“No.” Seth was adamant. “But now that you’ve suggested it,” he teased, raising his eyebrows. “I showed you that picture because, I don’t do that. With anybody. That is just not me. Not who I am. I don’t sit and look at some guy’s picture and think about him and wonder what he’s doing.”
“And you’ve been doing that with me?”
Seth nodded, “And I hate it.”
Laughing, “So what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. Try to be honest with each other moving forward. Get to know one another. We talk every day, Henry.”
“We need to talk every night, Seth.”
Smiling, he gave Henry’s hand a little tug. “We can do that.”
The waitress set down two plates of breakfast enchiladas on the table and a check and quickly moved away. Pushing it around his plate, Seth looked up, “I’m going to give this a try,” as if the first forkful were a symbolic gesture. “Not bad,” he quickly followed the food with a big swig of coffee.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Seth put down his fork, abandoning his attempt at finishing the enchilada. “Thank you for being so honest, Henry. I really appreciate and admire that. I don’t know that I could have put myself out there the way you just did. And I’m really glad you did.”
Henry nodded and Seth went on, “And thank you for making me listen. You were right. I was erecting that wall as quickly as I possibly could.”
“Why?” Henry’s brows knit together.
“Because I care about you. I really, really care about you. And I was just trying to protect myself.”
“Is that your usual M.O.?”
“No,” Seth shook his head. “My usual M.O. has been work, friends, nothing serious.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“No. Not even remotely. Does that scare you?”
Henry shook his head, no.
“Maybe it should. Maybe I just don’t have that gene or the capacity.”
Laughing, “Oh, you definitely have that gene. I’ve seen you with Mia and her kids and you were filled with love. Maybe you just haven’t met the right person. Or been ready.”
Seth smirked, “Thanks for having that faith in me. Or for being totally delusional.”
Grabbing the bill, Henry commented, “I feel like I just went twelve rounds.”
When they got up from the table, Seth placed a hand on Henry’s arm, stopping him. “Henry,” was all he said, before wrapping his arms around the other man.
“How am I going to let you get on a plane?” Henry whispered gruffly in his ear.
Pulling his face away to look into his violet eyes, Seth shook his head, indicating he didn’t know. Slowly, Henry ran his fore and middle finger down Seth’s cheek and it was in that very moment that Seth Shapiro knew he’d better get his shit together because he would be miserable if he ever lost this man.
H: Why am I here and you are there on Thanksgiving? We should have planned this better.
S: Honestly, it never occurred to me that it would suck so badly without you.
H: And?
S: It freaking sucks without you.
H: Yeah, it does. Tell everyone I say hello.
S: Call over there later. You’ll get to talk to everyone. (And I’ll get to hear your voice)
H: You’ll get to hear my voice tonight regardless.
S: Not soon enough.
H: Happy Thanksgiving, Seth
S: Happy Thanksgiving, Henry
“BBC, it’s time to baste the turkey,” Seth reminded Mia.
Opening the oven, she pulled out the rack, “Wow, that is beautiful.” She admired her turkey with a smile. “I am totally channeling my ‘Inner Martha’ today.”
“Sweetheart, I am your ‘Inner Martha’.”
“Do I need to hide the neck for you before Schooner gets it?” Her grin was conspiratorial.
With a sigh, “No, let Pretty Boy have it. He deserves it.”
“A kinder, gentler Seth? Who is this man?” she teased her best friend.
“Maybe,” he agreed.
“Is this the influence of one Henry Clark?” she nudged him.
Shaking his head with a sigh, “I feel terrible not inviting him. I didn’t even think about it, Mia. I’m so used to not having someone and then this day comes along and I feel,” he paused, searching to articulate his feelings, “I feel like half of me is missing.” Putting his hand to his chest, “It feels half empty.”
“Wow. I didn’t realize it had gotten this serious.” She paused, and in a low voice, “Have you two become lovers?”
“Not physically. The most he and I have done is hugged one another.”
“How about emotionally? It sounds to me like you are very emotionally involved. Is he?”
Inadvertently, he reached up and touched his cheek where Henry had run his two fingers, “Yeah, I mean, I don’t even know how to describe us or where we’re at. We’re just trying to get to know each other. But with the specter of work conflict stuff, and being separated by 3,000 miles, and we know I’m not the best relationship guy in the world, it’s a challenge.”
Putting a hand on Seth’s upper arm, Mia became very serious. “Do you miss him?”
“Every minute of every day.”
“Then figure it out.”
“So, I got the invitation to the joint L9/MS&A Christmas party at L9/NYC. Did you design the invite?”
Stretching out in bed and looking at the Manhattan skyline, “I did. Do you like it?”
“Loved it. Is the party mandatory?”
“Considering you are the Executive VP of Operations, I’d say yes.”
“Excellent.”
Seth could hear Henry’s smile on the other end of the phone.
“They’ve got a block of hotel rooms at the James Hotel in SoHo. You, Lucas, and the managers from each of the facilities will come in. You’ll get a call from a coordinator putting together all the travel and stuff.”
“OK.”
“So, how do you feel about staying through New Year’s?” Seth asked, tentatively.
“Do I have a date?”
