In that moment, Hunter realized the magnitude of her insecurities and how a string of bad relationships and one desperate act had led her to become the tough-as-nails-on-the-outside, sensitive-as-an-open-wound-on-the-inside woman she was. The woman he was falling deeply in love with.
Hunter was used to taking what he wanted, and in the past he probably would have forced her to tell everyone about them. But with Jana—only with Jana—what he wanted didn’t matter. All that mattered was making Jana feel safe and earning her trust, so that she could finally let go of all those insecurities that were eating her up inside and allow herself to live the life she deserved.
“I’m sorry you went through that.”
She tipped her face up.
“I’m not Spencer, and I sure as hell am not the guy women dream of marrying. But there’s one thing I’m damn sure of, and that’s my feelings for you.” He tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Even if that means I have to work extra hard to keep your attention on me when we’re out, I’m one hundred percent, totally and completely, all in.”
He cupped her beautiful face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. “I have total faith in us, and because of that I’m not going to push you to claim our relationship in front of our family and friends right now. I wish I could say I’d wait forever, but you know me. I feel too much for you to hide it that long, because even if you say you don’t want to hide it, that’s what we’re doing. But I know you need to trust what’s happening between us, and I understand that. After all you’ve been through, you need to develop your own faith in us, and maybe more importantly, in yourself.”
He let those words sink in. “Hopefully one day you’ll realize that I don’t ever want to hold you back from doing all the things you dream of. I want to help you set yourself free.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
JANA DROVE TO Seaside thinking about her conversation with Hunter and trying to wrap her head around her feelings. She’d never opened herself up to judgment like that before with anyone but her family when all that stuff first went down with Spencer. And even then, she’d done it only because she’d had no choice. But Hunter deserved the truth, and she felt better for having told him.
How had she gotten lucky enough to connect with probably the only man on earth who wouldn’t judge her for her past? He could have called her out on the inappropriateness of her behavior with Spencer. Instead, he’d not only understood, but he’d helped relieve some of her guilt. By the time she arrived at Seaside, she realized that she was letting her past control her life, and she’d taken baby steps toward change. Telling her friends about her and Hunter was just another baby step. Even if it felt like she was stepping over a giant ravine.
She greeted the girls and their babies and sat beside Amy, listening to them rave about their husbands, who were out on Pete’s boat this morning for a little guy time. It made her want to tell them how awesome Hunter was. But every time she opened her mouth, she struggled to tear down the walls she’d lived behind for so long, and no words came.
“What did you decide about the space for your studio?” Sky asked as they passed around a plate of muffins Leanna had made.
“I haven’t made a decision yet. There’s a lot to consider.”
Sky rolled her eyes. “Like how quickly you can quit your job? Come on, Jana. If I can open my own tattoo parlor, you can open your own dance studio. You’re more organized than me, less afraid of, well, anything at all, and from the way I was sore in places I didn’t know could be sore after that Foxy Mamas dance class, I know you’re a kick-ass instructor.”
If only Sky knew how big her fears were and that they all centered on falling for her brother. “Yes, but what if I can’t get any students? I wouldn’t feel right stealing Marco’s students.”
“Seriously?” Amy shook her head. Her blond hair was pinned up in a ponytail, and Hannah, sitting in her high chair between Amy and Bella, kept trying to grab it. “You don’t owe that man anything. Besides, he’ll probably close the studio if you leave. Then they’ll come to you on their own.”
“Maybe.” She twisted a lock of hair around her finger. “And you don’t think that renting from Hunter is a huge mistake?”
“Why would it be?” Sky asked. “It’s the same as renting the building here, isn’t it?”
I’m not sleeping with you guys. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Then it’s settled,” Bella said as she wiped Summer’s chubby cheeks. “Call Hunter and tell him you’ll take the space.”
“Why is it that every time I come over here you guys change my life?”
