Truth In Wildflowers

by Kimberly Rose

  Still immobile I felt the heat of August pull away from me and bend down to the floor below me. I stood fixed against the wall and tried to reel in my heaving breaths. With August placing my things back into the caddy, I heard my dorm room door open. My head whipped around and was met by Lennon’s laughing eyes.

  “Everything alright out here?” She asked, and I could hear Capri laughing in the room.

  “Fine.” I said and at the same time August responded.

  “Good. Kensie dropped her shower caddy. Just helping her clean up.” He said sounding utterly unaffected by what had taken place. He stood up in front of me and held out the caddy.

  “Thanks.” I mumbled still staring at Lennon and took the caddy from August’s hands. His thumb intentionally brushed against the top of my hand the in the pass off, and I snapped my attention back to him wide eyed and thoroughly overwhelmed. I yanked the caddy away from him and turned speeding my way down the hallway toward the bathroom. I could hear Lennon say something to August, but I was too focused on a really freakin’ cold shower to care.

  It only took a second of the ice cold water to drench me before I decided that method of cooling off was overrated. I turned the shower to my usual temperature of scalding hot and continued to wash away all frustrations over August.

  What I couldn’t understand was how he had the ability to reduce me to someone I didn’t even know. All it took was a brief moment of having him close for me to lose all control. He consumed me and left me both wanting and running. How? What was it about him? All I wanted was to keep him at a safe distance, one where he is simply Capri’s brother and I am simply her friend. When he came around my wants were smothered by my desires. This was not healthy.

  What I needed to do was learn to stay far away from him when he came around. Physical proximity proved to be disastrous. If I could keep him at a safe distance, then I could regain my self-control when it came to him.

  * * *

  I had no idea my self-control would be tempted again so soon. The girls and I weren’t huge football fans, but we went to a few games a year. I personally loved getting caught up in the atmosphere. The hum of excitement, the people painted in head to toe black and red, blow horns, shouting, and nachos, can’t forget the nachos.

  Capri called me to inform me that August and Wes would be joining us at the game tonight. I found it odd that just a few days ago Capri’s brother was just that, her brother. Now he was August, and for some reason August was around a lot more than when he was just her brother.

  I banished my initial worries over seeing him again and spent the majority of my day pumping myself up. Tonight my will would be tested. I’d either fail and succumb to my mystical attraction to August, or I’d prevail and maintain a safe friendly distance. I planned on a victory.

  “I want the end seat.” Lennon stated as the three of us shuffled into our row. The guys were meeting up with us as soon as August got off work for the night.

  “How come you always get the end seat?” I complained ducking and sidestepping the guy behind us who was leaning over into our row.

  “I like to have the option of tripping unsuspecting drunken patrons as they pass.” She said sitting down into her seat. She was joking of course. I think.

  I placed myself strategically in the seat between Capri and Lennon, that way August would be at least one person away from me.

  The game hadn’t started yet, but the stadium was alive. Everywhere was a smearing of red and black. The row of guys behind us stood with their arms wrapped around each other and swayed back and forth in a chant. The group of people below us danced half-hazard to the pre-game music blaring the sound system. The sloshing of beer from one of the girl’s hands back onto my jeans explained the sloppy movements. I’m glad I went with a more casual choice of jeans and an Aztec hoodie.

  The family to my right sat in their seats and skimmed the crowd warily. I guess they missed the memo about student section seats. I heard the sound of a deep voice barking from behind us and shook my head. College games, always entertaining.

  “Trade me places, Kensie. I’m not sitting next to him.” Capri said standing and pulling her designer bag onto her shoulder. She never went casual, but she never complained when she’d end the night with beer and nacho cheese on her pea coat.

  “Sitting next to who?” I asked standing in confusion.

  “Wes.” She hissed, and put her hand on my shoulder guiding me in front of her to trade seats. The man in question stood on the stairs next to our row and barked into the crowd. Lovely, he was the barker, and I was now going to be sitting next to him.

