by Holly Rayner
I laughed and swung open the cabinet next to the one he was looking in. With a flourish, I pointed to the modest bounty of snacks inside. “Don’t eat all of them. Sam will want some snacks for the road.”
“So will I,” Dad commented. “He takes after me more and more each day.”
I patted my dad on the back and started fixing myself some dinner. I would have just made a couple slices of toast, but Dad always paid special attention to what I ate when he was around. He would leap at any sign of trouble, and he considered toast for dinner to be especially troubling. I put on a pot of water to boil some pasta instead. I would need the carbs.
“I don’t want to go on this stupid trip,” I said.
My dad, now leaning against the counter, eating a little cup of applesauce, grunted. “I won’t have this fight with you again, Skyler. You’ve got to go.”
I frowned. “I wasn’t going to fight. I’m just venting a little. That’s normal isn’t it?”
“What would be normal would be you actually being excited to go on a trip with your girls,” Dad reminded me. “When was the last time you went out and had some fun, honey?”
“Sam and I went to the movies last week,” I said. “We had a blast.”
“And when was the last time you went out without your kid and had some fun?” he asked, pointing his spoon at me. “I shouldn’t have to specify the fun without your kid part.”
“What? We have fun together,” I said, defending myself. I placed the pot on the stove and turned on the heat. “Sam’s a cool kid.”
“And so were you,” my dad said. “But I still went out and did stuff without you. Your mother and I used to leave you and your sister with a sitter while we got drunk and went salsa dancing.”
I glowered at him. “You know I’m not going to go do that. Not least because I don’t have anybody to get drunk and go salsa dancing with.”
“You will,” he said. “Or you would, if you started putting yourself out there again.”
I let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed a tin of pasta sauce out of the cabinet, busying myself with opening it so I didn’t have to look at him.
After a couple moments, I heard him put down his applesauce container and walk over to me. He placed a gentle hand on my back.
“You don’t have anything to prove to anyone, sweetheart.”
I glanced up at him. “What does that mean?”
My dad’s gentle blue eyes crinkled at the corners when he gave a slight smile. “All I mean is that it’s okay to not want to do this on your own,” he said. “You don’t have to stick it out like this just to prove you can.”
I was already too emotional from having to leave Sam. I didn’t want to add to that stress by talking to my dad about how freaking lonely I got sometimes.
“What do you guys have planned with Dawn for the week?” I asked, changing the subject.
The concern on my dad’s face didn’t ease, but he took a few steps back to give me some space. I watched him rinse out the empty applesauce container and toss it in the recycling bin.
“Sam wants to go to the Golden Gate Bridge, of course,” Dad said. “Other than that, Dawn said she’d have a full roster of activities planned for us.”
I chuckled. “I suppose it would have been worrying if Dawn had nothing planned,” I said. “But please try and get a little rest while you’re there. It seems unfair that you’re going on vacation but you’ll basically have to be working the whole time.”
He shot me a cheeky grin. “Maybe you’re not the only one who likes hanging out with Sam. Ever think about that?”
“Touché.”
The pot on the stove began to boil, so I poured in some rotini and grabbed another pot to heat up the sauce.
“Listen, kid.” My dad came over and draped his arm over my shoulders. He was a slight man, but still much bigger than me. His arm was heavy. “I want you to have fun on this trip. Do something crazy. Don’t let being a mom mean you can’t enjoy being Skyler.”
I snorted. “I just don’t think I enjoy the same kinds of things I used to, Dad. What if I end up being a big wet towel on the festivities?”
“You won’t,” he assured me, kissing the top of my head. “You’re a good kid. You’re raising a good kid. You deserve a break.”
With a sigh, I untangled myself from him and stepped over to the sink to pour myself a glass of water. After taking a couple gulps, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and smiled.
“He is a good kid, isn’t he?” I said. “I think that’s what makes leaving harder.”
“But he’ll still be a good kid when you get back,” Dad said. “And you’ve got years and years of time ahead of you to spend together. You’ve only got this weekend in Vegas. Besides, it might be good for you two to get some time away from each other.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly. “I know you’re probably right, but I still don’t like the thought of him needing time away from me at five years old.”
“You overthink everything.” Dad plucked a wooden spoon out of the jar on the counter and started to stir the bubbling pasta sauce. “It makes you miss the important things.”
“No,” I countered. “It makes me extra conscious of the important things. Like how I should be spending the money I’m spending on this trip on my son.”
Dad rolled his eyes. Nonetheless, his lips spread into a wistful smile. “You remind me of your mother,” he said. “She used to worry about your sister and you twenty-four seven. It was even worse before you were born—the first child is always the scariest. She would go and check to make sure Dawn hadn’t stopped breathing in her sleep until she was three years old.”
