“Why is that? You’re a beautiful woman.”
She looked at him when he said that. Her cheeks became a dark crimson shade. “Thank you. But even beautiful women can be funeral directors.”
“It’s not something you hear from most people, especially young people. Why do you want to do something like that, something so morbid?”
Taren looked down for a moment before bringing her gaze up to meet him. “I died.”
Jace’s heart stopped at her tale and from the fact that she continued smiling. “What?”
“Died. Twice actually. When I was born, I stopped breathing for about two minutes. My parents tell me that right as the doctor was about to call my time of death, I took a deep breath and cried. They think my umbilical cord may have been wrapped around my neck before I was born. But they aren’t sure.”
Jace remained quiet. He never imagined hearing something like this from her. She looked like a cheerleader, like she’d never had a bad day in her life. Her story gave him a new perspective on her.
“When I was thirteen, I was playing softball and a batter hit a ball, and it was line drive to my chest.” She put her hand to her chest between her breasts. “It knocked the wind out of me and threw my heart beat out of whack. It was the second time I technically died. My heart stopped. Luckily my coach wouldn’t stop performing CPR on me until the paramedics had gotten there. When they arrived and took over, I took a breath.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m okay now. I normally don’t tell a lot of people about this.”
“Why tell me?” What made him special?
“You wanted me to quit this because you thought it would be too hard on me.” She shook her head. “With what I’ve been through in my life, this is nothing. After my heart stopped, I didn’t let anything scare me. I take on as many challenges as I can. I always try new things.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Why not? That’s what I think. Life is too short.”
Here he wanted to hide from the world because no one wanted to play his game his way. Taren faced all kinds of adversity and still wanted to put herself out there. That took guts.
“Is that why you want to be a mortician?” He watched her sitting on his bed and curling her legs up on the mattress.
“No, I wanted to do it because of my grandmother. She died when I was about fifteen or sixteen. My parents had gone to this funeral home to make her arrangements. I remember the director there paid attention to all of us, including me. She listened to my parents and what they wanted for the funeral. She talked to me, not like I was some idiot kid who was in the way, but a valuable family member. Since then I thought about offering my sunny disposition to that profession. When people die, the loved ones don’t want to be reminded of their death. They want to feel good that they got to spend time with that person. I want to be the one who does that.”
As she spoke, Jace could see her in that role. “Makes sense.” He stared at her until the intense connection got to be too much for her.
She looked away and directed her attention to the screen. “Have you seen this before?”
Jace peered up and faced his worst nightmare. Emblazoned across the screen read the words Love My Way.
He sat up taller. “I don’t need to see this.”
“Oh, come on. Please? I love watching this show. I know it’s five years old, but it’s still my favorite.” She put her hands in prayer form. “Please? If you’re a contestant, you can see what’s expected of them.”
Jace didn’t correct her again. He should have. As he sat in this intimate setting, he didn’t want to scare her by admitting he didn’t belong to the cast or crew. “Okay. Go ahead and play it.”
Taren beamed and clicked a button on the remote. The show started and Taren kept her attention glued to the TV. Since he sat a little behind her, Jace kept his attention away from the TV. As soon as Eagan hit the screen, he couldn’t help but to look at his brother.
Eagan looked like he had the last time Jace had seen him. He still looked fit. He kept his light brown hair cut short. In the first episode, he went down the line of contestants and put a collar around each of their necks. One contestant talked back to him. Jace wanted to give that one a gold medal.
As though reading his thoughts, Taren said, “That’s my friend, Dori, or Meadow as she’s known on the show.”
Jace sat up taller. “She’s the one that was supposed to do this show.”
Taren nodded. “She didn’t want to do it. She said this show messed with her head. She warned me not to do it.”
Jace looked at her. “But you’re here.”
“Can’t live in fear, remember?”
Jace looked back at the TV to see his now sister-in-law pulling her top off and standing away from Eagan with her back to him. Eagan cracked his whip around her but never touched her skin. Ananda, or Begonia as he’d named her, never moved.
“Look at her.” Taren stared at the TV in awe. “She’s fearless.”
“She’s crazy.” Jace had to bring her down to earth. “She doesn’t know this man. She has no idea about his playing style. He could have hurt her. Remember how you reacted to me during dinner when you saw me with the knife? She should have been the same way. As a submissive, it’s okay to say no.”
“But he didn’t hurt her. She trusted him.” She stared at him. “Maybe if I got to know you better, I would be able to trust you.”
Jace wanted that from a woman. This one? Too young. To idealistic. Too fragile. He didn’t want to ruin her. He pointed to the TV. “You’re missing it.”
By the end of the episode, a contestant had fainted and Eagan eliminated her. What a great guy. Each episode, Jace learned more about his brother than he thought he would. He saw him teaching them about rope play, one of Jace’s favorite types of play. He gripped the arm of the chair as he watched the contestants tie each other with rope. He loosened his grip when he noticed Taren glancing at his hand.
The episode where he eliminated the contestant for being allergic to strawberries had the hairs on his body standing on end. “He got rid of her because she had an allergic reaction? Was he expecting perfection?”
