My eyes widen and my cock throbs painfully against my zipper as the realization hits me that she’s exposed. She bought these panties on purpose. She’s got a dirty side and I’m about to help her explore it. Flipping her around, I press her tits into the wall and knee her legs open wide. My hand practically rips my zipper right off these new pants, but I don’t give a fuck. There’s nothing that matters to me right now but her. The need to fuck her has overtaken every sense. She’s all I can see. The telltale scent of her desire is all I can smell. Her soft neck is all I can taste.
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I growl in her ear. Reaching down, I pull my cock free from my underwear and flip up the bottom of her dress. I press it down against the crack of her ass and grind into her hard.
“Yes.” Her voice is hoarse with need.
“Say it again.” I reach around her and hold her chin in my hand, turning her head to the side. “Tell me how bad you want this,” I demand.
“It’s all I’ve been thinking about for hours,” I can tell her words are no lie. Truth drips off her tongue like the nectar glistening from her pussy.
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t remember your name, babe. You won’t even remember how to form words when I’m done with you,” I promise her and eagerly tug my wallet free from my back pocket.
The condom I pluck from inside only takes a moment to roll on, but it’s like one of those longest seconds that people talk about experiencing when they’re about to die.
Red must be feeling it too, the painful instant that passes like a century of aching need, because she begins mewling and pressing her ass back against me, tempting me to fuck more than just her tight pussy.
“Please.” It’s only one word, but it speaks volumes. Her voice is strained and high-pitched, like a junkie begging for their next fix.
I can’t contain myself when she pleads with me like that. My body moves with a primal instinct as I guide my cock to her warm, wet entrance and thrust into her like I’m literally trying to fuck her through the wall. My hand slides up the back of her neck and my fingers tangle up into her swept up hair, ruining her hairstyle. I don’t fucking care. If people see her when I’m done with her, I want them to know I fucked her. I want them to take a single glance and know I made her mine.
With my free hand, I drag my fingers over her pouty lips and she opens her mouth for me. I stuff my finger in over her lips and she sucks on it the same way she sucked me off in the shower the other day. Just the sensation brings me closer to my orgasm as I close my eyes and breathe her into my lungs. I’ve never met a woman who’s made me so crazy before. I’ve never felt this intense need to claim anyone, to tell the world that she’s mine, and mine alone.
“Oh, fuck!” Her words ring around us as her pussy squeezes down on my cock, milking me for cum I won’t give her, begging me for my seed.
I hold her tight under my control and stretch her walls with my thick cock. She’s like a glove around me, like she was made for me. Not just her pussy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s so perfect and tight, but that’s not all. It’s everything about her. Her fucking pussy, tits, and ass, but also the way she makes me laugh, like I’m the only fucking guy on the planet when she smiles at me.
I can’t take it. I’ve gotta fucking cum. I bury my cock inside her as it spurts into the condom in long, endless streams. I collapse against her, pinning her to the wall as my cock twitches out every last drop of seed inside me. It’s a damned shame I couldn’t fill her pussy with it. What I wouldn’t give to feel her tense around me as I explode inside her. To watch her face as my warm cum splashes against her walls with the promise of a baby being planted in her womb.
“Fuck,” I repeat her word as I steady the condom on my cock and carefully pull out. I slide it off and tie the end, hiding it in my pocket until I can toss it in the trashcan in our room.
“Feeling relaxed?” Red’s eyes twinkle as she smoothes her dress back down over her curves and faces me.
“I dunno, I might need another try in about twenty minutes.” I kiss the tip of her nose and she smiles.
“Well then, we’d better get back to our room.”
20 | Ryan
I wake on the edge of a massive, empty bed to the sound of the shower running. My throat is so dry I could drink a tub full of water. Just another night on the road. The blur of drunken nights is impossible to make sense of after over a year of late night ragers that turned to blurry early morning escapes back to the freedom of the freeway.