  He shuffled passed Lennon who stuck her foot out making him stumble. Completely un-phased he righted himself and cupped his hands around his mouth for another round of barking.

  “We’re Indians you know. Not bulldogs.” Capri told him and he sidestepped her. His reply was to turn around and bark directly into her face making Capri jump back into her chair.

  I turned my legs so Wes could scoot by and sit in his seat, but he surprised me when he kept moving and sat in the next seat over leaving the one directly next to me open. Oh no.

  “One more bark dude, and you’re walking your ass home.” His voice rumbled next to me sending a blanket of chills across my skin. I stared at the field paralyzed in fear. One sentence and I was already losing in my quest for control. This was not good.

  Then, one long denim clad leg stepped into my way followed closely by another, and oh dear God, his ass. His ass was directly in my face. The vintage wash of his jeans hugged and highlighted the rugged and perfect curve to it. I was face to face with the best ass I had ever seen. Then it was gone.

  “Hey.” He said placing that perfect ass in the seat next to me.

  “Hey.” I said still looking down at the field. Then, silence. That was it. He and Wes talked with each other and I stared fixated on the empty field waiting for kick-off. A knot of disappointment formed in my chest at his obvious disinterest in me, but I swallowed it down. Maybe keeping my distance wasn’t going to be so difficult after all.

  The sound of the drums rolled through the stadium bringing sections of the crowd to their feet along with it. I stood up at the same time August did and fell into him when I lost my footing. His arm caught me and brushed across my back when I righted myself. “Sorry.” I said focused solely on the searing space of my back where his hand was.

  “You good?” He asked giving the spot a gentle rub before pulling his hand away. Was that a friendly rub? Like an atta kid kind of a thing? Or was it a caring rub, like an I’d be willing to rub more than your back kind of thing? Why do I even care, why am I thinking about this?

  “Yeah, good.” I said breathing deeply. Relax Kensie.

  We took our seats just after kick off, and August continued to chat with Wes. Trying to pretend that didn’t disappoint me, I decided to go stock up on my game snacks. “Snack bar, girls. Want anything?” I asked rising from my seat intentionally keeping my back to August. See, I don’t care either.

  “Chardonnay.” Capri said and I smiled. I used to wonder who on earth drank the tiny bottles of wine at a game. Then I met Capri.

  “Cotton candy and beer.” Lennon piped up. “Want me to come with?” She asked.

  “Nah, I got it.” I said shuffling past them and making my way up the stairs to the concessions.

  I returned thirty minutes later with a handful of snacks and a carton of drinks. I handed Lennon her beer and cotton candy on my way passed her, then Capri her tiny bottle of wine. I sat down in my seat and put my soda in the holder before settling back with my nachos on my lap.

  “Where’s my snack?” He muttered right next to my ear. A shiver raked through me all the way to the tray of nachos in my hands.

  “You didn’t say you wanted anything.” I replied nonchalantly as if the nearness of him wasn’t threatening my sensibilities. The sound of his voice in the low intimate rumble he used sucked me in so easily. If I let my eyes shut for a fracti
on of a second I could see him using the same tone with me lying under him and his face nestled into my neck. Yeah. Snap out of it Kensie.

  “You didn’t ask.” He said exiting my space, and sitting back into his own. I breathed a silent sigh of relief, but missed the clean scent that drifted from his skin and beckoned me towards him.

  That’s when he did the unimaginable. He reached across the armrest separating us and grabbed a chip from my bowl of nachos. It wasn’t just any chip. It was one that was covered and oozed with cheese. The best kind. My jaw dropped and I watched helplessly as he popped this chip into his mouth and chewed.

  If shock hadn’t grabbed hold of my wits, I would have taken notice of the way his jaw flexed with each chew of that chip. The muscles, I had no idea there were even muscles there, rippled and pulsed chew after chew. It was obnoxiously hot.

