by Nova Black
“What’s going on, guys?” Zi stood in the doorway, sunlight outlining her form.
She stepped in, looking around. “Where’s Meghan?” Looked closer at me and blinked, turning a shooting glare on Brenda.
“You’re dumping her? Right now, Brenda?”
Brenda sighed. “You’ve tracked Lia’s phone.”
“I always track Lia’s phone and anyone else she’s involved with. That’s why I asked, ‘where’s Meghan’. Do you have her tied up too, in a closet somewhere?”
“I have Meghan’s purse with me in Brenda’s car.” I said, my mind frantically trying to string together the right words, the right phrases to change Brenda’s mind.
Zi had her own solution.
She came in like a bullet, hands embedding in the curls of Brenda’s hair, pushing her into wall. “Fucking enough with this dance, Brenda.”
She kissed her, hard but briefly, not giving Brenda an inch to move, body pressed tight against her on the wall.
The sound of duct tape unrolling was loud. “Zi, what the fuck are you doing?” Zi held Brenda tight, wrapping her wrist together.
“Sit.” She moved her to the couch. Came to me and slid my chair over the ceramic floor closer to Brenda.
“Now, for some reason, Brenda, you think if you have a physical relationship with Lia what you have will change. And, of course it will change. Why you’re convinced it will change for the worst is based almost entirely with how you think I will react.”
She breathed deeply, looking Brenda in the eyes. “And I’m telling you Brenda, I’ll be fucking fine. Yeah, I’ll mope around a bit and act a bitch, but I will get over it.”
Zi leaned over, wagging her finger in Brenda’s face. “Don’t you dare lose the love of your life because you think my feelings will get hurt. Don’t you fucking DARE pin that on me.”
Brenda squirmed, half pissed, half amused. “Azina… Zi, it’s not because of you that I’m leaving. Yeah, you’re part of it. I’d never want to hurt you, even though you just unnecessarily manhandled me, but more, it’s the way Lia, the way she fucking, ugh…”
“She doesn’t want to be overwhelmed, Zi.” I said.
Zi rolled her eyes, “So, don’t be.”
Brenda shook her head and Zi practically growled at her.
“Where’s the fucking compromise miss fucking head of motherfucking HR? Miss psychology degrees.”
“Zi, you are oversimplifying things.”
Azina fell back onto the couch, head back as she stared into the ceiling fan.
“You are not even willing to try: Because there’s a chance it might not work. Because there’s a chance it may hurt. Because it’s scary to place your heart in someone’s hands…”
She sighed. “Fuck you, Brenda. You’re being a coward.”
“Zi,” I said, “that’s not helping.”
She glared at me. “And so are you. Have you ever attempted a go at monogamy, it might fucking suit you.”
I raised my eyebrows.
She rolled her eyes, a small smile curving her lips. “Okay, maybe not total monogamy, but perhaps a compromise. Like, say, no new ‘relationships’ for a while.”
I looked at Brenda. She looked down and away. Bit her lip as her gaze returned, contemplating me. She looked away again, a deep sigh leaving her.
“I’m willing to try, Brenda. Isn’t it worth a try?” I whispered.
She stared at me, hard. “You are going to break my fucking heart, Lia. I know it.”
Her eyes returned to the open doorway and the sunlight darkened, momentarily blocked by a cloud. She shuddered, breathing deeply.
I counted to ten, watching her.
Twenty.
Fifty.
She sighed. “Fine. We’ll try this, Lia, a real, semi-exclusive relationship, where we are each given a circle of four, no more. And yes, Zi counts as one.”
Zi clapped her hands. “Great, let’s get these details down.”
Both Brenda and I were frowning at her, neither of us entirely thrilled with the compromise.
I went first. “For my ‘circle’: Zi, Meghan, Kevin. And Pamela.”
Zi wiggled her eyebrows, “Ahh, the limber linguistics of Pamela. Excellent.”
Brenda shook her head. “This is ridiculous. Fine. For mine: uh, Zi –”.
“Damn, right ‘Zi’.”
She ignored Azina’s interruption, “John and… Aaron. I don’t have a third.”
Zi was still. “Aaron. Has he contacted you?”
Brenda back stiffened. “He asked me out tonight but I told him I had to pack. I guess, now that I’m sticking around he’s at least a possibility.”
