by T. S. Joyce
And suddenly, she felt like she could. Or at least she could give this all she had and be proud of her effort. Tagan was trying to push her off and weed her out, but she didn’t have to make it easy for him.
The crew counted, “Five.”
“Six.”
Tagan was crouching now. “All the way down. Good girl. Bruiser, you too.”
“Seven.”
“Eight.”
A slow smile was creeping over Tagan’s face, one that matched Kellen’s. If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve called it pride that she saw there.
“Come on, Skyler,” Brooke said as she hit fifteen.
When she and Bruiser hit twenty, the rest of the crew began chanting her name, softly at first, then louder with clapping. Brooke dropped down beside her and began to do pushups, too. Skyler’s adrenaline surged again with the urge to please Brooke. Arms shaking, muscles burning, Skyler gritted her teeth and struggled to push herself up. She was slowing now, unable to keep up with Bruiser. He watched her carefully and slowed, too.
“Brighton,” Tagan said.
Brighton sat next to Drew on Bruiser’s back, and the giant man grunted. A drop of sweat dripped down his nose as they hit thirty.
“Don’t give up now, Beautiful. You’re damned inspiring to watch,” Kellen said, eyes intense as he watched her push up on trembling arms.
Her body was on fire. Abs working, body tight, shoulders straining. She couldn’t do this.
“You can,” Kellen murmured, as if he could see the defeat on her face and read her quitter thoughts.
Bruiser was struggling, and Tagan gestured Denison onto his back, bless that man.
“Fucking do this,” Brooke said, lowering herself down beside Skyler for another rep. “Prove him wrong.”
“Tagan?” she rasped.
“No,” Brooke said, panting. “Prove Roger wrong.”
Roger. That was enough to get her blood boiling. He didn’t believe she was capable of anything. When she sang, he told her to “cut that shit out.” When she cooked, he called it disgusting. He had thrown a full plate at her once! He’d never said a single nice thing to her since the day she met him.
Skyler didn’t know why Tagan was testing her limits, but as she grunted and pushed herself up again, she knew it was for a reason. And not some domineering test to embarrass her in front of everyone. He was challenging her to be better than she thought she could be.
Bruiser’s arms strained and twitched, and he cursed as he lowered himself again. Except this time he pitched forward and landed with his hands on either side of his massive chest.
Panting, she lifted her steady gaze to Kellen’s proud face, then to Tagan’s, and with the last bit of strength she had left in her body, she pushed herself up one last time and fell over.
The crew erupted into cheers, and Brooke massaged Skyler’s cramping arms, then pulled her upward. She settled her in front of Tagan.
The alpha’s eyes sparked with something she couldn’t understand. “Be ready by six in the morning,” he said. “Probation starts now.”
As she watched him walk away, she wanted to please him. Not because she needed his blessing to stay here, but for Kellen, who’d been in trouble with his alpha since she’d arrived. She wanted life to be easier for him, and if she could win his alpha’s approval, Kellen could be happier.
Kellen wrapped her up in a hug. “You did so good,” he whispered against her ear before passing her to Denison for a ridiculously rough hug.
Bruiser patted her on the back hard enough to rattle her ribs, and Drew squeezed her shoulder so hard that she winced, but she felt good and happy receiving their congratulations. These stranger bears were proud of her for winning a simple pushup contest that was obviously swayed in her favor. They seemed to care if she was inducted into the crew. Seemed to care that she was here. All her life, she’d been treated like an object, but here, amongst these cussing, spitting, beer-guzzling, dominant as hell, shirt-stripping, muscle-bound titans, she was welcome.
As she looked at Kellen, watching her from the outskirts of the circle, she suddenly wanted things.
Wanted a life and friends…and Kellen.
She wanted this feeling to last more than a day or a week.
She wanted to take care of these people who had unknowingly given her one of the most influential and important nights of her life.
She wanted to be part of the Ashe crew.
