by Cathy Johns
“That’s not what I wanted to say and since you’ve mentioned it, I can’t help but wonder. I’m not ready to be called a mama yet.” I honestly say. Not that I wouldn’t want to have children with him, God, who in their right mind would say no to having Taylor’s children? The man is insanely gorgeous. He’s sex on a stick. A man who’s capable of making a woman like me forget what life is all about.
“Hope” he takes my hand in his and links our fingers together. “I’ll never do anything that you’re not ready for. It was reckless of me to make love to you without protection but whatever the outcome, we’ll deal with it together.” I don’t know why but I believe him. I believe that he’ll never walk out on me but we’ll have to be careful next time. This can’t happen again and I’ll have to take responsibility for my life. I’ve never been on the pill and will have to book an appointment with my gynecologist first thing tomorrow morning.
“I’ll go see the doctor tomorrow morning,” I state and he’s quiet for a while and I think he hasn’t heard me before he puffs out.
“Can I take you there?” he asks. “Or I can stick with the latex.” He adds.
Condom? No way he’s having me again with something standing in our way. I’ve felt him twice and his juice warming my inside as he comes inside me… I shake my head and I don’t hesitate when I say “I don’t want anything between us, Taylor.”
“I agree with you.” I see him grinning even with his eyes on the road. “No condom it is and you can rest assured that I’m clean, been clean for five years now, I’ve not been with any other woman.” He says.
“I don’t have a record to outweigh yours since you’re my first” I say.
“And that’s how it’s going to be Hope.” He adds taking his eyes off the road to gaze at me briefly. His eyes say it all. There’s no turning back from this. We’re in this together with the way he’s looking at me.
“Thank you.” I find myself saying even when I don’t know what I’m thanking him for.
“For what?” he asks.
“I don’t know what for exactly, but whatever it is, just known that I’m thankful.” I honestly say.
He squeezes our linked fingers before bringing my hand up for a soft kiss.
“Thank you Hope.” He says.
I raise my brows as I frown. What is there to thank me and as if reading my mind, he answers my unspoken question.
“For trusting me enough, for believing that I have the best intentions for you and that I want the very best for you. I want to see you fly and that’s why I can’t be your boss. I’d prefer working alongside you, be your guide when you want my support but I want you to know that this project will be solely yours.” He says and before I can digest on his words he continues “I know this is all new to you, to me and people will think I’ve lost my mind even though I totally agree with them about that part of me losing my mind but I’ll be honest with you Hope. The first time I saw you, I knew you didn’t belong in that place. I wanted to take you out of there even if I had to drag you out by pulling your hair but what did I do, I tasted you instead, gave you time to think about it and you damn took your sweet time woman.” He chuckles. “I want you to give a childlike Kelly a reason to believe that the world can be a better place for her and many others because you’ll be the reason why they have a smile on their face.”
I hadn’t thought of things on such a level, I haven’t even had time to digest all of what that will entail when it comes to running a children’s home or the children that will be part of it. The homeless ones, the orphans and Kelly… I want to make her ours.
Ours? The word is strange to me… Hope, you need to learn how to walk before you can run. Baby steps I remind myself.
“What makes you think I’ll be good at this?” I ask even when I know I believe I can do it. Give my all to the children just like I’ve given my all to Michael.
“Because listening to you tell a make-up story to your son…” we both laugh. I don’t know where I come up with the stories I tell Michael. “And the way you were with Kelly, it all made sense to me. I believe in you even when I’ve just gotten to know you. You’re one of those people that given a chance and support, you’ll do amazing things in order to change someone else’s life.”
We’ve only known each other a short time but he seems to have figured me out already in a way no one else has ever done and I feel like he’s pulling down another wall I never thought was up, the way he tends to grasp me in a way no one has ever done, like he can see straight to my soul.
How did I get myself here?
“You see why I said thank you” I say lightly, trying to fight all the emotions that are threatening to shred my heart.
“This is just the beginning of much more to come Hope.” He smiles as he winks at me. Damn it, how can a simple smile make my heart all mushy and my stomach somersault at the same time?
“Do I need a life saver?” I tease. I do need a life saver when it comes to him, not sure how smooth this ride is going to be but I don’t see it going slow and with him being the captain. I’ll be forced to hold on tight so I don’t fall on my face or ass.
“I guess so” he says.
“You know I also need to handover my resignation to my day job.” I let him know even when that decision was mine to make.
“I know” he says sparing a glance at me before looking ahead. “That’s a decision I won’t make for you baby.” I’m thankful that he’s going to let me do this on my own and as I contemplate on it he says, “just make it soon.”
We fall back into a conversation that has both of us picking on each other, laughing so hard that I think I’ll pee in my pants. God, it feels like I’ve known him all my life. He’s so different from the man the world seems to know. He’s affectionate, passionate, well laid back and the way he laughs… that’s music to my ear. I always want to see him like this, the person that not everyone gets to see. The IT guru who has enough money to feed a community but still down to earth and I’m the lucky woman who gets to see that side of him.
You’re his. Remember? The voice in my head reminds me whose I am.