by Jo Schneider
“Do you want me to do the rest?” Jodi asked, glancing at Ayden.
“Do the other big ones, if you’re up to it.”
Lys held up her hand. “It’s okay, I’m fine. You’re tired, and the rest aren’t that bad.” She was grateful, but Ayden’s mention of “if you’re up to it” made Lys wonder what price this woman paid for using her magic. Lys didn’t want to be the reason for anyone losing it. Mark told them he could control the consequences, but Lys wasn’t sure.
“It’s not a problem,” Jodi said, reaching her hand to start again. “I already did your bruised ribs, let me finish.”
“No!” Lys said, jerking away. Jodi’s eyebrows knit together, and Lys said, “It’s okay, really. I’ve had worse.” Not entirely a lie.
Jodi and Ayden exchanged a questioning glance. She didn’t care what they thought. “Okay.” Jodi stood. “Whatever you want. You’re going to need to wash the rest out and wrap it up again though.”
Lys nodded. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Thank you.” She smiled. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“I bet.”
Ayden looked at Mark. “We should get out of here.”
Mark nodded. “Sure, I’m ready. Lys needs to clean up.”
Lys’s leg still oozed blood, and her thin pants hung in shreds. She glanced around and spotted the rest stop building. “I’ll go wash this off. Are there any more bandages?”
Kamau got up. “I’ll get them.”
Standing hurt, but Lys could do it. She put a little weight on her leg and found that it held without too much shaking.
“Do you want some help?” Jodi asked.
“Let me do it,” Inez said.
Lys blinked. Inez’s face still had scrapes from where Lys had tried to claw her eyes out, although it looked like some of the bigger ones were gone.
Go to the bathroom alone with Inez? Inez who spit on her? Inez who she tried to . . . this couldn’t end well.
Inez climbed off the table and stood on shaking legs. “I have to pee anyway.”
Jodi shrugged and Ayden nodded. Mark watched Inez as she walked toward Lys.
“Come on,” Inez said to Lys when she didn’t immediately follow. “We haven’t got all night.”
Fear didn’t stop her, it was more like complete embarrassment. What did you say to someone after you’d tried to rip their eyes out? “Oh, hey, sorry about your face. My bad.” Lys didn’t know. However, she did want to clean up, and she didn’t want to look like a baby in front of everyone, so she took the first-aid kit from Kamau and limped off after Inez, hoping someone would have the sense to check the bathroom for her dead body if Inez exited alone.
The sun shone over the building, blinding Lys until she entered the shadows. Against her better judgment, she followed Inez inside.
To Lys’s relief, Inez went straight into a stall. Lys set the first-aid kit down on the semi-clean counter and turned the water on in the sink. She pulled five or six paper towels out from the dispenser, got them wet, and started to wipe.
The smaller scrapes stung, but Lys knew that the big one Jodi had healed would have required stitches. She ran her finger over the new skin; it didn’t show any sign of abrasion.
The first-aid kit held some antibacterial wipes, and Lys used them to finish cleaning her leg. Gritting her teeth together, Lys made sure to wash every bit of dirt out that she could see—she wondered what happened to the dirt inside the big wound that Jodi healed.
“You okay?” Inez asked.
Lys practically fell off the counter. She’d been so engrossed in cleaning and trying not to whimper that she hadn’t even noticed Inez coming out of the stall.
“Uh,” Lys said, wiping a strand of hair out of her face with the back of her hand. “Yeah, good.” Yeah, right. Blood still flowed down her leg, creating a puddle on the counter top, she wanted to cry, everything hurt, and she didn’t know how to tell Inez she was sorry.
The two young women regarded one another. Lys could see pain in Inez’s eyes—deep and wide, it spread from the corners of her eyes and onto her whole face, tightening the muscles of her jaw and pulling her lips into a thin line. The hate that Lys expected to see was absent.
“Here,” Inez said, pulling a few more paper towels out. “Dry off. I’ll help you bandage it.”
