by Bella Jewel
“There’s nothing wrong with being confident, Lara, but don’t be cocky. Nobody likes a cocky person.”
“The world is such an ugly place, Nan,” I say, crossing my legs on her sofa. “I think sometimes you do have to be cocky; otherwise you get pushed around.”
“You make a good point, dear, but there is also something else you can be.”
I raise my brows. “Don’t leave me hanging, Nanna.”
She smiles. So beautiful. “You can be kind. You can be brave. You can be loyal. You can be strong. No matter how ugly the world is, if you’re that beautiful it can’t get past you.”
I smile. “I don’t know if I’m any of those things, but I’d love to be.”
She comes and sits beside me. “You’re all of those things and more, Lara. You’re the kindest girl I know. Look how often you come over here and look after me. You’re the bravest girl I know. I admit you’re a little too loud sometimes, but you go into the world fighting and that makes you something else. You are more than loyal, we both know that. Mostly you’re strong. The strongest girl I know. You could endure anything, anything at all. I believe it with all that I am. Be all those things, Lara, and the world will give you what you need.”
Tears run down my cheeks. I dip my head.
Nanna believed in me. She believed in me.
And I know now, I know more than anything, that if she were here she’d tell me that I have to find all those things—I have to find who I am—and I have to embrace them. She’d tell me I’m not weak, that I’m not a bad person, that it wasn’t my fault. God, she’d probably slap me if she knew how much I let her death eat me up, change me, take away who I was.
I have to forgive myself.
I know it now more than ever.
Old Lara is back, and I have to hang on to her with both hands.
But first, Noah and I are going to get out of here.
Bryce is going to come. I know it, I feel it.
I’m getting us out of here.
TWENTY-FIVE
–Bryce–
What kind of stupid people go into a place where I can trap and kill them?
I chuckle to myself as I stand outside the door to my hideout. I can hear them talking. Honestly, whose bright idea was this? They just threw themselves in my path and made it easy for me to kill them. She’s practically dead already, he’s exhausted; they swore they wouldn’t end up falling into my game, but they did. I didn’t count on them working together like they did, but it’s no matter. It’ll only hurt worse when they watch each other die.
Idiots.
They were never going to beat me.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a lighter. Time to draw them out and end this once and for all. I move around to the back of my hideout, lifting another small door that opens up a compartment where I keep some weapons. I pull out a massive hunting knife, much bigger than the one I left for them. I could just shoot them, but I want to see them squirm, fight, plead. Yes, a gun is no fun. I tuck another two knives into my belt, just in case. Then I pull out a bottle of gas.
I walk over to the back of my hideout and pour it on, then I light it up.
Grinning, I walk around to the front door and stand, waiting.
I’ll take Noah down first, or maybe I’ll take Lara down and watch him suffer. So many choices. Anticipation bubbles in my chest as I wait. In a matter of minutes, the front door swings up and they come scrambling out, him holding her by the arm as he pulls her. Always the hero.
“I wondered which one of you had the bright idea of hiding in the place I know best. I’m guessing you, Noah.”
Noah stops dead and turns toward me, his face wild with anger. He drops his hold on Lara’s arm. He looks scared. Finally he looks fucking scared. So he should—he’s about to die. Slowly. His hand moves quickly, and I see the exact moment that he realizes he doesn’t have a weapon. Maybe he dropped it. I’m guessing he dropped it. I laugh hysterically. “What happened, Noah? Did you drop your weapon?”
“I don’t need a weapon to beat you,” Noah growls. “I’m a fucking man, not a coward like you.”
I laugh. “Funny that. Yes, you’re such a man you couldn’t even get your precious little girlfriend out of here.”
My eyes flick to Lara again. She looks defeated.
Good.
“Looks like your little woman is giving up, Noah. I wondered how long it would take for her to break.”
Noah looks to Lara and his eyes flash. “Lara?”
“I’m sorry, Noah,” Lara whispers. “I tried. I’m just so tired. So sick of fighting. It’s over. I can’t…”
“Lara!” Noah tries to take a step forward but I get in his way.
“Get out of my fucking way,” he barks. “I’ll kill you.”
I laugh, throwing my head back. Then I aim my knife and with precision, I throw it. Noah tries to move out of the way but it ends up wedged in his leg. He drops to the ground. Lara screams. I focus on Noah, walking slowly toward him. He’s hissing in pain as he jerks the knife out. I reach around to my pants and pull out another knife.
“I’ll fucking kill you,” Noah hisses, pressing a hand to the blood and clutching the knife with the other.
“Now it’s a fair match,” I say, and my eyes catch sight of Lara.
She is clutching her wrist and there is blood trickling out from her fingers. A bloodied knife falls on the floor beside her. She starts swaying.
Weak. Little. Bitch.
“Would you look at that, Noah?” I laugh. “Your little woman is trying to take the easy way out.”
Noah’s head whips around and I watch the exact moment all the color drains from his face as he realizes what she’s doing. Lara is trying to kill herself so I don’t have to do it for her. Smart. But weak. So pathetic. The useless waste of space. I always knew she didn’t have it in her. She sways again. She’s making this too fucking easy. I should go over there and drive this knife into her heart. I can’t believe she thinks she can take this away from me.
