“Name any couple you know who does that—and Valentine’s Day doesn’t count.”
“Not my parents, that’s for sure.”
“So, because your parents have a bad relationship, you are doomed, as well. That’s a good theory to live by. That way you never have to try and you avoid any type of failure. Have your history studies warped your personal life that much? Let me guess: if you don’t know your past, you’re doomed to repeat it. So, since Lizzie’s parents have a bad marriage, Lizzie should avoid marriage or it will be a horrible union that will ruin everyone. Grow up, Lizzie, and take responsibility for your own life.”
“Ethan, there are days when I think I should fake depression. Just imagine. I could mope around all of the time and she’d be too afraid to press me on the house thing, or anything for that matter.”
He fidgeted in his chair. “Wow. I thought I was an asshole, but you take the cake on this one. That plan sounds awful.”
“I didn’t say I was going to do it. Sometimes I just think about it, that’s all.”
“Lizzie, you’re right. It would be much better to fake suicidal thoughts and torture the poor girl over a long period of time instead of just being honest with her.”
“Why can’t she be the one who leaves?”
“Are you serious? God, you are the most self-indulgent person I’ve ever met. We meet here every week and all we do is talk about your problems. Every fucking week. Oh, every once in a while, you poke fun at my life, but you don’t really care. Not everything is about you, Lizzie.”
“Me? I’ve been talking about Sarah this whole time.” I barked.
“No you haven’t. You’ve been talking about you disappointing Sarah. She loves you—you moron. Love isn’t perfect. You have to accept that. Or you’ll have a miserable life. A fucking, miserable, lonely life.”
* * *
Sarah crashed into the apartment, rushed up to me, and kissed me passionately. She was holding a paper bag, which crushed up against my chest when she leaned in. Then she said breathlessly, “Hi beautiful!”
“Well, hello. Boy, you look happy.”
A grin split her face and her eyes danced merrily.
“I am happy.”
“Okay, happy girl, can I pour you a glass of wine?”
“Sounds perfect. I picked up some Chinese for us. Would you like to have a picnic with me in front of the fireplace?”
“I was going to grade some papers tonight,” I said in a teasing voice.
She set the bag on the kitchen counter. Then she took her shirt off and started to kiss me. She smelled wonderful. Orange blossoms? Was that the scent?
“Oh, all right … I guess my students can wait.”
“There’s one rule for this picnic.”
“Really? And what’s that?”
She smiled as she pulled off her bra. “No clothes allowed.” Her fingers flew to the zipper on her jeans. Then, changing her mind, she started to unbutton my shirt instead. As she reached around to undo my bra, I returned her kiss. Sarah tugged at my shirt with urgency, keen to get me in front of the fireplace. Even though she rushed the act, it was not a quick fuck. We went at it repeatedly for several hours; by the time we finished, and lay in front of the fire picking at the Chinese food and sipping wine, I was exhausted. Neither of us spoke. I placed my head on her stomach and she ran her fingers through my hair.
“Come on, Lizzie, dance naked with me.”
“What?” There was no way I was going to dance naked.
Sarah popped up from the carpet and tugged on my arms. “Come on, grandma! Loosen up a little.” Her eyes sparkled; she looked radiant. I couldn’t refuse.
Afterwards, we settled back down on the floor, Sarah said, “Oh I forgot to tell you, Maddie called me today.”
I tried not to react. “Oh, really. How is the troublemaker?”
“She sounded good. She mentioned you two talked a few nights ago about an engagement party. She’s so sweet.”
“She’s very thoughtful.” My heart started to race. So that was why Sarah had planned this romantic fuckfest.
“Oh, she said you were quite formal.” Sarah paused and then put on a southern accent, “We don’t have a timeline yet.” She laughed and continued to run her fingers through my hair.
I didn’t respond, still hoping the whole thing would go away.
“I told her we could wait until after her wedding. There’s enough family drama right now … well, on your side. My mom wants to take us to dinner.”