Except last night wasn’t just another meaningless escape from the crushing memories of my past. Last night was one I know I’ll remember for years to come for one reason only. Last night was with Red.
I try to push the idea away, but it won’t drift off quietly. It buzzes around me, refusing to be ignored. But there’s nothing I can do. I remember how she scoffed at the idea of being in a relationship again. Nothing could be further from what she wants. Red is giving me a taste of my own medicine. She only wants to get lost in the moments as they pass, never intending to drag them out into anything more than they are right now.
When she asked me last night if I’d ever get married, I’d honestly never even considered it until she said the words. Then it flashed in front of my eyes like a movie on fast forward. I could see her and me standing at the altar. I could see our wedding night, sure, but then so much more. Late nights and then early mornings with the kids. That’s right. Two of those cute little fuckers flashed in front of my eyes. The idea should have disturbed me. It should have given me a jolt of panic or at least sped up my heartbeat. But instead it calmed me. For only a moment, less than that, I felt a clarity I’ve never experienced before.
So, of course, I had to ruin it with a smartass remark.
That’s kind of my thing. Lucky for me, that “thing” didn’t land us in a heap of hot water last night. I had a pretty good read on the lumbering, drunken best man, though. I’ve met a million of him in my life and they’re all the same. Alone and watching their world get smaller as all of their close buddies get married off. Angry that they can’t find that same love for themselves and starting to wake up each morning wondering if it’s because there’s something deeply wrong with them. Wondering if they’re beyond broken.
I know because I’ve felt it. I’ve thought it. I’ve lived it. And now, after carefully pushing it all away for over a year, it’s back. Except this time, I don’t feel like I’ll never win. Now I know I have everything to lose.
I roll over and grab the leather-bound book with the hotel information in it and the room service menu shoved in the back. I need to get out of my head. A big breakfast is the perfect way to distract me from all this lovey-dovey shit and drown my sorrows in… “Maple syrup.”
I tap the page and pick up the phone receiver next to the bed.
“Hello?”
“Yes, I’d like to order two of your pancake breakfasts, please. And could I get that with an extra side of bacon and two orange juices as well as a couple coffees?” I remember how Red easily scarfed down yesterday’s lunch. I know she isn’t the kind of girl who wants a grapefruit to start her day.
“Certainly, sir, and this is being charged to room five-oh-six?”
“Sounds right.” I don’t bother checking. They can see it on the phone.
“Very good, that will be up shortly,” the man answers.
“Great.”
I hang up the phone and almost decide to jump out of bed and make the most of the time we have before the food shows up by surprising Red in the shower. I suppose after last night, I should probably let her have a bit of space. After keeping her up for fuck session after endless fuck session, she can probably use fifteen minutes to herself without my steel cock trying to penetrate her.
As if she can hear my thoughts, the bathroom door swings open and Red walks back into the room wearing her old clothes and a smile. “Good morning,” she purrs.
“Good morning to you.” I yank some clothes on
to my body.
“Aww, getting dressed so soon?” She pouts.
God, this girl is insatiable! I never thought I could meet my match, but Red is it in every way. Not just her sex drive either, the way I never know what she’s going to say next. The way she makes me bust a gut without even trying to be funny.
“Yeah, I ordered us some breakfast. It’ll be here soon,” I answer, zipping up my fly.
“That was sweet of you.”
Not as sweet as licking maple syrup off your body. I don’t utter the words. Still, the image clings to my brain like Saran wrap. This woman makes me crazy. For the second time today, I feel a pang of loss as I remember there’s a big timer counting down over our heads now. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
A knock at the door interrupts my spinning thoughts and brings everything back into sharp focus. I need to suck it up and do what I promised. I never told Red I’d try to complicate her life. Just that I’d get her to her grandmother’s house safely. And that’s what I’m going to do. I head to the bedroom door, welcoming the distraction and the moment of clarity to get my head on straight. It might not be fun. In fact, it feels like a million tiny shards of glass shredding up my heart, but I need to do the right thing.
