Bi-Sensual

by Nikki- Michelle

  He scoffed and shook his head. “Your fucking guilt is eating away at you, isn’t it? You did what you did. It is what it is. But how much longer are you going to let your guilt rule you when it comes to dealing with Nicole?”

  “This has nothing to do with guilt. I need to see my son,” I said.

  “She’s never going to let you see him, and you know it. If she wanted you to have any kind of relationship with him, she’d have sent pictures by now or something. Your son is seven years old, and this is the first time she has reached out to you. Don’t play yourself, Elliot.”

  I dropped my head. Sucked in my lips, then licked them. I was trying like hell not to let Demi’s words get to me. Trying hard to keep my anger in check. I looked back up at him in the mirror and asked, “Would it be so hard for you to just fucking support me right now? How hard is that shit for you? To just for fucking once . . . tell me shit’s going to be okay? One goddamned time, Demi.”

  He took a deep breath and shook his head. “So you want me to lie to you?”

  “It’s not about lying to me.”

  “It is. You want me to tell you some shit we both know ain’t true.”

  “You don’t know that. This could go either way.”

  “It’s going to go one way. The way Nicole wants it to go.”

  “If that means I get to see my son—”

  “You won’t. You never will. She isn’t going to allow her son to be around two faggots,” he blurted out with such force, I thought I felt spittle fly on the back of my neck and the side of my face.

  Nicole and her family had leveled the F word at me and Demi more times than I could count. No matter how many times I tried to drill it into her head that I wasn’t gay, she didn’t want to hear it. In her mind, there was no such thing as a bisexual man. Men had to be gay or straight. There wasn’t an in-between. I remembered one of our arguments.

  “You screwed a man in the bed we made love in,” she yelled at me.

  “I’m sorry for cheating on you.”

  An incredulous look crossed her features as she shook her head, those long braids wiggling like worms. “You think this is about you cheating. Cheating, I could forgive. My father has cheated on my mother many times. I know how to forgive a man for cheating, how to turn the other cheek. But you’re gay, Elliot. You stuck your penis in another man’s butt and probably allowed him to do the same to you. You’re freaking gay!”

  She was so belligerent that her hand shook. Her brown face had ruddy undertones. The tears rolling down her cheeks seemed to cause steam to radiate from her face. She was angry, but not more than I was.

  The last day I was in New York, Nicole told me to meet her. She was supposed to bring my son with her. I was in East Harlem, at Uptown Juice & Veg. It was a vegan eatery that Nicole and I had often visited when we were together. I’d done everything she had wanted me to, to the letter after that fight with her fiancé and brothers. And she still didn’t bring my son to me. She had me by the balls. All she had to do was call the police and I’d be gone before I could blink. She knew that. So she could do anything she wanted to do, say whatever she wanted to say, and I could do nothing about it. She walked out on me that day with the promise never to allow my son to be anywhere near me or the faggot whore I was seeing.

  I glared at Demi through the rearview mirror. Some days, I resented him. I resented him for making me love him. I resented him for Nicole walking in on us. I resented him for the fact that once Nicole found out he was still around, still in my life, she made it her mission to cause havoc for me. Some days it hit me that if I wasn’t with him . . . if it wasn’t for him, I’d have my son in my life. Nicole was never going to allow Jacques anywhere near me as long as Demi was around.

  All of that, every last word, damn near spilled from my lips. It would have taken us to another place. All the love in the world wouldn’t have been enough to keep us at peace if I’d allowed those words to leave my mouth.

  Luckily for me, Mona walked out of the gelato shop and I didn’t have to imagine any longer the potential fallout of uttering those words. She opened the passenger-side door and slipped inside. The tension in the truck was palpable. She felt it. That was why she glanced over her shoulder at Demi and then looked over at me. It was hard for me to breathe. The air in the truck was more than supercharged with our energy. Not the good and positive kind, either.

