Callie blushed. Brian knew a thing or two about everything.
Katherine squealed and pointed her finger at Callie. “Look at your face, miss! Your loins are on fire for this guy!”
“Katherine! They are not!” Not openly anyway.
“Ohhh, yes they are! There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing at all. Woo hoo! Won’t be long now, sweetie! He’s making you all hot and bothered just from phone calls too. Damn… Oh, I hope he’s good in bed. All that hunk and a crappy lay would really suck.”
Callie’s face glowed with embarrassment. “Katherine, shhhh. I don’t know if I’ll ever—ever—”
“Get laid again, honey? Oh, yes, that’s right around the corner. Trust your friend.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine getting naked in front of anyone, Katherine.”
Katherine winked at her. “When it’s right, you’ll have no trouble at all. Just promise me something, Cal, okay?”
Callie sobered. “Okay, what?”
Katherine pinched her cheek. “Enjoy this man, Callie. Enjoy how he makes you feel, but be careful. He sounds absolutely wonderful if he’s accomplishing what no one else has, but everyone has their faults and it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Be cautious, I mean, you did meet on an Internet site and he is a mercenary. I’m not knocking his choice of profession, I’m all for whatever trips your trigger, but I don’t want to see you hurt, honey. Heart open and those gorgeous eyes too, okay?”
“Yeah, Katherine. Eyes wide open…” Heart…legs…whatever.
Oy.
* * * *
“Shit, who’s that?” Jeff Carlton, one of Brian’s closest friends eyed his laptop on the small kitchen table as he entered Brian’s tiny kitchen. His friend filled a room, standing almost three inches taller than Brian and outweighing him by thirty or so pounds of solid bulk. His blond crew cut defined his square, rugged face and most found Jeff imposing, but Brian knew better.
Jeff had a reason for being here when it wasn’t a Friday night. It meant Brian had about an hour to pack and get on a plane.
Shit.
Brian flipped the computer shut with a snap. “None of your business.”
Jeff cocked him a sideways grin. “Ahhh. Okay, I can see by the pissed off look on your face she’s none of my business, but I’ll make ya tell me anyway. C’mon, spit it out. Who is she and holy shit, she’s hot.”
Brian flicked a finger at Jeff’s head. “None of your business,” he reiterated.
Jeff ruffled Brian’s hair. “You got it bad, buddy,” he teased. “C’mon, tell Jeff all about it while you pack your shit. We have to be gone for about five days.”
Brian was reluctant to share Callie for now and he couldn’t quite explain why. What was happening between them was private and not meant to be shared with his cackling buddy “I said it’s none of your business and I’m always packed.”
Jeff pulled out a chair and threw his legs up on the table, crossing them at the ankles. “Bullshit. Spill it.”
Like he had a choice. “She’s a woman I’m sorta seeing.”
Jeff tilted his head. “Sorta? How do you sorta see someone? Either you see her or you don’t.”
Brian narrowed his eyes at Jeff. “We haven’t met yet.”
Jeff let his feet fall away from the table and he pulled the chair closer, popping open Brian’s laptop. “Okay, so you haven’t seen her yet, but you have her picture? What the fuck?”
Christ, Brian thought, he hung around Neanderthals. “I met her on that date site and we haven’t seen each other in person.”
Jeff gazed at Callie’s picture. “Sheeit, she’s got some hot lips, huh?”
Brian slapped him on the back of the head. “Leave her lips alone. Yes they’re nice.”
Jeff laughed. “Nice? Yeah, they’re nice, Brian,” he mocked. “So you haven’t met her yet? Might not be her picture, ya know or maybe it’s a picture taken a long time ago. I hear that shit happens all the time.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“C’mon, man, tell me about her. Somethin’s up or you wouldn’t be so hush-hush about it.”
Brian shook his head and pulled a chair up beside Jeff. “Nothing’s up, Jeff. I met her on the site we joined when we were on leave and that’s it.”
Jeff grunted, “Yeah, okay. So are ya gonna meet her? If she really looks like that and you don’t want to meet her, I’ll meet her for ya.” He laughed at his own brilliance.