As soon as we eat these pancakes.
21 | Red
There goes another one. The distance is shorter this time. My heart twists in my chest as we pass yet another sign announcing that Portland is lurking only minutes away. This is almost it. I wanted a fresh start, a new beginning. So, why does it feel like the end?
I sniff and cling onto Ryan, like I can somehow hold him tight enough that he’ll never go. He pulls off the freeway and follows the exit that winds up into the city and I try to think of the possibilities waiting for me here.
Remember what Shirley said? I’m still young enough that I can do anything. Maybe even the dream I’ve kept locked up inside for years now. The crazy idea, that if you told me a few days ago I could actually pursue, I’d laugh in your face.
The motorcycle rumbles loudly over the other cars closing in around us. Like that rambunctious kid in the library who no amount of shushing will quiet down. In the city, no one gives us a second look. Here we disappear into the crowd. Just another couple out for a ride. It eases the whispers of fear that have been sneaking up on me, breathing uncertainty into my plans.
It was a good idea to come here. My nana will be thrilled to have me back again. It’ll be the perfect place to start over. A place where Wolfe will have an impossible time trying to find me. I’ll finally be… home. It’s funny how when I was younger that word didn’t carry any weight with me. Now, I fully understand just how important it is to have that safe place to fall.
Why doesn’t Ryan want that?
As the familiar city unfolds around me, I don’t feel anything I expected in this moment. I pictured excitement spilling out of me, like those Christmas mornings when Santa was still magic and I couldn’t wait to see what he’d left me under the tree. Instead, it’s more like the time I got caught shoplifting a candy bar and I spent almost an hour in the store’s security office waiting for my grandmother to come collect me. That same dread twists down my lips and tears at my insides now.
I tap Ryan’s right shoulder three times, our code for pulling over at the next place he can manage. I’ve been using this a lot today. Between all the pit stops and how long I dragged out eating my lunch, he probably thinks I’m sick. Although, if my frequent requests have bothered him, he hasn’t shown it. And he didn’t try to rush me at lunch either. I’ve been secretly trying to kill enough time that we’d need to spend another night together. I know it wouldn’t change much, but when you’re counting your time in hours, an extra night feels like the world.
Ryan pulls in at a huge gas station. The type that caters to truckers with their greasy spoon restaurants and shower facilities. When he brings the bike to a stop, he pulls off his helmet and I tug the one he bought for me in the last city free from my head.
“Need a break?” He searches my face for answers to questions he hasn’t asked.
“I guess so.” I don’t try to move away from him, needing the heat of his body pressed into mine.
“You looking forward to getting to your nana’s?” Ryan’s voice is as flatlined as my heart right now. Like he just doesn’t have any life behind his words.
“Yeah, sure. It’ll be nice to be home, I guess.” I shrug. Inside I have that light bulb going off moment. Like, if I were a cartoon, Ryan would see it suddenly turn bright over my head right now. “Hey, have you ever spent any time in Portland?” I ask hopefully. Maybe I can drag this out for more than just an extra night. I might be able to play tour guide and show Ryan all the coolest spots around the city. Maybe he could start picturing himself here, fitting in amongst the hipsters and hippies. Maybe…
“Nah, I’ve never been.”
My heart grows about two sizes as a smile tugs up my lips for the first time all day.
“If I ever head back this way, maybe you can show me around someday.” He gives a weak smile.
The air deflates inside me, leaving me as limp and lifeless as a popped balloon. Clearly he’s not interested in sticking around once he’s fulfilled his end of the promise. Still, I’m not entirely ready to throw in the towel. Not yet.
“Well, maybe I can show you one thing before you take me to my nana’s. There’s a park. I think it’s about twenty minutes from here, and it’s my absolute favorite place to go in Portland. Do you wanna check it out?” I hold my breath and search his face for a clue.
“A park?” His eyebrows knit together.