“Of course you have a date.” Seth closed his eyes, imagining what it would feel like to have Henry next to him, to be seeing those violet eyes across a pillow, and running his fingers through his thick hair.
“Then I’ll stay.”
Seth didn’t respond.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Henry filled in the pause.
“I’m just smiling. I’m glad we’re spending the holidays together and that you’ll be here with all of us.”
“I miss you, Seth. I really miss you.”
Smiling, “I like hearing you say that. I miss you too, Henry. A lot.”
“I like hearing you say that.”
“What if it’s really horrible when I have to leave and come back to California?”
Seth laughed, “That would be a great thing.” He stretched across the bed.
“A great thing? How so?” Henry was confused by Seth’s response.
“Because it will have meant that we did well when we were together. That we can be together and be happy.”
“Is that a concern of yours?” Henry asked.
“Yes, doesn’t it concern you?”
“No. Not at all. I know how I feel when I’m with you.”
Smiling into the night, Seth savored Henry’s confidence in them. Henry was so sure and Seth knew he needed to hear that, especially in moments when the obstacles seemed so ridiculously huge, that even trying, felt ill-fated. But Henry was there every day with confidence. Confidence in them. Confidence in him, that he could surrender himself to a relationship and allow himself to be vulnerable – and feel.
“I can’t wait for you to get here.” Seth snuggled around his phone.
Never in his life had he wanted someone to be there with him as much as he wanted Henry Clark by his side. He was still too afraid to get his hopes up about having him in his bed, and the vulnerability of
intimacy beyond sex.
The L9 group arrived the day before the Christmas party, with the exception of Henry and Justin, the manager of the Studio City facility.
“I’m booked on a flight tomorrow morning, I’ll be there late in the afternoon,” he promised Seth.
“You’re going to be exhausted.”
“I already am.”
“Ugh. I can’t believe this happened. Are you going to have to fly back after the party?”
“I’m trying to get everything I can done today, so that I don’t have to. But if I do, I promise I’ll be back for New Year’s.”
A water-main break adjacent to the L9 facility took out a portion of the first floor of the L9/Studio City club, before they could stop the torrential flow. The day had been spent moving equipment and securing what they could, while the flood restoration people brought in the trucks to suck up the water and the large fans and dehumidifiers to start drying the place out.
“What can I do? Can I do anything?” Seth wanted to make things easier for Henry, relieve his stress.
“Just meet me with a Gin & Tonic at the party.”
“I can do that.”
Hanging up the phone, Seth walked into Mia’s office, dramatically throwing himself down in the chair across her desk.
She just looked at him as if saying, “Ok, tell me…” without actually saying a word.
“He’s flying in tomorrow. He’ll be here for the party tomorrow night.”
“OK, well, that’s good.”
Making a face, he sighed. “I guess so. Nothing else better happen. No delays. No flight cancellations.”
Mia laughed, “Oh Princess, stop pouting. He’ll be here. And think about it this way, when he sees you, you are going to look so hot he’s going to want to rip that suit right off your tight little bod.”
“Well, that’s true. I will be looking spectacular. I’m doing Armani with a touch of Valentino.”
“See? He won’t be able to resist.” Mia smiled, “So, you’ll be strategically positioned at the top of the marble stairs, looking out over the first floor. He’ll arrive and scan the room and then let his eyes drift up to find you.”
“Oh, I like that. Keep going,” he urged her on.
“Casually leaning on the railing at the top, you nod to him, drink in hand. But you make no move to go greet him.”
“That’s going to be hell holding myself back.” Seth rolled his eyes.
“And with those long, lean legs of his, he bounds up the staircase, two at a time, to close every inch of distance between the two of you.” Mia was getting into her own drama.
“Oh my God, BBC, you are giving me a hard-on.” Seth adjusted himself.
Mia smiled devilishly, “He reaches the top of the stairs and slowly approaches, his eyes devouring you. It’s been way too long.”
“BBC, I think it’s been way too long since you’ve had sex. Is Pretty Boy not meeting your horny forty-something year old needs?”
“Bite me,” she laughed. “You know better than that.”
“Ugh, I haven’t had sex in so long. I hope I remember how.”
Cocking her head, her eyes filled with emotion, “And when was the last time you made love?”
“I’m really scared, BBC.”
The look in his eyes was one Mia had seen only a few times over their twenty-plus year friendship. Getting up, she walked around the desk and stood behind his chair, wrapping her arms around his neck and bending to kiss the top of his head.
“It’s going to be great,” she whispered into his dark curls.
Looking up at her, “Why does everyone feel the need to hug me?” he snarked.
“Because you’re just lovable, Princess.” And she hugged him even tighter.
Seth wasn’t at the top of the stairs surveying his domain, like he was the king, when Henry arrived. Standing in the main rotunda under a domed ceiling painted with mythical frescoes, he was talking with a financial services company client of M. Silver & Associates as Henry Clark approached and stood next to him.
Holding a cold Gin & Tonic in his hands, Seth took a sip and handed it to Henry with a smile. “You made it.”
“Finally.” Henry took a sip of the drink, then extended his hand to the other man, “Henry Clark. I’m with L9.”
