One time, I had agreed to meet the boys for lunch at the base of Copper Mountain. From behind, I heard a loud whoosh whoosh whoosh and a hollered “Look out! Look out! Look out!” Then I was hit from behind, from higher on the hill, by a snowboarder.
I went airborne, then down hard. I couldn’t move.
Remember that rule, Yield to the downhill skier? This fellow hadn’t done that.
Skiers gathered around me, concerned. My skis had popped off my boots. This was before cell phones, so someone said they were going for the Ski Patrol. I was embarrassed and slowly rolled over. Two skiers had released their skis and were kneeling next to me. One looked into my eyes and asked if I was okay. I was sort of seeing double, my knee was killing me, and I gagged on an answer.
The snowboarder, meanwhile, leaned over me and said, “Get up, bitch.”
This is when you know you have another book.
And what does the mystery writer say to that snowboarder?
You are so dead.
Snowboarders’ Pork Tenderloin
—TOUGH COOKIE—
This is our family’s favorite pork recipe. All of our sons, now old enough to cook as well as ski, make it. My brother Bill came up with the idea to grill the tenderloin, and that’s a great way to make it, too. Be sure to use a meat thermometer. Tenting all pork, chicken, or beef with foil after it comes out of the oven or off the grill allows the juices to reabsorb. We like this pork with cinnamon-flavored applesauce.
2½ pounds pork tenderloin (2 tenderloins)
½ cup Dijon mustard
¼ cup best-quality dry red wine
¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon pressed garlic (4 large or 6 small cloves crushed through a press)
1 tablespoon dried thyme, crushed
½ bay leaf
½ teaspoon sugar
¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1. Trim fat and silver skin from tenderloins. Pat dry and set aside. Place all the other ingredients in a glass baking dish and whisk together well. Place tenderloins in the dish, turn them to coat with the marinade, cover the pan with plastic wrap, and place in the refrigerator for at least 6 hours or up to overnight.
2. Thirty minutes before you plan to roast the pork, remove the tenderloins from the refrigerator to come to room temperature.
3. Preheat the oven to 400˚F. Using a roasting pan with a rack, line the bottom of the pan with foil (this makes cleanup easier) and place the tenderloins on the rack. Roast the tenderloins for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a meat thermometer inserted in one of them registers 140˚F. Do not overcook the pork. Remove from the oven, tent the pork with foil, and let sit 10 to 15 minutes before slicing. The center should still be pink when served.
Makes 6 to 8 servings
Party Pork Chops
—DOUBLE SHOT—
I’m aware that osmosis and diffusion may be words you haven’t heard since high school science, but they’re important for cooking pork (and poultry, but we’ll get to that). During the whole low-fat craze, pigs were bred to be lower in fat. And guess what? That meant that you could no longer fry a pork chop, much less roast a porkloin, without brining it first. With no fat in the meat to moisturize it as it cooked, you got shoe leather. But by brining using salt and spring water, the pork absorbs moisture (osmosis), which penetrates the meat (diffusion). My preference is away from adding herbs and spices to a brine, because I think they just make the meat taste vaguely seasoned. Very vaguely. But sugar in the brine gives the finished dish a lovely, delicious crust. Serve the chops with Party Apples (here) or (our kids’ favorite) cinnamon applesauce.
4 pork chops, preferably bone-in, 1 inch thick
Brine:
5 cups spring water
¼ cup kosher salt
¼ cup sugar
Marinade:
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon dried thyme, crumbled
1 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
2 garlic cloves, crushed through a press
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 additional tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, for sautéing
Pat the chops dry with paper towels.
For the brine:
1. In a large bowl, whisk together the water, salt, and sugar until the sugar and salt are dissolved. Place the pork chops in the brine, cover, and brine overnight in the refrigerator.
2. Drain the brine and discard.
3. Rinse the chops in cold water and let them stand in more fresh cold water for 10 minutes, to remove excess saltiness. Remove from the water and pat dry.
For the marinade:
1. Whisk together the vinegar, thyme, rosemary, garlic, and oil. Place the pork chops in the marinade and allow them to marinate for 1 hour. (You are marinating for flavor here, not tenderizing.)
2. Preheat the oven to 375˚F.
3. Heat a large sauté pan over medium-high heat, then pour in the additional oil and let it heat until it shimmers. Sear the chops for about 2 minutes (until well caramelized), then flip and do the other side of each chop for 2 minutes.
4. You can either remove them from the pan and place them in a roasting pan, or, if your skillet can be placed in the oven, roast them directly in the pan. Insert a meat thermometer into the middle of one of the chops, without allowing it to touch the bone or the bottom of the pan.
5. Roast the chops until the meat thermometer reads 140˚ to 145˚F. Remove them from the oven and tent them with foil for 10 minutes. Serve hot.
