“Do you have your ID?”
I didn’t remember my crossbody bag. Had I had it on me the entire time? I couldn’t remember, but it was there.
I pulled out the card carrier and remembered my iron clad fake ID made by an employee of the DMV who was a hacker extraordinaire. It had cost a lot, more than I could afford, but it had been worth every penny.
Eddie left me for a minute to talk to the lady. I overhead her saying they didn’t take walk-ins. But when we were led back a few minutes later, I guessed he told her it was all a big joke.
I was sober enough to know Eddie was not really going to marry me. Hell, this was a total dream. In fact, I laughed during the entire ceremony. If this was real, I was getting punk’d. This was some kind of game to make me feel better about losing my virginity. I couldn’t keep a straight face when I said I do.
It was his kiss that was real. It engulfed me in warmth like I was riding a cloud. I had no concept of time as we went back to his suite, gold bands on our finger, and I never wanted to wake up.
He walked me through a door with a bed that was fit for a king. He stood me in front of it and let his eyes trail down my body, taking in every inch.
Then his hands were on my thighs, skimming up the material of my skirt over my hips. He kept going, his hands guiding up the side of my ribs, his thumbs grazing over my nipples. Goosebumps erupted over my skin as I lifted my arms so he could drag the material over my head, exposing my breasts and letting the dress fall to the floor. I closed my eyes.
I wasn’t society’s perfect body type and used the last of the liquid courage I had to stand there and not cover myself. I had a feeling if I did, this would be over before it began. Besides, it was a dream. I could be bold and feel beautiful in my own mind.
“You’re so goddamn pretty. Always have been.”
His hands cupped my breasts as if testing the weight. They were large and hung, not as perky as the ones I would have liked. He bent as sucked one nipple into his mouth and an electrical shock jolted me to my core.
He seemed to know that as his palm covered my pussy and added pressure to my clit. I was on fire and would have stripped if I wasn’t already naked.
He shook his head as if he was going to stop. Heart thumping in my chest, I latched onto to his head, drawing his mouth down into a demanding kiss.
“Jillian.”
He said my full name as if to keep hold of his composure.
“Please. I want this,” I said with more veracity than I had before.
His gaze burned into mine as if to search for my truthfulness. I wanted to yell we got married, dammit. Why would he deny me now? Then I remembered the cruel dream I was having and willed it to my way.
“Lie down,” he commanded, sounding more like fantasy Eddie.
Talk about alpha male, straight out of an office romance I’d been reading. I stepped back and my thighs hit the bed. Ungracefully, I used my hands to lift myself up and scooted back, all while watching the show.
He’d started unbuttoning his shirt, taking his time with each one as if we had all the time in the world. His eyes, however, never left mine.
By the time he removed his shirt, I was salivating. For a white-collar kind of guy, he was built like a sports god. Rock-hard abs and biceps that made me wet.
But when he flicked the button on his pants, I lost my breath. I’d felt him, but hadn’t seen him yet. I had no experience to know when he unzipped his pants and his cock sprang free, as he had no underwear on, how to judge the size. It was enormous to me. But then again, any penis would probably look daunting. His single digit finger had felt like a tight squeeze. I couldn’t imagine anything bigger inside me.
“Tell me no, Jilly. For your own good, tell me no.”
My squeaky “Yes” had come out unsteadily. I swallowed and tried again. “Yes.”
His control gone, he prowled onto the bed, crawling up my body, caging me in. I looked up at him, wondering how this could be real. Dreams didn’t come true and Eddie McCabe had always been way out of my league. He dated girls who looked like models. He and my sister would have made a perfect couple. But they’d always insisted they were only friends.
Dark, sweet sensations rippled over my body as he touched a nipple with the tip of his tongue. That one movement had me tightening my thighs in anticipation. I arched up, needing more contact, his hot mouth suckling. I splayed my hand on his chest. Not to push him away, but to touch him almost in the same way he was touching me. He groaned as my fingertips found his nipple.
His body ground against me. My need was already at a fiery pitch. I was an inferno of emotion and desire. The anticipation was becoming too much.
My vision went unfocused as his hand parted my intimate spot, wedging my legs open to test my readiness.
“This is going to hurt a little.”
I didn’t care. It would be worth it if only this was real. But was it real? Would it hurt in my dreams?
There was no time to wonder. He leg was there, making space for him to settle between mine. The stars in my eyes collided into a sharp prick of pain as he worked himself inside. I gasped and called out his name.
“Oh God, Eddie.”
He kissed away the pain, holding there above and deep inside me. I clung to his shoulders, digging my nails in, hoping sex was better than this as a tear left the corner of my eye.
“Don’t cry. I promise it will get better.”
For that second, I didn’t believe him. Then his hand was moving down my body, caressing my breasts and lower still to that junction box of nerves that was magic. As he stoked it with his fingers, it cast all the pain away and another type of fire built inside me. When I moaned, he began to move. It ached a little at first, but he knew exactly how to take the pain away.
