TERRY
We were just telling him. We were just telling him all about it.
MELISSA
Oh, were you?
GAVIN
Just now, yes. Sounds delightful. You’re a member, are you?
MELISSA
Oh yes. I think it’s saved my life. The swimming. Why don’t you join? Do you play tennis?
GAVIN
I’m a golfer. I play golf.
MELISSA
What else do you do?
GAVIN
(smiling)
I don’t understand what you mean.
TERRY
What else does he do? He doesn’t do anything else. He plays golf. That’s what he does. That’s all he does. He plays golf.
GAVIN
Well … I do sail. I do own a boat.
DUSTY
I love boats.
TERRY
What?
DUSTY
I love boats. I love boating.
TERRY
Boating. Did you hear that?
DUSTY
I love cooking on boats.
TERRY
The only thing she doesn’t like on boats is being fucked on boats. That’s what she doesn’t like.
MELISSA
That’s funny. I thought everyone liked that.
Silence.
DUSTY
Does anyone know what’s happened to my brother Jimmy?
TERRY
I don’t know what it is. Perhaps she’s deaf or perhaps my voice isn’t strong enough or distinct enough. What do you think, folks? Perhaps there’s something faulty with my diction. I’m forced to float all these possibilities because I thought I had said that we don’t discuss this question of what has happened to Jimmy, that it’s not up for discussion, that it’s not on anyone’s agenda. I thought I had already made that point quite clearly. But perhaps my voice isn’t strong enough or perhaps my articulation isn’t good enough or perhaps she’s deaf.
DUSTY
It’s on my agenda.
TERRY
What did you say?
DUSTY
I said it’s on my agenda.
TERRY
No no, you’ve got it wrong there, old darling. What you’ve got wrong there, old darling, what you’ve got totally wrong, is that you don’t have any agenda. Got it? You have no agenda. Absolutely the opposite is the case. (To the others) I’m going to have to give her a real talking to when I get her home, I can see that.
GAVIN
So odd, the number of men who can’t control their wives.
TERRY
What?
GAVIN
(to MELISSA)
It’s the root of so many ills, you know. Uncontrollable wives.
MELISSA
Yes, I know what you mean.
TERRY
What are you saying to me?
GAVIN
(to MELISSA)
I went for a walk in the woods the other day. I had no idea how many squirrels were still left in this country. I find them such vivacious creatures, quite enchanting.
MELISSA
I used to love them as a girl.
GAVIN
Did you really? What about hawks?
MELISSA
Oh I loved hawks too. And eagles. But certainly hawks. The kestrel. The way it flew, and hovered, over my valley. It made me cry. I still cry.
The lights in the room dim.
The light beyond the open door gradually intensifies. It burns into the room.
The door light fades down. The room lights come up on DOUGLAS, FRED, LIZ and CHARLOTTE.
DOUGLAS
Oh, have you met my wife?
FRED
(to LIZ)
How do you do?
LIZ
This is Charlotte.
FRED
We’ve met before.
LIZ
You’ve met before?
CHARLOTTE
Oh yes. We’ve met. He gave me a leg up in life.
DOUGLAS
Did you really? How exciting.
FRED
It was.
DOUGLAS
Was it exciting for you too? To be given a leg up?
CHARLOTTE
Mmmmnnn. Yes. Oh, yes. I’m still trembling.
DOUGLAS
How exciting.
LIZ
I think this is such a gorgeous party. Don’t you? I mean I just think it’s such a gorgeous party. Don’t you? I think it’s such fun. I love the fact that people are so well dressed. Casual but good. Do you know what I mean? Is it silly to say I feel proud? I mean to be part of the society of beautifully dressed people? Oh God I don’t know, elegance, style, grace, taste, don’t these words, these concepts, mean anything any more? I’m not alone, am I, in thinking them incredibly important? Anyway I love everything that flows. I can’t tell you how happy I feel.
FRED
(to CHARLOTTE)
You married someone. I’ve forgotten who it was.
Silence.
CHARLOTTE
He died.
Silence.
DOUGLAS
If you’re free this summer do come to our island. We take an island for the summer. Do come. There’s more or less nobody there. Just a few local people who do us proud. Terribly civil. Everything works. I have my own generator. But the storms are wild, aren’t they darling? If you like storms. Siroccos. Makes you feel alive. Truly alive. Makes the old pulse go rat-at-tat-tat. God it can be wild, can’t it darling? Makes the old pulse go rat-at-tat-tat. Raises the ante. You know. Gets the blood up. Actually, when I’m out there on the island I feel ten years younger. I could take anyone on. Man, woman or child, what?
He laughs.
I could take a wild animal on. But then when the storm is over and night falls and the moon is out in all its glory and all you’re left with is the rhythm of the sea, of the waves, you know what God intended for the human race, you know what paradise is.
Lights up on TERRY and DUSTY, in a corner of the room.
TERRY
Are you mad? Do you know what that man is?
DUSTY
Yes, I think I know what that man is.
