I want a family with Nic and everything that goes along with it. If she’s—
“Mr. James.”
I look up to see a middle-aged man coming my way, his tired face wreathed in a smile that eases my pain a little, not much, but enough that I am able to answer him and shake his hand.
“Nic…?”
“Is doing just fine, Mr. James.”
“There was a baby?” I ask, already knowing the answer before he says it.
“No. Miss Sharp had what we call a Molar pregnancy, which is a growth...”
He keeps babbling on and on, medical terms and lingo flying from his mouth, but I stop listening after I get the gist. Nic was never pregnant and so…I feel a little better.
I’m still sad though because I’d needed her to be, but knowing now that we haven’t lost a kid makes me feel so relieved that I have to sit down when my knees wobble and threaten to dump me.
“That’s not to say that you can’t try for a baby. Miss Sharp’s uterus looks good, and as far as I can see the contraception that she was on—”
“Contraception?” I interject, feeling my temper rise swiftly.
If she was on something to stop conception, knowing that I want more children, then I swear to God we’re done. I can’t—no, I won’t—be with a woman who refuses to be honest.
The part that hurts the most though? Did she do this because she doesn’t want another child with me? I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and it hasn’t escaped me that Cody was an accidental miracle. Though I can see that Nic adores that kid, I can’t help but wonder if she was upset, maybe even a little resentful.
“Yes, Mr. James. Although from what I read in her doctor’s report that was faxed through, she was scheduled for another injection in two weeks, which she cancelled recently.”
The news eases the knot in my stomach, and I breathe again, knowing that I haven’t just lost my girl.
“Thanks, Doc. Can I see her now?”
“Sure. She’s still sleeping, but I see no reason you can’t sit with her. Your parents might want an update though; they’ve been calling non-stop. Your phone seems to be off.”
I wince and pull my phone free, cringing at the amount of missed calls as I follow the doctor down a long corridor and into a dark room with beeping.
Nic is a tiny lump beneath the snowy white covers, and I stop, closing my eyes before thanking the doctor and approaching the bed. My first reaction is to comfort her, take her in my arms and reassure her that everything’s going to be okay and that I’m here, that I love her…a million things that I know I can’t say.
No, a million things that I won’t say because—at this moment—I need control, and I’ll only get that if I establish our boundaries. Part of me wants to break her. Hurt her the way I’m hurt—because no matter what I know, she still lied.
She never once mentioned being protected when I told her what I intended, and though she couldn’t have done anything about it, I hate that she’s so distant that she didn’t tell me.
See, I want every part of her. I want to own her mind and body—and even her soul. I want her to wake and breathe for me. I want to be everything to her, and if I’m to have that, I need to ensure that she surrenders first.
“Law?”
Her voice comes out on a husky moan of pain, and I look over, forcing myself to remain in the chair I’ve taken and look at her coldly.
“You’re in the hospital, babe. You were bleeding.”
God, all that blood. Even now, after the nurses had forced me to scrub my hands, I can still see, smell, and feel the blood coating my hands when I shoved them between her legs, trying stupidly to stem the flow.
Her brow crinkles, and she groans, her hands going to her abdomen.
“Was it my appendix or something?” she asks, still confused and obviously struggling to remember anything other than the pain that must have gripped her.
I can’t think of that now and stay calm, so I push it all away and focus on what I need to get out of this exchange.
“You were on birth control?”
She blanches, her face losing what small amount of color it had, and closes her eyes briefly before meeting my eyes and nodding once.
“I was.”
Honesty. I didn’t realize until this very minute how much I needed her to lie and tell me that it’s not true, that once again she’d tried to cheat me out of something that is mine, and I can honestly say that I hate her as much as I love her in that minute.
Taking a deep, calming breath, I keep our eyes locked and cock a brow, not wanting to speak before she tells me everything.
Nic fiddles with the blanket at her hip for a bit before twisting her mouth in a grimace and shaking her head on a puff of laughter.
“I wasn’t going to tell you, and at first, I was going to just get the next shot and keep it quiet. Part of me resented you for wanting something more from me and…just taking it as you always do…but…”
I can breathe again, as she continues, renewing my hope that there’s more still to come for us instead of me throwing her out and moving on. It would hurt, but I would have done it if only to keep what little I have left of myself.
“But?”
“But I rethought it and cancelled. See, I know how much this means to you, and no matter how at odds we are Law, you are probably it for me—and I know it. So I’ve decided I’m just going to give in and do what needs done, and hopefully, you and I come out at the end still in one piece.”
She sounds so dejected at the thought of being with me that it hurts a little before I realize what she’s just said.
I’ve won.
Chapter Twenty-six
Nic
Turns out that I didn’t have an infected appendix and that the pain had been my body’s way of saying, “Listen up, woman. Something ain’t right.”
I’ve never even heard of that Molar whatever-it-is that had been growing in my body, but one thing’s for sure, I’m lucky that my guy is a paranoid control freak and that he’d followed me to the freaking bathroom because according to Doctor Schwartz, I could have freaking bled to death if someone hadn’t found me so fast.
Yeah, I lost that much blood.