“No, honesty. She should have told him right away about her allergies. Master Eagan is expecting trust.”
Jace’s eyes widened. Had she called his brother Master Eagan? At that moment he wanted to jet from the room. He couldn’t stop watching this damn show. Eagan did prove to be engaging. Even though he knew the outcome, he still watched and wondered who would go and why. Could Taren be that calculating when she eliminated Doms and Dommes? He would have to wait and see.
The caning episode interested him. When the one refused because of his race, it made him wonder if Taren would feel the same way.
“Would you want a white Dominant? Would that matter to you?” He watched her, but it didn’t take her long to come up with an answer.
“As long as what we do is agreed upon and respectful, I wouldn’t care about his race. I’ve dated outside of my race before. This shouldn’t be any different, right?” She glanced at him, but turned away before he could respond.
“It may not be that easy.” Now Jace wanted to warn her of the dangers. Now he started to care. Damn Taren. “Meadow was right in her warning. BDSM can be about head games. You could get with a Dom or Domme who’s into race play.”
Taren turned back to him. “I would have to eliminate them early now, wouldn’t I?” She smiled like she knew what she would do.
Jace couldn’t believe the anal training episode and the contestant he eliminated. He kind of liked Poppy for her attitude.
Taren leaned closer to Jace. “I heard she’s really a man.”
Jace’s jaw unhinged. “Are you being serious?”
Taren nodded. “Dori said that Eagan reached down between her legs as he was telling her goodbye and felt it. He made sure not to have it included in the show. But since then Saffron has been pretty open about her time on the show and her subsequent transition surgery.”
Again, Jace’s
brother’s behavior surprised him. Eagan had suspected a contestant hadn’t been honest about her gender and yet he protected her.
The episode with the play party scene reminded Jace of his past. It had been a while since he’d been to a club. From the way Taren fidgeted in her spot, she looked like watching the scene got to her. She licked her lips and had to lie on her stomach. She brought a pillow under her head and clutched it like he imagined she would hold on to a lover.
When he eliminated Meadow and she revealed her face, Jace couldn’t believe how sweet and innocent she looked. He glanced at Taren to see her reaction. She bowed her head until Dris Markham made his way onto the screen.
“Holy crap. Is that the actor, Dris Markham?” Jace hadn’t heard about this part of the show.
“Yeah. He and one of the contestants—” Taren stopped. “I’m not going to say anything. I’ll let you see the show.”
At this point, Jace became invested in the program, something he thought he would never do. He didn’t see Eagan as some caricature of his brother or as some Hollywood producer. Eagan became the person he remembered. That didn’t make the past between them go away. Eagan still had a lot of ground to cover as far as mending their relationship.
“Something exciting is about to happen?” Jace asked.
Taren didn’t verbally answer. She nodded and kept her stare on the TV.
Jace watched the episode and didn’t expect to discover that Dris had been using one of the contestants to humiliate Eagan. The surprising part of the show had to be the punch.
“Whoa. Didn’t see that coming.” Jace covered his mouth.
“Yeah, neither did Dris, the jerk.” Taren sneered.
The next episode shocked him. It started off with Ananda and another woman having sex. He never thought he would see that in his sister-in-law, although he found another reason to respect and envy Eagan. He had a woman who didn’t mind bringing another woman in the bedroom. Damn.
By the end of the episode where Eagan had joined her at her mother’s home, he got another revelation. He couldn’t believe Ananda’s mother slapped her like that. Now he understood her need to support each other as a family.
Jace heard Taren sniffing. He glanced at her and saw her wiping her eyes. “Hey, you okay?”
“I hate this part of the show. I can’t believe her mother did that to her.” Taren wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
“What if your parents did that to you?”
She shook her head. “They wouldn’t. My parents are my best friends. I tell them everything.”
“Everything?”
She nodded.
“Even this?” Jace pointed down.
“Especially this. I told them before I came here what I would be doing and why. I don’t keep secrets from them.”
“What did they say?” He’d seen Ananda’s family’s reaction. He could only imagine what Taren went through when she told them.
“They didn’t like it, of course. My father paced in and out of the house. My mother tried convincing me not to do it. I told her this was something I wanted. I didn’t care if people in my family wanted to stop talking to me. This is my dream. My desire. They trust me. They’ll always support me. That’s what I love about them.”
Jace nodded.
The next episode proved to be as revealing as the other ones. Not only did it show Eagan going to the other finalist’s home, it also showed him having full-on, hardcore sex with the two of them in his dungeon. Although he couldn’t watch his brother having sex, in his head, he mentally gave him an attaboy for what he did.
At the end of the episode, Taren sat up and grabbed the remote.
“What are you doing?” Jace noticed one episode remained.
“I can’t watch this one.” She started to turn off the TV.
“Why? You know how it ends. You’ve met Ananda.”
“Yes, but some bad stuff goes down before then. I don’t want to see it.”
“And I didn’t want to watch this show but you made me. So now you’re going to have put on your big-girl panties and watch this final episode with me.” He took the remote from her hand. When she started to stand, Jace jutted his leg out to stop her in case she headed to the door. “Don’t make me grab you and pull you on my lap. I’ll do it.” He pointed to the bed. “Sit.” He click the button to play the episode.
