“Relax? How can I relax when you are over there talking to Zayne like it's just another day? How could you just do that?” I don't try to hide the anger in my voice.
He laughs even harder this time. “Did I ever say I was talking to Zayne?” He asks, looking at me like I am the most gullible person in the world. Hell, maybe I am.
“You said he has been calling. I just assumed.” I say, completely confused.
“You know what they say about people who assume Grace.” He says, his voice taking on a more serious note as he does his best adult impersonation. Because we all know that even though Ian is twenty-seven, he's still only about twelve in mature years.
“Then who the hell was that?” I ask, throwing one hand up in the air in frustration.
“It was Alec.” He says.
“Alec?” His name sounds tight on my throat but I manage to get it out.
“He wants us to call him as soon as we arrive back in the city. He's gonna come over once we get settled.” He says, resuming his lounging position and propping his feet up on the dashboard.
“Did he say anything else?” I ask, not really sure where I stand with my oldest brother.
“Nope.” He says, sliding his sunglasses into place. “Now if you don't mind, your clear overreaction has rendered me very sleepy. I think I'll take a nap now.” He fake yawns as if he's so completely bored with my emotions.
“You're such an ass.” I say, finally cracking a smile.
“And that is precisely why I am the perfect person to road trip with.” He says. “Never a dull moment.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You gonna get that, or should I?” Ian asks, turning down the volume on the television and turning his head towards me in the kitchen as the second knock sounds against the door.
I step away from the sink where I have been washing dishes for the last twenty minutes. I swear Carver did not clean one bit in the two weeks I was away. Wiping my hands on a nearby dish towel, I drop it onto the counter and make my way towards the door.
Nervous butterflies flap around in my stomach and my hands feel damp with sweat, even though I just dried them off. I never thought I would dread seeing Alec, but right now, dread is exactly what I feel.
When I pull open the door, I don't know what to expect but I relax the moment I catch sight of Alec's face and the warm smile pulling up the corners of his mouth.
“Hey Grace.” He says, immediately pulling me into a hug. Confusion and shock are among many of the emotions I am feeling at this very moment, but I think relief is the most prominent.
“Hey.” I say, briefly hugging him back before releasing him and stepping out of the doorway, gesturing for him to come inside.
“There he is.” Ian shouts from the couch, throwing himself over the back as he jumps up to give Alec a hug. “It's good to see you brother.” He says, pulling back and punching him in the bicep. “Wouldn't hurt you to call every now and again you know?” He scolds Alec for a brief moment and then the playful smile returns.
“That's a two way street.” He reminds Ian.
“Yeah yeah. So you wanna go catch dinner or something? You can show me where all the hotties hang out.” He says with a sly smile.
Alec laughs lightly. “Can you give me a few minutes with Grace first?” He asks, briefly looking at me before turning his eyes back to Ian.
“Yeah, you all need to sort your shit out.” He gestures between the two of us. “I'll be in my room.” He says, happily skipping towards the hall.
“He has a room?” Alec asks, shaking his head as Ian disappears into the middle bedroom.
“He's claimed Em's room. I made sure it was okay with her first.” I say on a shrug, making my way around the other side of the couch and sitting down.
It takes Alec only seconds to join me, plopping down on the chair that sits adjacent to where I am sitting. For a moment the silence surrounds us in a heavy fog. There are a million things I want to say and yet, I can't think of one damn thing.
“I owe you an apology Grace.” Alec says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “I never should have reacted the way I did. But you have to admit, it was a shock to find out that way.” He explains.
“I know. And I'm so sorry.” I start but he holds his hand up and cuts me off.
“Don't apologize Grace. After everything you have been through, you deserve to find happiness. I'm sorry if I got in the way of that. But there's something you need to understand.” He says, waiting for me to nod before continuing.
“I know Zayne, very well. And he knows himself, which is why I think I was so hurt by the fact that he got involved with you anyways, knowing how he can be. He's an all or nothing kind of person. The problem with that usually is that he goes all in only to realize he rushed into things too quickly and then he panics. I can't tell you how many girls I have seen show up at our office, outside of his apartment and sometimes even mine, looking for him, begging him to be with them. He leaves a line of heartache everywhere he goes Grace. Most of them know what they are getting into, and yet they do it anyways. But you, you didn't know and I felt like he betrayed me by betraying you. I felt like he misled you and you had no idea that you were just another flavor of the week for him.” He says, apology lining his features.
“Alec I....” I start, but he cuts me off again.
“Please Grace, just let me get all this out.” He says, continuing when I once again nod.
“I was angry and I reacted poorly and for that, I truly am sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, if anything, you did everything right. You followed your heart Gracie and you weren't afraid to love. I don't think you even realize how far you have come.”
“He's the reason.” I admit, my eyes immediately tearing up. “I don't know how but he made me feel like for the first time in a very long time, things were going to be okay. He made me feel alive.”
