Of course, if school administrators anywhere are doing their jobs, then they should kick out, or at least suspend with required remediation, kids who are bullies. Children should have to take responsibility for their actions, and endure consequences. Then, perhaps, things would not escalate as they all too tragically do and did. But back then, as we repeatedly saw, administrators (and parents) tended to look the other way, or wash their hands, of bullying. We hope that Columbine, which is part of our school district, has changed that.
So, negative things that happened to us and our kids appear in disguised form when Goldy’s son Arch is at Elk Park Prep. With Goldy’s voice in my head, I could tap into all kinds of dark energy.
Let’s take the time Jim and I were at a parent get-together that was billed as “an informal meeting over wine and appetizers to discuss college counseling.” The country-club parents came with their talons extended. We never dressed up enough for these events, but we went anyway. After all, we were spending a lot of (borrowed) money to send our child to the school, and one of the supposed perks was the vaunted college counseling program.
One mother looked down from where she towered over me in her very high heels. She took in my clothes and sniffed. She said, “Our other son is at Columbia.”
I said, “Oh?”
She said, “That’s in New York.”
And of course the Goldy voice in my head said, “I thought it was in South America.” (This line was later stolen and appeared in a movie, the title for which I have conveniently forgotten.)
One tidbit I picked up along the way was that the country-club parents were deeply offended that Stanford never sent a representative to the school to drum up enthusiasm for applications. I think Stanford is doing the right thing. As has been well documented, many selective schools will lead high school seniors to believe they can get into their university. These recruiters will whip kids into a frenzy to apply. In fact, those universities are using these kids, the great majority of whom they will reject, as a way to inflate their acceptance rate statistics.
But what was really distressing was seeing how a class—and I witnessed this repeatedly—that had been made up of friends, disintegrated under the competitive pressure of Who Is Going Where, or even, Who Is Applying Where. This is how I came up with the first line for The Cereal Murders: “I’d kill to get into Stanford.”
I wrote the book. But before sending it to my editor, I had to test out my Killer Competition hypothesis. So I scooted down to a Denver meeting of college admissions deans. I put the manuscript in the hands of the director of admission at Stanford, and said if he had any problems, please to let me know. (I never heard from him.)
At that same Denver meeting, though, I heard an anecdote that actually proved my hypothesis, although not in the life-or-death terms of my story. During one of the breaks, I talked with the dean of admissions at Bowdoin. (Yes, some are called directors, some are called deans. It probably won’t help your child’s case if she addresses her letters to the Chief Gatekeeper.) When I told the very kind man from Bowdoin what I was writing about, he responded with a story: When he’d previously been dean of undergraduate admissions at Duke, his office had received a letter from a highly valued applicant from a high school in Texas. In her letter, she said that she had changed her mind, and asked that her application to Duke be withdrawn.
His office wrote back a pro forma letter thanking the young woman for her communication withdrawing her application. Duke was sorry to lose her as an applicant, but wished her all success in her academic career.
A week later, the dean received a frantic call from the college counselor at the applicant’s high school. She said, “That young woman never withdrew her application to Duke. Please send us the letter your office received, so we can analyze the handwriting and find out who did.”
As you’ve no doubt guessed, the letter had been written by a classmate who was also applying to Duke.
My editor loved the anecdote and the story. As they say at Stanford, “Q.E.D., baby.”
Jailbreak Potatoes
—PRIME CUT—
This became another family favorite. I will sometimes use half grated Gruyère and half grated Parmesan.
4 large russet (baking) potatoes
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
½ cup heavy (whipping) cream
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon or more white pepper
½ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F. Scrub and prick each potato 3 or 4 times (in the center of one side) with a fork. Bake the potatoes for 1 hour, or until flaky. Remove from the oven and cool slightly. (Leave the oven on. Butter a rimmed baking sheet.)
2. In a large bowl, with an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, measure in the butter, cream, salt, pepper, and Parmesan. Using a sharp knife, cut the flat top side of each potato (where you pricked it) at a 45-degree angle to remove an oval of skin. (Visualize cutting out the top of a pumpkin.) Using a spoon, scoop most of the potato out of the interior into the bowl with the other ingredients. Leave a thin layer of potato inside the skin. Scrape the potato from the back of the removed ovals of potato skin into the bowl.
3. Whip the potato mixture until smooth. Taste and correct the seasoning.
4. Dividing the whipped potato mixture evenly, spoon it back into the skins. Place the stuffed potatoes on the baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes, or until the filling is thoroughly heated.
Makes 4 servings
Slumber Party Potatoes
—PRIME CUT—
Yes, back in the day I actually used to make these for our kids’ slumber parties. (I also asked the kids to do taste tests. They would carefully bite into cookies and vote on 3 x 5 cards for “Cookie A,” “Cookie B,” or “Cookie C” to see what recipe would go in whatever book I was writing.) To make these potatoes vegetarian, leave out the bacon and use vegetable bouillon.