  “It’s going to be all right. For both of you. I don’t agree with what either of you did to this woman. That shit is soul crushing, and I’m speaking from experience,” she said. “So on the one hand, I get her anger. I get the”—she huffed, then dropped her head, as if her memories were crushing her—“I get her bitterness. You put your all into someone, you love them, and at times, you love them more than you love yourself, and then they turn around and do the unthinkable. The cheating itself is bad enough, but to find out the man you love is on the down low . . . Shit’s painful. You feel used. You feel abused. All of that. So I get her on that end, but there is a child involved. And that changes things. You shouldn’t be kept away from your child, because you happen to be same-gender loving at the moment. You’re not a murderer. You’re not a rapist. You’re not a child abuser in any form. So while she, Nicole, is justifiably angry, she is wrong for keeping your child away from you based on her prejudices and homophobia.”

  Mona said that, then passed the brown bag with her sweet goodies to Demi. She asked him to sit it on the seat next to him. After that, she said nothing. Laid her head against the window as I pulled out of the parking lot.

  I glanced at Demi again. He had his head thrown back against the seat. I didn’t know what was going on in his mind, but I was to the point of no return. I was ready and willing to do just about anything to see my son, even if that meant walking away from him.

  Mona

  I asked Elliot to find me a Walmart before we all went back to my hotel. Inside Walmart, I went to the aisle with the candles. Walmart was damn near empty, which was surprising. Elliot stayed in his truck. That was okay, as I didn’t plan on being long. Demitri walked into the store with me, but only to use the bathroom.

  Into the cart, I put different scented candles. Vanilla, black licorice, cinnamon, lily of the valley, peppermint, sandalwood, and lavender were my wares for the evening. I looked at and sniffed a few others, but I put them back. I had enough. I made my way to the register. Checked out, then headed back to the truck. Demitri was still in the store. But by the time I’d put the bag of candles on the backseat, he was coming out.

  He didn’t look at me. Passed me like I didn’t exist in his world, then hopped into the backseat. I didn’t take it personally. It was clear that he and Elliot had exchanged words before I came out of the gelato shop. It was a sensitive situation, and I could understand all the angst. However, I had no desire to talk about it any more than I already had.

  Elliot had a son. I tried like hell not to let that bother me, but it did. It solidified the fact that I came second in his life, and it made me wonder if I actually came third, maybe even fourth. It made me question our whole relationship. I wasn’t about to compete with a man’s son for his time and love. It was bad enough that I’d agreed to be a side ho.

  I had to call a spade a spade. I was a side woman. Nothing more. No matter how good Elliot slung dick my way, I was on the bench when Demitri was in the game. Now there was a little boy whom I had to take a backseat to. I might have been a lot of things, but I’d never be one of those people who thought it was kosher to stand in the way of a man being in his child’s life.

  I was a selfish woman, and I knew that would get in the way of Elliot being a dad, especially since I had no desire to be a mother. No way would I stick around even to test my theory, either. But that was something I’d think about at length another time.

  We got back to my hotel room. Demitri asked me for the key to the fitness room and headed there, and Elliot stayed downstairs in the lobby, speaking to his parents on his cell. My room had been
cleaned by housekeeping, so I took the time to set up candles around the living area, the bedroom, and the bathroom. I turned off all the lights so only the soft glow of the candles illuminated the space. This created a sort of shadowy, mysterious ambiance in the room. The scents I’d picked slowly melded together to create an erotic cocktail. I was stressed just from listening to the story Elliot had told, so I knew Elliot was too, since it was his burden to bear.

  I took my boots off, then my shirt. Walked into the bathroom to start the shower. I heard the door open and assumed it was Elliot, but I was surprised to find both of them. I smiled when I saw them. I didn’t have it in me to talk, so when Elliot asked me what I was doing, I walked up to him, then kissed him.

  I unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, then pulled his shirt out. He lifted his arms and allowed me to remove it. I placed my hands on his waist. Kissed his neck the way he always did to me.

  “Take your shoes off,” I whispered.