But now I’m fine, well, as fine as I can be with the A-hole calling all the shots. Another thing, turns out that my unfortunate episode opened the door on the whole birth control thing, and since, yeah, I did technically lie to Law, even just by omission, I’m up shit creek at the moment, and he’s holding all the paddles.
I’m a smart woman. I’m independent and capable and a whole list of other things that most women strive their whole lives for and never attain. I know that I’m lucky, that this level of intelligence I was born with is a gift that I shouldn’t just shrug at.
But truth be told, as much as my inner “Fem” rages at me, I feel more secure now, being under Law’s thumb, than I have in a long time. I wake up every morning knowing what’s going to happen.
No job to stress me out, nothing to take me away from raising Cody, and best of all, I don’t have to worry about Jude anymore since Law went and packed her up and delivered her to me like an early Christmas gift.
My life is…perfect.
Believe you me, I know how weird that sounds. Ex-VP to one of the biggest international companies on the planet, and I’m happy because my fiancé forced me to quit. (I snort because basically he fired me after telling me that I can’t quit.)
I am happy being a housewife, and yes, that’s what I am…since I strong-armed Rose into sharing her kitchen with me and letting me help with laundry.
Minnie thinks it’s hilarious that instead of shopping on a daily basis, I enjoy being a homebody, but hell, I’ve never been one before, and so the novelty is kind of exciting.
I get to go to Cody’s practices every day and watch his games. I get to spend time with him and listen while he learns new things that just blow his mind—and sometimes mine too, because my kid is waaay smarter than I am.
I get to do a lot of things I’ve never had the chance to do…thanks to my full schedule and the fear of dropping those ever-flipping balls that I was juggling for years, just trying to keep everything working.
The only balls I need to handle now…do I need to say more?
“You’re looking so much better this morning, darling,” Minnie coos, as she bustles into the bedroom without so much as a knock and plants a breakfast tray over my lap.
Goddammit!
Did I just say that I love this shit? Well, I was wrong! Why, you ask? Because if Minnie is still bringing in a breakfast tray, it means Mr. Control still won’t let me get out of bed before eleven, and believe me, he knows every time I’ve tried.
“He can’t still be serious! I’ve been out of the hospital for over a week now, Min!” I rage, petering off when the smell of bacon and eggs over easy hits my nose.
Have I said yet that Law chooses what I eat?
No? Well, here’s the rundown. I get breakfast of his choice in bed most mornings, and then I get to dress in whatever he’s set out for me before he leaves for work.
Let’s just say I’ve never looked this good before, and I like not having to think. I just throw it on and go on with my day.
The staying in bed thing however…
“Just eat your goddamned breakfast before we both get into trouble again. The last time you did something he didn’t like, he tattled to Jack, and I had to go without sex for a whole night!”
“Eeeew!”
Minnie sighs and rolls her eyes before joining me on the bed and grabbing my orange juice.
“For your information, Nico, what I do with my husband is not ew. Dirty, but not gross at all. And from the looks of you and that damned scowl Law’s been carrying around, I’d say that not having hot monkey sex is starting to get to you, too.”
“Jesus Min, stop talking!” I yell, swallowing a whole lump of un-chewed food.
When I start coughing, she hands over the juice and waits for me to stop choking before taking the glass from me and continuing to sip.
“Nope. You and me kid, we got some talking to do. A lot actually. Now eat your food. That kid of mine will be calling in about a minute, and if I can’t give him the truth, we’re both in shit. Eat!”
I finish in record time, in fact just as her cell starts playing “Sweet Child of Mine,” and I roll my eyes when she delivers her report and sits, listening to whatever the dictator has to say.
I skip off to the shower, giggling at her eye roll and only just refraining from laughing outright when I emerge fifteen minutes later, showered and dressed to see that she’s just disconnecting the call.
“That little punk is lucky I can’t still put him over my knee or I’d tan his ass black and blue,” she says and snarls, giving me a cursory once over before nodding and coming over.
“Now, the doctor cleared you, and we have a lot to talk about. You up for an early afternoon drinking party and some girl talk?”
This is a side of Minnie I’ve never seen before. Sure, the old girl isn’t a snob, and I can definitely see that she wasn’t born with a silver spoon, but this Minnie, the chick who swears, rolls her eyes, and offers me booze in the middle of the day is definitely someone I like. A lot.
“Sure, so long as it includes vodka, tequila, or a good whiskey. No, make that all three and I’m in.”
Minnie laughs and drags me out of the room, her heels clicking on the stairs as we skip our way to her private sitting room at the back of the house where we have a clear, spectacular view of the gardens and the wooded area beyond.
Once seated, she talks into the phone and Rose bustles in with drinks and a boatload of snacks.
“Serious talk, huh?” I muse, watching with mirth, as Minnie takes a huge swallow of her glass before handing mine over and settling back with her stocking-clad feet up.
Her eyes roll closed on a sigh, and I feel almost amused before she opens her eyes and spears me with her serious gaze.
“We need to clear up a few things before I tell you what I have to tell you. You up for some shit, Nico?”
Wha-well, no. I am not up for some shit. I’ve only just now settled into this new me, and hearing what I now know is Minnie finally giving into the anger over Cody and my actions…I’m not ready.
