It sucked that this should’ve been enough to be a living wage. It could’ve been, anywhere else in the country, perhaps, but not in New York City. Maybe I had to admit defeat. I was going to be twenty-three. I had a bachelor’s degree. What was I doing walking dogs and waiting tables? I could’ve done that without a college education — and the debt that I’d accrued and had to defer while I scrambled to keep a roof over my head.
Maybe I had to leave the city I loved so much in order to survive.
“Excuse me, miss?”
“Yes, how can I help you?” I tried to flash my money-making smile, but it wouldn’t come. I was just too upset. Too sure of my own failure.
“I’d like to figure out what I can do to make you smile again.”
I blinked swiftly to bring myself back into the present, to shake off the sadness and desperation I was feeling. Seated in my section, and very obviously flirting with me, was a very handsome, very British individual. He even looked European — or at least, like he wasn’t from the boroughs I was used to spending time in here in the city — with ice blue eyes, blond hair perfectly parted on the side and slicked with a subtle product, a five o’clock shadow that I wanted to rub my cheek against…
I laughed out loud at myself and shook my head in disbelief. What was wrong with me?
“Well, that was easy,” he said. “May I ask what was so funny?” His accent was like music.
I pursed my lips, reaching for one of my many lies that were usually so easy to deploy, and came up short. That made me laugh again.
“Are you going to let me in on the joke, or am I going to have to sit here, left out and even more alone than I already am?” He affected a pretty pout that made me laugh even harder.
“Okay, but you have to promise not to laugh,” I said.
“Isn’t a person supposed to laugh at a joke?” He was so cheeky, his eyes sparkling even in the dim light of the bar.
“I don’t even know why I’m about to tell you this, but when I looked at you, all I could think about was rubbing my cheek against yours and letting your stubble scratch me.”
I felt my face go bright red as he blinked at me, obviously surprised by my candor. He was probably as surprised as I was. I could’ve told him any number of things — that I was laughing to myself over a conversation I’d shared with a guest earlier, about something a friend had told me days ago, even about some silly joke I’d seen on a sitcom.
Instead, I’d told him the truth — the bald, embarrassing truth. It was a wonder he didn’t run away screaming.
“I should’ve lied,” I said, covering my eyes helplessly with one hand and peeking through my fingers at him. “Now you’re freaked out.”
“I think freaked out would be the wrong description,” he said thoughtfully, as if he were carefully considering what words would be next out of his mouth. If only I’d been as careful.
“What would be the right description, then?”
“Turned on, I suppose, would fit the bill.”
He looked up at me slowly, his blue eyes taking their sweet time, and white hot fire shot through me wherever that gaze touched. I was blushing even more heavily by the time he made eye contact with me again.
“I hope you’re not offended,” I said stupidly. “I don’t know why I said that.”
“I don’t care why you said that,” he countered. “I like a woman who’s honest about her feelings. It’s positively refreshing, especially in this city.”
“Well, thanks for making me smile again,” I said. “I needed that. Now. Do you need anything? Like an appetizer? What about a fresh drink?”
“I’d only be interested in a fresh drink if you were sitting here, enjoying one with me,” he said.
I got hit on all the time. It wasn’t my ego talking; it was the God’s honest truth, and practically part of the territory that came with cocktail waitressing. Men got progressively drunker throughout the evening, and increasingly convinced that they could have a shot with me. I didn’t mind entertaining it. It usually garnered some decent tips.
But this time, for whatever reason, it was different. Maybe it was this man’s accent, the way he looked at me, the way my own body reacted to his eye on it. I was halfway convinced, though, that it had been my own reaction — the one to tell the truth — that made this particular encounter different.
I lied to strangers with just as much ease as I lied to my mother. It didn’t make me proud, and it came from a place I didn’t like to give too much attention to. But my inclination to tell the truth to this man — a very shameful truth, too — made things instantly different.
