The doors opened and we stepped off, making our way through the lobby and outside.
“How is he doing?”
I shrugged my shoulders, shoving my hands in my back pockets as we walked side by side with no direction. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and she looked back at me.
“Leather and Lace,” Reina said.
My feet stopped in their tracks.
“What do you know about that?” I asked, hastily.
She shook her head, reaching out she placed her fingers beneath my chin and turned my face to hers so our eyes locked.
“Just one thing,” she whispered. “Those three words kept that man…,” she glanced over her shoulder at the hospital. “…alive.”
Butterflies.
Her words gave me butterflies and my dull heart, lured to sleep by mind, beat again.
Lies.
You know the truth.
“I doubt that very much,” I whispered.
“Then how do I know about Leather and Lace?” She questioned, taking a deep breath before she ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. “I have no idea what goes on between the two of you and…I shouldn’t even be saying this,” she struggled, biting down on her lip. “Fuck it,” she conceded. “I know you and I don’t know each other long, or even well enough for you to trust me but hear me out okay?”
I nodded.
“When I first met your dad I was a woman who had given up on living a full life. I had been through hell and back and didn’t know my place in the world or if I even had one. I had scars both visible and not and I let those scars dictate my future. I thought I wasn’t worthy of sharing my life with someone and that I was destined to be alone. Then your dad came into my life and my past, the scars, it all sort of faded away. He took away my scars just by being the man willing to accept them as his own.”
“Reina, I’m real happy for you and my dad but this— “
“I’m the person who lived that nightmare with Blackie. We thought we would die, Lacey, and when you’re facing death there is one gift you’re given and that is gift of truth. You can say anything you want out loud because no one else will know. You can admit the things you keep hidden, the words that have the power to heal the scars you’re afraid to show the world because there aren’t any consequences to your truth, it dies right along with the rest of you. Blackie told me to hang on for your dad. He reminded me of the one person I had in this world. He reminded me I had love waiting for me and I believe with everything in me that’s what kept me sane and kept me fighting,” she admitted as her eyes watered.
“I asked Blackie what he was hanging on for and he told me Leather and Lace,” she whispered hoarsely. “You’re Lace aren’t you?”
I glanced down at the sidewalk.
I waited for my maker to appear and tell me Reina was lying but the taunting never came. My heart pounded in my ears, calling out loudly, demanding I listen. I slowly lifted my head as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I’m Lace,” I confirmed.
“You’re the reason he’s breathing,” she rasped.
“Why are you telling me this? My father---“
“I owe it to Blackie,” she interrupted. “He may not agree, probably would deny every word, and if we’re being honest that’s why I haven’t brought myself to see him yet. I can’t look at him and not know how to thank him. He was in bad shape Lacey, real bad, and still he tried to help me. I don’t know how to help him other than this…. admitting a truth, he is too damaged to admit himself. He’s got scars, sweetie, and they run deep,” she paused, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “The man just needs someone to claim his scars.”
“How do you claim a piece of someone when they aren’t willing to give it to you?”
“We all want to be set free from our scars but some of us hold onto them a little longer than others. You can’t force them from him but you shouldn’t give up on him yet,” she said.
I stared at Reina for a moment, digesting her words and trying to find the right ones to say back to her. Thank you didn’t seem enough for the gift she gave me; the reminder of truth my heart already knew but my mind fought. The struggle would be rough, the battle between heart and mind, but I’d keep fighting it with everything in me because Blackie didn’t give up. He fought for Leather and Lace, he fought for me….
I reached out, wrapping my arms around Reina, thankful she came into all of our lives and happy she found the strength to give herself freely to my dad.
There was hope to be found even in the most hopeless of situations.
“Pretty bold move you made,” I stated, staring at Jack as he leaned back, propping one foot against the wall and crossed his arms against his chest. I sat up further, pushing aside the wires connected to my arm and met his gaze head on.
Man to man.
Brother to brother.
He stared me down, choosing his words wisely as I grew increasingly pissed. I wasn’t sure if I was pissed at him for questioning my loyalty or myself for giving him a fucking reason to.
“I didn’t know I was doing such a shit job watching out for Lacey, that you decided to throw Wolf and Pipe on her ass,” I accused.
“Did I say that?” He shook his head. “Did a fine job looking out for my daughter,” he paused, kicking off the wall before taking two strides towards my bed. “Been putting her first for a while, without question, without concern, and I appreciate it Black,” he continued. “You put me and my family, this club…everyone and anything before yourself.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, it’s ‘bout time you put yourself first,” he countered. “Before this shit with Jimmy went south, you told me Reina and Lacey need me breathing, you remember that?”
I cleared my throat, turning my cheek.
I remembered.
I remembered thinking of how torn up Lacey would be if anything happened to her old man. How much I didn’t want to be the man who had to deliver that news to her. I remembered picturing her pretty face and silently vowing to keep her old man safe, keep him coming back to her, because shit, I never wanted to see her fucking cry. Not if there was something I could do about it.
When did that shit change?
When did I go from being the man who prevented the tears to the one who caused them?