Makes 4 servings
Figgy Piggy
—FATALLY FLAKY—
I gave credit in the acknowledgments section of Fatally Flaky to my former publicist, Dee Dee DeBartlo, for coming up with this recipe. When she described the pork stuffed with figs that she had made for her family the evening before, I begged her for the recipe. I tested it out, and added a marinade in order to make the pork extra flavorful. This is a great favorite of our children.
Two 2-pound whole pork tenderloins
Dijon marinade:
½ cup Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons pressed or minced garlic
½ cup dry red wine
2 tablespoons dried thyme, crushed
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon sugar
½ cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 bay leaf
Figgy stuffing:
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
2 shallots, peeled and chopped
½ pound fresh figs, stems removed, chopped
¼ cup chicken stock, homemade (here) or canned
2 tablespoons chopped fresh sage
Roasting:
2 teaspoons kosher salt
2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
⅓ pound sliced prosciutto
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
½ cup dry white vermouth
Using a sharp knife, remove the fat and silver skin from the tenderloins.
For the Dijon marinade:
1. In a 9 x 13-inch glass baking dish, whisk together the mustard, garlic, red wine, thyme, pepper, and sugar. Whisking constantly, mix in the olive oil until the mixture emulsifies. Slip the bay leaf under the surface of the mixture.
2. Pat the pork dry, then place the tenderloins in the marinade. Turn them to make sure they are evenly coated. Cover the pan tightly with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator to marinate overnight.
For the figgy stuffing:
In a large ovenproof skillet, heat the olive oil over medium-low heat. Add the shallots and cook until they are limp and translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the figs, stock, and sage, increase the heat, and bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat to low, cover the pan, and simmer the mixture until the figs are tender and the liquid is absorbed, 5 to 10 minutes. Set the mixture aside in a bowl to cool slightly while you prepare the tenderloins.
For roasting:
1. Position a rack in the center
of the oven and preheat to 375˚F.
2. Remove the tenderloins from the marinade (discard the marinade), wipe dry with paper towels, and place them side by side on a cutting board, with the thick end of one next to the thin end of the other. Using the flat side of a mallet or the palm of your hand, pound the tenderloins until they are an even 1-inch thickness. (This will make them able to hold the stuffing.) Sprinkle them with the salt and pepper.
3. Spread the fig stuffing down the length of one of the tenderloins. Carefully place the other tenderloin on top. Place the prosciutto slices crosswise down the length of the tenderloin “sandwich.”
4. Cut 4 feet of kitchen twine into four 12-inch lengths. Carefully slide the kitchen strings crosswise, evenly spaced apart, underneath the tenderloin “sandwich.” Tie the strings around the “sandwich” and cut off any excess string.
5. Wipe out the ovenproof skillet the figs were cooked in and heat the olive oil over medium-high heat, just until the oil ripples. Add the tenderloin “sandwich,” curving it to fit the pan. Cook for 3 minutes. Then, using tongs, very carefully turn the tenderloin “sandwich” over to cook for another 3 minutes.
6. Remove the skillet from the stove and add the vermouth to the skillet. Insert a meat thermometer into the pork and place it in the oven. Roast the pork until the thermometer reads 140˚F, about 15 minutes.
7. Carefully remove the tenderloin “sandwich” to a platter, cover it with foil, and let rest for 10 minutes.
8. To serve, slice the pork crosswise into ¾-inch-thick slices. (You can pass a bowl with the pan drippings, if there are any.)
Makes about 8 servings
Puerco Cubano
—CRUNCH TIME—
Crunch Time has two Cuban-American characters, so I wanted to introduce the flavor of Cuban-style pork (with garlic, lime juice, and orange juice). Alas, Jim and the kids vetoed all my experiments. I was at wit’s end when I finally thought of using ground pork. (This is not an authentic Cuban dish! So please don't write and tell me; I know.) But it didn’t dry out, it gives some of the flavors of Cuban cuisine, and it passed muster with the family. This dish goes well with rice.
4 tablespoons (½ stick) unsalted butter
1 pound ground pork
2 tablespoons minced or pressed garlic
2 teaspoons chicken or veal demi-glace (available in specialty food shops)
¼ cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon dried oregano
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 cups fresh-squeezed orange juice
¼ cup fresh-squeezed lime juice
2 teaspoons sugar, or more to taste
1 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1. In a 12-inch sauté pan that is not nonstick, melt the butter over medium-low heat. Add the pork and garlic and cook, stirring and breaking up the pork, until the meat is just cooked. Add the demi-glace and stir well. Add the flour, oregano, salt, and pepper and cook, stirring, until the flour is cooked and the mixture bubbles.
2. Stir in the orange juice, lime juice, and sugar and increase the heat to medium. Stir constantly until the mixture bubbles and is thickened. Taste and correct the seasoning.
3. Spoon the pork onto a large platter and sprinkle with the chopped cilantro. Serve immediately.
Makes 4 to 6 servings
Chinese Beef Stir-Fry with Vegetables
—THE CEREAL MURDERS—
The forebears of my family of origin, Adam and Jacob Mott, settled in New York during the seventeenth century. I love the fact that Mott Street in New York City is now located in Chinatown. You can cut up any type of high-quality, tender beef for this dish, but I would recommend buying a whole tenderloin (prime, if possible) from Costco (usually 4 to 5 pounds), trimming it, and weighing out a pound to slice up for this dish. Then you can cook the rest of the tenderloin for a family meal, and not have too many leftovers.