  Focused on the field below us his hand darted for my paper bowl again. Having regained my senses I yanked the bowl out of his reach making him turn to seek it out. “Back off.” I seethed.

  His eyes widened and a smile pulled up on one corner of his mouth. Even only half smiling his eyes glistened. So irritating. “A little protective over your food?” He asked still smiling, though this time the other corner turned up creating a full on heart stopping beautiful grin. If he were mine I’d lean in right at this moment and kiss him. I had no choice but to smile back.

  “A little.” I said taking a bite of a dripping chip. He watched me smiling, and appearing somewhat amused. Then, it all happened in slow motion. He reached out and swiped his finger under my lip. I watched his eyes when they lowered to my mouth and the glisten that was there initially crackled. I continued to stare at his eyes and focused on the rough pad of his fingertip scaling across the softest part of my lip. With a mind of its own, my tongue slipped out of the corner of my mouth. August sucked in a sharp breath and his eyes snapped to mine. My stare held his when he slowly pulled his hand back.

  “Cheese.” He said so quietly only the vibration of his voice through my body alerted me to his speaking.

  “Thanks.” I said and looked back towards the field with the sound of my heavy heart drowning out the crowd. I took in another deep breath and leveled myself. “Yeah, so anyway. I’m a little protective of my food. I think I must have been in the Great Depression in a past life.”

  August tossed his head back and chuckled aloud. “You don’t say?” He asked looking back at me with the glisten in his eyes again. “So what? You had to fight for your food?”

  I shrugged licking cheese from my fingers. “I suppose. It would explain my deep attachment to food, and my unwillingness to share.”

  He laughed again warming me in a new way. I liked the sound of it. It pulsed through me like a star in the night seeking a moment of attention.

  “So, this past life thing, do you have others or is that your only one?” He asked, amusement lacing his voice.

  I pondered his question before answering. “I most likely lived during the 1800’s too.” I said taking another bite of my nachos.

  “The 1800’s?” He questioned me.

  “Life was so romantic then.” I said, the cheesy chip froze in my hand halfway towards my mouth. Why did I say that to him? I must have sounded ridiculous. Sure I’d openly admit that to Lennon or Capri, but why did I just say that to August?

  “Yes, because women’s oppression and smallpox are so romantic.” He said with a smile on his face.

  “Err. Okay, that’s not romantic at all.” I said cringing. “What about you? Where do you think you were in a past life?” I asked him. Cheers erupted around us and the crowd bound to their feet. August sat steady though, turned toward me with his lips pursed in thought.

  “Hmmm, well, I was most likely Hercules.” He said with a completely straight face. An uncontrollable laugh burst from my gut, and I was glad the noise from the crowd was loud enough to cover it. August’s eyes squinted closed and he laughed along with me. So there we were. Laughing together. TOGETHER.

  I don’t know when it happened, but my fears seemed to fade away the more we just talked. It was as if the words deconstructed every worry and plucked them off on by one leaving an opening wide enough for him to slip in. We continued to talk about everything and nothing. We covered topics from superstitions to hidden talents, and we laughed the entire time. I had no clue what the score was when he excused himself to get a beer, but not before asking me if I wanted any more nachos.

  “Having a good time?” Capri nudged me with her shoulder.

  I shrugged, “Yeah.” I couldn’t lie. I was having a lot of fun. August and I got along so easily and so seamlessly. Where he finished discussing a topic, I picked up discussing another. Even when we quieted down and sat together in silence it wasn’t awkward or nerve racking, but comfortable, and it wasn’t long before one of us picked up a new topic of conversation.

  “Dude, I hope he got me a beer too.” Wes’ voice spoke loudly from two seats over. “Yo, Augustus!” He shouted down the crowd. I lifted my chin up to see over and through the people in front of me and sought out August. It would have helped had I stood on my tiptoes, but I didn’t want to look that obvious.

