"Why did you bring me here?" she said in a wavering voice that sounded on the verge of actual tears.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"Was this all just a game to you?" she continued, her tone turning fierce and vehement now as her dark eyes glittered. "To use me?"
"Use you?" I blurted out as I stood, her tone immediately putting me on the defensive. Why would she think that? "What the fuck are you talking about? Use you for what?"
"For the sex," she replied in an almost frantic tone as she stood and glared up at me.
"Is that really what you think?" I asked sharply, starting to get angry now. Is that the kind if man she truly thought I was? The thought hurt more than I cared to admit.
"That's why you suggested this whole arrangement, isn't it?"
I scowled down at her. "I'm pretty sure that if you hadn't come to Calder, and under false pretenses I might add, that I wouldn't have had to suggest an arrangement of any kind, now would I?" I snarled out with a biting sarcastic edge. "If anything, you're using me."
"Yeah, right," she shot back caustically. "Tell me this wasn't just some sick depraved way to get what you wanted from me, for the high you can get out of it." Her choice of the word "high" made me still in foreboding, even as she continued her scornful tirade. "For a way to play at being a cop since you couldn't be one yourself."
It was my turn to flinch. I gaped at her as I jerked back a step. What the fuck? How did she know that? How could she possibly know that? And then dawning realization struck me like a fucking sucker punch. She ran a background check on me. She knew everything, and instead of the shame or disappointment that I was afraid she'd feel, I'd gotten something even worse. Disgust and judgmental contempt. Instead of asking me about it, this woman, who I'd begun to think actually felt something for me, was throwing it in my face like a fucking weapon. How could I have been so naive to trust her? How could I have been so stupid to think there could be something more between us?
"You...you did a background check on me," I stammered out in stunned shock.
A flash of guilt crossed her features, but it was quickly shuttered by anger. "I did," she replied as she straightened indignantly. "I needed to know what kind of man I'd gotten involved with, and now I know."
Nothing of the man I'd shown her I was over the last few weeks suddenly mattered anymore. Nothing of the trust I thought we'd forged mattered now either. All she saw now was the drug-addicted loser, the fuck-up. I was being judged for a past I'd fought so hard to leave behind, a past that even my own parents had never let me live down. But from Lu, it hurt ten times worse. The betrayal twisted in my gut like a hot jagged blade. I'd felt pain before, from my broken femur and from the opiate withdrawals when I was getting clean, but I'd never felt a pain like this. It hurt so fucking bad. It ripped and tore me apart inside, leaving a bleeding gaping wound in its wake, and I lashed out in retaliation.
"Well, then you know every-fucking-thing there is to know about me now," I snarled back. "I guess anything I told you about my past, if you'd bothered to ask me instead of digging it up behind my back, doesn't matter to you. The nine hard-won years of sobriety that I've fought for don't matter to you." My voice was shaking now as I fought to hold it together as my control began to fray apart. "The man you've gotten to know these past few weeks, and the feelings he was starting to have for you, don't fucking matter to you either."
Lu's face instantly paled with that last sentence, her eyes widening as her anger melted away into a horrified and guilty expression. Too little, too late, babe. How did I ever think setting foot in this club as a member again would lead to anything good? I couldn't believe I trusted some crazy bitch not to screw me over again, after being burned by another one three years ago in this very club. This time it was even worse since my heart had taken the hit instead of my pride. I'd been right all along that without trust this place was a fucking joke, and now I knew that love was a fucking joke too.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I didn't want to hear one more damn thing she had to say.
"Fuck you, Lu," I cut her off viciously. "Fuck. You. I'm outta here."