It hurt to see how much my dad still missed my mom. She’d died ten years before of breast cancer, and he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman since. Not that I knew of, at least. Granted, for the past five years he’d been a little preoccupied helping me raise my son.
Ah, another stab of guilt. How refreshing.
“Okay, okay.” I wrapped my arms around Dad, inhaling his peppery smell. “I’ll go have an amazing time, and I’ll try not to call more than twice a day.”
“Once.”
“Huh?”
My dad pulled back, a twinkle in his eye. “Don’t call us more than once.”
“You’re killin’ me here, Dad.”
His deep laugh filled the kitchen. “Sure, kid. Sure.” He patted me on the back. “Now get some dinner in you or you’ll be too hungry to save lives tonight.”
TWO
My eyes drooped heavily, making me stand out in the group of otherwise fresh and bright faces.
“Jeez, Skyler,” Sarah said, patting me on the back. “Are you going to make it today?”
I nodded and forced a smile. “I just need to get my second wind. I’ll be fine.”
I was no stranger to working long shifts without sleep. Now standing at the airport with a giggling gang of bachelorettes, I tried to think of this as just another shift at the hospital. In many ways, it wasn’t so different from what I’d been up doing the night before: making sure people were happy, keeping an eye on numbers flashing across the screens, and making sure nobody died. Except in this case, the numbers on the screens were our flight details and the one who was at risk of dying was me.
Who needed a hangover when there was utter exhaustion?
“I think I know what you need…” Heather, Sarah’s maid of honor, donned a mischievous expression. “We’ve got another hour until boarding. Let’s hit the bar!”
I withheld a groan. “Shouldn’t we wait until we’re actually on vacation?” I asked. “This still feels a little too close to home.”
Ariana, another bridesmaid, snorted disapprovingly. “Being on vacation is a state of mind, my dear,” she said. “And if you’re not there already, a fruity cocktail will help you on your way.”
I didn’t want to become known as the serial complainer, so I followed the girls to the little bar near our gate. Did they really have
to drink at the airport? It was already an expensive weekend as it was. I would be out of cash by the time we got to our hotel at this rate.
That being said, the vodka and cranberry juice did help cheer me up a little. The bill, when it arrived, knocked me back down a couple pegs, but that was another matter. By the time we got on the plane, I was feeling more or less human again. And by the time I first glimpsed the long strip of casinos and hotels through the plane window, I was starting to feel a little excited.
I’d never been to Vegas before. I hadn’t been many places in general. I had always wanted to travel, but I had reasoned, in my youth, that I could do all the traveling I wanted after college. Then I’d met Sam’s father and, well, the rest was history.
But here I was, flying high above America’s den of pleasure and entertainment. Light flashed as the sun reflected off the windows of various buildings. I recognized a few from movies I’d seen, only adding to my excitement.
We got off the plane and found a cab to take us to our hotel. Sarah had insisted on staying at Caesar’s Palace, even though my budget was more three-star friendly.
I watched in awe as buildings flashed by the cab window. The day was hot, especially considering it was October, but tons of people meandered down the sidewalks and over the pedestrian bridges on the main strip. Flashing signs and billboards advertised shows I’d always wanted to see, as well as many I’d never heard of.
“It’s totally overwhelming,” Elyse commented.
Elyse was the only other person on the trip who hadn’t been to Vegas before. I was glad she was feeling a bit overwhelmed, too.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” Heather assured her. “You just have to remember that there’s no way you could possibly do everything in one weekend, which is why we’re not going to even try.”
“Then what are we going to do?” I asked, and Heather grinned.
Sarah turned around from the front seat of the van, her expression mirroring her maid of honor’s. “What do you think we’re going to do?” she giggled. “Get crazy and make bad decisions.”
“And eat everything,” Ariana chimed in.
“I like Ariana’s plan better,” I joked. “I haven’t eaten at a restaurant in months.”
Ariana gasped. She was the youngest of the group at only twenty-four and was fully ensconced in the glamorous, early-twenties life I had always wanted. Eating out almost every night, going on a ton of dates, and always having fun. I would have been jealous, except I didn’t feel like I’d missed out on all that much. I’d had Sam at twenty-three, and we’d had a different kind of crazy time, but one I wouldn’t trade for the world.
“You’re going to love the buffets here,” Heather said. “They’ve got more food than you’ve ever seen in your life.”
It all sounded a bit excessive, but hey—that was what vacations were for, right?
The cab pulled up to the doors of Caesar’s Palace and my jaw dropped. I’d seen the building in movies, but the real-life experience was grander than I could have imagined.
“This is crazy!” I said.
“This is Vegas!” Sarah cheered.