I held Zi’s eyes and shook my head, turning to Brenda. “What about Meghan?”
She frowned. “What about her?”
“Why don’t you add her to your list? You do like her.”
She just looked at me.
Zi cleared her throat. “So… we going to consummate this or what?”
“What?” Brenda’s eyes whipped to Zi. “Now?”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because I’m not in the mood, that’s why not. And, I never said I would have sex with both of you at the same time.”
“Aww. Nervous? I can give you a quick pep talk.”
Brenda stared at Zi until a small smile formed. “Go fuck yourself, Zi. I’ll fuck who I want on my own damn terms.”
Zi smiled, laying her head in Brenda’s lap, Brenda raising her duct taped arms to accommodate her in fond exasperation.
Zi trailed a lazy finger up and down Brenda’s arm. “You’re only this brave because Lia is tied to a chair. If she wasn’t, you’d either be writhing naked on her giant bed right now or in your car driving very fast and very far away.”
Brenda sighed. “I know.”
“Which is why I left her tied up.”
“I know, Zi.”
“You’ll never get this opportunity again, Lia is a convincing woman.”
Silence.
Then a subtle shift in the air, an unspoken promise fulfilled. “Okay, Zi.” Brenda’s voice was small; I swear the beating of my heart was louder than her words.
I watched, my heart giving a little twist, as Brenda bent down, kissing Zi on the forehead, the cheeks, hesitating just spaces before their lips touched.
She searched Zi’s face. “Are you sure, Zi? I don’t want to hurt-"
And Zi growled, pulling Brenda closer, kissing her with all the passion of years of unrequited love. Kissing her with the memory of missed moments, long coveting glances, of nights wondering what could be. If only…
I looked away when I saw a tear in Zi’s eyes, single and small, trailing to fall in her auburn hair.
She whispered. “Give me this one time with you. Please Brenda.”
I saw Brenda lean her forehead against Zi’s and nod. Ah, the ache that nod cost me. I said nothing, watching as Zi stood and led Brenda into her bedroom, across the hall from mine.
And braced myself when I realized Zi left the door open.
Pain and seagulls and the sounds of waves. The sound of lovemaking. That’s all I knew.
If I was a lover of extreme pain, of agony, I would be in a blissful state right now. But this was not a playful pain. This was not a pain to spice the pleasures of lovemaking.
This moment — a special hell hearing the person I wanted most, making love to the person who loved me most.
In my mind I could see it all, whose mouth was kissing, who was caressing, licking, touching, exploring. Every time a shuddered breath drifted from the bedroom my heart would knife itself, bleeding and faltering.
After the soft sighs, the hushed moans and gasps had ended; Zi came out of the room kneeling beside me, still strapped to a rocking chair.
She eyed me soberly, using the back of her hand to wipe a stalled tear from my cheek.
Yes, I understood why she did it. At that moment I did not care. I hurt in places I never expected to hurt.
Places I barely a
cknowledged existed.
She used a pocket knife from her overalls to slice through my bindings on my left arm. Standing, she rotated the knife, blade pointed at herself.
She handed it to me. “Keep it, Lia.”
I nodded, taking it to saw awkwardly on my right side, her shadowed form darkening the sunlight.
I breathed, lifting my head to her. “Azina.”
She paused, not turning around. “You are welcome, Lia.”
I nodded again, hearing the catch in her voice, the last bit of tape ripping in half. I stood, making my way to Brenda.
Who had been waiting for me.
~~~
Brenda was not in Zi’s room, she was in mine. Her back was to me and she stared at the waves on the shore.
“I’ve always loved this view,” she said.
“I know, that’s why we bought this house.”
She looked at me then turned away, sighing. “You two… You put entirely too much weight on our relationships. On me.”
I smiled, shrugging. “We don’t love many people, Brenda. Forgive our occasional over compensations.”
She watched the waves. I watched her.
Her reflection caught me. “Why do you love me, Lia? Besides the chase there’s nothing to distinguish me from other women you’ve had.”
I stepped behind her, trailing my hand down her back. “Do you think so?”
She shivered. “I do.”
“I will always love you. I love you because of all that you are. There are no other reasons why. Reasons can change.” I leaned over, kissed her shoulder. “This, will not.”