Then I immediately spun on my heels and stalked away, the need to get the fuck away from Lu as fast as possible hastening my steps. I ignored her forlorn voice calling out my name behind me as I walked out of the club for what I swore would be the very last time.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FOUR
____________________
Lu
I watched in startled shock as Scott whirled and swiftly walked away. "Scott!" I cried out pathetically, but he ignored me. I took a few steps after him, but his broad shoulders were already pushing their way into the throng of people before I could stop him. "Scott, wait!" I called out again as I surged forward, intent on squeezing through after him, but he had already disappeared from sight and was gone. I stumbled to a wobbling halt in my sky-high heels. There was no way I'd catch up with him now, even if I knew which way he was leaving the club.
I just stood there on the edge of the crowd, shattering apart inside as guilt and shame ate a hole in me, gnawing away painfully at my heart and soul. I closed my eyes and all I could see inside my mind was the anger, the betrayal, and above all else the raw pain in Scott's vivid blue eyes. I'd seen that exact same pain in them when he was being insulted and degraded by his own parents last night. And now, I was no better than them.
My eyes burned as tears welled up to blur my vision, tumbling unchecked down my cheeks and dripping from my chin. I somehow wandered back over to the sofa I'd been sitting on just a few moments ago, and dropped onto it. I hunched forward and buried my face in my hands, my soft sobs drowned out by the dance music that continued throbbing tauntingly all around me.
What have I done? My God, what the fuck have I done?
Scott had feelings for me, just like I had for him, and I'd fucked everything up. I judged him for things he'd done almost a decade ago and believed second hand information from a woman who didn't even know Scott through a creepy little weasel who obviously despised him. I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him about any of it. I was so afraid of my own feelings for Scott that I lashed out and hurt him instead, just so I could push him away. Scott wasn't a monster. No, I was the monster here.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
Pain lanced through my chest with a squeezing sensation, along with a strangling and choking feeling in my throat that made it hard to breath, as wrenching sobs tore through my body. I couldn't think or move past it. I lost track of everything around me as I was swept away by the overwhelming weight of my emotions for God knew how long.
I was finally pulled out of my self-torment when a comforting hand fell gently on my shoulder out of nowhere. I startled and jerked my head up, half thinking that Scott had come back to me, only to find Mistress Nadasdy looking down at me with surprisingly sympathetic eyes. Vinnie was standing just behind her with his head bowed respectfully, and his hands clasped together in front of himself.
"I saw your master leaving the club," she said as she sat next to me.
Vinnie immediately dropped down to kneel on the floor at his mistress' feet. She ignored him, so I did too. At least with her around, he wouldn't act like an asshole again.
"He looked...upset," she continued, her hand moving in a soothing circle. "Are you alright, my dear?"
Shame heated my face since I hated crying in front of people. I merely shook my head. I wasn't getting into any details with her about what just happened, but it was plain to anyone looking that I was definitely not alright.
"Sometimes the truth can be a bitter pill to swallow," she simply said with a frown.
I nodded this time. Yeah, the truth that I'm an idiot. I wished they would just go away and leave me to my pain and grief. I'd like to think it was partly both their faults, but they'd merely given me a handy excuse to do what my subconscious obviously wanted all along, to push away the only man I'd ever cared about. I felt my lips
quiver, and feared losing it again.
She pulled her hand away from my shoulder as she began absently running the fingers of her other hand through Vinnie's thick black hair. He leaned against her and put his head on her knee, his eyes closing with a dreamy expression.
"I'm very sorry," Nadasdy said with a sincere expression. "Is there anything I can do for you? Perhaps give you a ride somewhere?"
"N...no," I replied in a quavering voice as I realized that Scott had left me stranded here. It was less than I deserved. "I can get myself home some other way."
"The club understandably frowns upon cabs and Ubers being called here due to privacy issues," she explained. "Truly, it would be no trouble for me to take you home."
I frowned as I looked back and forth between Nadasdy and Vinnie. I guess my only other option was to walk further down the street to be picked up, but it was late, and I wasn't even armed, let alone trying to walk that far on my impractical heels. I really didn't have much choice if I wanted to get the hell out of here.
"Okay," I said in weary resignation.