I licked her nipple, not lingering long; I inched my way down toward her navel. Her soft skin and scent beckoned me. I worked my way down. Down. Down. I didn’t stop until she came again.
Chapter Thirty-Four
It took all of my energy to open the door to the coffee shop. I wasn’t sure if Ethan would be waiting inside. I thought back to our last meeting and couldn’t help feeling that our friendship was teetering on a precipice. Would it survive? Should it?
“Well, look what the cat dragged in?”
“Sorry, Ethan. I was running late.” I fell into the chair opposite him.
“Geez Louise! You look beat.”
I nodded slowly.
“What the hell happened to you? Did someone slip you some Special K or something?”
I laughed mirthlessly. “No, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Between teaching and Sarah, I’m exhausted.”
“Okay, I’m following the teaching part. How does Sarah fit in?”
“Ever since New York City she has been a fuck machine. I mean, she wants sex all night, and then again before work. Man, I’m beat.”
“You mean ever since you gave her the ring?” he teased.
“Yeah. And she’s much more assertive about it. Passionate even. It’s pretty hot, but I am tired. I could probably curl up on the floor right here and go to sleep.” I gazed down at the filthy floor. Even that wouldn’t have deterred me right then.
“Oh man, that’s too bad, Lizzie. You sit right there and I’ll get your chai.” He stood up.
“Thanks.”
He paused. “You really are tired. No comeback whatsoever. And you said thanks.” Ethan wandered to the counter and then returned with my chai.
I took a gulp, which burned all the way down.
“So, my tired friend, are you going to go through with this marriage?”
“I don’t see a way out of it.” I fidgeted with my earring.
“Are you serious?” He sounded flabbergasted.
“What can I do now?”
In a firm voice he said, “Tell her the truth.”
“And what do you propose I say? ‘Hey, I said I would buy you a ring because I was scared of the nurse and I panicked to save your finger.’” I paused. “Maybe I could throw in, ‘and I like what you can do with your finger.’”
“Is that the truth?” He stared through me. What did he see? Himself?
“Sort of.”
“What do you mean ‘sort of’?” Ethan crossed his arms and tilted his head.
“Let’s face it, Ethan, I am a relationship idiot. I don’t know what I feel or what I want. Right now, I can barely remember my name.”
“Poor little Lizzie. She’s been cornered into marriage. Everything is out of her hands.” He frowned with melodrama and his moustache drooped. I noticed it was smeared with cappuccino froth.
“I think I will put that on my tombstone.” I smiled.
“You are an idiot. And not just with relationships.”
“How’s the adoption process going?”
He sighed. “It’s out of my hands.”
Both of us burst out laughing.
“No seriously, Ethan. How’s it going?”
Ethan discussed his trials and tribulations for once while I downed three chais.
* * *
When I got back to the apartment, Sarah was already home.
“Hi, honey. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” I sat next to her on the couch, slouching a
gainst the cushions.
“Yeah, I told Mom I wanted to take a nap. I’m beat.” She rested her head on my chest.
“Tell me about it. I just drank three chais.”
“That explains why you look so flushed. And your heart is racing.”
“I’m shocked. You didn’t shop at all?”
“Oh, we did for a couple of hours. I bought a new painting to hang over the couch, but I was too tired to hang it.” She gestured to the painting that leaned against the far wall.
I didn’t say anything.
She kissed my forehead. “Do you want to take a nap with me?”
“Sweetheart, I would love to.”
We crawled into bed, naked, and she held me while we slept for hours. I awoke feeling wonderful. Sarah also woke up refreshed—so refreshed that we went at it again.
* * *
“You have to go to the office?” Sarah looked hurt.
“I know. I know I installed the Internet so I would be home more, but I have a lot of grading to do, and I have to enter information at work,” I told her, lying my ass off. I didn’t even think my story made sense. I just wanted some alone time. “I’ll come home as soon as I can. I’ll be counting the seconds until I get back.”