She turned to me, close and warm, the ocean waves at her back. “Are you sure, Lia? You want to do this, to try?”
My mouth was dry. All I knew were the fragrance of her skin, cocoa butter and honeysuckle… the faint hint of almond from Zi’s embrace.
“If you want to leave, please do it now before I kiss you, before I touch you again.”
Her eyes, her lips, the curve of her shoulder — they all smiled at me now. My heart, ah my heart threatened to leave me if I screwed this up again.
“Okay, Lia. I will stay. Give me a moment, please?”
I smiled back. “You want me to leave my own room?”
She grinned. “Yeah, get outta here for a minute.”
I nodded; the happy smile unable to vacate my face. I went outside, past the chair with torn duct tape hanging from it, to a cluster of beach roses Zi had planted last year. I pulled one, thought about it and pulled two more. Went back and pulled a fourth.
When I returned Brenda was still by the window. I hesitated, placing the flowers on the end of the bed. Every instinct I had told me to go to her, take her before she changed her mind and left me.
But her body was closed to me, shielded. I leaned against the door, waiting.
“I don’t want our first time to be on the floor, or on a chair. Lie on the bed, Lia.”
The tone of her voice, the angle of her head spoke of a plan. Of forethought.
I complied, lying on my side, trying to keep the hunger from making my voice shake, making me shake.
“Brenda,” I started
“No, don’t speak. Turn around and lay on your stomach.”
I did so, my chest pressed against the bed, chin on my arms.
The sound of drawers and closet doors opening, shutting mixed with the waves.
“Ah, there we are. No peeking, Lia,” she said when I shifted to look.
I heard another sound, familiar yet slightly different: The creak of braided leather. I closed my eyes, a deep-bodied shiver running through me.
A long silence and then, she spoke.
“Long ago it occurred to me, if we ever were to be together I would want to be as close to equal footing with you as possible.” She came closer, tone hardening. “Then, I decided I wanted more. I wanted my claws a little longer, my teeth a little sharper. I wanted to be firmly on the side with the advantage. ”
I glanced at her; Jesus Christ she had a bullwhip.
“Remember all those ‘riding lessons’ I took a few years ago?” she smiled. “I still have no idea how to ride a horse. Never attempted it. But, other things I learned to ride very well.”
“Stand by the window and take off your clothes, Lia. All of them.”
The sight of her — in office casual shirt and skirt, tapping the coiled whip against her leg, her thigh. Black heels and bare legs and my God, her eyes.
Her lips were full but her eyes were hard and they traveled over me, assessing, making me slow and sloppy. I missed a button and her eyes, if anything, went harder, my fumbled fingers almost tearing the button from the thread.
I was down to my panties and she walked away abruptly, leaving the room. I paused, hearing a car door open and shut. She came back biting an apple, another one palmed in her hand. “I don’t recall telling you to stop. Come here.”
I did, shivering to hear Brenda, my Brenda say that to me. I was beyond aroused, holding back a flood.
She was of equal height to me and placed the long handle of the whip on my shoulder, pressed down.
I knelt.
She looked down. “Over a decade I waited, patiently. I am not so patient anymore. Do you understand?”
I nodded, wanting to bury my face in the folds of her skirt, inhale and never let it go.
She lifted my head with the handle. “You have allured me, teased me, and made promises left painfully, woefully unfulfilled. You’ve slept with many, many other women, all while professing your undying love to me.”
The bundled coil pushed my head closer to her crotch.
“I think you have a debt to repay.”
And I did. Never had I wanted to please anyone more. I lifted her flowing skirt, inhaling her scent. She pulled it over me and I was inside the cave of legs and patterned cloth, my only escape the thin pair of silken panties, yellow and beckoning, a beacon lighting her brown skin.
I pulled it down and found her eagerness, tasted it with my tongue. Moaned, going deeper when I felt the whip uncoil and whisper down my spine to play with the cuff of my backside.
She sat on the bed, pulling me along on my knees. I heard another bite of an apple and groaned into her at the casualness of it. That I had known her but not known her was making me lose my shit, my hard earned skills fleeing me.
How had I not noticed this side of her?
The whip swung, tapped me lightly. “Don’t stop to sightsee, Lia. I thought you were good at this?”