It started off with Eagan reviewing the final two contestants, what made them special in the past. When he announced that Ananda had won, Jace hadn’t been surprised, yet he watched the scene with excitement. Throughout the show, Ananda had worked hard to gain Eagan’s trust and love. From the way his brother had looked at her, anyone watching the show could tell who he wanted.
At the final uncollaring and collaring ceremony, the session got interrupted when a crew member screamed out to Ananda to turn Eagan down. Taren looked away. Jace couldn’t keep his stare from the TV as the truth came out that Ananda had only done the show to get back at Eagan for turning her down for his other show.
Jace hadn’t expected something like that. “Whoa. They’re married now. How did he get over that?”
The episode showed one camera remained on Ananda as she bowed in one spot, waiting for Eagan to acknowledge her. Now Jace understood why Taren didn’t want to watch this episode. All the feelings he’d had about his brother came flooding back. Eagan’s selfishness, his lack of empathy, his hard nature. How could Ananda love him?
Jace stood to stop the show. Even his former Dom self hated seeing Ananda crouched on the floor like that for days. As he started to turn off the episode, he saw Eagan bending over her and lifting her into his arms.
“Taren, look.” Jace wanted Taren’s faith in BDSM renewed. He wanted her to believe that the credo “safe, sane, and consensual” meant something. “He does care. He does love her.”
Taren sat up and watched as Eagan carried her limp body up the stairs to his bedroom. Then the scene faded to black.
“That was hard to watch.” She wiped her face. “Just goes to show you that you should always be honest or risk losing the thing you want most.”
“The true lesson is to not expect to fall in love in the lifestyle. Go in it with your eyes wide open.” Jace turned off the TV. “I want you to come with me.”
Taren blinked. “Go where?” She glanced at the clock beside the bed. “At one in the morning?”
“You asked me to watch something with you. Now I want you to see something with me.” If he could get her beyond the fanfare, he would see if she really wanted to be a part of this world.
Chapter Ten
Taren gritted her teeth the longer the ride went with Jace. She wanted to be impressed by his Mercedes SUV, which looked like something that would haul around the Commander in Chief. Her mind had been consumed with thoughts of Eagan caring for Ananda after a harsh punishment.
Instead of being turned off and disgusted, her body had reacted differently. Her pulse raced. Her legs hadn’t stopped shaking even when she’d walked to Jace’s vehicle and sat in it. She felt her hardened nipples pressed down hard by her lace bra. Her throbbing clit bothered her the most. She wouldn’t be able to sleep off this level of excitement.
Taren needed some quality alone time right now. As Jace had reminded her, she had made him watch a TV show he had no desire watching. She had to endure this trip with him to wherever it may be.
“Where are we going?” Taren hoped Jace didn’t hear her voice quivering.
“We’re almost there.” Jace kept his stare on the road ahead.
Taren had no idea where he’d taken her. After he’d gotten off Shore Drive, she couldn’t keep her concentration on the different road names. Based on the green-and-white street signs, she assumed he still had her somewhere in Virginia Beach and hadn’t crossed over to the Norfolk side.
“I need to tell you something.” Jace glanced at her as he slowed down close to a large building.
“What is it?” She tried facing him, but when the seat
belt strap brushed roughly against her breast, she settled back against the seat. She didn’t need any more stimuli.
Jace pulled into a parking lot full of vehicles. He parked at the side of the building, not for privacy. The only spots left existed there.
He turned off his vehicle and faced her. Pretty soon it would get overwhelmingly hot inside so she hoped he would blurt out his secret soon and get her in the building.
“I used to be a Dom.” He stared at her as though waiting for her to react.
Taren didn’t know what to say. She had a feeling from the way he acted and the knowledge he’d revealed during dinner that he had those tendencies. To hear him admit it made her pause. She had expected something else when she envisioned a Dominant. Maybe she thought he should have been clad in leather pants at all times.
“Oh.” She could only muster that one word. When she got her thoughts together, she managed to press him for more information. “Why are you telling me this now?”
He glanced at the building that had no signage at the street or on the building except for a building number, 4400. “I’ve brought you to a dungeon. It’s a members-only dungeon. I haven’t been here in a long time.”
“Why bring me here now?” She chewed the inside of her cheek.
“I don’t want you to experience BDSM from books or a TV show before you meet the contestants. You should be prepared.” He glanced away from her. “You should see what it’s really like and decide for yourself. I’m assuming from the few times we talked that you haven’t ventured into a real club or dungeon.”
She swallowed hard. “You are right about that.” She exhaled. “Time escaped me. I also wanted to go with someone. Dori would never come with me. She doesn’t want to participate in this lifestyle ever again.”
Jace turned back to her and leaned in close. “Thanks for trusting me.”
He hopped out of his slick, black vehicle and went around to her side. He opened her door and helped her out. As she walked up to the door with him, she felt his hand at the small of her back. All at once she felt like he owned her. She liked the sensation. With his touch, she seemed tethered to something, to someone.
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