  He did. Stepped out of his loafers, eyes still on me. I eased this pants down, along with his boxer briefs. I then kneeled to remove his socks. From that position, his manhood was in my line of vision. I kissed the head and watched it give a little jump. I smiled, then stood. Wrapped my arms around his waist, then stood on my toes to kiss him. Gave him a lot of tongue, then pulled back to give him little pecks of affection, well aware of the fact that Demitri was still standing near us.

  I broke the kiss with Elliot, then looked over his shoulder at the man he loved. I moved away from Elliot, then walked toward Demitri. Elliot turned to watch me. I stopped in front of the man with the gray eyes, then glanced at Elliot. He knew what I was asking and gave one head nod. As far as he knew, Demitri and I had never seen one another naked.

  I gazed up at Demitri, wondering what he was thinking as his eyes studied me. I tested the waters. I never knew what mood I was getting with Demitri, so I had to tread lightly. I tugged at the end of the thick T-shirt he had on. He gave me no resistance, so I pulled harder, urging him to lift his arms. He did, and I removed his shirt. He removed his shoes without me having to tell him. Next came his shorts, which I slid down with ease, along with the boxer briefs he had on.

  I took the time to move their clothes from the floor to the sofa. I stood there, removed my socks, jeans . . . underwear, then bra. I didn’t think many women ever experienced the potent energy that came with having two powerful men like Elliot and Demitri staring at them with hunger in their eyes.

  Even in the candlelight I could see the heavy rise and fall of Elliot’s chest. I was used to him making me feel like I was the only woman in the world. But Demitri’s energy was new to me. Maybe it was the primitive way in which his catlike eyes followed my every move that made me lift my head in defiance and silently dare him to pounce. He gave a slow, easy smirk in response to my challenge. One that said I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

  I imagined being the only woman left on earth and the only two men left had found me. Two sets of eyes took me in from head to toe, then toe to head. I swung my braids behind me so my breasts were on full display. Then I wrapped my hair into a tight bun. Elliot licked his lips as I walked over to take his hand. I reached behind me to take Demitri’s hand.

  I led them to the shower. I stepped in first. Elliot stepped in after me, then Demitri. I turned to face Elliot, while Demitri stood behind me. There we stood, the three of us, with me washing our most private parts. I’d done this for Elliot plenty. Took the time to wash him from top to bottom. He was used to it. Even still, in that moment, I could tell he appreciated what I was trying to do. The cinnamon and peppermint candles had our senses on alert in the bathroom. Especially since silence was our companion at the moment.

  There were times when I looked up to find Elliot staring over my head at Demitri, and then there were times when his eyes were planted solely on me. Once I finished washing him up, I turned to Demitri.

  “May I?” I asked him.

  “Yeah,” he answered.

  I grabbed a new washcloth, poured my personal body wash onto it, then repeated with him the same thing I’d done with Elliot. It was an intimate moment. I knew that. I’d intended it to be. Even kneeling to wash their feet was an intimate act meant to seduce and stimulate their senses.

  I stepped out of the shower first. Left the people in a relationship in the shower. I grabbed a towel and walked into the bedroom. They were talking. I could hear bits and pieces, but not a lot, over the flow of the shower. Their voices were hushed. For a moment, they spoke to one another the way lovers did after a fight. Compassionate. Apologetic. Then I heard Elliot’s tone change. Something Demitri had said to him set him off again. Demitri responded, the tone of his voice going from remorseful to defensive.

  I wrapped the towel around myself, then stepped back into the bathroom. I grabbed another towel, then called Elliot’s name. I didn’t want to hear them arguing. Had no desire to see them fight. So I had to be the equalizer. My feminine energy was needed to balance the scales. Elliot slid the shower door to the side and stepped out. The stress lines across his forehead told me he wasn’t in a good place.

  With Demitri still in the shower, watching us, I dried Elliot’s body. I handled him carefully, like he was a rare piece of fine art. Once I was done, I wrapped the towel around his waist, then asked him to wait in the bedroom for me. My eyes were planted on Demitri as Elliot left the bathroom. I wasn’t sure how he felt watching the way Elliot and I interacted with one another. I didn’t care, either.