“I have about an hour left in my shift,” I said, glancing at the clock hanging on the wall above the bar. “Can you hang tight until then?”
He smiled winningly, and toasted me with his cocktail. “With you to look forward to at the end of it, I can face anything.”
I grinned back and walked away, shaking my head, to attend to the rest of my tables. Was I really about to agree to drinks with a man I didn’t know, a man who’d picked me up at the bar where I worked? Why was this man so different from all the rest? But even as I asked myself that, I knew he was different. He’d asked me to join him for a drink, after all, and not in his bed, like other classy individuals had done. I’d never met anyone British before, either, and I delighted in hearing him talk. The prospect that I could make a night of it, asking him questions about himself and hearing him answer in that rich lilt…did things to me.
And you know what? Screw it. Screw everything. I deserved to have fun. I was about to turn twenty-three, I was supposed to come up with proof of some fabulous lifestyle I’d invented for my mother, and I had no idea what I was really meant to do with my life. I deserved one last hurrah before the mess that I knew tomorrow was going to bring.
In forty-five minutes flat, I was standing in front of that mystery man, purse in hand, grinning like a fool.
“You know, I don’t even know your name,” I informed him as he stood and adjusted his suit jacket.
“A problem easily solved,” he responded, offering me his arm. “I’m Peter Bly. Pete’s fine, though.”
I took his arm. “What a gentleman! I’m Gemma. Gemma Ryan.”
“I am so pleased to formally make your acquaintance, Gemma,” he said, securing my hand with his. “Gemma — now that’s a lovely name. Gem. You’re somebody’s jewel.”
“I guess,” I laughed. “I don’t know if I’m still going to be my mother’s jewel after tomorrow.”
“What’s tomorrow?” Peter asked, and I had only a brief moment to be mortified at myself, at my frankness. Why was I being so honest? This man didn’t know me at all. I could be whoever I wanted to be. It was one of the most refreshing parts about being one person in a city of millions. When you got to a place where no one knew you existed, you could transform yourself, reshape yourself into the person you’d always wanted to become. I’d been shy in my hometown, whatever personality I might’ve developed squashed by my overbearing mother. But I’d tried to force myself to blossom in the Big Apple. It was such a city of possibility. My very essence was made possible by being here, and here I was, reverting to being myself in front of a beautiful stranger. I was hopeless.
I snorted at myself. “It’s my birthday tomorrow,” I explained, and then, on the way out the door, I found myself gushing suddenly in explanation. It was as if I had a faucet in my mouth and had somehow opened up the tap completely. I couldn’t have stopped talking if I tried, regaling poor Peter with anecdote after anecdote of my complicated relationship with my mother, my impossible existence in New York City, my terrible jobs, my terrible apartment, and the terrible thing of having to prove to my mother, on my birthday, that I was everything I claimed to be over the phone.
It only barely registered in my racing mind, much later, that we had completely changed locations, were seated by a large window out onto the street, draped across a couch, a pair of cocktails perched on the table in front of us,
mine completely untouched.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, grabbing my drink and downing it in one long series of gulps. “All that talking made me thirsty. What kind of drink was that? That was good. Where are we?”
Peter laughed, and I was grateful to him for it. “We’re at a place that just opened up. It’s new. I heard it was decent. You talked and talked so much. Sounds like you needed to get all of that off your chest.”
“Out of my head, anyway,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’m really sorry. I’m usually not like this.”
“I hope that’s not true,” Peter said. “I like the way you are. Candid. Honest. Different from anyone else I’ve ever met here.”
A server appeared at my elbow as if by magic, bearing another drink like the one I’d just downed.
“Thank you,” I said, pleased but puzzled. “I have no idea what I’m drinking, but it’s really good.”
“Blood orange martinis,” Peter informed me, the server nodding and smiling before moving away. “I heard it was one of the specialties here. Citrus Meridian. All of the cocktails have some kind of citrus flair.”