Lys took the paper towels and patted her leg, trying to soak up as much blood as possible. “How’s your arm?” she asked, still not knowing what to say.
“Hurts,” Inez said, rummaging in the first-aid kit. “But it works.”
Silence descended as Inez found a roll of gauze and some tape. The last moments before Peter fell into that trap replayed through Lys’s mind. She held the end of the gauze as Inez taped it down and started to wrap.
“I’m really sorry about Peter,” Lys said in a whisper. This felt like sacred ground—she didn’t know if she had the right to be there. But she had to say it, and she needed Inez to believe it.
Inez stopped wrapping. Her jaw muscles rippled before she took a breath. “I know. Me, too.”
The raw acceptance that Inez displayed brought tears to Lys’s eyes. She took a breath and tried to steady her voice. May as well get it all over with at once. “And I’m sorry about your face.”
To her utter surprise, Inez looked up. A tiny grin tugged at one corner of her lips. “I didn’t know that a spoiled little princess like you had that much fight in her.”
Lys blinked. She had no comeback for that.
The other corner of Inez’s lips twitched. “I’m sorry I blamed you.” She paused, going back to wrapping. “And I’m sorry I went after you with my magic.”
More silence as Lys held the gauze and Inez wrapped.
“What do you know about this Mason guy?” Inez asked after she ripped the gauze apart and taped the last bit.
“Not a lot,” Lys said. She climbed down and turned to wipe the counter and wash her hands. “He came to me when I was in the hospital after I—” She still couldn’t talk about it. “After I attacked someone like I did you. He said he could help me, that I was addicted to a deadly drug.”
Inez washed her hands and they both pulled out more paper towels. “So he lied to you.”
“Yeah,” Lys said, staring at her golden eyes in the mirror. “I guess he did.”
“And you want to go back to him?”
Lys thought about it. “I want to know how he can help me. I can’t live like this. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.” She turned and looked at Inez, only meeting her eyes for a second.
Inez opened her mouth to say something when a pounding came on the door. Bam, bam, bam!
“You ladies alright in there?” Brady asked. “We’re getting worried.”
Inez sighed and said, “Give us a minute!”
“Okay, just making sure, sheesh. Just trying to be a gentleman and all that.”
Lys laughed.
“What are you laughing at?” Inez asked, some of her usual fire returning.
“Oh, I just think it’s funny how much he likes you.” The topic may not have been entirely appropriate, but Lys brought it up anyway. Mostly because she did think it was pretty cute.
“Likes me?” Inez asked.
“Yeah, he’s got a mad crush on you.”
“Mad crush?” Inez asked, sampling the words like a new flavor.
Lys shook her head. “He’s been trying to get your attention since the first second he saw you. How could you not notice?”
“I’ve got bigger things to worry about,” Inez grumbled.
Lys shrugged, conceding the point. “Come on, we should get back.”
Inez didn’t move. “Do you think Mason will do anything against the guys that got Peter?”
“I don’t know, it sounds like he’s tangled with them before.” No other insights came to her mind. The pain returned to Inez’s face. Maybe bugging her about Brady hadn’t been the best thing to do. Inez didn’t need anything else to worry about right now.
The answer seemed
to satisfy Inez. She grabbed the first-aid kit with her good arm and pushed out the door. Lys followed, limping slightly and wishing she could restart this whole day—week—all of it.
Kamau and Brady stood outside, not far away.
“Finally! We thought you might have crawled out the window and ran,” Brady said, grinning.
“Tempting,” Inez said.
Brady took the first-aid kit from her. “You’d regret it.”
Inez snorted.
Kamau walked next to Lys. “Are you alright?” he asked.
Lys wished he’d put his arm around her even though it threw yet another spin on the direction her life was going.
“I’m okay,” she said, walking forward. Her leg throbbed, so she went slow, not wanting to provoke it into bleeding everywhere.
Inez and Brady moved faster, leaving them with a little space and time alone. Sort of alone.