We grabbed our bags and checked in at the front desk. I couldn’t stop staring at our surroundings. I’d taken some Classics in college, and the statues and columns that populated the expansive space were fascinating to me.
The receptionist gave us each a map of the hotel, and my jaw dropped again.
“I could spend the whole weekend just inside Caesar’s Palace,” I commented.
Elyse, too, had eyes the size of dinner plates.
“There’s a whole shopping district,” she said. “This place is insane!”
I didn’t even know where to begin. What if I got lost in our hotel and never found my way out? My dad would have to raise my son on his own, and he’d tell him stories about his mother and how much she’d loved him before she went into Caesar’s Palace and was never seen again.
I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to relax.
“Let’s drop off our stuff in the room and get out of here,” Sarah said. “I want to go to that restaurant where they insult you.”
“After that, let’s go to the Miracle Mile and do some shopping!” Ariana suggested.
As for me and Elyse, I sensed we were along for the ride. I found I didn’t mind. It had been so long since I’d allowed myself to get lost in anything. Maybe what I needed was to dive headfirst into this new, albeit terrifying experience.
“Let’s do it all,” I said.
My suggestion was met with excited cheers, and we made our way toward the elevator.
THREE
We started drinking at ten a.m.
I say “we,” but it was more of a “they” situation. I hadn’t expected much else from a girls’ weekend in Vegas, so I didn’t mind that I was the only one not imbibing. I was used to standing out from the group. Ariana and Heather were both married, Sarah was about to be married, and Elyse was single, but only newly so. I was the only one in the group who seemed to always be single, a fact I was reminded of constantly.
“Oh, he’s handsome!” Ariana crooned, gesturing toward a guy with a dazzling white smile who was down the bar from us. “You should go talk to him, Skyler!”
I frowned at her. “He seems more Elyse’s type.”
“Oh no, I’m on the mend,” Elyse chimed in, receiving her freshly filled Mai Tai from the bartender. “I’m staying away from men this weekend.”
“So am I,” I said. “The last thing Sam needs is for me to come home married to some guy I met while my friends refilled their gigantic sippy cups with alcohol.”
Sarah groaned. “Nobody said you have to marry him, Sky. But don’t you think it’s time you got out of your shell a little? How long has it been now?”
“Since I dated someone?”
She nodded.
“Nobody serious since Sam’s dad left.”
I glanced over at the guy, who was still smiling at us. Maybe it was time for me to get back on the horse. But being a nurse and a full-time single mom made it almost as hard to date as it did to go on mini-vacations like this one. If I followed Elyse’s lead, at least I wouldn’t end up brokenhearted by the time I flew home.
“I can’t imagine being alone for that long,” Ariana said. She took a big gulp of her drink and smiled. “Roger and I can barely stand being apart for this weekend.”
I turned toward the street so she wouldn’t see me roll my eyes. The activity outside was a revolving door of new faces, and an endless source of entertainment for those who liked to people watch like I did.
After a while, we headed back out onto the strip and strolled down it for what felt like hours. I was baking in the early afternoon sun. Our trips indoors were brief but restoring, but then it was back out into the sunshine and onto the endless concrete boardwalk of sights and sounds.
Tired out from a long morning of sightseeing, we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon by the hotel pool. I was infinitely grateful to finally get a bit of a rest—too much of a rest, in fact, because I woke up two hours later to Elyse tugging on my arm.
“I can’t believe you fell asleep,” she grinned.
I blearily blinked up at her. Her dark hair was plastered to her shoulders from her recent dip in the pool, and her face was pink from either the sun or the booze.
“I guess I was tired,” I said.
“No kidding!” Ariana chimed in from somewhere ahead of me. I craned my neck to see her and the others drying themselves off next to the pool. “Heather wanted to draw something obscene on you in sunscreen, but I told her she wasn’t allowed to.”
“Good.” I sat up. “Are we leaving?”
“Yup,” said Sarah, wringing out her hair. “We’re heading back to the suite to get ready, and then we’re hitting the town.”
I didn’t mention how I felt like the town had already hit me. My limbs were stiff, and they complained bitterly as I stretched out my muscles. My face was hot from the sun
, but I’d applied sunscreen liberally, so I wasn’t too worried about burning.
And now I had to go for round two. Great.
I followed the girls back to our room, where we took turns jockeying for the shower. Sarah made a drink for me and I accepted it gratefully. At least I wasn’t sore and hungover. I was glad I hadn’t started drinking earlier like the rest of them, but now I was ready to loosen up a little.
In the spirit of loosening up, I decided to dress up, too. I didn’t have much in the way of fancy clothes, but I’d brought the cream of my closet to Vegas with me. I paired a little black dress that hugged my curvy frame with a pair of magenta pumps I hadn’t worn in years. It was nice to have a reason to wear them again.