by Lila Felix
I am dumbstruck. My body denies my attempts to move.
“Ezra?”
“Get out of this thing, Aysa.”
We both rush out. I override my brain telling me not to do what I want to the most.
“Don’t you dare give up on us yet.” I growl through a clenched jaw. “I just got you back and I’ll be damned if you’re already going to start referring to me as your great love. I am yours. Nothing is ever going to change that. If we choose to make this work, then we can. Sweetheart, you and I can do anything.”
Her fists grabbing my shirt pull me down and before we can contemplate the moral stance on such a thing, her mouth is on mine again. Her lips don’t contain an ounce of doubt. They move against mine with purpose and soul.
I am lost in a sea of Aysa and I’m happy to drown.
I reach for her hips and jerk her forward, flush with me.
That’s when we hear clearing of throats.
Breaking my mouth from hers, I don’t let her go. I don’t care who is around, I’m not letting her go yet. An older couple stands near the front of the church, both gaping at us. I chuckle, thinking that I’ve thoroughly defiled an angel in front of the most unsuspecting couple in the world.
“Is it Knox? God, please tell me it’s not Knox.”
“It’s not Knox. It’s a nice couple.”
Aysa straightens her sweater and dress, even though they don’t need it. “We are sorry.” She imp-like apologizes with a killer blush. I’ve still got her wrapped in my hold.
“That’s okay, dear. We were once like that.” The wife nudges her husband not so gently with her oversized purse. “Why don’t we do that anymore Edgar?”
Edgar and Aysa share the same shade of red.
“Come on, Mama. You’ve got a lot to pray for tonight.”
The husband leads them to the altar, but not before winking at us as he turns around.
“How was that for a new memory?”
“Don’t tell Knox. He already thinks I’m the devil.”
We drive to her apartment, taking the longest route possible. She doesn’t mention it and neither do I.
“Are you going to walk me to the door?”
“Yes.”
“Let me know when you get to the spending the night point again.”
“I won’t.”
She looks at me like I’ve grown a third ear. “Why?”
“Trying to do things right this time around. There’s plenty of time for us to…sleep together.”
“What if there isn’t?”
I stop the car and my stomach twists as I see Roman at her door. I don’t know if he knows we had a date and I don’t bring attention to it just yet.
“Look at me.” She’s like a mirror, reflecting everything I’ve felt for too long. Her yesterday eyes are gone and the hope of tomorrow lingers beneath the surface. I don’t want it to linger anymore. I want it to shine as bright as she does in my life. “I’m here for the long haul. I’m not going anywhere, but I won’t push you either. If you need me, call me and I’ll come over. You need time alone too. It’s important. I know that about you. Anyway, it looks like you have some things to take care of. And I can’t help you with that.”
Her brows furrow in confusion.
I tick my head toward her apartment. She grabs my hand as she sees the scene. Roman is slumped against her door.
“How much clearer can I be?”
I shrug. “That’s between you and him.”
“You’re not…” She looks a little disappointed.
“Jealous? No, sweetheart, I’m not jealous. He’s your friend, and I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m happy you have him. He stepped in when I couldn’t. But I’ve got this.” I place an open hand on her chest over her heart. “And he never will. At least, not like I do.”
“Come with me. Maybe he’ll get the point.”
“He deserves better than that, don’t you think?”
“I’ll call you later.”
“That sounds good. I’ll be up.” She squints at me. “I said I’m not jealous. I’m still human and a man. I just want to know you’re okay.”
“One date without drama. That’s too much to ask.”
“Apparently.”
She pecks me on the mouth before getting out and Roman sees the whole thing. His posture is slouching away from us, but I know he’s looking at us. She climbs the stairs and he stands, thinking he’s won at some game.
But he’s the only one playing.
I feel for Aysa. She wants to keep Roman around, but he is bound and determined to have something more.
After getting to my apartment, I see that some things are missing. Mostly games and one chair. I know what it means, but I stride down the hallway to his room anyway and confirm my suspicions. He’s moved out. All of his stuff is gone and despite his previous cool nature, he is clearly harboring some anger at me.
I hate losing friends over my relationship with Aysa, first Gray and now Roman.
But she is worth it.
And if they are worth a shit as my friends, they would deal with it.
After showering and finishing off some leftover pizza, I get most of my schoolwork done. I wait for her call and finally an hour later, it came.
“Are you okay?”