  As if the football God’s recognized my dilemma the crowd parted giving me a direct visual on August’s whereabouts. In that moment, I chastised the God’s for granting me the view. A few rows down August stood amongst a group of obvious sorority girls decked out in the specially made football shirts and red ribbons in their hair.

  He laughed with them, but it didn’t look as honest as his laugh was with me, or maybe I was just seeking a reason to not feel disappointed. A brunette reached toward his should and gave him a little pat, pat, squeeze. For a brief second, not even that long really, my heart tightened in my chest, but then I let it go. This is what I wanted him to do. Keep his distance. With him down there flirting, I could be up here and not feel suffocated with whatever buzzed in the air around us.

  When he finally took his seat next to me he nudged my knee with his own. “Hey.” He said.

  “Hey.” I said back.

  He turned and looked at me, closely, and quietly. “What’s up?” He asked eyebrows lowered over his eyes.

  “Nothing.” I said with a shrug and pretended to be enthralled in the game I knew nothing about.

  “Oh hell, you gave me the nothing. That means it’s something.” He said taking a sip of his beer before placing it in the cup holder. “All was good and then I left to get a beer, and now I’m met with an ice queen.” He said the words and I snapped my icy stare to him.

  “You got a beer, you said hi to some friends, and now I’m watching the game. No big deal.” I said raising my eyebrow at him. I knew I was being a bitch, but whatever. I didn’t need him to like me.

  He chuckled softly to himself, “I see.” He said doing a lousy job of holding back his smile. “ You’re jealous.” He released that grin from ear to ear.

  “Psh. Am not.” I said sounding much too juvenile, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m not jealous. It really doesn’t bother me. We’re just acquaintances through Capri, two people hanging out. There is no reason for me to be jealous.”

  “Hmmm, acquaintances.” He said more to himself than me and turned his head back towards the game. “Okay.” He said with a shrug and grabbed his beer again before resting back into his seat. That was that. We didn’t say another word to each other the rest of the night besides polite goodbyes at the end of the game. It was exactly how I wanted the night to end, but I felt completely let down on the walk back to the dorms. I’d accomplished my victory, but rather than sweet it tasted incredibly sour.

  Chapter 4

  “Go away sun.” I muttered into my pillow. I dislike mornings, no I abhor mornings. As my roommate for the last three years, Lennon has caught on to my vampiristic tendencies towards the sun. It’s likely why she opened all the blinds and windows in the room before she left for her early study session this morning. I’m going with, she was trying
to be helpful in getting me out of bed, rather than she was trying to blind me and reduce me to sparkly dust. I mean seriously, my eyes are still closed and I have the urge to squint.

  I cracked open one eye and sought out my alarm clock. I groaned when I saw I still had a few hours before my interview. My current job at the campus pool hall wasn’t, shall I say, working out for me anymore. It’s not my fault. I couldn't handle anymore underclassman asking me if I could rack their balls. When I asked one of them if his balls had even dropped yet, my supervisor suggested I start looking for a new job elsewhere.

  Finding a new job had to be a top priority. While I earned enough financial aid to pay for tuition and board, it still didn't cover my coffee fixation. My dad would insist on helping me if he found out my financial aid didn’t cover everything, but I don’t want anything from him anymore. Nothing. Nada.

  He did buy me a car when I turned sixteen. At the time, I was still optimistic about winning his attention, so I accepted it. Now, I’ve come to realize all he wants to share with me is his money, a business transaction of sorts.

  I forced my feet to swing over the side of the bed and sat up rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. I questioned why I still agreed to live with Lennon when I spotted a glorious cup of coffee on my nightstand from her. God bless her. I’d have to make sure I thanked her when I got back later.

  After showering, and drying my hair I still had another two hours before my interview. I tried to eat, but the coiled nerves in my stomach weren't having any of it. To say I was lacking confidence would be an understatement. Any time I ran through interview questions in my head, the image of my father correcting me popped in my head.