Slow at first, my legs fell apart from where I’d had them clenched at his sides. His kiss left a trail down my neck and back to my breast. He seemed to really like them more than I expected. His hand curved around my back and lifted my hips and he went deeper inside me, which didn’t seem possible. At the same time, his cock stroked over a nerve that bowed my back even more.
“That’s it. Let go.”
All the tension left my body as the mother of all orgasms flooded my nerve endings. I cried out, which seemed to spur him on. His rhythm went wild as he bucked a few more times until I felt his hot seed spill inside me.
As with everything that night, I let the idea that we hadn’t used a condom go. What would it matter? It was only a dream.
His heavy weight collapsed on me only for a second as he rolled us over. I ended up halfway sprawled over his body, our hearts beating wildly.
“Are you okay?”
The tenderness in his voice melted any doubts I had. I bit my lip before nodding. Then I voiced my agreement.
“Great, actually.”
“Get some rest, Jilly. I’m not done with you yet.”
His words lulled me to sleep, yet things were different when I woke up.
Chapter Three
The beautiful eyes I’d fallen asleep to were filled with remorse when awoke.
“Eddie,” I whispered as if prayers had wings.
In reply, he pulled away, rolled his legs off the side of the bed, and let his back face me.
The marching band in my head felt like a solo concert. Yet, it was obvious now I hadn’t been the only one under the influence of too much alcohol.
“Eddie,” I said again, but this time as a call to action.
We needed to talk, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear what he had to say.
“It was a mistake.”
Four words like nails in a coffin left his gorgeous lips. I ignored the death sentence and raged against it.
“A mistake?”
I glanced at the winking brilliance on my finger that was the testimony to what happened the night in question.
“Yes,” he agreed.
I moved so fast, my head spun for a moment. Naked as the day I was born,
I stood before him. His hands on either side of his head, he didn’t look at me. I bent down and forced his gaze to meet my own.
“You will not do this,” I railed.
He lifted his head, allowing me to stand without losing eye contact.
“I had no right,” he began.
Lifting my chin, I said, “My choice.”
He stood, taking me by surprise. I took an involuntary step back.
“You were drunk.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Apparently, so were you. Now you have buyer’s remorse.”
He glanced at his ring. I didn’t do the same. The feel of the cold metal nearly burned my skin.
“What do you think can happen?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. We can figure this out.”
His laugh was dry and bitter. “You think this is some declaration of love? What can we possibly have? You go to college in California. I’ve got a flight back east.”
“I could—”
I wanted a solution. All fairytales had happy endings.
“You could what? Transfer schools?” I nodded. “And what? When I’m not in class, I’m studying or working. I don’t have time for a girlfriend.”
Unconsciously, I lifted my hand, putting my ring finger on display.
“I could work. Besides, it’s not like you need to.”
Eddie’s older brother Cameron had been drafted into the NFL. From what I’d heard, he was bankrolling the family.
“No,” he said, as if I’d voiced my inner thoughts. “It would never work and you’d end up hating me. I can’t put myself through school and take care of you too.”
“But Cameron?”
“Is taking care of our parents. You think I would let him take care of me too? I can make my own way.”
I wasn’t surprised. Eddie was a determined guy, but I was determined not to give up on us until he spoke again.
“What do you want me to say? That I want you.” He paused as if he wanted me to answer, but I was too baffled at how this could be happening. “Because I do. But you need to go back to school and live your life. I can’t be the guy I need to be for you. Not now anyway.”
I uncurled my hands. “So that’s it? I don’t have a choice?”
He moved to stand near the window.
“We don’t have a choice. And one day you’ll thank me.”
For breaking my heart? But I didn’t voice the thought.
“I’ll write up an annulment. We can file it. It’s no big deal. Then you can be free to marry someone else one day like this never happened.”
As the back of my eyes burned, I didn’t have to be worried Eddie would see. He was staring into space like he was in another world. I turned away and let go of childish dreams. There was no need to fight with him. I couldn’t make him love me. Whatever happened last night wasn’t some Cinderella story.
“We don’t have a lot of time. I have a flight to catch,” he added.
Determined to muster some dignity, I stood and found my clothes.
“Leave whatever you need me to sign at the front desk. I’ll drop it wherever you need me to so you don’t have to miss your plane.”
Before the end of my sentence, I was dressed, which wasn’t a huge feat considering I’d only been wearing a dress and underwear. The latter I couldn’t find.
I strode to the door after leaving the gold band on the coffee table and didn’t look back at the guy I’d love my entire life.
“Don’t worry. I won’t call.”
I yanked open the door and left behind the past. It was time to look to the future just like he said. A part of me felt different and not just because I’d lost my virginity. Suddenly things felt serious, like I was making the first decision of my womanhood. I would never let another man hold a piece of my soul again.
* * *
Eddie
I watched as the best thing that could have ever happened to me walked away. She hated me. I could see it in her eyes. I scrubbed a hand over my face.
What the hell had I been thinking? That I wanted her so damn bad, that’s what. And having her even consider being with another guy had driven me insane.