“You remember that?” He asked louder this time
“Yeah, Bulldog, I remember,” I turned my eyes back to his. “That shit was no lie,” I hissed. When Jack went away, I was running the club and protecting his interests. I could’ve put one of the guys on Lacey, make another man be the one to look out for her, but I was greedy for the sweet and innocent girl that reminded me of the good things life sometimes threw at men like us, men who were so undeserving of innocence.
“Neither were the words I said to you,” he stressed, rolling his neck from side to side. “I need you breathing,” he seethed. “I made a promise to you when I gave you that patch and made you my left at the table, told you we would clean up the mess Cain put the club in, we’d kick the drugs,” he paused. “And after you laid Christine to rest, you made a promise to her, heard you crying with my own ears when you told her you would clean up, go get help and all that.”
“I did,” I shouted, gripping the sides of the bed angrily as I stared back at him. “I kept my word until Jimmy Gold landed on our doorstep…so did you.”
Drinking didn’t count. I didn’t pick up that habit until I kicked all the others. I didn’t promise anyone I wouldn’t become a drunk. Fair game.
“So what? That’s it? I should send Pipe to the corner with a fifty bag and you should shoot until your veins collapse? To hell with everything you, me, this fucking club worked for? We’ll just let it all go to shit for some cock-sucking mobster? Turn his charred ass over to Vic and let him handle our business?”
“That was your fucking plan, not mine. You and Bianci came and told me we would feed Jimmy the drugs, set him up and get his ass sent to pris
on. We sat down with Vic and he gave his word, once we delivered Jimmy he’d end that miserable fuck’s life and then make it his mission to get the G-Man. I didn’t believe it but the man fucking swore on the bible, thought that shit counted for something,” I sneered.
‘That’s still the plan,” Jack said, calmly.
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to decide if he was fucking with me or not. One minute he’s talking about cleaning up the streets and ridding the world of scumbags like the G-Man and Jimmy ourselves and the next he’s talking about handing them over to the mob on a silver platter.
“So what the fuck you busting my balls about then?” I grunted.
“You think Jimmy didn’t have a crew in place, the motherfucker was working with the G-Man. You don’t think that man will send someone to retaliate against the men who took his dealer off the streets?”
I watched as Jack cracked his knuckles.
“I’m not fucking worried about Sun Wu, Black, it’s every goddamn pusher the G-Man has working from inside the prison he’s rotting in, to outside these four walls. We don’t have Vic anymore to aide in the clean-up this shit is all on us. His job is to eliminate the scumbags inside with him,” he pinned me with a stare. “It’s only a matter of time before these fucking streets becomes a war zone. I will say it once, and only once, you need to get your fucking act together and be the fucking man I know you are. If that means you taking time to go get clean, then that’s what you do because when mayhem comes I need you,” he rasped, raking his fingers through his hair.
“Appreciate the concern,” I ground out. “I’ll handle my shit. You don’t have to worry about me becoming a liability to the club,” I added.
“Oh fuck that,” he growled. “You think that’s why I’m here asking you to get well? Fuck liabilities. Everyone in this club thought I’d be a liability because of my mind, because I got some shit disorder that fucks with me, but you never gave me lip for it. Your confidence in my ability to run our club never shifted. I’m not here telling you to clean up because I’m worried you won’t fucking do your job. I know you Black, been your brother for years, you function better on any goddamn poison than you do when your levelheaded. I’m telling you get your ass off the drugs because I don’t want to put your ass in the dirt. Now, I just buried a brother, a real fucking brother, who never had my back the way you’ve had my back and that stung but digging a hole for you will fucking make me bleed.”
I looked away as his words echoed in my ears.
His plea should’ve made me proud of my duty served as his vice president but his words fell flat for me. I didn’t need his approval as the president of our club, I knew I had that, that I had earned his respect in that aspect. But hearing him beg me to turn my life around so I can do my job made me feel some kind of way, made me feel something I wasn’t used to feeling.
Remorse and not for anyone other than myself.
I’m the man at his left, the self-destructing cowboy who will help him destroy any and all enemies. I’m his soldier, the man he relies on in our corrupt world of crime. He has faith in me when it comes to my job, when it comes to a promise I made my dead wife, but that’s where it ends. Jack didn’t think I could be a better man, he knew what I was, what I’d always be and that wasn’t the kind of guy he’d ever want for Lacey. I could go on protecting her, doing my job as his second, but claiming her? Making her more than just a duty, turning my fucked up life around to be better for her? That shit could never be.
I’m Blackie, Satan’s knight and that’s all I’ll ever be.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, finally. “You might not be concerned about the Red Dragons but I am. They’ll figure out we were responsible for the drugs, mark my words, and we’re going to need to be ready. On top of that, we fell through on our deal with the Corrupt Bastards, they’re not going to take what happened with Jimmy as an excuse for why they’re sitting with a quarter million dollars’ worth of drugs in their laps. I need to get the fuck out of here and smooth shit over with them before they think we were looking to fuck them all along. I will keep on with the methadone until things calm down for the club. The doctor mentioned a clinic, and when the time is right, when I know you don’t need me front and center I’ll kick the methadone on my own. No rehab. I did it once I can do it again,” I assured him.