She nodded once and turned her intense dark eyes on Vinnie.
"Vincent," she said sternly. "I want you to go and have the Lincoln brought around by the valets."
"Yes, Mistress," he replied as he rose to his feet. His smokey-blue eyes fixed excitedly on me for just a second, then shifted to give Nadasdy a brief adoring look before he turned and hurried away to obey her. Strange. He really was a different man when she was around. It made me feel a little better about climbing into a vehicle with the creepy fucker.
Nadasdy rose gracefully to her feet, towering over me, even after I stood to follow her. Her steps were sure and dignified as I hurried to keep up in her wake since her legs were so much longer than mine. She looked every inch the Domme she was as we made our way toward Désir Dangereux's front doors. By the time we'd gathered our coats from the coat check window and walked outside, Vinnie was already standing expectantly by the driver's side of a deep burgundy Lincoln MKT. As we approached, Vinnie opened the door of the high end SUV for his mistress.
"Please ride up front with me, my dear," she insisted, and I hurried around the vehicle to climb in. I didn't care where I sat as long as I got this uncomfortable drive over with, so I could go home and wallow in my pain alone.
Vinnie got into the back as I buckled my seatbelt and admired the luxuriant leather interior of the Lincoln. Nadasdy must be a very successful psychiatrist to have this kind of money. I glanced back at Vinnie as Nadasdy pulled the car away from the curb. He was staring at me with a strange intensity that creeped me the hell out.
"Eyes to yourself, Vincent," she snapped out sharply, shooting a brief glare at him through the rear-view mirror as she drove.
"Yes, Mistress," he replied and immediately jerked his gaze down to his lap.
I faced forward again just as she asked me for my address. I told her and then silence descended on the car's interior. She must have sensed that I wasn't in the mood to chit chat after my disaster of a night, and I appreciated her thoughtfulness. I stared ahead unseeing through the windshield as heartache and despair fell heavily on me again. It was all I could do to keep from weeping pathetically. I didn't want to cry again, and certainly not here. I sighed and rubbed at my eyes, as a few tears managed to sneak out, and wondered how bad my makeup looked by now. I must look like a complete hot mess.
Nadasdy reached into the center console next to her, pulled out a small package of tissues, and handed them wordlessly to me. I nodded and took it from her, then pulled one out to dab at my burning watery eyes.
"Vincent," she said. "Please grab a water for our guest."
"That's okay," I said. "I'm good." I glanced back to see Vinnie already opening the center console between the passenger seats. It was a built-in cooler filled with little half bottles of water.
"Nonsense," Nadasdy replied. "You've been crying, and you're only going to get a headache if you don't drink something."
Vinnie didn't wait for my reply, and pulled a water out. He twisted it open and held it out to me with an oddly giddy smirk that annoyed me. Weirdo. I glared at him, but took it from him since she had a point. I already had a dry mouth and the first stirrings of a headache.
I raised the bottle to my lips and took a small sip. The water felt cool and soothing to my raw dry throat as it went down, and I realized just how thirsty I really was. I knocked it back again, and this time chugged most of its contents before lowering it from my mouth, already feeling a little better.
I glanced over to see Nadasdy nodding in satisfaction as I set the bottle in one of the cup holders sitting between us.
"Thank you," I told her with a small smile that was all I could muster in my current emotional state.
"You're welcome, my dear," she said with a single nod.
I really did appreciate her thoughtfulness, but to be honest, her kindness tonight was completely unexpected and surprising. She didn't strike me as a touchy feely kind of person, since she seemed so formidable and intimidating the few times that I'd been around her. I guess you couldn't judge people by their appearance, or by their pasts for that matter, either. That thought had pain crashing down on me as Scott's hurt and angry expression popped into my mind again. Tears blurred my vision once more tonight, and I turned toward the passenger window as I tried to shove my emotions back down.