“Until you’ll be back with me, you mean.” She wrapped her arms around me and began to lay delicate kisses up my neck—my major weakness. She knew that if she kissed my neck just right, I would be hers for the night.
“I better go, sweetheart, so I can get back as soon as possible.”
She pulled me toward her and slid her hand down my pants. I felt the feather-light brush of her fingertips, then the grasping hardness of them as she fingered me briefly, her eyes hard on mine. She pulled her hand out and sensuously licked her finger. “Hurry back. I heart you.”
“I promise.” I kissed her goodbye. I briefly considered staying. Then I saw the painting against the wall. No. I needed space.
I didn’t go to the office. In truth, I’d never had any intention of going. Instead, I texted Maddie, hoping she would be in town. She was staying at the hotel near Coopersmith’s and agreed to meet me for a late lunch.
When I walked into the restaurant, I saw her sitting at the bar chatting with two guys. Two good-looking guys. Jealousy burned inside me. I approached with every intention of whisking her away.
“Hey!” Maddie jumped off her barstool and hugged me tightly. “You got here fast.” She held my hand and turned me towards the two men. “I would like you to meet my friends, Joseph and David. They just adopted their first child.” She turned to me and announced, “Lizzie and her girlfriend recently got engaged.” She let go of my hand. “You should see the rock Lizzie sprung for. Wheweee! I was jealous when I laid my eyes on it for the first time.” Maddie nudged me with her arm.
Joseph and David congratulated me and I reciprocated, feeling silly that I thought they were putting the moves on Maddie. Sarah has always teased me about not having any gaydar.
Their buzzer trilled and they excused themselves, leaving the two of us alone at the bar.
“Can I tempt you with a drink? Will Sarah pick you up if I get you drunk?” Maddie didn’t wait for an answer and motioned to the bartender.
Ignoring the Sarah part, I responded, “I could really use a drink.”
Maddie ordered a rum and Coke for me and another merlot for herself. The drinks arrived promptly, and Maddie raised her glass. I sipped my drink—no, I inhaled half of my drink.
“Everything okay, Lizzie?”
“Y-yeah,” I spluttered. I knew my face and my voice betrayed me. Try as I might, I could not fake a smile.
“Come on, there’s a table in the back. Let’s talk.” Placing her arm around my waist, she guided us to a dark corner.
She smelled of peaches. I envisioned running my hands over her body, tasting her sweet nectar, exploring every inch of her with my tongue.
“Do you want to tell me what’s bugging you?”
Her voice shattered my fantasy. I sighed. I didn’t know where to begin. So, I didn’t.
“Did you and Sarah fight?” She queried.
“N-no.” Why couldn’t I talk to her? Openly.
“Hey, you texted me, remember?” She joked. “Come on! Tell me what’s going on.” She placed her hand on my leg and gave me an encouraging squeeze. The warmth spread, igniting a tingling sensation that delighted and frustrated me.
How could I be happy with Sarah and still lust after Maddie?
“Oh, I don’t know.” I tugged at my Northface vest. “I’m feeling … stifled.”
Maddie laughed. “Let’s get you out of your vest. You must be roasting.” She helped me undress.
“I remember when your brother and I got engaged. For weeks, I couldn’t breathe,” she babbled. “I think what you’re feeling is normal.”
What I was feeling was not normal! I wanted to fuck her right then and there.
“Trust me,” she continued. “It gets easier. This is a big change for you. All your life, you’ve been independent. You never were close to your family. Now, you’re asking Sarah to spend the rest of her life with you. That’s a big deal. No wonder you’re flustered. You have no experience of letting someone in.” She put her hand back on my leg, higher up this time.
I chuckled. Maddie was trying so hard to put me at ease, yet I felt myself getting hotter, more desperate. Frantic. I wanted to taste her. To feel her legs wrapped around me. Be inside her. Feel her body convulse after experiencing an exhilarating orgasm. God, I wanted her.
“Have you talked to Sarah about this?”