I diverted my eyes back to his as he nodded in agreement.
“Now, get your ass fucking strong because it’s going to be a wild ride,” he asserted, starting for the door. He paused, turning around and looking at me thoughtfully.
“My girl grew some kind of attachment to your ass,” he muttered.
I sighed, dropping my head against the pillows.
“Well, we faced fucking death together,” I ground out, staring up at the ceiling. “From what I remember, Reina held her own. That woman of yours gave Jimmy one hell of a fight,” I informed him.
“Wasn’t talking about Reina,” he said, turning back and striding out the door without another word.
Yeah, I grew an attachment to her too.
Fuck me.
Chapter Fourteen
The doctors hate me; the nurses do too. I’m their worst nightmare, the worse goddamn patient to enter this hospital. They keep breaking my balls, telling me I need to take it easy and all that shit. They lecture me by saying I have to condition my heart, do some kind of physical therapy to build up my strength. They think if they put me on a treadmill I’ll jog my way to recovery.
Fucking bullshit.
These motherfuckers don’t know I’m a bull.
I caused all sorts of havoc when I stepped off the treadmill, dropped to the floor and did push-ups.
Protocol.
They say I don’t follow it.
I never followed rules and such, a little heart attack would not change that.
Once my stint in physical therapy was over, the nurse summoned for a transporter to escort my ass back to my room where my dose of methadone was waiting for me.
And a pissed off Bulldog.
“Look, Mr. Petra, you have a visitor,” the cheerful transporter exclaimed.
“Joy,” I said mockingly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and kicking back the dose of fake heroin as if it was a shot of the finest whiskey.
I pushed the empty paper cup onto the rolling cart before I lifted an eyebrow at the transporter.
“Something else you need?” I asked. The motherfucker was looking at me like I was supposed to tip him or something.
“Have a good day, Mr. Petra,” he stuttered, scampering out the door, causing a grin to spread across my face.
I’m a dick.
“What did he do to you?” Jack asked, reminding me he was there. I turned around and glanced at him and shrugged my shoulders.
“They fuck with me, I fuck with them…it’s a love-hate relationship,” I said.
“I wouldn’t want you as a patient,” he replied, standing up from the chair and making his way over to me.
I wasn’t expecting to see him, partially because I think he’s onto the fact Lacey isn’t just his daughter anymore, but the girl who has me twisted up in knots. The last couple of days, without the constant flow of my brothers visiting me, I sat here and thought of her.
“Lucky for you, you missed your calling in the medical field.” I tipped my chin at him. “Looking at you, I’m almost afraid to ask, what the fuck happened now?”
He bit the inside of his cheek, sucked in a breath before he leaned against the wall and shook his head.
“You were right,” he said.
“Going to have to be a little more specific,” I replied, narrowing my eyes as I peered at him.
“Sun Wu knows it was us that took the drugs,” he ground out.
“How do you know?”
“The motherfucker took Riggs. We didn’t even know they had him, Bones was the only one who suspected anything. Well, him and Bianci but that’s because Wu dropped his bike in front of Xonerated. They covered
the bike and the front door of the gym in red paint,” he paused, looking like he was debating on whether he should continue.
“Just fucking tell me,” I said, clenching my jaw, making the decision easier for him.
“We were at Pop’s getting the guns ready for the deal we made with the Dragons, waiting for them to pick the crates up and Bones voiced his concerns,” he shrugged his shoulders, running his hand along the scruff that lined his jaw before he continued. “I figured Riggs had his head up his ass with all this shit going on with Bianci’s sister and the baby and he went off the grid on his own— “ “Jack, I don’t give two shits what you thought I want to know what actually happened,” I interrupted angrily.
“The back doors of the van opened, they started shooting as they rolled his body out of the truck and sped off. Wolf and Pipe took a couple of shots at the van but they got away,” he barked.
I blew out a breath, balling my hands into fists as I peered up at him.
“And Riggs?”
“They fucked him up, dropped him at our feet battered and bruised with a price tag on his head,” he said, pushing off the wall he was leaning on and crossed the room. “Literally, the cock-sucking bastard shaved two, five, zero on Riggs’s head,” he muttered.
“Two hundred fifty thousand,” I said.
“That’s what you made the deal with Jimmy for, two hundred and fifty thousand dollars’ worth of heroin but we didn’t have time to get the drugs from the Corrupt Bastards like you planned, and on top of that we didn’t have you,” he argued. “We had to get the drugs from somewhere and it had to be the amount we agreed on. I wasn’t risking your life or Reina’s.”
“I get it Bulldog, but we’re going to have to pay that debt back to the Corrupt Bastards if we want peace. They aren’t just going to take the fucking loss. So, now we have to come up with a half a mill or we will be at war with two fucking clubs,” I seethed.
“You want to let me finish?” He growled.
“After we got Riggs patched up we paid Wu a visit, he demanded we give him the money or we would have three dead bodies on our hands,” he continued.
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