TERRY
You don’t know what he is. You have no idea. You don’t know what his position is. You have simply no idea. You simply have no idea.
DUSTY
He has lovely manners. He seems to come from another world. A courteous, caring world. He’ll send me flowers in the morning.
TERRY
No he bloody won’t. Oh no he bloody won’t.
DUSTY
Poor darling, are you upset? Have I let you down? I’ve let you down. And I’ve always tried to be such a good wife. Such a good wife.
They stare at each other.
Perhaps you’ll kill me when we get home? Do you think you will? Do you think you’ll put an end to it? Do you think there is an end to it? What do you think? Do you think that if you put an end to me that would be the end of everything for everyone? Will everything and everyone die with me?
TERRY
Yes, you’re all going to die together, you and all your lot.
DUSTY
How are you going to do it? Tell me.
TERRY
Easy. We’ve got dozens of options. We could suffocate every single one of you at a given signal or we could shove a broomstick up each individual arse at another given signal or we could poison all the mother’s milk in the world so that every baby would drop dead before it opened its perverted bloody mouth.
DUSTY
But will it be fun for me? Will it be fun?
TERRY
You’ll love it. But I’m not going to tell you which method we’ll use. I just want you to have a lot of sexual anticipation. I want you to look forward to whatever the means employed with a lot of sexual anticipation.
DUSTY
But you still love me?
TERRY
Of course I love you.
You’re the mother of my children.
DUSTY
Oh incidentally, what’s happened to Jimmy?
Lights up on FRED and CHARLOTTE.
FRED
Such a long time.
CHARLOTTE
Such a long time.
FRED
Isn’t it?
CHARLOTTE
Oh, yes. Ages.
FRED
You’re looking as beautiful as ever.
CHARLOTTE
So are you.
FRED
Me? Not me.
CHARLOTTE
Oh, you are. Well, in a manner of speaking.
FRED
What do you mean, in a manner of speaking?
CHARLOTTE
Oh, I meant you look as beautiful as ever.
FRED
But I never was beautiful. In any way.
CHARLOTTE
No, that’s true. You weren’t. In any way at all. I’ve been talking shit. In a manner of speaking.
FRED
Your language was always deplorable.
CHARLOTTE
Yes. Appalling.
FRED
Are you enjoying the party?
CHARLOTTE
Best party I’ve been to in years.
Pause.
FRED
You said your husband died.
CHARLOTTE
My what?
FRED
Your husband.
CHARLOTTE
Oh my husband. Oh yes. That’s right. He died.
FRED
Was it a long illness?
CHARLOTTE
Short.
FRED
Ah.
Pause.
Quick then.
CHARLOTTE
Quick, yes. Short and quick.
Pause.
FRED
Better that way.
CHARLOTTE
Really?
FRED
I would have thought.
CHARLOTTE
Ah. I see. Yes.
Pause.
Better for who?
FRED
What?
CHARLOTTE
You said it would be better. Better for who?
FRED
For you.
CHARLOTTE laughs.
CHARLOTTE
Yes! I’m glad you didn’t say him.
FRED
Well, I could say him. A quick death must be better than a slow one. It stands to reason.
CHARLOTTE
No it doesn’t.
Pause.
Anyway, I’ll bet it can be quick and slow at the same time. I bet it can. I bet death can be both things at the same time. Oh by the way, he wasn’t ill.
Pause.
FRED
You’re still very beautiful.
CHARLOTTE
I think there’s something going on in the street.
FRED
What?
CHARLOTTE
I think there’s something going on in the street.
FRED
Leave the street to us.
CHARLOTTE
Who’s us?
FRED
Oh, just us … you know.
She stares at him.
CHARLOTTE
God, your looks! No, seriously. You’re still so handsome! How do you do it? What’s your diet? What’s your regime? What is your regime by the way? What do you do to keep yourself so … I don’t know … so … oh, I don’t know … so trim, so fit?
FRED
I lead a clean life.
DOUGLAS and LIZ join them.
CHARLOTTE
(to DOUGLAS)
Do you too?
DOUGLAS
Do I what?
CHARLOTTE
Fred says he looks so fit and so … handsome … because he leads a clean life. What about you?
DOUGLAS
I lead an incredibly clean life. It doesn’t make me handsome but it makes me happy.
LIZ
And it makes me happy too. So happy.
DOUGLAS
Even though I’m not handsome?
LIZ
But you are. You are. Isn’t he? He is. You are. Isn’t he?
DOUGLAS puts his arm around her.
DOUGLAS
When we were first married we lived in a two-roomed flat. I was – I’ll be frank – I was a traveller, a commercial traveller, a salesman – it’s true, that’s what I was and I don’t deny it – and travel I did. Didn’t I?
Travel I did. Because my little girl here had given birth to twins.
He laughs.
Can you believe it? Twins. I had to slave my guts out, I can tell you. But this girl here, this little girl here, do you know what she did? She looked after those twins all by herself! No maid, no help, nothing. She did it herself – all by herself. And when I got back from my travelling I would find the flat immaculate, the twins bathed and in bed, tucked up in bed, fast asleep, my wife looking beautiful and my dinner in the oven.