Lys swallowed, and found her throat dry as the desert around them. “Is there a drinking fountain around here?” Lys asked.
“On the other side of the building,” Kamau said, jerking his head.
“I’m thirsty,” Lys said. She changed direction. “Do you think we have time?”
Kamau looked back toward the van. “Mark and Ayden are having a fairly serious discussion. They won’t notice.”
“You can hear them from here?” Lys asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you listening to everything they say?”
“Would it bother you if I was?” Kamau asked, looking down at her.
She caught herself staring into his dark eyes and pulled her gaze away. The Need had been silent since she’d attacked Jed, but she knew it wasn’t gone. “I, I don’t know. Maybe. Did you listen to me and Inez?”
Kamau managed to look a little ashamed. He put a hand on her arm. “Yes. I admit I was worried when she offered to go with you. So I thought I would, uh, just make sure everything was okay.”
Lys felt her good knee go weak. Seriously, this guy was unbelievable. And all in a good way. “I admit that I was worried, too. Thanks.” She smiled.
They’d reached the drinking fountain. It took everything she had to turn away from Kamau and lean down to get a drink. Her mouth had gone even drier than before, and even after several good gulps of water, she didn’t feel satisfied. As she stood back up, the world tilted and she staggered.
Kamau reached out to steady her.
“Easy,” Kamau said, keeping her upright and moving in front of her. “I thought you said you were okay.” He had a hand on each of her shoulders.
Lys rubbed her face with a hand. “I was. Am.” She closed her eyes. “Just dizzy.”
“Do you need to sit down?”
The world continued to spin, and she reached out to put a hand on Kamau’s chest. She didn’t mean to, but he was the only steady thing around. “Maybe. Maybe we should get back to the van.”
“Okay.” Kamau sounded worried. He put his arm around her shoulders and she wrapped an arm around his waist. They walked slowly, and every step made the world tilt back and forth like a seesaw.
By the time they got to the van, Brady, Inez, and Mark were sitting in the back. Ayden climbed into the driver’s seat.
Jodi narrowed her eyes at Lys. “Are you okay?”
“Just dizzy,” she said, glad that Kamau still had his arm around her.
“You lost a lot of blood,” Jodi said. “You should probably get some sleep.”
“I doubt that will be a problem,” Lys said as Kamau helped her climb into the van. She took the spot right behind the driver.
Kamau sat at the other end of the bench. “You should put your leg up,” he said, patting the seat between them.
At the moment she didn’t care much about her leg being up—she’d rather be snuggled up with her head on Kamau’s shoulder. But maybe he didn’t feel the same way. Or maybe he didn’t want to lead her on, or maybe he didn’t want to show too much in front of the others. Lys shook her head and ordered herself to stop reading into it. She put her seat belt on and swung her legs up, propping her back against the wall and the window.
Her legs were just long enough that by stretching them out, her feet would be on Kamau. Even after sort of washing them off in the bathroom Lys didn’t want her feet on anyone. She kept her legs bent so she wouldn’t bug him.
The van started backing out. Kamau reached over and gently lifted her feet, setting them on his leg. His warm hands rested on her ankles and his fingers squeezed. “Get some sleep,” he said.
Chapter 21
Lys dozed. Her head lolled against the seat as her mind wandered through nightmares. Peter disappeared again and again. Her parents started coming into her dreams as members of the New, with guns, trying to kill her. Darkness kept swarming her, and the Need battled with a desire to use magic that she couldn’t control. She let the magic out, and it consumed her. Of course she could see through everyone’s eyes, and the sheer volume of input scared her. Pleasure swept through her—exhilarating. Then came a sharp pain, and the magic cut off so fast it felt like she had been thrown off a cliff onto sharp rocks below.
She jerked awake, gasping for breath, her whole body screaming in agony. Bringing her legs to her chest, she curled up into a ball, buried her face in her knees. She tried not to cry.
Lys felt someone move next to her. Kamau’s arm went around her shoulders.
“It’s okay,” he whispered in her ear as he rubbed her back.