“Speaking of lives changing.” Sky looked like she was ready to burst. “Sawyer and I set a date for our wedding!”
“Oh my goodness!” Amy jumped up and hugged her.
“That’s great!” Jana said, happy for the change of subject and truly thrilled for her friends.
“Yay, another wedding.” Jessica said as Leanna circled the table and hugged Sky.
Bella lifted Summer into her arms and stood with one hand on Sky’s shoulder. “We have to celebrate.”
“We are,” Sky said. “Sawyer’s arranged to play his guitar at the Bombshelter next Friday night, and you guys are all coming.”
“Definitely,” Jenna said. “We wouldn’t miss it.”
“And tonight we’ll have a barbecue in the quad, followed by a little chunky-dunking action.” Bella raised her brows in quick succession.
“Bella.” Amy’s tone was stern. “You know Theresa’s here all week, and you promised no more doing things that would bother her. Skinny-dipping definitely bothers her.”
“No, I didn’t. I promised not to do any more pranks, and I’m not breaking that promise.” Bella kissed Summer’s nose. “Chunky-dunking is like a rite of passage, and Jana hasn’t ever joined us. It’s time to christen her, and what better time than now, when we’re celebrating her new studio and Sky and Sawyer’s wedding date?”
Jana’s phone vibrated, and when DO NOT RESPOND! flashed on her screen, she made a mental note to change it to Hunter’s name. She opened and read the text.
I got tickets to the theater in Wellfleet for tonight since you only teach until six.
She couldn’t imagine Hunter willingly going to a theater. That he would do that for her made her body hum with excitement. She texted a reply. Really? Did someone hold a gun to your head?
His reply came seconds later. No. To my heart. A sigh escaped her lips before she could stop it. Be ready by 7:30. Wear that blue dress I love so much.
“I think I need a rain check for the chunky-dunking.” Jana pressed her lips into a tight line to keep from saying more as she typed a response and sent it off. I see my bossy boy is back.
“Why, and who’s your bossy boy?” Bella’s voice startled Jana.
She turned her phone over against her leg, panic clawing at her again.
“Oh, bossy boy, I love that,” Amy said. “Tony can be bossy sometimes, and it’s such a turn-on.”
“Pete is always bossy,” Jenna said. “I think it runs in their family.”
Jana’s pulse quickened as Sky’s knowing gaze pierced through her veil of secrecy.
“Bossiness does run in our family.” Sky crossed her arms and sat back in her chair, eyes pinned on Jana, a smile playing on her lips. “It’s hard to avoid, and from what Sawyer tells me, it’s even harder to resist.”
You’re telling me? The words it was Hunter were on the tip of her tongue, but she’d lived within the confines of her self-imposed prison for so long that without thought she was rising to her feet and saying, “I’ve got to go.”
Bella put a firm hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down. “Oh, no you don’t. Spill it, girlfriend.”
Her mind told her to bolt from the deck, save herself from the peer pressure that was about to be unleashed upon her, but the weight of their inquisitive gazes, coupled with the mischievous look in Sky’s eyes, had her pinned in place.
As panic bloomed i
nside her, dark and petrifying, she thought of Hunter and the look in his eyes as he’d listened to her share her past with him, and she knew she wasn’t being fair. He was working so hard to help her, to set me free, she wanted, needed, to do the same for him. But when she opened her mouth, her words betrayed her.
“There’s nothing to spill.” She’d never felt so low in her life. Lying to her friends was worse than sneaking out of a room that charged by the hour.
Jenna shook her head and looked down at Bea, sleeping soundly in her arms. “That lie was loud enough to wake my precious girl, wasn’t it, Bea?” As if on cue, Bea sighed in her sleep.
“Wait.” Jana pressed her palms to the table as all the girls leaned in closer.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you guys earlier. Hunter and I have been seeing each other.”
“Well, duh,” Jenna said.
Duh?
“Like we didn’t already figure that out?” Amy added. “What do you think we are, amateurs?”