A few minutes passed in silence as I fought to get a hold of myself. When I'd finally won the battle, I turned to look out the windshield just as a sudden wave of dizziness hit me out of no where, to swirl around nauseatingly through my belly. What the fuck? My limbs were starting to feel heavy and numb too, like limp weights attached to my body as an almost euphoric sensation of relaxation began to fall over me. I opened my mouth to say that something was wrong with me, but a garbled and unintelligible jumble came out instead.
I heard a low masculine laugh coming from somewhere behind me that oozed with a vile and gleeful satisfaction, followed by an equally disturbing and smug feminine laugh somewhere to my left. I tried to turn in my seat to see who was laughing at me since I couldn't remember who I was with, let alone where I was anymore, but my body wouldn't do what I wanted. Fuck, I couldn't even move. I felt this strange floating disassociation that swept over me and left me confused, disoriented, and above all else helpless. Terror rose up inside me, and I only had enough time for one last coherent thought before I was pulled under into black empty nothingness.
Holy fuck, I've been drugged.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-FIVE
____________________
Scott
I was seated across a low coffee table from Calder on a low gray sofa in his office at R&C LTD as I finished telling him what happened with Lu tonight. I'd driven straight here after leaving Désir Dangereux since I was so agitated and knew a drug craving wouldn't be far behind, and I was right. Even now, my stomach was in knots, and nervous energy seemed to skitter across my skin making my hands shake, and my knees jiggle uncontrollably. I clenched my hands into fists to try to stop it, but my nerves were shot and the shaking just got worse.
Calder's piercing blue eyes glanced briefly down at my hands and knees, his already forbidding frown deepening. He leaned forward in his cream club chair. "Breathe, Scott," he said in a calming tone. "Breathe."
That was when I realized that I was holding my breath, and I sucked in a much-needed gasp of air. I couldn't remember the last time I had cravings this bad for two nights in a row, and it was fucking exhausting. Maybe that was a sign that what happened with Lu tonight was a good thing. Maybe I was better off without her. I wanted to ignore the pang in my heart that said that thought was utter bullshit, and I knew it.
How did she get under my skin so much in just a few short weeks? How did her loss now feel like a piece of my heart had been ripped out? We barely knew each other, and now look at me. I was a fucking basket case. How was that even possible? Now I was gulping for air as my breathing turned fast an
d erratic.
"Slow it down," Calder continued in an even soothing tone. "One breath at a time, nice and easy."
"Okay," I panted out.
I focused on his face to see a deep worried furrow on his brow, and nodded at his words. It took a few moments, but after several deep breaths, I got a handle on myself again. It was a good thing. I needed to chill and keep a grip on myself because Calder was going to want me to dissect everything I'd just told him and how I felt about it, so he could help me work through what triggered my craving. It wouldn't be pleasant, but I needed that from him, and he knew it. As a recovering addict himself, Calder understood exactly what I was going through, and what I needed to deal with it. Even though he wasn't big on talking about serious shit like this, he still did this for me every time I needed him. I loved him for it, and for always being there for me. The man really was my brother in every way but blood.
"I'm okay now," I said in a raspy voice.
Calder nodded and opened his mouth to speak, when my phone began ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at it, then scowled when I saw that it was Lu's name on the screen. I lifted my other hand to send it to voice mail.
"Answer it," Calder cut in pointedly.
I glared up at him. Was he nuts?
"From the look on your face, that's obviously Lu, and you should answer it," he continued. "You don't want to look back on this years from now and have regrets that you didn't do everything you could to make it work." He pressed his hands together and gave me a serious expression. "Ella still carries guilt over the twelve years we lost because she was afraid and ran instead of talking to me about it. Believe me, you don't want that eating at you, brother. Maybe she's just afraid. And if that's true, then she's brave enough to reach out to you despite that fact. You should be brave enough to reach out too. Right?" He nodded toward my still ringing phone. "Talk to her."
Tempting Calm Waters_A Blood Brothers Standalone_Book 2 Page 28