, not bloody and fury.”
I spin on my heel. I had not seen him lurking in the shadows. It seems he has decided that is his new place in life.
“What are you doing here?”
He doesn’t respond but flashes me a look of almost comical disbelief. He’s about to say something but a look from Kellan stops him.
“Xander and I have been talking.”
“Oh, have you indeed – and you didn’t think to invite me to the party?”
There’s a commotion at the door and eventually a guard enters informing Kellan that Dante has requested an audience.
“Show him in,” Kellan says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I guess one more won’t hurt.”
Dante emerges, looking somewhat hassled. He stops mid stride when he sees that both Xander and I are already with Kellan.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I had hoped to find you alone.”
Kellan waves his apology aside and sighs. “What is it, Dante?”
Dante looks to me briefly before clearing his throat. "I just wanted to say that I really don’t wish to cause Addie any unhappiness, and to ask if there is any way of undoing the ceremony? Our marriage has not been consummated, so as far as the terms of a legal Fae marriage, the bond was never sealed."
I wince at me lie, and I feel Xander stiffen as he catches it. I look to him and he looks like he is chewing a mouthful of wasps, then back to Dante, stood small in front of my father’s throne. It is with a mixture of sadness and thanks. My heart, while full of anger at the betrayal of my mother, aches for Dante's sweetness. I know he holds no grudge towards Xander or I for the situation we all find ourselves in, and it makes me even sadder that he is the one to be so hurt in all of this. After last night, I know he would sacrifice himself for me and my happiness.
“Thank you, Dante,” Kellan says, smiling. “You are a man of noble heart.”
I wonder whether Xander notes the sense of criticism of him that comes with the praise of Dante.
“I am not surprised that my daughter chose you above all the others.”
I see Xander’s jaw tighten and his knuckles turn white with quiet rage.
“We need this situation resolving and as quick as possible – obviously, that has been made harder by the absence of your mother, Addie,” Kellan explains. "I really need to confront her in front of Xander, and the council, so she has opportunity to explain it to us all. The oath needs to be indisputable, and then we can work from there.”
"Yes, that would be great, if we had any idea where she was! Surely her absence is confirmation enough of her betrayal!" I protest. The frustration I feel teases the power of my demon as she tries to seep out of the box I keep it in.
Xander seems to sense her emergence and has shifted position. I can feel his eyes boring into me. The whole atmosphere in the room has sh
ifted.
“Addie, please. I need you to calm down. This is not a normal situation, in any sense of the word. I need you to keep your cool. The council still need to convene again. If you do anything rash, they could veto my decision. We have never faced a situation such as this. It is already very likely that I will be opposed fully, and will not have the power in the eyes of our laws to overturn the bond. I need you to be very open to the fact that this might not be able to be undone.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to centre myself, I can feel the darkness rising, the darkness that I’ve worked so hard to lock away in the fortress I have built inside of me. It’s so close to breaking free.
“What is it you suggest we do until we can find my mother?” I ask.
“For now, Addie, your people need you. You still have duties to attend to, and you still have Sophie to care for. She has been asking for you all day.
“So there is much to occupy your mind.” He smiles at me sadly. “In the meantime, Dante, we will get the quarters next to Addie’s room made up for you. That way, you can use the interconnecting door and keep the illusion that you are conducting yourselves as man and wife. Sleeping on a chaise isn’t the best night’s sleep,” he says with a small snort.
“But isn’t that going against our best way out of the marriage,” I say, feeling a stab of guilt when I see Dante flinch. “The fact that our marriage has not been consummated is our best bet – how is Dante being seen to be sleeping in my room helping that?”
Kellan sighed heavily. “As far as the community is concerned, Dante is our Prince, your husband, until we tell them otherwise. The illusion of your relationship with my daughter must be upheld, and because of that, Xander, you must return to House Bane, as far away from Addie as possible. I suggest you join the hunt for my wife. I know your brother, Kaden and his second, Celeste are already co-ordinating it with Dimitri. The choice is yours as to whether you go on the hunt or not. I’m sure you must have a lot of your own affairs to tidy.”
Rapture (The Immortal Chronicles Book 4) Page 2