“He misses you Grace.” His words cause my eyes to widen and my breath to catch. This is not something I expected to hear Alec say. I struggle to find a response but he continues on before I have a chance to even form a coherent sentence.
“I know I said a lot of horrible things that day, and I'm sorry for that. I really am. But at the time, I had no reason to believe that you truly meant anything to him. I now know that that is not the case.” He says, reaching across the short distance between us to take my hand.
“I've never seen him this torn up before Grace. He's a mess. He's drowning himself in alcohol. He barely makes it to work and when he does, he's usually hung over and gets little done in the way of actual work. It took a few days for me to cool down but once I did, I finally saw how incredibly wrecked he is.” He says, giving my hand a squeeze.
“He loves you Grace. I know it's crazy that I'm the one saying this to you but I've never seen him like this. And no, he didn't ask me to talk to you for him. He knows I wouldn't do that.” He says, answering my question before I have a chance to ask it.
“I just needed to give you the opportunity to make the right decision for you by having all the facts. I'm not pressuring you and I never would. Honestly, my preference is that you two aren't together but at the same time, I will support you if that's what makes you happy.”
“He's lied to me too many times. Not stood by me when I needed him. I can't keep doing this to myself. Not to mention, all the women. I love him Alec. So much. But I refuse to live my life being someone's door mat.” I say, pulling my hand from his and swiping the one tear that managed to escape my eye.
“He even lied to me about Kyle. He said you never told him. He made me feel like I could be me, without the worry of my past or the way he would look at me because of it. The sadness and pity that everyone else looks at me with. I felt like for the first time I had the choice to share my past and only when I was ready and that.... Well that was a huge step for me. Finding out that he already knew, I think that hurt more than anything else he's done.” I fold my hands in my lap, fighting back the emoti
on that courses through my body.
“I'm sorry I told him. I know that's not the issue but I'm sorry I did. I didn't tell him until the trip to the cabin. I saw the way he looked at you and I wanted to warn him off before he ever even thought about trying something with you. I thought maybe if he knew what you had been through, maybe he would leave it alone. Clearly I was wrong.” He says. “But don't be angry with him for not telling you he knew. I think deep down, he wanted to give you the option to tell him or not tell him and he didn't want to take that choice away from you. At the end of the day, I don't think it had any impact on the way he felt about you. The way he feels about you. I'm just sorry for the role I played in all of this.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I did this.” I say, pushing my hair away from my face. “And I deserve everything that man put me through. I knew better and yet I did it anyways.”
“I don't know the whole story and I don't need to Grace. I just needed you to know that I will stand by you no matter what you decide. I know I can come across a bit controlling and maybe I am, but it's only because I want you to be happy, protected, nothing more. I'm not trying to replace dad. I just always felt like he would want me to fill that role in your life, at least when you needed it.” He says, his voice apologetic.
“Please don't think I don't appreciate it Alec. I will never be able to thank you for everything you have done for me. But from now on, I just want you to be my brother.” I say, giving him a reassuring smile.
My phone comes to life on the table in front of me and without looking at the screen, I know it's Zayne again, having still not changed the ring tone. I reach out and hit ignore, not missing Alec's face when I do.
“You should at least talk to him Grace. I get that he hurt you but imagine how you would feel if you messed up and couldn't get him to answer one phone call or one text message. It would drive you mad.” He says, for the first time defending Zayne to me.
“You really care about him don't you?” I ask, cocking my head to the side and examining my brother. I don't know how I never noticed before but his loving protective nature isn't just towards me. It's towards everyone he holds dear.
“Of course I do. We may not be blood, but he is my brother.” He says, his shoulders sagging slightly.
Guilt floods through me over the impossible situation that I have put Alec in. I can't imagine how I would feel if it was him and Emma going through this and I was in the middle. He must feel completely torn.
“Are we done with the serious shit yet? I'm starving.” Ian's voice booms through the apartment as he suddenly appears in the archway of the hall, a look of annoyance displayed across his face.
“Well I guess we are now.” Alec bites at him, throwing Ian a vicious look which quickly turns into an annoyed smile.
“We good?” He asks me, dropping his voice.
“We're good.” I say, standing to wrap my arms around his neck and give him a tight squeeze. “Thank you... for everything.” I say into his shoulder before releasing him and backing away.
“You coming with us Grace?” Ian asks, appearing at my side.
“No, you two go ahead. You have some catching up to do.” I say, grabbing the throw blanket off the couch and folding it. “I want to be here when Carver gets home.”
“Okay. You want us to bring you anything?” Alec asks, standing from his seat and taking the blanket out of my hands, draping it across the back of the chair.
“No I'll probably order in for me and Carv. You two take your time. But don't forget your key.” I say, turning towards Ian. “I will not be happy if I have to get up in the middle of the night to let you in.” I scold, pointing my finger at him like mom always does.
“Yes mother.” He mocks, rolling his eyes in the most dramatic way.