“Yeah, like a protected park. Not like the kind with swings or whatever,” I explain.
Ryan looks out at the horizon and then back at me. “It means it’ll be dark when I get you to your grandmother’s, but if you don’t mind, I’m game.” For the first time his voice has depth to it again. Instead of the monotone he’s been speaking in all day.
“Nope, I don’t mind at all. She’ll still be up. Like I said, she’s only sixty. It’s not like she calls it a night at seven or anything.” I can’t hide the excitement buzzing through me. Just the promise of another hour with Ryan is enough to rush the blood in my ears and make my cheeks burn.
“Sounds good.” He looks at me expectantly and I’m not sure what he wants.
“What’s up?”
“Didn’t you want to stop to, you know, use the bathroom?” He tilts his head.
Of course I’m not going to tell him I just wanted to stop to have more time with him. “Uh, yeah, right. Okay, wait for me.” I hop off the back of the bike and head toward the store.
With each sway of my hips, I build the distance between us. I thought I heard him say something, but I can’t be sure. Is my mind just playing tricks on me? Is my heart just hearing what it wants to? Because I’m almost certain the breeze carried a single word from his lips to my ear.
“Always.”
22 | Ryan
The sun dips in the sky just above the horizon as we pull into the parking lot. There isn’t much daylight left, but Red really wanted to share this place with me. She said it meant a lot to her. I’m not sure why, but if it stretches this day out further, I’m game.
“C’mon.” Red slides off the bike without my help and abandons her new helmet on the seat. With each impatient step toward the entrance of the park her feet crunch against the gravel and her ass swings like a hypnotist’s watch back and forth, drawing me under her spell.
I pull off my helmet, leaving it with Red’s, and follow her quick stride. Lucky for me she’s a short woman. If she were any taller, I’d probably have to run to catch up with her.
“Follow me.” She grabs my hand and expertly navigates her way in past the huge, green trees.
They tower over us dwarfs us like mighty gods that once ruled the Earth, but have since been forgotten. “Here we go.” She begins to slow down as we approach ruins sitting precariously on the edge of the
path. The old gray stones of what was once a house has a curved set of stairs up the side. It’s like the entryway to another world. Like some kind of place you’d normally need to access through a magic door in the back of a wardrobe, or maybe the kind of place hobbits once lived.
“Wow.” I come to a standstill, completely struck by the way the deep green forest has swallowed this structure, making it part of the ecosystem. It looks as natural as any tree or stream, as if, somehow, Mother Nature once built herself a little place to live. Before people came along and ruined it, as we always do. I squint at the graffiti tags along the side, proof that people aren’t happy unless they’ve branded their ugly mark on everything.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Red looks up at me and I’m startled to see the intense green of this park reflecting in her eyes. With her hair the color of a wildfire and her skin same pale hue as the harvest moon, I can see that she fits in here. She looks like she could have been born in these woods and once lived in this very house.
“You’re beautiful.” My words catch in my throat and I cough to clear out the emotion threatening to crack me.
She leads me up the stairs to a man-made path leading deeper into the woods. I can’t stop staring, trying to soak it all in because I know that later, when it’s time for me to leave, this will all feel like glimpses of a dream.
“Why is this place so important to you?” I squeeze her hand and she stops dead in her tracks.
“Why?” Her feet dig the toe of her shoe into the dirt. “A couple reasons, I guess.” She finally meets my eyes and I can see the pain inside her shining through.
“You don’t have to explain.”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it.” She nods at the cobblestone ruins. “I told you how when I was little my mom took off on me.” Her eyes quickly flicker over my face, searching for recognition.
“Yes.”
“Yeah, well, when I was young I never knew the reason why. My nana didn’t want me growing up thinking I wasn’t important enough to stick around for. I’m guessing that wouldn’t do a whole lot for my self-esteem.” She forces a dry laugh, but there’s no humor in her words. Only pain.
Shared by the Firefighters: An MFM Firefighter Novella Page 49