Brian’s hackles rose and he didn’t know why. Jeff was just spouting shit, but it was pissing him off. “You’re a funny man, Jeff. Look we’ve just been talking to each other, that’s all. No, I don’t need you to meet her for me. Yes, she’s hot. Yes, I like her.” Affirmative.
“But you don’t talk to the chicks on the site, Brian, not after that stripper anyway.” Jeff laughed at the memory.
Jeff was all genius. “Nope, I don’t” Brian agreed.
“So what makes her so special, besides her lips, I mean?”
Brian grit his teeth. “Nothing, Jeff.”
Jeff leaned forward and slapped Brian on the back. “Look, I know we screw around and shit, but if you like this woman, good for you.”
Brian smiled. Yeah, they’d screwed around, gotten drunk a time or two hundred. “You ever think about quitting, Jeff?”
Jeff’s gave him a confused look. “Quitting what?”
“Drinking, asshole…Being a mercenary, dipshit.”
Jeff rolled his lips over his teeth and shot Brian a look of confidence. “Yep, you’re hot for her.”
“That’s not what I asked, Jeff,” Brian gave him a pointed look.
Jeff shrugged his massive shoulders and said, “Once I did, yeah. It sucks sometimes, you know that. If I found somebody I wanted to settle down with, yeah, I’d quit, but I haven’t. Besides, who’d wanna miss all those grenades flyin’ around?” He chuckled again.
“I was just wondering.”
Jeff nodded. “Yep, you’re wonderin’ because this chick’s got you tied up in knots and you haven’t even met her. Must be some chick.”
Brian folded his hands and let them dangle between his legs. Yeah, Callie was some chick. Like no other chick he’d ever known. She was the catalyst for a myriad of things that were overwhelming Brian and he hadn’t even met her. Jeff was right, he had it bad and he’d never had it like this and so far, Callie was just a picture and a voice. It was a little fucked-up. “Yeah, Jeff, she’s some chick.”
“I’m gonna give you some advice here. If she’s all that, then don’t waste time bullshittin’. If you have a chance to find something good, don’t wait around to see if it’ll still be here when you get back, cuz we both know how that shit goes.”
Brian did know how that went. Marriages broke up over the time and distance a mercenary spent away from his family. Some guys came home to find their wives and families gone. Some guys didn’t give a crap that they had wives and families until it was just too late.
Jeff punched him playfully on the shoulder. “You don’t want that, do you? She’s pretty hot. Lots of guys out there checkin’ her out, I bet. If I were you, I’d hurry up and hook up with her—find out if this is the real thing. Better not miss the boat, chump.”
Brian had to laugh. Jeff giving him advice on relationships went beyond the surreal. Jeff couldn’t find his way home on a good day. But the points he made were valid and reasonable. Nothing like the Jeff he knew and had spent far too much time with in Iraq.
“Tell me something, Mississippi boy. You like her better ‘n crawfish?”
Brian laughed at Jeff’s analogy. “Yeah, I do,” he admitted sheepishly.
Knocking Brian in the shoulder, Jeff said, “Yep, you got it bad.”
So bad that it hurt pretty good…
Chapter 12
Can’t get a signal in Fallujah?
Shrapnel injury prevent your dialing abilities?
Grenade sighting?
Hey, Brian! I’m married now and we have a gran
dchild.
Does this long silence mean we’ll never have sex?
Callie erased her words in an e-mail to Brian and slapped her pen down on the desk in her bedroom in frustration. She couldn’t do it. It’d been five days since Brian had last called and said “I’ll call you later”.
Later meant what to a man?
For almost a month and a half now it had meant every day.
So now later had a new meaning?
Did later mean next month? Next calendar year? The Chinese New Year?
Pick up the phone. Dial your prospective man, Callie. Say, “Hey, Brian, it’s Callie. Remember me? Yeah, that’s right. Callie Winston, the woman you’ve wooed via cyber and phone line connections. Where the fuck are you?”
Oh, no. She absolutely would not do that. Brian had a good reason for not calling her, it was because he—he—well, it was good whatever it was.