“Shh. Let her talk.” Sky’s smile widened. “And…?”
She felt tears sting her eyes with her confession, and their support only made her that much more emotional. And made her want to share more, to tell them everything.
“And, I don’t know. You guys know me. I suck at dating. I just…I’m afraid something will happen and I’ll hurt him, or he’ll hurt me, and then you guys won’t know how to act around us, and everything will be a mess, and I’ll lose the best friends I’ve had in a long time.” She met their eyes, wondering if her face had turned blue from the exhaustive sentence.
Amy covered Jana’s hand with her own. “You’re one of us now. Friends don’t abandon ship over a man.”
“I knew it the night he drove you home from Undercover, when you were so drunk you could barely walk.” Jenna looked around the table. “Didn’t I tell you guys that when Sky said he was still there the next morning? I mean, really, what guy stays overnight with a girl he’s not sleeping with?”
Bella, Sky, and Amy said “Blue” in unison. Blue was Sky’s closest male friend, and they used to sleep over at each other’s houses all the time, without ever once leaving the friend zone.
“And the roses. That’s what sealed it for me,” Jessica said.
“The roses threw me for a loop, because come on. Hunter? Flowers? I never thought I’d see the day,” Sky admitted.
“So, Sky, you’re okay with me and Hunter seeing each other?” Jana twisted a lock of her hair, hoping Sky’s smile wasn’t feigned.
“Are you kidding? I’m totally okay with it, but, honestly, you are right about you two. Neither one of you has a great track record with dating. Are you okay with it?”
“To be honest, it was really hard for me to let him in, and sometimes it’s still difficult. But he’s so…” She searched her brain for the right words to describe Hunter, and there were too many that fit, so she shared them all. “He’s romantic and caring. Thoughtful and patient.” She held back on saying that he was a lion in bed and a kitten when she least expected it, and instead said, “He’s got to be the most generous and understanding person I know, and yeah, he’s a stubborn mule of a man, but…he’s just the right amount of soft and hard.”
“There’s nothing soft about that man,” Jenna mumbled.
Amy giggled.
Jana laughed. “You know what I mean. Before Hunter, I was never used to, you know, dealing with real emotions beyond an hour or two of great sex.”
“Wow, you get an hour or two?” Leanna nibbled on her lower lip. “Ever since Sloan was born, we’re lucky if we get fifteen minutes.”
“Tell me about it.” Jessica nodded in agreement. “We’ve snuck into the bedroom for a quickie more than once while Dustin was in his bouncy seat.”
“God, you guys are great birth control,” Sky teased. “More importantly, Jana, just tell me one thing. How long have you guys been seeing each other?”
She dropped her eyes, and for a split second she debated not telling them the truth, but she’d come this far, and she had to admit that getting it off her chest felt too good to keep it in any longer.
“Remember the grand opening of your tattoo parlor?” She told them about how she and Hunter had hooked up after the grand opening and how they’d bumped into each other every few weeks afterward, always happenstance, and at the end of the night, they’d almost always hooked up.
“But it wasn’t until that night at the Governor Bradford when we were listening to Sawyer play and Hunter was giving me crap about boxing.” She looked around the table at the curious and supportive eyes of the women who had become her closest friends, and she knew she was doing the right thing. “Remember that night?”
“Boy, do I ever,” Jenna said. “I thought you were going to rip each other’s heads off.” She shifted her eyes up for a moment, her brows knitted, and then a smile crept across her lips. “Now I totally see it. Wow, that’s a totally different kind of hot.”
“I honestly thought you were going to rip each other’s clothes off right there in the bar,” Bella said. “But Sky pointed out that you guys would probably tear each other’s heads off first.”
“Well, we, um…find other uses for all that energy.” Relief washed through her. How could Hunter have known that telling her friends was exactly what she needed?
Because you’re setting me free.