1 tablespoon dry sherry
1 tablespoon soy sauce
3 teaspoons cornstarch, divided
½ teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons plus ½ teaspoon peanut oil or vegetable oil
⅛ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, or more to taste
2 garlic cloves, crushed through a press
1 pound good-quality tenderloin or sirloin beef, cut into 1-inch cubes
1 tablespoon oyster sauce (found in the Asian foods aisle at your grocery)
2 large stalks broccoli, stems removed and discarded, cut into florets
2 carrots, sliced on the diagonal
½ cup beef broth
8 ears water-packed baby corn (contents of about half of a 15-ounce can), drained
20 fresh snow peas, strings removed
1 scallion, chopped (including tops)
1. In a large bowl, mix together the sherry, soy sauce, 1 teaspoon of the cornstarch, the sugar, ½ teaspoon of the oil, the pepper, and garlic until smooth. Place the beef in this mixture and marinate in the refrigerator for 1 to 2 hours. When you are ready to prepare the dish, remove the beef from the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature.
2. In a wok, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil over high heat. Add the beef and its marinade and stir-fry quickly, until the meat is browned on the outside and pink inside. Remove to a plate and set aside.
3. In a small bowl, mix the remaining 2 teaspoons cornstarch with the oyster sauce, set aside. Reheat the wok with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil. Add the broccoli and carrots and stir-fry for 30 seconds. Add the broth, cover the wok, and steam until the vegetables are tender but retain their crunch, about 1 minute. Add the corn, snow peas, scallion, beef, and oyster sauce–cornstarch mixture. Heat quickly, until the sauce is clear and thickened. Serve immediately.
Makes 4 servings
Shakespeare’s Steak Pie
—STICKS AND SCONES—
Even though steak-and-kidney pie is the traditional English dish, members of our family vehemently vetoed the kidneys. An all-steak pie was the result. Alas, this ended up being an expensive recipe. Because tenderloin cooks so quickly and is easily overcooked, it is imperative that you purchase a good meat thermometer so that the beef is cooked to an ideal medium-rare temperature.
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 medium or ½ large onion, chopped
1 medium carrot, chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed through a press
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
6 tablespoons all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon crumbled dried thyme
½ teaspoon crumbled dried oregano
½ teaspoon crumbled dried sage
1½ teaspoons salt
¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2½ pounds beef tenderloin, trimmed (about 2 pounds after trimming), cut into 1½-inch cubes
Upper Crust Pastry (recipe follows)
¼ cup best-quality dry red wine
1. In a large sauté pan, melt the butter over medium-low heat. Add the onion, carrot, garlic, and parsley and gently sauté for a moment, stirring until the vegetables are well mixed. Cover the pan and cook over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until the onion is limp and translucent and the carrot has lost some of its crunch, about 10 minutes. Uncover the pan and set aside to cool.
2. Place the flour, thyme, oregano, sage, salt, and pepper in a large, heavy-duty zippered plastic bag and mix well. Add the beef to the bag, zip the top closed, and shake until all the cubes are evenly covered with the dry mixture.
3. Butter a 9 x 12-inch oval gratin dish. Place the floured cubes into the pan along with the sautéed vegetables, mixing very lightly with your hands, just until the vegetables and meat are evenly distributed. Place the filled pan in the refrigerator while you prepare the crust. (Or you can cover the filled pan with plastic wrap, place it in the refrigerator, and chill until you are ready to prepare the crust and cook the pie. If you do this, bring the meat and vegetables to room temperature before proceeding. It is best not
to prepare the crust in advance.)
4. Preheat the oven to 350˚F.
5. Pour the wine into the pan of meat and vegetables. Gently fit the dough over the pan as directed in the pastry recipe. Carefully insert a meat thermometer through a slash in the crust, making sure it spears a piece of beef.
6. Bake for about 25 minutes, or until the meat thermometer reads 125˚F for medium rare. Serve immediately.
Makes 4 large servings
Upper-Crust Pastry
1 large egg, beaten
1 tablespoon milk, preferably whole
1¼ cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons (¾ stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into 6 pieces
1. Measure out 1 tablespoon of the beaten egg and set aside. Beat the milk into the egg remaining.
2. In a food processor, combine the flour and salt and process for 5 seconds. With the motor running, drop in the butter, one piece at a time. Add the egg-milk mixture to the processor and process for a few moments, just until the dough pulls into a ball. Gently flatten the dough and place it into a rectangular jumbo-size (2-gallon) zippered plastic bag. Using a rolling pin, roll the pastry to the edges of the bag, or until it will fit over your pan.
Goldy's Kitchen Cookbook Page 10