  He turned the water off, then stepped out of the shower. Again, I did the same thing for him that I’d done for Elliot. Only I took the time to admire his body the way I’d wanted to before. Demitri’s body was sickening, and by sickening, I meant he had been handcrafted by God herself. As I kneeled to dry his feet, I took in his thighs. They were taunt with muscle.

  I couldn’t help myself. I placed a kiss on his right inner thigh, then moved to do the same to the left one. The fact that he was slightly bowlegged made him all the more appealing to the eyes. And I’d been wrong about him not having a tattoo. There was a small one on his inner left thigh. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was the symbol for yin and yang. It was small, but there. To see it, one had to know him intimately.

  His manhood dangled in my face. No hair anywhere in sight. I loved the fact that Elliot didn’t shave all his hair off. It made him even more manly to me. Turned me on coming from him. However, seeing Demitri bare gave me a bird’s-eye view of all his length and girth. I ran my tongue over my teeth, then swallowed. I’d never tasted him the way I had Elliot. From the glow of the candles, I could make out every thick vein. They corded around his length like the roots of an oak tree. My mouth watered at the thought that the blood flow was strong. That meant his big dick could get as hard as I needed it to be and could stay that way.

  I had to fight with myself not to kiss the head of his dick. I wanted to so badly that one of my hands gripped his thigh so I could steady myself. He took my bun in his hand and unwrapped it. My braids fell down with a swoosh. My unsure gaze found his eyes. He cupped the back of my head. The mood in the bathroom changed. Yes, he was still angry at whatever had transpired between him and Elliot, but he was also on the verge of arousal. The suggestive way he was holding my head almost made me want to give in. Take him in my mouth. Elliot waiting in the other room be damned.

  But I got ahold of my lustiness. Stood and finished drying him off. He watched me the whole time. His hand never left the small of my back as I dried his. He held me like he needed me. Gripped my ass. Watched my every move. It was at that moment, I realized just how much a conundrum Demitri was to me. He was also testing me. Trying to see how far he could push me.

  I wrapped the towel around his waist, but not before I stroked his arousal. Feeling it lengthen in my hand told me he was just as intrigued by me as I was by him.

  “Come on,” I whispered. “Don’t want to keep him waiting.”

  “You let him control you,” Demitr
i said.

  “We’ll both be in that room with him together.”

  He said, “I don’t have to be.”

  “Then leave.”

  “Would you leave?” he asked.

  “Where would I go?”

  “Back home.”

  Demitri’s dick was ever hardening against my stomach.

  “You want me gone that badly?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Why? I’m no threat to you.”

  “Any woman’s pussy as hot, wet, and tight as yours is a threat to me,” he replied.

  My breath got caught in my throat, but I released it, anyway. My nipples strained against the fabric of the towel. “He loves you. He’s made me well aware of that. So no matter how hot, wet, and tight my pussy is, he won’t leave you,” I said. “I’m a rest stop. You’re home. Remember?”

  I placed a kiss in the center of his chest, then walked out of the bathroom. Elliot was sitting on the side of the bed. Demitri had caused heat to settle in my stomach. He had lit a fire there that I had once thought only Elliot could set. Elliot’s phone was in his hand, but his eyes were on me.

  “You okay?” I asked him.

  Demitri walked out of the bathroom. I turned to look at him and watched as he walked into the living area.

  “I’m all right for now,” Elliot said.

  I wanted to ask him more questions. Wanted to know what was really going on in his head. But I could tell he wasn’t in the mood to talk. So I did what I did best. I became his stress reliever. I walked over to kneel in front of him. I took his phone and placed it on the bed. Then removed his towel. His manhood lay long and curved downward since he was hardening.

  I had never made him come by giving oral sex. He was the only man who I couldn’t bring to climax with my mouth. No matter how hard I worked my mouth, his dick refused to release for me. Still, I enjoyed giving him head. He enjoyed it too. Anytime I gave him head first, he fucked me to the point where I begged him to come.