“No!” I didn’t mean to shout, but for a moment, I thought Maddie knew what thoughts I was entertaining.
She put her fingers to her lips. “No reason to shout. I wasn’t going to tattle on you. You can trust me with your secrets. I’ve trusted you with mine.”
I wondered if it were possible to have an orgasm from her touch alone. What if my eyes suddenly roll back into my head? Will she think I’m having a seizure? Will she call 911? The thought made me smile. It emboldened me.
“How do you do it?” I asked.
Confused, she replied, “Do what?”
What did I mean? I had to say something. “Act happy.”
“Trust me, I have my dark days.” She pulled away from me and sat back in her chair.
“Like in Estes.”
She nodded.
I wanted her to elaborate. I needed to hear her thoughts. I needed a signal to pursue her.
Maddie gave me nothing to go on.
We sat there in silence.
Flustered, I offered to buy her another glass of wine. She accepted. When I returned to our table, I noticed her happy demeanor had returned. As I handed Maddie her glass, our fingers touched, and I saw a sparkle in her eye.
“Drink up, Lizzie. I feel like dancing.”
“Dancing? Where?” My eyes scanned Coops for a new dance floor.
“Not here, you idiot. Around the corner, there’s a new gay club.” She downed her wine.
Unable to resist her allure, I drained my glass as well.
Sure enough, there was a new gay club right around the corner. Not that I would have gone on my own. Only Maddie could get me there.
Inside, Maddie bought another round of drinks. At first, she danced with some gay boys. It looked like they all knew each other.
Maddie disappeared for a few minutes, and I leaned against the wall, focusing on the handful of people dancing. My drinks were going straight to my head.
Maddie popped up before me. “It took some doing, but you have to dance with me during the next song.”
I set my drink down. “And why is that?”
“Just wait.” She cocked her head, waiting to hear the music.
That’s when I heard it: the ‘Monster Mash.’
“Are you serious? How does one dance to this?” I asked, but I didn’t wait for an answer, just followed her to the dance floor.
The drinks worked
their magic. Or Maddie did. She twirled around me and made me look halfway decent. Afterwards, we danced to several more songs until a slow song came on and Maddie maneuvered me off the dance floor.
My entire body felt relaxed. “Would you like something to eat?”
She nodded, thinking. “But not at Coops. I can’t handle another meal there. I dine there more than I do in my own home.”
“Shall we go to your room and order in?” I looked hopeful.
“Yes! Let’s get pizza.” She bounced in her seat like a child.
Her excitement set all of my nerve endings afire.
We didn’t finish our drinks. Both of us wanted to leave—and fast.
When we entered Maddie’s hotel room, my bravado started to falter. I excused myself and hid in the bathroom. While dousing my face with cold water, I heard Maddie on the phone, placing our order. I thought briefly of Sarah. Stop!
“Hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and ordered.” She flashed me her confident smile.
“Not at all.” I walked to the window. “This is quite the view. You can even see the gap from here.”
She got off the bed and joined me, standing close. “What gap?”
“Horsetooth.” I gestured to the hills, but I could tell she didn’t see it. Pulling her in front of me, I placed my arms around her but didn’t hold her; instead, I pointed to the gap. “You see that part of the foothills that looks like a horse’s tooth?”
She nodded.
I took in her scent.
“That’s why half this town is called Horsetooth.”
She rested her head against me. “I had no idea!”
My arms enveloped her. She didn’t resist. Finally, the moment I had longed for had arrived. Not wanting to waste a second, I leaned down and kissed her neck.
It was pure ecstasy. Her salty but alluring skin electrified my tongue. A fire burned inside me. My face felt hot. My cheek stung like a bee sting. Several seconds passed before I realized that Maddie had whipped around and smacked me across the face. Hard!
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she shouted.
Dazed, I asked, “Why did you hit me?”
“Why did I hit you?” She pushed me away. “Why in the fuck did you kiss my neck?”
A Woman Lost Page 19