FRED applauds.
And that’s why we’re still together.
He kisses LIZ on the cheek.
That’s why we’re still together.
The lights in the room dim.
The light beyond the open door gradually intensifies. It burns into the room.
The door light fades down. The room lights come up on TERRY, DUSTY, GAVIN, MELISSA, FRED, CHARLOTTE, DOUGLAS and LIZ.
TERRY
The thing is, it is actually real value for money. Now this is a very, very unusual thing. It is an extremely unusual thing these days to find that you are getting real value for money. You take your hand out of your pocket and you put your money down and you know what you’re getting. And what you’re getting is absolutely gold-plated service. Gold-plated service in all departments. You’ve got real catering. You’ve got catering on all levels. You’ve not only got very good catering in itself – you know, food, that kind of thing – and napkins – you know, all that, wonderful, first rate – but you’ve also got artistic catering – you actually have an atmosphere – in this club – which is catering artistically for its clientele. I’m referring to the kind of light, the kind of paint, the kind of music, the club offers. I’m talking about a truly warm and harmonious environment. You won’t find voices raised in our club. People don’t do vulgar and sordid and offensive things. And if they do we kick them in the balls and chuck them down the stairs with no trouble at all.
MELISSA
Can I subscribe to all that has just been said?
Pause.
I would like to subscribe to all that has just been said. I would like to add my voice. I have belonged to many tennis and swimming clubs. Many tennis and swimming clubs. And at some of these clubs I first met some of my dearest friends. All of them are now dead. Every friend I ever had. Or ever met. Is dead. They are all of them dead. Every single one of them. I have absolutely not one left. None are left. Nothing is left. What was it all for? The tennis and the swimming clubs? What was it all for? What?
Silence.
But the clubs died too and rightly so. I mean there is a distinction to be made. My friends went the way of all flesh and I don’t regret their passing. They weren’t my friends anyway. I couldn’t stand half of them. But the clubs! The clubs died, the swimming and the tennis clubs died because they were based on ideas which had no moral foundation, no moral foundation whatsoever. But our club, our club – is a club which is activated, which is inspired by a moral sense, a moral awareness, a set of moral values which is – I have to say – unshakeable, rigorous, fundamental, constant. Thank you.
Applause.
GAVIN
Yes, I’m terribly glad you’ve said all that. (To the others) Aren’t you?
DOUGLAS
First rate.
LIZ
So moving.
TERRY
Fantastic.
FRED
Right on the nail.
CHARLOTTE
So true.
DUSTY
Oh yes.
She claps her hands.
Oh yes.
DOUGLAS
Absolutely first rate.
GAVIN
Yes, it was first rate. And it desperately needed saying. And how splendid that it was said tonight, at such an enjoyable party, in such congenial company. I must say I speak as a very happy host. And by the way, I’ll really have to join this wonderful club of yours, won’t I?
TERRY
You’re elected forthwith. You’re an honorary member. As of today.
Laughter and applause.
GAVIN
Thank you very much indeed. Now I believe one or two of our guests encountered traffic problems on their way here tonight. I apologise for that, but I would like to assure you that all such problems and all related problems will be resolved very soon. Between ourselves, we’ve had a bit of a round-up this evening. This round-up is coming to an end. In fact normal services will be resumed shortly. That is, after all, our aim. Normal service. We, if you like, insist on it. We will insist on it. We do. That’s all we ask, that the service this country provides will run on normal, secure and legitimate paths and that the ordinary citizen be allowed to pursue his labours and his leisure in peace. Thank you all so much for coming here tonight. It’s been really lovely to see you, quite smashing.
The room lights go down.
The light from the door intensifies, burning into the room.
Everyone is still, in silhouette.
A man comes out of the light and stands in the doorway. He is thinly dressed.
JIMMY
Sometimes I hear things. Then it’s quiet.
I had a name. It was Jimmy. People called me Jimmy. That was my name.
Sometimes I hear things. Then everything is quiet. When everything is quiet I hear my heart.
When the terrible noises come I don’t hear anything. Don’t hear don’t breathe am blind.
Then everything is quiet. I hear a heartbeat. It is probably not my heartbeat. It is probably someone else’s heartbeat.
What am I?
Sometimes a door bangs, I hear voices, then it stops. Everything stops. It all stops. It all closes. It closes down. It shuts. It all shuts. It shuts down. It shuts. I see nothing at any time any more. I sit sucking the dark.
It’s what I have. The dark is in my mouth and I suck it. It’s the only thing I have. It’s mine. It’s my own. I suck it.
MOONLIGHT
CHARACTERS
ANDY, a man in his fifties
BEL, a woman of fifty
JAKE, a man of twenty-eight
FRED, a man of twenty-seven
MARIA, a woman of fifty
RALPH, a man in his fifties
BRIDGET, a girl of sixteen
Harold Pinter Page 13