Though I’d been shitfaced, I’d been determined to have her no matter the cost. At least I had the presence of mind to do the right thing by her. Only, it hadn’t been the right thing, had it? We couldn’t stay married.
I was barely surviving as it was. Between school, studying, and working, I had no time for distractions. And Jilly was a damn appealing distraction.
If I was going to be a man worthy of her, I couldn’t ask for a handout from my brother to take care of the woman I loved. Because yes, I loved her. Always had, even when she was cursing me.
One day I’d get her back.
For a second, I thought about how I’d told her to live her life. What if she did just that and ended up living it with someone else?
I blew out a frustrated breath. Then I would just have to get my shit together sooner. Because Jillian Evans was mine. She didn’t know it yet. But I did.
Chapter Four
Present Day
Today had to be the shittiest day of my life, beginning with the barista not securing the lid on my Double Chocolaty Chip Crème Frappuccino. Just as I waited for the party in my mouth to begin, the lid popped off and the party was on my bright white shirt.
I blew out a breath, standing there as the cool liquid dripped down my shirt.
“Here you go.”
The voice belonged to an almost cute but very nerdy guy who’d brought me napkins. And in almost any other scenario, I might have been flattered by the attention, but not today. Not only didn’t he hand the napkins to me, but using the wad, he proprietarily mopped up the excess liquid between my breasts as if he had the right. My jaw dropped.
When he finally realized what he was doing, he muttered a “Sorry,” with his hand still plastered to my chest.
I snatched the wad with my free hand, while shoving his away and glared at him.
“I was just trying to help,” he added.
Dryly, I said, “Thanks.”
Now I was seriously going to be late, and if fate had any mercy, I could slip by my boss’ office and into my cube before she noticed.
“Do you think we can go out sometime?”
I glanced up to see the guy still there. I let out a noisy grunt, tossed my Frappuccino into the nearest trash, and pushed through the door. My sour mood only soured more as I fought against the tide of professionals heading into work.
My breaths heaved as I raced through the lobby of my office building to the closing elevator door, shoving my way inside. I so needed to work out. The people around me seemed to clear a ring around me as I gulped in air after a mad dash down two blocks to make it to work. My craving for the Double Chocolaty Chip Crème Frappuccino might end up being the death of me.
“Morning, Jillian,” the receptionist called out as I stepped off the elevator. I bit back a curse as her friendly greeting was not so much co-worker hospitality. Rather it was an announcement to my boss that I was late, yet again. Albeit only five minutes, Cruella de My Manager ran a tight ship.
I hustled past my boss’ door without looking in and scrambled to my cubicle. I was grateful for the high walls that sectioned each tiny workspace off as I was trying to catch my breath. It was already crazy hot outside, and besides the massive coffee stain, I had sweat dampening my armpits.
Today had to be the worst day ever. I had to attend a meeting with a potential new client and the big boss. The day I looked a frightful hot mess.
“Jillian.”
The haughtiness for which my name had been said meant it could only be one person.
I turned my head and glanced at my boss over my shoulder. With false cheer, I replied, “Margret. Good morning.”
Her lips pursed. “You realize the importance of the meeting today and you couldn’t bother to be on time,” she said.
“It was only five minutes,” I countered, though I
probably should have kept my mouth closed.
“If we can’t trust you to be prompt to work, how can I possibly trust you enough to give you one of our smaller campaigns?”
Smaller. It should have been a bad word, but I’d been working my ass off to be put in change of any client’s marketing campaign, large or small.
“You can,” I said.
Her eyebrow arched. “You weren’t here to give us the presentation materials.”
That had been a test, and according to her look, I’d failed.
“I have them.”
I reached for my bag and pulled out the thumb drive with the media for the meeting. When I turned to hand it to her, her eyes latched on my coffee-stained shirt. Then her eyes met mine again.
“And what is this?” she asked. “How do you plan to sit in a meeting like this?” Her nose wrinkled like she smelled something bad.
“I’m going to run across the street and get another shirt,” I said.
Though the idea could be felt in my gut, the only clothing store in several blocks was a boutique that carried clothes that cost more than my paycheck.
This didn’t satisfy her. “You were already late. And now you want to take more time to shop?”
Shopping. Not quite. I held my cool. “I’ll be fast and I won’t take lunch.”
I didn’t mention how many long hours I’d labored at work over the years I’d been there. Even those in the last few weeks.
“This is your last warning.”
I nodded and she walked away. I flipped her off and she said, “I saw that.”
Crazy bitch had eyes in the back of her head. Or she’d been flipped off so many times in her life she’d guessed. But time was ticking. The meeting was in less than an hour. I grabbed my purse and ran for the elevator.
I might have jaywalked across the street and had been nearly hit by a Mercedes. The driver called out, but I barely registered, knowing I had no time for apologies on either of our parts.
A woman who barely looked out of her teens and couldn’t be eating more than salad on a daily basis greeted me as I entered.
Absolutely Mine: Married in Vegas novel Page 2