4 large russet (baking) potatoes
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon vegetable or chicken bouillon granules
1½ cups milk, preferably whole
1 cup grated Cheddar cheese
1 pound fresh broccoli, stalks discarded, separated into florets, lightly steamed
1 pound thick-sliced bacon, cooked until crisp, drained, and chopped
1. Preheat the oven to 400˚F.
2. Scrub and prick the potatoes in 3 or 4 places with a fork. Bake them for about 1 hour, or until flaky.
3. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, melt the butter over low heat. Stir in the flour and cook and stir just until the mixture bubbles, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the bouillon granules, stir, and then gently whisk in the milk. Cook and stir constantly over medium heat until the sauce thickens, about 10 minutes. Add the Cheddar and stir until it melts, 2 to 3 minutes.
4. Split each of the hot potatoes in half lengthwise and place them on a platter. Place the steamed broccoli florets and chopped bacon into bowls. Pour the cheese sauce into a large gravy boat. Diners serve themselves assembly-line style, ending with the cheese sauce.
Makes 4 to 8 servings
Penny-Prick Potato Casserole
—STICKS AND SCONES—
Even though it sounds like an ancient segment from The Tonight Show—“Sounds Dirty but Isn’t”—Penny Prick was a game actually played in Ye Olde Englande. Gamers placed halfpence on sticks, then cast pieces of iron at them. If you knocked off a coin, you got to keep it. A different skill set from winning at Grand Theft Auto, for sure.
2½ pounds Yukon Gold potatoes (6 medium or 12 small)
1 small garlic bulb or ½ large garlic bulb
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
½ cup milk, preferably whole (or more as needed)
½ cup heavy (whipping) cream
1 cup freshly grated fontina cheese
⅓ cup freshly grated Parmesan ch
eese
½ teaspoon salt, or to taste
¼ teaspoon white pepper, or to taste
1. Preheat the oven to 350˚F. Butter a 9 x 13-inch baking pan.
2. In a large saucepan, bring a large quantity of salted spring water to a boil. Place the potatoes in the boiling water and cook over medium-high heat until fork-tender, about 40 minutes.
3. While the potatoes are cooking, cut a piece of foil into an 8-inch square. Quickly rinse the garlic bulb under cold running water and pat it dry. Place the bulb in the middle of the foil square and carefully pour the olive oil over it. Bring up the corners of the foil and twist to make a closed packet. Place the packet on a pie plate or rimmed baking sheet. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes, or until the garlic cloves are soft but not browned. Using oven mitts, carefully open the packet, remove the garlic bulb with tongs so it can cool, and reserve the olive oil.
4. When the garlic cloves are cool, squeeze them from their skins into a mini food processor. Process the garlic until it is a paste.
5. Drain the potatoes and place them in a large bowl. Add the garlic paste, reserved olive oil, butter, milk, cream, cheeses, salt, and pepper. Using an electric mixer, beat until creamy and well combined. If the mixture seems dry, add a little more milk. Scrape the potato mixture into the baking pan. (If you are not going to bake the casserole immediately, allow it to cool, then cover it with plastic wrap and refrigerate for up to 8 hours.)
6. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes (10 or 15 minutes longer if the casserole has been refrigerated), until hot through and slightly browned on top. Test for doneness by scooping out a small spoonful from the middle of the casserole and tasting it.
Makes 4 servings
Prudent Potatoes au Gratin
—SWEET REVENGE—
Jim is a muscled athlete with an extremely low body mass index. But you wouldn’t know it from learning this is his favorite potato dish.
½ tablespoon unsalted butter
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 cups very thinly sliced yellow onions (about 1 large onion)
½ pound Gruyère cheese, grated
½ pound Comté or fontina cheese, grated
½ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
4 pounds russet (baking) potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh sage
1 teaspoon coarse sea salt or kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 cups heavy (whipping) cream
1. In a large sauté pan, melt the butter with the oil over medium-low heat. Add the onion, reduce the heat to low, and cook, stirring frequently, until the onion is very limp and has caramelized without burning, 15 to 25 minutes. Be sure to cook until the onion has completely changed color. Set the pan aside.
2. Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 375˚F. Butter a 9 x 13-inch glass baking dish.
3. In a bowl, toss together the grated cheeses.
4. Place a layer of sliced potatoes in the baking dish, followed by a scattering of the cooked onions. Sprinkle on a layer of cheese, then sprinkle on some of the sage. Continue to layer until you have used up the potatoes, onions, cheese, and sage. End with a layer of cheese.
5. In a bowl, stir the salt and pepper into the heavy cream and pour slowly over the potato mixture so as not to disturb the cheese topping. Bake for 1 to 1½ hours, until the potatoes are very tender and the top is golden brown.
Makes 8 to 12 servings
Party Apples
—DOUBLE SHOT—
These are wonderful on their own, or if you’re not going the vegetarian route, they can accompany any kind of pork dish.
6 Granny Smith apples
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, divided
½ cup packed dark brown sugar
½ cup Cognac
1. Core, peel, and slice the apples as you would for a pie. In a large skillet or Dutch oven, melt 4 tablespoons of the butter over medium-low heat. Add the apple slices and cook and stir until they begin to soften, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove them to a bowl.