“I am, finally. I thought I was going to have to call you and get you to drag him out of here. You know those people who tie themselves to trees in protest. Roman was sitting at my table saying he wasn’t going to give up until I gave him a chance to make me love him. I shit you not. Sorry. I kid you not.”
I bite my lip against laughing at her antics. I am too pissed off at my friend and his stupidity.
“I’m going to ask you this once, Aysa. Do I need to intervene? I said you needed to handle this and that still stands, but if he’s being that big of a bastard, I will take care of it. I’m leaving you with the choice.”
“I think it’s fine this time, though I am kind of freaked out.”
Just when I’ve steeled myself against doing it, the offer comes out of my mouth anyway.
“You want to come sleep over here? He’s moved out. All of his stuff is gone. My friends are weird.”
“I thought we weren’t doing that.”
“Come on, Ace. You and I were never rule followers. I was dumb to even try it.”
“I am afraid he’ll try to come back.”
My blood boils in my veins. Roman has made the bravest person I know scared.
My bravest person.
“You want me to pick you up?”
“No. Just stay on the phone while I pack and get to the car, okay?”
I am shaking, that’s how furious I am.
We talk through her packing a few things and making plans for the next day. I listen with great intent. She doesn’t have any tours scheduled. She doesn’t really have anything planned either, except a date with my brother that night.
“I’ll call in sick.”
“You’re not sick.”
“I’m sick of you not being here. It’s a kind of sick.”
“Tell your boss that. See what they think about that excuse.”
“If he could see you he’d agree with the assessment.”
I hear shuffling. “Okay. I’m in my car. I’ll be there in ten.”
“I kind of like this—you running over here.”
“Shut up, Ezra. I’ll see you soon.”
Roman left some mess, so I straighten up as best I can in the small window of time before Aysa gets here. Even before, she never came to my place to spend the night. It will be a whole new experience to have her here among my stuff.
I hope she fits like she does with me.
If she doesn’t, I’m moving.
“I’m sorry. This isn’t the date ending you expected.” She says a few minutes later as she comes in the door with a bag in each hand.
“This is just for the night?”
“Maybe.”
Maybe sounds good to me.
“It’s a nice place, pretty big. I didn’t even ask you if you were still working at the factory.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“And you’re in school. What are you studying?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
She plops down on my couch and pulls a blanket down from the back of it onto her. That damned blanket has been there for months, since I bought the couch. I only put it there for her.
“Okay.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. You’ll tell me one day. You’re horrible at secrets and lies.”
So smug.
I love the smugness.
I love that I was the only one who got to see that side of her.
“You want to talk about what happened with Roman?”
She covers her face with the blanket and then pulls it down. Holding up one finger, she motions for me not to start with the fact that she almost hid from me.
“He tried to kiss me. I didn’t tell you over the phone because I didn’t want you recklessly driving to my house.”
I swallow against the rage in my throat.
“And what did you do?”
“Let’s put it this way, he was limping out of my door.”
“I’m going to interpret that as you kneeing him in the nuts.”
“You would be right, good sir.”
This girl is all kinds of adorable ridiculousness.
“Good to know you can take care of yourself, but you still need me.”
“I’ll always need you, duh.”
I sit down across the couch from Aysa in an oversized sweater and the ugliest boots with fur that I’ve ever seen. Her hair is up in a swirl that looks more like a rat’s nest than a hairstyle. She’s wearing glasses, but I’ve yet to comment on that.
She’s like a nerd’s dream.
“Glasses?”
“They’re hot, right?”
“Actually, they are.”
“Beards and glasses, who knew?”
After putting her feet in my lap, she leans back and rests her head on the arm of the couch.
“Talk to me.” She pleads in a quiet voice.
“What do you want me to talk about?”
I don’t tell her, but I’m still reeling from Roman trying to kiss her and her having to defend himself. What is he thinking? I’m also wondering if, despite her ability to handle things, if I should have a man to man with the prick.
“Anything. I just want to hear your voice.”
“I started playing the drums again. I called this local band the other day. They had an ad up around town about needing a drummer.”
“And you’re going, right? You need a groupie? Because I’m totally down for the groupie gig.”
“Who are you and what did you do with my shy girl?”
“I still am her, but not around you. For some reason, I’m wild around you.”
“I love you wild.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” She wiggles her feet on my lap. I take the cue and take those God awful boots off of her feet to reveal even uglier socks and they don’t match.
“Anywhere I go, you can go. Does that cover it?”
“Yes. But not the first practice. You don’t want them to think you’re whipped or something. Maybe like the third one.”