I was glad I wasn’t imbibing in the cocktail at the moment, or else I would’ve spit it out all over us. “What? We’re inside Citrus Meridian? How could I have missed that?”
“You were talking about how you were afraid you were wasting your life here in the Big Apple,” Peter said, taking an innocent sip from his own martini. “Which I don’t think you are, for the record. It does the character good to struggle a little bit. Think of how satisfied you’ll be once you do make it. Your success will be all the sweeter for your suffering.”
I blinked at this unexpected advice. “I hope so… I mean, I hope I’m successful. One of these days. But seriously? How did you get into Citrus Meridian? Can we discuss that success?”
Peter laughed. “I know a guy who knows a guy. It’s not that hard to get in.”
“I heard you had to wait months in advance to get a table,” I told him. “Look at us! Look at where we’re sitting. This has to be one of the best spots in the entire place. You can see everything.”
“The general idea is that everyone can see us,” Peter gently informed me.
“I didn’t need to know that,” I said, freezing with the martini halfway to my lips. “I’m wearing my work clothes.”
“So am I.”
“My work clothes are from a bar,” I said. “I’m sweaty. I’ve spilled part of a drink on my shirt. The bottoms of my shoes stick to things. Oh, my sweet Lord. Is that Katie Holmes over there?”
“The Dawson’s Creek actress?” Peter craned his neck. “Where?”
“She’s done a lot of other work besides Dawson’s Creek,” I protested, laughing. “There. Oh no! Don’t stare. She’s going to think we’re weirdos.”
“Don’t worry about what you look like, Gemma,” Peter said, shaking his head at me as I tried to yank out invisible wrinkles in my black button-down. “You look beautiful.”
I paused in my fidgeting and flushed. “You’re very kind.”
“It’s going to be your birthday in exactly thirty minutes,” he said, checking what looked to be a very expensive watch on his wrist. “Let’s make it one to remember, shall we? My twenty-third birthday was a sad affair that I would rather forget.”
He lifted his glass to me, and I clinked mine against his delicately. “Thank you for already making my birthday special,” I said, smiling shyly.
“To tell you the truth, I really wanted someone to come with me to check this ruddy place out,” Peter said, looking around. “I never have anyone to go with.”
“I find that very hard to believe,” I said, drinking more of the cocktail than I meant to. “Geez. These things are really easy to drink. Dangerous. Tastes like no consequences.”
“There are never any consequences for the birthday girl,” he said, giving a devilish look that almost made me believe him. “Down the hatch, then. Let’s do a proper tour of their citrus drinks, shall we?”
I laughed, dumping the rest of my drink down my throat. It tasted good, like a delicious fruit drink I might’ve had during my childhood to ease the hot days of summer. I couldn’t taste the alcohol — a dangerous feature for a cocktail, I knew. But part of me didn’t care that much as Peter followed suit and signaled the very attentive server. It was going to be my birthday. I deserved to have fun. Tomorrow was going to be immensely stressful, so I wanted to make tonight a treat.
Only it was a virtual stranger making it a treat for me, one who had sat patiently through my life story and rewarded my honesty by listening and ordering me drink after drink.
A girl could get used to this.
“Grapefruit juice and gin,” Peter observed as the next round of cocktails arrived. “Glorious.”
“Perfect for a muggy summer night,” I said, smiling and toasting him.
“For a birthday eve,” he said. “Not very much longer now, Gemma, and you’ll be on your way to your mid-twenties.”
“God, don’t say that,” I groaned. “Mid-twenties sounds so old. Let me be in my early twenties for just a little bit longer. I feel like I only just got here.”
“Bugger me,” he grumbled good-naturedly. “You think mid-twenties sounds old? Just wait.”
I blinked at him as I took a tiny sip of the new cocktail. The bartender had added fizzy club soda, making it even more delicious and drinkable.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“That’s not very polite.”
I laughed. “Really? You can’t be much older than me. What are you, twenty-five?”
“Try almost thirty-five.”