Chapter Twenty-Six
THE WELLFLEET THEATER was buzzing by the end of the last act, and Jana was positively glowing. It wasn’t just her gorgeous smile that sparked glints of delight in her baby blues, either. It was the way she squared her shoulders and craned her neck to make sure she didn’t miss a single thing happening on the stage. She mouthed the words to the songs, and even some of the lines, as if she’d acted in the play before, which she probably had, since up until this summer she’d been in musicals with nearly all the theaters on the Cape.
When the musical ended, Jana pushed to her feet, her cheeks flushed with excitement as she applauded.
“Let’s go backstage.” She dragged Hunter across the crowded floor toward the doors that he assumed led to the private actor area. She stopped to greet a large man who stood eye to eye with Hunter and blocked the doorway.
The big man’s harsh features softened when Jana opened her arms and said, “Micah! I’ve missed you. This is Hunter. I want to go back and say hi to everyone.”
Micah embraced her. “Good to see you, Jayjay.” He held a hand out to Hunter. “How’s it going, Hunter?”
“Great. Nice to meet you.”
Micah held the door open for them. “Go on back. Everyone will be thrilled to see you.”
Hunter leaned in close to Jana and whispered, “Jayjay?”
She laughed. “Stage name. Everyone here calls me something different. Jayjay, Jana girl, Garner. Whatever comes to them, I guess.”
They entered a large room cordoned off by heavy dark curtains. The room hummed with excitement as the actors’ voices rose and fell, each talking over the next.
“Jana girl!” A redheaded woman ran across the room, calling the attention of the others, and within seconds Jana was engulfed by welcoming hugs and shouts about missing her.
Hunter stood off to the side, soaking it all in, his chest tight with conflicting emotions. He was overjoyed to see Jana among so many friends who were not only excited to see her, but asking her when they could expect her back among them. That joy was underscored by sadness over how much she’d missed out on because of her work situation. Now, more than ever, he was determined to help her see the light and open her own studio, so she could go back to taking part in this other, obviously very meaningful part of her life.
After the whirlwind calmed, Jana introduced Hunter to her friends, and a while later, when they left the theater, Jana sighed dreamily as they walked toward the car.
“Thank you for that.” She gazed up at him and he couldn’t think of a time, except when he’d seen her dancing in the studio, when she’d looked so content
. A gentle breeze blew her hair off her shoulders, the sweet scent of her perfume mingled with the scents of the sea, and Hunter slid his hand to the nape of her neck.
“It was my pleasure. I want you to be happy, Jana. I want you to wake up every morning excited to jump into the day instead of feeling like you’re trapped by your life. Between boxing and teaching and handling the studio, I thought you could use a reminder of something you loved.” He stopped walking a few feet from the car and reached for her hands.
“I know you have a hard time with commitment, and you worry about taking the space I offered in case things don’t work out between us, but as I’ve said a million times, I’m in this for the long haul, and I wish you’d take the space and let your dreams come true. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“I believe you.” She smiled and went up on her toes to kiss him. “I want to take the space, but only if you allow me to pay a fair rent and you treat me like you’d treat any other renter.”
He lifted her off her feet and spun her around as he kissed her with all the emotions he’d been holding in. When he set her feet back on the ground, they were both laughing.
“You’re taking it? You’re really going to follow your dreams? I’m so…” He reached for the right words—proud, happy, thankful—and finally decided that he couldn’t say what he wanted to in a single word.
“Seeing you soar is almost everything I’ve ever hoped for.” He slanted his mouth over hers, and she pushed him away.
“Wait, wait, wait.” She was still smiling so wide it made him laugh again. “Almost?”
“I’m still waiting for you to have enough faith in us that I don’t have to hide my feelings in front of our friends and family,” he teased. “Now hurry up and get those lips back here.”
“Oh, please,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I told the girls about us this morning.”
She laughed as he lifted her into his arms again.
Seaside Embrace (Love in Bloom Page 19