2. Melt the remaining 4 tablespoons butter in the pan over medium-low heat and add the brown sugar, stirring until the sugar dissolves.
3. Remove the pan from the heat to avoid igniting the Cognac. Add the Cognac to the butter mixture, stir it in, and return the pan to the stove. Cook this mixture over medium heat until it begins to boil. Boil for 4 minutes, stirring constantly.
4. Reduce the heat to medium. Carefully return the apples to the pan. Keeping the heat on medium, stir frequently until the apples are hot. Either serve immediately or cool and briefly reheat at serving time.
Makes 4 to 6 servings
Goldy’s Marvelous Mayonnaise
—CATERING TO NOBODY—
This isn’t technically a side dish; it’s a sauce. But you can serve it with sliced fresh vegetables, with steamed green beans or broccoli, or in any salad calling for mayonnaise.
1 large egg
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
½ teaspoon mustard powder
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup safflower or extra-virgin olive oil
1. In a food processor, combine the egg, lemon juice, vinegar, mustard, and salt and process until well blended, 30 to 40 seconds.
2. Place the oil in a small pitcher. With the processor running, dribble the oil into the egg mixture in a thin stream. When all the oil has been added, turn off the processor and scrape the mayonnaise into a small bowl that can be tightly covered. Keep the mixture chilled. It is best to use homemade mayonnaise within 24 hours.
Makes 1 cup
Wild Man’s Rice Salad
—CATERING TO NOBODY—
My brother, Bill Mott, taught me the trick of soaking wild rice overnight before cooking. Thus ended many years of cooking wild rice for hours and still ending up with chewy kernels.
½ cup raw wild rice
Spring water, for soaking
2 cups vegetable or chicken stock
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 tablespoon tarragon vinegar
½ teaspoon Dijon mustard, or more to taste
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 scallions, finely chopped (including tops)
3 radishes, diced
1 small tomato, seeded, diced, and drained
⅓ cup peeled diced jicama
1 cup baby spinach, well washed and drained, plus more for lining the platter
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1. The night before you are to serve the salad, thoroughly rinse the rice, place it in a glass bowl, and completely cover the grains with spring water. Allow the rice to soak overnight. The next morning, carefully drain the rice in a sieve.
2. In a large saucepan, bring the stock to a boil and add the rice. Cover the pan and immediately reduce the heat to the lowest setting. Allow the rice to cook, covered, for 45 minutes at sea level and for 1 hour to 1¼ hours at high altitudes, or until the kernels have puffed and taste done (i.e., they are not chewy or hard). Drain the rice and measure it. You should have between 1¾ and 2 cups cooked rice. Spread the wild rice out on two plates to cool completely. For the salad, the grains must be dry and cool. Pat the rice dry with paper towels, if necessary.
3. In a small bowl, combine the mayonnaise, vinegar, and mustard, and whisk well. Add the oil in a thin stream, whisking all the while, until you have a smooth, blended dressing.
4. In a medium bowl, gently combine the cool wild rice with the scallions, radishes, tomato, jicama, and spinach. Pour the dressing over this mixture and mix very gently. Taste and correct the seasoning with the salt and pepper. Chill for at least 2 hours before serving.
5. Turn out onto a small platter that you may line with spinach leaves, if desired. The salad must be consumed the day it is made; it does not keep well.
Makes 4 to 6 servings
New Potato Salad
—DYIN
G FOR CHOCOLATE—
This dish was a particular favorite of my mother's. I would make it when our family would visit Charlottesville, Virginia, in the summer.
12 new red potatoes, unpeeled
About ¾ cup best-quality mayonnaise, preferably homemade (here)
¼ cup heavy (whipping) cream (or more, if needed)
2 garlic cloves, very finely minced
2 teaspoons snipped fresh dill
½ teaspoon salt
White pepper
1. In a saucepan of boiling spring water, cook the potatoes just until tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Drain and let cool, then quarter the potatoes.
2. In a small bowl, thin the mayonnaise slightly with cream. Add the garlic, dill, salt, and white pepper to taste. Taste the mixture and correct the seasoning.
3. In a large bowl, toss the potatoes with the mayonnaise mixture. If the potatoes are not completely covered with the mayonnaise mixture, thin another ¼ cup mayonnaise with 1 tablespoon of whipping cream, and mix it in. Cover tightly with plastic wrap. Chill well, preferably overnight in the refrigerator.
Makes 4 servings
Schulz’s Guacamole Salad
—DYING FOR CHOCOLATE—
This is a great dish to take to potlucks, especially when you know people are bringing Tex-Mex foods. I invariably end up doubling the recipe. Note that the dressing does indeed have to be made at serving time, and the crushed corn chips sprinkled on just before serving. But it’s worth it, and the bowl you took to the potluck will look as if it’s been licked clean.
Goldy's Kitchen Cookbook Page 7