Chapter Eight
Skyler stretched her legs out, searching for cool pockets under the soft covers of her bed. It had to be three in the morning, at least, and sleep still eluded her. Between the push-up contest and all of this change she could feel happening inside of her, she should’ve been exhausted. But instead, she couldn’t hold her arms and legs still for more than a minute before she went to fidgeting again.
She had to cut ties with Roger.
It wasn’t enough to disappear forever and never have closure. She needed to face him and tell him she was leaving. Tell him he’d messed up when he mistreated her. If she didn’t, it would always feel like her heart was half-healed, splayed open, waiting for the last few stitches.
She sat up and pressed the pads of her feet onto the cool floor beside the bed. The room was dark with the blackout curtains covering the windows, but her night vision was excellent. Hooray for shifter senses.
She padded across the room to her oversize purse that sat on top of the dresser. With her phone pulled from the side pocket, she turned it on and waited impatiently. It took forever to turn onto the home screen, or so it seemed as the seconds she spent thinking about what she was going to say to Roger left her hands sweating at the palms.
When the main screen finally glowed through the darkness, it told her she’d missed forty-two calls from Roger. Or as her phone secretly identified him—Assface.
That tiny rebellion had made it easier to shoulder the things he said and did. At least when he called, and the uncharitable name she’d given him flashed across the screen, it felt like a tiny victory in a war she’d long ago lost.
There wasn’t enough reception for her to call out, so she made her way to the living room and stood on the couch. She shoved the phone upward until it touched the sagging ceiling, but it still didn’t have enough bars. Crap.
More determined than ever, she ran into the bedroom and slipped on the jeans she’d borrowed from Brooke, then snuggled into Kellen’s jacket he’d lent her. It swallowed her and hung down to her knees, but it smelled of him and made her feel stronger. Strong enough to do this now. Tonight.
The porch didn’t offer enough reception, so she made her way to a creaking gate in the fence behind 1010 and onto a worn trail that led up the mountain. The moon was only half full, but that was plenty of light for a shifter like her. Farther and farther she hiked until she reached a ledge that overlooked a valley. She gasped and stared out over the vast wilderness. Stars painted the sky, like glitter on a canvas. Pulling her jacket more soundly around her, she lifted her cell to her face. Three bars. Good enough.
Squaring her shoulders, she punched the call button and settled the speaker against her ear.
Roger asked, “Where are you?”
“I have something to say, and I’d appreciate it if you’d just let me get it out.”
“Fuck what you have to say. I’ve looked everywhere for you. You were supposed to be home when I got back, cooking me a fucking chicken dinner. An edible one this time!”
“Stop yelling at me.” Damn that pathetic tremble in her voice.
“I’m not going to ask you again, Skyler. Where. Are. You?”
“I’ve left you.” She held her breath and closed her eyes.
A beat of stunned silence sat heavy between them, and she imagined him running his hands through his greasy blond hair.
“You stupid bitch. Do you even know what you are saying right now?”
“I don’t choose you. I want the right to find someone else. Someone who doesn’t hate me.�
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“I don’t hate you,” he ground out.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes.” Lie. It was gross how easily he could do it.
“Then why did you push me the other day? Why did you laugh when I hit the counter? Why did you leave me there on the floor crying? Why did you call me names as you walked out the door? Do you even know what love is?”
“Love,” he repeated, disgust dripping from the word. “You speak of love too much. It’s not important to anyone but saps and humans. You have one job to do, Skyler, and you can’t even fucking do it. Keep me happy. And when you manage that, bear me offspring and continue my lineage.”
“Do you even like kids?” Her voice had wrenched up an octave, but she didn’t care. She was in Asheland Mobile Park, long out of his treacherous reach. She was safe.
“What does that have to do with anything? God, you really are as stupid as the council told me you were. Underachiever in finishing school, pain in the ass to your handlers, but did I listen? No. I let your tight ass and fucking delicious-smelling cunt sway me into a bad decision.”