“Why don’t you let me go see if I actually want to join before you make plans?”
“Fine, fine.” She follows her dismissal with a yawn.
“You’re tired. Let’s go to bed.”
When she gets up and holds out her hand to me, that moment, is where we click back into place. We’ve been checking each other out, dancing around everything, waiting for that moment where who we were and what we’d done to each other didn’t matter anymore. This is it. I recognize it for what it means.
There’s no more questions.
No more what ifs.
It’s us.
I try not to stare as she strips down in front of me and raccoons through my dresser drawers, pulling out my boxers and pairs them with one of her own tank tops.
“Are you really calling in sick?” She whispers, fiddling with her phone.
“Yes. I have to wake up early and sound really pitiful. I should tell them I have something contagious.”
“But not intestinal. That’s just gross.”
“The flu.”
“You’re really a pathetic liar. How are you going to do this?”
I try a few scenarios on her, pretending to sound sick and generally awful.
I let her squirm for a while. “I’m not going to call in sick. I’ll just call and take a comp day. We are allowed to once a month if we have the hours.”
“Oh thank God. I was about to go back on my word and suggest you tell them something intestinal. It’s the only thing you can pull off.”
We laugh together. This is what I’ve been missing all this time. I have missed her, yes. But mostly, I missed us.
Aysa and I are undeniable.
“You’re still in love with me.” I declare it without hesitation.
“And you’re still in love with me. Say it before I fall asleep.”
“I love you, Aysa Branton. I always will. And I think somewhere deep down, I always have.”
She rolls over and burrows down into my chest, rubbing her nose against my sternum like an animal warming their nest. “I knew you did all along.”
One kiss to her temple and we are both taken by blissful sleep.
I wake up at six to call work and let the boss know I am taking a comp day. I intend to go back to bed, but I opt instead for a coffee run and breakfast. When I get home, Aysa is still asleep, so I sneak in next to her.
Her eyes are closed and her arm is extended across to my side of the bed. I have to move it when I get in and the movement wakes her.
“You cheated.”
I almost laugh at her accusation before she clears it up. “You can’t come back to bed smelling like coffee and expect me to go back to sleep. You suck.” She groans and sleepy slaps my stomach. And then her hand lingers. Row by row, she trails her fingers up my stomach and to my chest.
“Never mind, you’re forgiven.”
“I brought you coffee and beignets. Does that help?”
“Fried dough always helps.” All of her protest is laughable since she still hasn’t opened her eyes.
Her phone beeps beside her bed.
“I can’t this early. Just tell him that I’ll surprise him.”
“Who?”
“Your brother. Wait! Stop everything!”
Whatever she’s thought of makes her spring into action, sitting up and grabbing her phone. She dials the number and runs her fingers through my hair absentmindedly while she waits for whoever to answer.
“Yo, Father, what’s up?”
She waits a minute. “I’m in bed with your brother.” Then she cracks up, laughing so hard that actual tears fall down her face. She hands the phone to me.
“What is going on?” I ask Knox who is laughing as well.
“That girl is ridiculous. She has been waiting months to say that. She claims it is some legit soap opera shi…crap. One day she started using street slang. It would be annoying, but she looks so cute doing it. It’s like watching a redheaded toddler pretend to be Eminem.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, maybe she’ll shut up about it now. Ask her where we are going tonight.”
“Where are y’all going tonight?”
“You’re not coming with us?” Knox and Aysa ask at the same time.
“Is that okay?” I ask the person on the phone and the girl in front of me.
“Duh.” They both answer. I roll my eyes. They’ve become like conjoined twins.
“Okay. How about bowling and then Chinese?”
“Make it Chinese and then bowl
ing.” Knox is quick to chime in.
“Done.”
I hang up the phone and hand it to Aysa who throws it on the floor behind her onto her pile of clothes.
“I need coffee.”
“I’m sure you do. You were so tired last night.”
We walk into the kitchen and she sits down at the kitchen table, picked out by Neil. She pulls her legs up to rest her chin on her knees while she sips on her coffee.
“What do we do now?”
She doesn’t mean after the coffee.
“We spend time together. No pressure. I’m not asking you to marry me—today.”
“Not today, huh?”
“Nope.”
I skip the beignets, open my laptop, and shuffle through homework assignments while she watches on. After a while she picks up my coffee cup, shakes it from side to side and then steals it. I am done with it anyway.
“I’m gonna go get a shower and get dressed. What are we doing today?”