I laugh. It's nearly impossible not to laugh at almost everything that comes out of that man's mouth. Quite the comedian he can be.
“Out.” I say, shooing him away.
After reassuring both of my brothers several more times that I don't want anything and that I am good, they finally exit the apartment. Finally alone for the first time in two days, I flop back down on the couch and let out a long sigh.
I wasn't sure how I would feel once I got here but at the moment, it's proving more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew being so close to Zayne and not being able to see him or talk to him would be a challenge. I just didn't realize how strong the urge would be to just get in the car and drive to his apartment.
My phone comes to life again, Zayne's ring tone, once again, blaring through the small space. For a moment, I consider answering but I can't bring myself to hit the button. I know the moment I hear his voice, everything else will cease to matter and my resolve will go out the window.
I can't do that to myself. But accepting that if I don't address this issue soon, he's just going to keep calling. Pulling up my messages, I type out a message, delete it, and then type it again. It takes me about ten more tries before I finally settle and hit the send button.
It never would have worked. I need you to stop calling me. If you really care about me, you will let me heal. I'm sorry.
Surprisingly I don't burst into tears the minute his response comes, but that doesn't mean my throat doesn't close off with emotion.
I'm sorry too.
I stare at his words for what feels like forever. With each minute that passes, my chest feels heavier, my mind foggier. How am I ever going to find the strength to live each day knowing that I can't see his face? That I can't feel the smoothness of his skin or the ripple of his muscles under my fingertips? That I can't hear the sweetness of his voice or the way it hitches when he says my name? How will I ever survive without any of this?
And just when I feel like my life could not get any lower, something completely unexpected happens. I get another message, only this one is not from Zayne but from my agent.
We got an offer.
It's all she needs to say before I am dialing her number, my hands shaking as the phone rings and then finally her voice fills the line.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Well what did she say? Tell us everything.” Carver chimes the moment I walk in the door from my meeting with Hannah.
My huge smile must say it all.
“I can't believe you did it. You actually did it.” Ian says, staring at me from the couch with a look of absolute pride etched across his face.
“I did it! You are looking at a soon to be, published author.” I squeal, wrapping my arms around Carver's neck when he swoops down and picks me up, swirling me in a circle.
I spend the next thirty minutes going over every detail with the boys. How Hannah found a publisher within days of pitching my manuscript, how the terms were super agreeable, and how they want to see my next project as soon as possible.
It's so hard to believe that we started negotiations just two days ago and now, here I am, making my own dreams come true. This must be what Em felt like when she landed her role in Wicked. It's one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.
A mixture of pride and accomplishment.
Yet, even though I am thrilled to know that my book has sold, a piece of me can't fully enjoy it because Zayne is not here to share it with. None of this would have been possible without him and even though things are hard between us right now, I still feel like I owe him something.
Picking up my phone, I type out a quick thank you text and hit send, silently praying that he doesn't respond. Turning my attention back to Carver, who is at the moment in deep conversation with Ian about politics, I try to ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach as I wait to see if he will text me back.
I laugh when appropriate, which given their conversation is often. Imagine how entertaining it is to watch a free spirited artist and a business major jock discuss the pros and cons of our constitutional rights.
I finally excuse myself an hour later, when the conversation turns to other topics and I've heard all
I can hear about the hot women Carver works with and Ian describing girls he's hooked up with recently. Neither of which do I want to hear about.
Crawling into bed on top of the blankets, I flop back onto my back and check my phone again for any response from Zayne. Nothing. Apparently he read me loud and clear the other day. And while I know it's what I asked for, I am realizing more and more each day, that it's not what I want.
Knowing I need to distract myself before I cave during a moment of weakness and call Zayne, I quickly key in Emma's number and pray she picks up the phone. After three rings, her voice comes across the line.
“It sold?” She asks, her voice anxious and yet strangely giddy. Of course she's been waiting for this call, being the first person I called when Hannah let me know that we were in negotiations.
“It sold.” I confirm, some of my former happiness returning at being able to tell my best friend the good news.
“Oh my god Gracie! I'm so proud of you!” She practically sings into the phone.
“Thank you. It's amazing. I still feel like I am going to wake up and realize that this is all just some crazy dream.” I say, draping my forearm across my forehead to stop the overhead light from shining into my eyes.
“I can assure you that it's not a dream. If I was there, I would totally pinch you.” She laughs, reminding me how much I miss hearing her laughter, her voice, seeing her face.
“I wish you were here.” I whine. “I mean, I'm glad you're where you are and there is no place else you should be. I just miss you is all. Now I am forced to celebrate with all men. Boo.” I huff.
“Oh their not so bad. There's one particularly fine one that I wouldn't mind celebrating with.” She giggles into the phone and I get the distinct impression that she's not alone on the other side of the call.
“Um gross.” I say, knowing full well she's talking about Alec. “What are you doing anyway?” I tack on casually.
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