This was so bad. Callie just wasn’t like all the rest of the girls who played with the boys. Not the big boys, anyway. She had the dating skills of an eighth grader and where she came from a woman did not call a man. Not until they’d established the you belong to me and me alone thing.
Maybe he’d been injured?
Where? In his apartment? The paranoid half of her asked. He’s a mercenary, Callie. I really think he can handle the occasional mold build up around the shower. It’s a tough, scary job, but hardly life threatening.
No, I mean in Iraq!
Um, no. He was in Arizona the last time you talked. Maybe he was run over by a maniacal tumbleweed? Had a fatal accident with a cactus? That could be very dangerous for a man who takes people out from long distances with a big old gun. Absolutely.
Callie sat forward and buried her head in her hands. She couldn’t take it. The pressure was too much. Brian had established the pattern in their phone relationship and she didn’t have the gonads to take the bull by the horns and pick up the damn phone and call him. So she’d suffer in silence instead.
Her phone rang, zapping her back to reality. She grabbed it and checked the number on her caller ID.
Katherine… Idiot, of course it’s not Brian. He doesn’t have your home phone number, remember?
“Hello.”
“Hi, sweetie. Whatcha doin’?”
“Nothing…” Callie said evasively.
“How’s Briiiannn?” Katherine drew out his name in a teasing fashion.
“Good, I guess.”
“You guess? You talk to him every single night, how can you guess?”
“Not every single night…” Callie said almost defensively.
“He hasn’t called,” Katherine pointed out with only the kind of perception Katherine had.
Ugh. “No. No he hasn’t.”
“How long has it been?”
Here we go… ”Five days.”
“Five-freakin’ days? Is he okay?”
Callie shrugged. “I don’t know…”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I said I haven’t heard from him,” Callie offered stiffly.
“Look, I have a novel concept for you. Why don’t you call him? Ask him what’s up?”
“Nooooooooo. I don’t do that. No, no, no.” Callie shook her head for emphasis as if Katherine could actually see her.
“What?” Katherine shrieked into the phone. “What do you mean you don’t do that? Look it’s easy, Cal. Pick up the phone, dial Brian up. Ring-ring, Hello, he says—then you say, Hi, Brian, it’s Callie, you know the woman whose lust for you is as big as the state she lives in? How’s it going? Haven’t heard from you. Where the hell have you been? It’s easy, Callie.”
“No, no, no,” Callie said emphatically. “And double no.”
She heard Katherine’s irritation. “Why the hell not?”
Because it’s needy. It’s clingy. It’s asking someone to pay attention to me and I just can’t. I won’t. Instead she said. “Because I just can’t. I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him.”
“What would make you think something that absurd, Callie? You’ve established a relationship, honey—even if it is only by phone. That means Brian can’t do all of the work. Callie has to bring her toys out of her playpen and play with Brian.”
“No.”
Katherine growled into her ear. “Have you ever called him or even e-mailed him first?”
“No…” Your point?
“So you never contribute to this relationship that has all the elements of being fan-fucking-tastic? That’s good, Cal. You’re on a roll. Keep it up.”
Oh, for fucks sake. “Katherine, I just can’t call him. I don’t have the guts. I’m not like you. I’m not aggressive.”
“Jesus, Cal! It isn’t aggressive to let the poor man know you care about him as much as he seems to care about you! Your view of how a relationship should be is so damn warped. There are days I’d like to strangle Frank for leaving you in this damn mess. He helped to build this wall that makes you think it’s needy to ask for any kind of attention. You’re afraid to rock the damn boat and I’m sick of it. It isn’t needy to ask for what you deserve, Callie and it isn’t needy to participate. The don’t ask—don’t tell shit doesn’t apply here.”