Lys didn’t believe him. Which meant at least he wasn’t using magic on her. However, none of that helped the way she felt—like she’d just lost the whole world and all of her emotions had been replaced by a black void.
“She probably crashed,” Ayden said.
A crash? Lys tried to use the problem to bring her mind back into focus. Kamau continued to rub her back, and she leaned in to him, needing to feel someone near her. He pulled her closer and held her tight.
“What do you mean by crash?” Kamau asked.
“How much did Mark tell you about the magic?”
Kamau’s rumbling voice reverberated through Lys as she listened, her head still down and her eyes squeezed shut. “He told us about the power levels and the different senses. He explained a little bit about the New and then showed us a control technique.”
“He didn’t explain about the addiction?”
The word made Lys’s head shoot up. Addiction?
Kamau shook his head. “He and the others said something about magic having a price, and about it feeling good to use it, but nothing specifically about addiction.”
Lys glanced in the back seat and found everyone there asleep. Mark’s head rested on a jacket wadded up against the window. Inez leaned against the other window while Brady’s head lolled on her shoulder. The still-lucid part of Lys smiled. Inez would be mad when she woke up—Brady would be in heaven.
“Magic does have a price,” Ayden said. “For some people it’s much worse than others.”
“What do you mean?” Lys asked, finding her voice trembling almost as much as her insides.
“Have you used your magic enough to get how good it feels?” Ayden asked. He waited and Lys shrugged while Kamau shook his head. “Then maybe you haven’t noticed, but the more you use, the more you’ll want to use.”
“Like drugs?” Lys asked.
This time Jodi spoke. She turned around. “For some people. Drugs are a good analogy. Only once you start, you can’t stop using.”
“What do you mean?” Lys asked.
This time Ayden took the question. “Once you break into your magic it becomes a part of you. The power will slowly fill you, and if you don’t use it, letting some of it out, it will overwhelm you.”
Lys thought about the exercise Mark had taught them. He said to keep a balance, letting as much in as you were letting out. Did the magic fill her even when she hadn’t opened up to it?
“What will happen when the magic overwhelms you?” Kamau asked.
“At
the very least you’ll lose control with your magic, like Brady did back there,” Jodi said. “At the most you’ll go completely crazy and then lose control.”
“How do you stop it?” Kamau asked.
Ayden shrugged. “Training.”
“Mason’s got a few tonics that help until someone can get themselves under control,” Jodi said.
Lys listened, anger growing inside of her. The fact that a cure didn’t exist made her grind her teeth together and wish to be obliterated from off the face of the earth. The Need wiggled.
“What did you mean by crash?” she asked.
“If we stick to the drug analogy then it’s easier to understand,” Ayden said. “Drugs make people high and when the substance wears off people crash. Magic is like that, too. You use it and it feels good—stop using and you’ll feel like the world just got yanked out from underneath you. More than a few people have committed suicide because of it.”
Lys found Ayden looking in the rear view mirror at the three in the backseat. “I’m surprised that Inez and Peter lasted this long. They’ve probably been self-medicating with either drugs or alcohol.”
“Or both,” Jodi said.
The mention of Peter’s name added a whole new dimension to her despair. She shuddered.
“Looks like you’re crashing right now,” Ayden said.
Lys shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about it.
“Well, whatever you do, don’t start using.” Ayden shared a glance with Jodi. “Wait until we get to Mason. He’s got a few things to help, and there are some people who can give you advice on crashes.”
The nonchalant way they spoke about the whole situation made Lys wonder if either of them had ever crashed. It should make her feel better, knowing that they weren’t all that concerned, but it didn’t. Instead, as she caught the two of them sharing a worried glance, she wondered if she should be afraid.
“Do you have a lot of people who don’t crash?” Kamau asked. He moved his hand to the back of Lys’s neck and ran his fingers through her hair.
“Everyone crashes to some extent,” Jodi said. She turned to look at Lys again. “Just ride it out. Think happy thoughts and stay away from your magic.”