Each word he uttered was a blow. Her knees buckled. Heavily, she sat in the dirt and looked helplessly at the starry sky. “Great,” she said in a small voice. “Crisis averted. We can both go our separate ways. You can go find a mate who has a shot at pleasing you, poor woman, and I can make my own way without you.”
He laughed, a long, cruel sound that bubbled from his chest and bounced around her head. “You’re so stupid,” he said, still chuckling. “You don’t make this decision. I do. I don’t want to separate and pick someone else. You want to know why?” His voice dipped low and harsh, all humor gone. “Because your misery makes me happy. You can’t hide your disdain for me from your face, and it soothes something in me I can’t fix when I’m not winning a war for your precious daddy. And when you come home, Skyler, I’m going to fuck you. No more waiting for the ceremony. No more putting me off. I own you, and I’m going to hurt you, Skyler. That’ll be your punishment for thinking you could leave a Crestfall.”
“I’d rather be banished than come back to you.” There it was, that steel she knew could bolster her voice. The tremble had left her, and in its place was determination. She wasn’t his plaything or a spoil of war or revenge on her father for whatever the wars had leached from Roger’s humanity. She wasn’t just a wet hole for him to force himself into either. She’d rather die than be used by him.
“Do you know what they’ll do to you if you are banished? The Welkin Raiders will find you as soon as someone leaks that you’ve been banished. They won’t just kill you, Skyler, you poor, naïve little idiot. They’ll break those fragile little bones in your fingers first, then move up. They’ll cut away at you until you beg for death, then they’ll let you heal and start over. For months. Come home, and I won’t tell the council what you’ve done. Do it now before I lose my patience.”
“I can’t.” She was terrified, shaking so hard she had to hold the phone with both hands. If their enemies caught her, she’d be tortured. But she couldn’t go back to the way she was before. She’d been uncaged—had tasted freedom. How could she go back now to that dark place she’d lived in? “I won’t.”
“You’d rather spend the rest of your short life alone?”
She was going to get that job and stay here with people who cared if she lived or died. With people who saw her as more than some genetic jackpot. With Kellen. “I’m not alone,” she whispered, barely strong enough to find her voice. “Not anymore.”
****
“You’ve surprised me,” Tagan said from behind.
Kellen jumped and jerked the brake lever, grinding the cables traveling down the mountainside to a halt. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had snuck up on him, and it made him more irritable that he already was. “How so?” he gritted out.
“Your mate is down there working with the crew, and you’re all the way up here. And you haven’t once asked me to switch you out so you could be closer to her.” Tagan gripped the cage of the giant machine Kellen operated. “Now, I’ve known you a long time, and you can’t help your protective instincts, but with Skyler, I’ve watched you avoid her since dawn. What gives?”
“She’s not my mate. I’m not made for a—”
“Horseshit.”
Kellen growled and searched the hillside below him. When he was sure it was still clear, he hit the lever that dragged a trio of giant logs up the side of the mountain. “What do you want, Tagan? You bled me yesterday, were a pain in the ass last night, and now you’re bored of working so you want to piss me off all day? Is that it?”
“Why are you avoiding her Kellen?”
Kellen hit the brake and twisted in his seat. “Why did Brooke leave you?”
Tagan’s face morphed into an expression of pain, and his gaze automatically glided over to the hill that Brooke had sat on the day he’d been forced to Turn her. “If you’re bringing that up just to hurt me—”
“I’m not. I want to know why.”
A distressed muscle twitched just under Tagan’s left eye, but Kellen glared him down, waiting.
“She left because she didn’t want me coddling her while she tried to get stronger.” Tagan angled his head and gave Kellen a dead-eyed look. “That’s why you’re keeping your distance from Skyler. You don’t want her running from you.”