Oh, God. Katherine was right. Callie never demanded Frank tell her anything. If she didn’t ask, she didn’t have to hear the truth. It was easier to let herself believe Frank had begged forgiveness because she was what he wanted—even though in her heart she knew it wasn’t her, it was their possessions. If she didn’t call Brian, she didn’t have to hear a greener pasture had come mercenary man’s way and she could let it go. She might always wonder what had happened, but she’d never know for sure and that meant she couldn’t pin it on him fading off into the sunset because he didn’t want her anymore. It would remain a mystery and that was how Callie led most of her life since Frank, letting things go unanswered, never demanding an answer because she deserved one or she reacted in fear and shot the first arrow, severing the tie before it could sever her. “Maybe he’s just not interested anymore, Katherine. It happens, you know. We didn’t have any claims to one another.”
Katherine’s sigh of exasperation crackled. “Nope, you sure didn’t, but hiding from the answer as to whether you will in the future is your way, sweetie. You’ll never know unless you ask. Any number of things could have happened to him, Callie and I’m willing to give Brian the benefit of the doubt, even if you aren’t. Brian isn’t Frank, honey bunny.”
Callie ran a hand over her eyes. She was tired. Tired of the stress created by this block she had. Tired of the worry she couldn’t hold a man like Brian’s attention. Tired of not being able to take the initiative. “I know he’s not, Katherine. Maybe I’ll e-mail him, okay?”
“You do that, Callie. Wander off onto that limb. I can’t promise it won’t break, but I’d rather see you approach this with the attitude that if it does, you can get back up and brush yourself off, but don’t just throw your hands up in the air and miss an opportunity to spend some time with a man who’s changed so many things for you. A man who could quite possibly be what we’re all looking for. He makes you smile, Cal. He makes you happier than I’ve seen you in as far back as I can remember.”
Callie’s throat constricted. “I’ll try, Katherine. I really will.”
Katherine’s chuckle was soft. “My baby’s growing up. You go do that. I’m going to go take a long, hot bath and write up your bill for therapy.”
Callie laughed. “Check’s in the mail,” she teased.
“Yeah, yeah. Night, sweetie.”
“Night, Kath.”
Callie stared blankly at her computer after she hung up with Katherine. It was an e-mail—not a proposal of marriage. C’mon, Cal, words are easy for you.
Dear Brian,
Hey, what’s up? Just making sure everything’s okay with you.
No, that sounded like she was asking to be rejected. It was like a where have you been, you owe me an answer kind of thing. He didn’t owe her anythi
ng. Callie deleted it with a shaky finger.
Jesus Christ in a mini skirt.
She couldn’t think straight.
This fragile relationship she’d begun with Brian held a power she couldn’t deny and she didn’t know how to begin to maintain it. Callie had no clue how to cultivate something so tangible. In her relationship with Frank she’d spent more time second-guessing his motivations—his next move, than she ever had focusing on the creating warm fuzzies aspect of it. Callie had to be one step ahead of Frank and listen to what he said, but interpret the true meaning internally.
Would Brian welcome an e-mail from her or would it be an invasion—an intrusion into his life?
An intrusion.
That was exactly how Frank had made her feel if she asked a question about his day—his world—his life. He’d made her feel as though she’d asked him to donate a lung. Frank’s answers were always short and evasive, clipped responses—and of course those were the responses she should have expected to reap, because Frank was always hiding something.
Always.
What if Brain really were hurt? What if this was just his way of dumping her?
Katherine was right about one thing. She couldn’t expect Brian to do all of the work.
Callie’s hand shook as she typed up an e-mail. If he was going to reject her then she could read it—she didn’t have to hear it and it would be done before this went any further.
She shipped off an e-mail that simply said, It’s not nice to worry me, Mr. Benson…Clicking send, Callie felt very proud of herself. She didn’t sound at all needy. She sounded like she was simply letting him know that not hearing from him made her concerned that maybe he’d been shipped off and was hurt and that she cared if he was. It was concern and one showed concern for someone who was a friend. It was the least you did in a friendship.
That didn’t sound needy at all.
Not one iota.
Nope. Callie Winston was not needy.
Not a lot.
* * * *
Her cell phone rang, waking her from a sound sleep. Callie fought to surface from the dream she’d been having and reached blindly to her nightstand, feeling around she grabbed the cool metal of her phone. “Hello?” she said, groggy and disoriented.
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