Just looking at him, Seth could feel his blood race. In his black suit and white shirt, he cut a striking presence. His silk tie was a deep holiday crimson. But what was making Seth’s heart melt, was the fine silk and cashmere Emporio Armani winter white scarf hanging open down his lapels. Few men could pull off the look and Henry Clark was showing them all how it was done.
L9 and MS&A had left presents in the hotel rooms of their employees. Crystal ornaments. Fine chocolates. Holiday CD’s created just for their organizations. But in Henry’s room, Seth had instructed the concierge to leave a special bag on the pillow, inside was the Armani scarf with a card that read, To keep you warm, when I can’t. —S
Seth had hoped he’d wear it, but knew it might be too bold a look.
“This place is amazing?” Henry scanned the rotunda in awe. It was his first time in the L9/NYC facility.
“That’s right, you haven’t been here. You went straight to the wedding when you were here in September and then right back home.”
“Can I borrow you to give me a quick tour?” They excused themselves from Seth’s client. “One quick stop at the bar for another one of these.” He held up the empty Gin & Tonic glass. “There isn’t enough alcohol in this building after the last few days I’ve had.”
Heading up the marble staircase, Seth steered Henry off to the right. “Let me show you Schooner’s office.” They passed through a reception area and Seth let them in, flipping the light on and closing the door behind them.
Turning to Henry, “I have never wanted a hug so badly.”
With a smile that said everything Seth ever wanted to hear, Henry came to him, enveloping him in his arms and holding him to his chest more tightly than he ever had before.
“Mmm,” the sound emanated from deep in Henry’s chest. “Don’t make me let you go.”
“Now, why would I do that?” Seth smiled into his shoulder.
“You can’t imagine how much I have missed you.”
Looking up at him, “I think I have a pretty good idea.” Seth tried to drink in the color of his eyes, needing to commit it as a clear memory for the next time they were apart.
Taking two fingers and trailing them slowly down Seth’s cheek, “Good.”
Seth could see the exhaustion around Henry’s eyes. “When was the last time you ate?”
He thought for a moment. “California.”
“As much as I want to keep you to myself and not share you with anyone, starving you is probably not in my best interest.” Taking him by the hand, they exited Schooner’s office.
“I like the way your hand fits in mine.” He smiled at Seth and neither one of them let go as they inserted themselves back into the party.
“Seth. Henry.” Mia was waving at them from a table.
“Go have a seat and I’ll get you some food,” Seth offered and headed toward a carving station and buffet.
Henry and Mia were deep in conversation when he got back to the table.
“The insurance guys were there this afternoon and I met with the general contractor. It’s going to take a full seven days to dry out. Obviously the loss of business, and inconvenience to members, is huge. Members all got an email and I was thinking maybe we should do a mailing or something with like a $5 gas card to drive to one of our other LA locations.”
Mia looked at Seth, shaking her head. “I think you’re rubbing off. He’s becoming a marketing guy.” Looking at Henry, “We can get on that immediately. We’ll grab Yoli and Schooner before the end of the night and have them bless the budget.”
“So, what’s up for tomorrow?” Seth asked Mia, as he plucked a bacon-wrapped scallop off Henry’s plate.
“We have all this kid�
�s stuff. Both Nathaniel and Portia have holiday parties we need to bring them to, so I don’t think we’ll be able to do anything until at least the evening.”
“Looks like we’re on our own,” Seth advised. “Brunch in Brooklyn?”
Henry laughed, giving Seth the smile of an inside joke, “I don’t think you’ll be taking me for enchiladas.”
“Not likely.”
Seth could tell Henry was losing steam as the night wore on. “You OK?”
He nodded and smiled at Seth, rubbing a hand across his upper back as he leaned in to whisper. “I think I’ve hit the point of beyond exhausted.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want you to have to leave your colleagues and clients. I’m just going to head back to the hotel.”
Seth nodded.
“Don’t you give me those big brown, sad puppy dog eyes, Seth Shapiro.” He continued to rub Seth’s back. “I haven’t had very much sleep in the last two days. I just need to pass out for seven to eight hours and I’ll be ready for a great day tomorrow. I promise.”
Putting his forehead against Henry’s, “I know. Just having you here and seeing you leave.” He didn’t finish his sentence.
“I know. If I wasn’t this exhausted,” he paused, not finishing his sentence either. “Walk me out?”
A cab pulled up to drop someone off as they exited the building. “You’re in luck.”
But Seth wasn’t feeling very lucky.
Standing next to the open cab door, Henry pulled Seth in for a crushing hug. “It’s killing me, too,” he whispered.
“I miss you already.” Seth was too overwrought not to be brutally honest. As they separated, he lovingly smoothed out Henry’s scarf.
“Are you zuzhing me?”
Laughing, “Yes, I’m zuzhing you.”
Henry smiled, “I’m usually the zuzher.”
“Well on this coast, I’m the zuzher.”
Closing the door to the cab, Henry quickly lowered the window. Holding up the end of the scarf, “I really love this,” and then mouthed the words “thank you,” as the cab peeled away from the curb, leaving Seth wanting with all his heart, for the very first time.
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