I nod anyway and take a huge gulp of my own drink, hoping that it takes effect quickly before she starts laying into me.
“You did wrong, Nicolette, and you know it,” she begins, giving me a pointed look. “Even if I do agree with you that Lawson was in no way ready to be a father, you should have left the choice to him instead of taking away his rights, not only as Cody’s father but as a man.”
Yeah, boy, do I know that. But hindsight being what it is, namely only possible after you know you’ve screwed up…I’m pretty sure that whatever she has to say to me is exactly the same thing I’ve been saying to myself to lately.
“I know, Min.” I admit after a few more long swallows of her concoction.
Her face softens, and she smiles kindly, way kinder than I deserve, considering that she just so happens to be one of the four people I’ve wronged with my cowardice.
No wonder I love Minnie, Jack, and yeah, okay, so I love Law, too. So what? The guy is messed up and selfish and a lot of other not so nice things, but he also happens to be the one person in the world who will be in my heart forever.
Not only because of Cody, but because he was and still is the one. The guy I tried to forget but will probably take to my grave.
Bastard.
“Okay good, so you acknowledge that you messed up. Good, good. Now, the hard part, Nico, because I won’t allow you, no matter how much I love you, to fuck things up again. Do you or do you not love my son?”
I don’t want to answer honestly, for a number of reasons, the first being that I am totally not into telling Minnie how I feel before I tell Law, but as she stares at me with her laser beam blue eyes and gives me that same mulish expression that I’ve seen on both Law and Cody’s faces numerous times, I sigh in defeat and let my shoulders slump.
“Yeah.”
That gets me a beaming smile, and the warmth I haven’t even noticed was missing flashes back into her eyes.
“Good, then I can reveal a great family secret that not even my son knows,” she coos, raising her glass in a toast that I reciprocate without understanding.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Nico
“The James men are…possessive. To the extreme. And bloody damn stubborn besides. I’ll tell you what Jack’s dear mama told me the day I met her. Once a James man finds his one, that’s it, they’re done. See, every James man since the beginning of time, or so the legend goes has loved once and once only. Usually when they find their one true love, they go all caveman and claim the hell out of the poor woman.”
I snort and roll my eyes at that because she’s either forgetting that Law left me for ten years, or she doesn’t believe I’m his one…but no…
“Er, Min? You realize that doesn’t apply to me right?” I ask, wincing when she shrieks out a laugh and throws a potato chip my way.
“Silly goose! Of course, it does. See, Jack never passed on the old stories about his line to Lawson. He said that since Law found his one so early in his life that scaring the boy with the truth…would only serve to push him away from his fate.”
She shakes her head at this and tosses a brownie at me before taking one for herself. I bite into the gooey, chocolaty goodness and moan, forgetting for a second that we’re having a conversation as the blissfully delicious treat hits my taste buds.
I love brownies on a good day. (My ass can attest to that fact.) However, a brownie with peanut butter topping? Forget about it. Those suckers are going down.
“Anyway,” she muses, “Jack never told him, and I believe it was a good call. Law has always been, well, a law unto himself. Tell the boy the sky’s blue, and he’ll paint it green just to prove you wrong.”
I’m tra
cking her as I glug my drink, though honestly, she’s being so hinky I’m not sure what it is she’s really trying to say here. She thinks Law and me are soul mates?
Try telling that to him, Min, I think, eyeing the last brownie and totally prepared to gnaw at Min’s hand if the bitch so much as twitches its way.
“Min, hun, no offense, but I’m not really understanding what it is you’re trying to say here. So you think we are what? Like soul mates? I hate to break it to ya, sweetheart, but Law doesn’t love me. He…. most days he’s glaring at me or yelling about something I’ve done wrong.” I point out, going for broke and snatching the brownie up just as Min leans over and reaches for it.
“Why you little…”
“You snooze, you lose sister,” I say around a mouthful.
She sniffs indelicately and smiles, patting at her thin hips.
“The boy loves you. I knew it the day he laid eyes on you and so unsuccessfully hid his reaction.”
I cringe because his ‘reaction’ was a boner and a grin that melted my heart and my panties clear off.
“Gross.”
“You should think how I felt seeing the two of you eye bang each other, dear. Now then, as I was saying, the James men are cursed to love only once, and when they do they become something…other than normal men. The day I met Jackson, he told me that I was his and that I was going to be his wife and the mother of his children.”
“Aaaaw.”
“Not quite, darling. You see, I was engaged to another man. I met Jack at my engagement party and ended up in the broom closet with him doing…anyway…”
“Minnie, you dog! You banged Jack in the closet while your fiancé was in attendance.”
I’m so impressed at her daring I can’t help the fist pump or cackling that ensues. And okay, maybe the booze was not a great idea, but for the first time in days, I feel relaxed and mellow.
I need another.
She frowns at me before busting into peals of laughter herself and winking at me.
“It was the best night of my life—though I’m glad to report we did no banging. We were not complete animals, Nico. We dry humped the hell out of each other while he kissed me breathless and made me promise to break things off with my betrothed.”
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