“What?” I studied him anew, that delectable blond stubble, the smooth plane of his forehead. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not!” he spluttered. “Well. I’m thirty-three. I said almost thirty-five for dramatic effect. Since you’re practically twenty-five already.”
I gave a low whistle. “You’re ten years older than I am. That’s a pretty big gap.”
“Oh, thanks a lot,” he said. “You wait and see. It sneaks up on you. You think your twenties are endless, but they come to a crashing halt right at thirty. Then, it’s all downhill from there.”
“You look like the years have treated you very kindly,” I observed.
“Now you’re just kissing arse.”
“Not in public I’m not.” I leered at him, then slapped my forehead. “Oh my God! I have absolutely no filter tonight. What is wrong with me?”
“I imagine it’s the high alcohol content in these drinks,” Peter said, laughing hard. “Oh, please don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s darling.”
“I’m not embarrassed; I’m horrified. There’s a big difference. Now, please. Help me put myself out of my misery.”
We marched through the menu together, me puzzled at my own behavior. It would’ve been one thing if it were the alcohol that was loosening my tongue. But it had started long before I’d tasted my first cocktail of the night. I’d started regaling Peter with my long list of problems and worries right as soon as my shift had ended at the bar, and I hadn’t touched a drop while working.
What was it about Peter that was drawing the truth out of me, for once? It was almost frightening just how normal lying had become for me. Telling the truth — now, that was abnormal. I would’ve been sad about it if I hadn’t been having such a lovely time on this, the eve of my birthday, with a beautiful British stranger.
“Damn!” he exclaimed, looking at his watch. “My jewel of a girl! You’ve been a ripe, old twenty-three for thirty whole minutes and we missed it!”
“I don’t feel any different,” I remarked, examining my hands as if I’d expected them to turn blue or something.
“I meant to give you a kiss exactly at midnight to mark the passage from early twenties to mid-twenties,” he said, sighing sadly. “I suppose I missed my window.”
“It’s only my birthday, not New Year’s Eve,” I laughed. “I don
’t need a kiss at midnight to tell me I’m a year older.”
“Needs are different from wants,” Peter reasoned.
“Then maybe I’d want a birthday kiss at 12:30,” I said, squaring my shoulders and puckering up mockingly.
I didn’t expect him to take my chin between his fingers and thumb and kiss me right on my lips — soft, at first, then deeper, more insistent, sending a roll of fire down my spine not unlike the one I’d experienced when he was checking me out earlier.
I came up breathless.
“There,” he said, smirking. “Now you’re a proper twenty-three-year-old. Didn’t count until now.”
“Oh, really?” I was laughing and laughing like I’d never stop, flushed with desire and triumph and happiness that, for once, something seemed to be going well for me. Maybe this, my twenty-third year, was going to be a good one after all.
“Really,” Peter confirmed, nodding wisely and signaling the server.
“I know something else to do to make it official,” I said, feeling daring, leaning forward and perching my fingers on his knee. He looked at my hand, and a grin spread over his face, slow and delighted.
“My dear, I like the way you think,” he said, taking my face in his hands again and kissing me, our drinks arriving unnoticed on the table between us.
Chapter 4
There were some mornings when wakefulness was a long time in coming, and this was one of them. I was encased deliciously in fluffy pillows and a warm duvet, keeping me comfortable in the chill of a whirring air conditioner, and sunlight spilled over my face, making my retreat from reality even more complete. My eyelids felt thick, as if I were submerged in a sticky syrup, unable and unwilling to surface completely. I was so comfortable, and the growing ache in my head told me that a hangover was upon me, and that I should enjoy this comfort for as long as possible.
But that puzzled me. A headache? A hangover? What had I done last night? It had been the middle of the week, and I wasn’t prone to going out during the weekends, either. It was a stupid thing to waste my hard-earned money on, especially when I could buy a cheap bottle of spirits, send it through a water filter a couple of times to purify it, and make perfectly good discount cocktails at home.
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