“All I want to do is follow her around and do everything for her. I don’t want her to have to lift a finger. I want to feed her and bathe her. I want her living in my den, not 1010, so I can hold her if she ever gets scared. I want to pick her up and carry her everywhere, for chrissakes. And last night, I wanted to win this job for her. She did it on her own, though. If I allow myself to do the things I want for her, eventually, she’ll leave. I followed her out into the woods last night. I couldn’t help myself. I knew she needed to call Roger on her own, but I trailed her, anyway.” He shook his head, disgusted with himself. “And I listened to him call her names over that damned phone line, and I heard the vile way he talked to her, and she didn’t even react, Tagan. She’s used to it. And all the while she’s just taking it, my animal wants to reach through that phone and pull his larynx through his neck. She’s already stronger than when I picked her up. Hell, maybe she’s stronger than me. But I saw what Brooke went through and the aftermath of her leaving you. I know what I can and can’t do, and apparently, my dopey ass can’t handle losing Skyler like that. I have to give her space to get stronger on her own so that maybe someday, she’ll give me a real shot. And not just because I was the first nice guy to come along and give her positive attention, but because she wants me back.”
“I thought you didn’t want a mate.”
“I don’t!” Kellen’s headache blazed to life again, rattling his skull. He ran his hands through his hair, massaging his scalp as he steadied his breathing. “I can’t have a mate, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting Skyler. I’m all mixed up.”
Tagan gripped his shoulder and shook him gently. “Welcome to the club, man.”
After Tagan leapt from the metal stairs to the ground, Kellen raked his gaze down the hillside to where Denison was teaching Skyler a more efficient way of tying the logs to the cables. She was good. Nimble as she bounded over the piles of felled trees under Denison’s direction. It was obvious even from here that she learned fast and was eager to keep her crewmates safe. She’d be good at this if Tagan gave her a shot.
It gutted him. Kellen hadn’t been afraid in a long time, but having Skyler under the heavy cables he operated had him carrying some major tension in his shoulders. Rolling his neck, he gritted his teeth and fought the urge to go down there and give Denison the machine. He’d been gunning for a spot up on machinery for a month, and Kellen could protect her better from right beside her, down with the rest of the crew.
But that’s not what she needed out here.
She wasn’t in danger from her people on the job site. Not with the crew around. If he went dow
n there and gave into his craving to take care of her every need, she’d stay stunted and unsure of herself. And dammit, she was going to be a tough-as-nails hellion when she built up her confidence. He couldn’t wait to see that spitfire spirit he had caught a glimpse of turn into an inferno. She was a volcano, dormant now, but someday, she’d put on one hell of a show.
He had to be patient. He had to give her space to trust herself and her own decision-making abilities.
Right now, he needed to staunch his protective instincts and find a balance between treating her how she deserved and stifling her growth.
Chapter Nine
It was pouring buckets of rain, but that wasn’t the reason Tagan was calling the shift off early. The slopes were slippery and treacherous and the working conditions miserable. Mudslides were almost constant, and slick logs kept slipping from wet cables. Mud caked on everyone’s boots, making it nearly impossible to move without epic concentration. In the past hour, Tagan had barely taken his eyes off the sky. He’d just stood on the edge of the landing, hands on his hips, eyes narrowed, watching the storm roll in. The alpha finally blasted a whistle from above them where the big machinery sat abandoned by Brighton and Kellen.
“Lightning scares Tagan,” Denison explained. “If it stays far enough away, he’ll keep us working, but this storm is going to barrel down right on top of us.”
The roiling storm had blocked all sunlight, making it look much later and darker. And for the last half an hour, the sky had lit up with streaks of electricity blasting from the heavens. A long curl of thunder rumbled so loud it rattled the earth beneath her feet. Skyler stepped over a pair of felled logs, then jumped to the ground behind Denison.
Bruiser jogged past her. As sure-footed as a billy goat, he clapped her on the back and bolted ahead. “You did good today, rookie.”
Skyler grimaced. “Hey, how long do I have to work here to get rid of that nickname?”
“More than the week and a half you’ve been here,” Bruiser called over his shoulder.