But Noah’s pain is too good.
It’s too real.
Excitement floods my body as I watch him breaking right in front of me. The pain in his face has my body coming alive. This isn’t how I wanted everything to go, but I’m always up for a slight direction change. This will make Noah angry, but weak. He’ll want to fight me. He’ll want to hurt me. But he will lose.
“Lara?” Noah says, his voice betrayed and hurt. “Lara!”
“Oh for God’s sake,” I bark at her. “You’re not seriously going to pass out, are you? At least try to give me the fight I’ve been waiting for.”
“Noah,” she croaks. “I’m so sorry…”
She drops to her knees.
“Lara,” Noah yells, his voice frantic. Aw. He doesn’t want to lose her.
How very tragic.
Her eyes roll and she falls backward. I study her chest. Her breathing is so shallow it’s about to stop. She must have slit that vein good. I guess she’s tougher than I thought if she had it in her to do that. Still. Fucking bitch ruined my endgame.
“Seriously?” I bellow, throwing a hand up. “I fucking create this game only for that bitch to fucking die by her own hand.”
“Lara,” Noah screams, getting up and running over to her and dropping to his knees. “Lara!”
“I mean honestly,” I bark, stalking toward Noah. “I fucking knew she was weak, but to kill herself and leave you behind? I thought she loved you a little more than that.”
“Lara, wake up,” Noah bellows, tears running down his pathetic cheeks.
“Waste of my fucking time,” I mutter to myself as I reach Noah. “Stupid weak bitch. Get up. I’m going to make my game worthwhile, even if it fucking kills me.”
Noah leaps up and with a feral roar throws himself at me.
Finally, someone with some spirit.
Time to die, Noah.
TWENTY-SIX
–Noah–
She killed herself.
/> I can’t believe she’s fucking gone.
Tears run down my cheeks as I shake her lifeless body. I should have known she was struggling. I was so fucking busy ignoring her that I didn’t realize she was quiet, too quiet. I want to press my cheek to her chest, I want to hear her fucking heartbeat, but I don’t get a chance. I just want one fucking more second.
Lara, no.
I can’t live a life without her. Flashes of her smiling and laughing fill my mind, and my heart threatens to explode. I’ll never see any of that again. I let out a ragged cry and it feels like someone has a fist around my heart, squeezing, suffocating the life out of me. How dare you give up on me, Lara? Fuck, how dare you fucking leave me? A strangled sob gets trapped in my throat as pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life tears through my body. Losing her once was hard enough. But losing her again … like this. I’ll never be okay without her. My beautiful lady.
Lara. Baby. Come back.
“Waste of my fucking time,” Bryce mutters to himself as he approaches behind me. “Stupid weak bitch. Get up. I’m going to make my game worthwhile, even if it fucking kills me.”
I see red. Anger flashes in my eyes, my ears ring, and I know, I just know I’m going to kill him. Slowly. Painfully. I’m going to rip his fucking heart out with my bare hands. I leap up and spin around with a feral roar, throwing myself at him. I slam against his body with a loud thump and we both topple backward. He might not be as big as me, but he’s strong; more than that, he’s a good fighter.
“Why so angry at me, Noah?” he taunts, driving his knee upward and sending me stumbling back with a roar. “She’s the one who took her own life.”
“Shut the fuck up,” I bellow, rolling and then throwing myself back at him.
“You knew it all along, didn’t you? You knew she was weak. You knew she was pathetic. You knew she could never do it. So did I. I always knew she’d let you down, that she’d fail you. God, she’s so fucking weak, isn’t she? It’s laughable.”
I drive a fist into his face, and with a wild laugh his head jerks backward. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out another knife, a massive one. I don’t fucking care. I don’t even know where the one I had has gone. I don’t care if he kills me, so long as I make him fucking suffer first. I can do that with my bare hands.
“I’ll fucking make you pay,” I snarl, punching him again.
He swings the knife, narrowly missing me. I roll off but he’s quick and throws himself onto me before I can even get to my feet, slamming my face into the dirt. Agony tears through me as my nose crunches and blood fills my mouth. I throw my head backward, slamming it into his jaw. He goes off with a growl, and I launch to my feet, blood running down my face.
My eyes flick to Lara, who is lifeless on the ground, and I roar with agony and pain, but mostly with heartbreak.
“Yeah,” he taunts, waving the knife around, blood dripping from his mouth. “Look at her. Look at how she let you down. Look at how she failed you.”
I lunge at him again, and he slashes the knife. It glides across my stomach, opening my skin. Pain overtakes my body and my vision blurs for a moment. I blink rapidly, trying to gather myself as warm blood trickles down me. He slams into me again and then I’m falling. I hit the ground, back smacking against the dirt. He stands over me as I try to gather myself, laughing, fucking laughing.
“I thought you had more go in you, Noah. Honestly I did. But I always knew that little bitch would fail and that would be the thing to break you.” He runs his finger over the blade as I try to get up. He puts a boot to my chest, pushing me back down so hard my head bounces off the ground. “You two thought you had it over me, didn’t you? Hilarious, really. I knew exactly what I was picking when I found you both. And here you were thinking your love would save you.”
He throws his head back and laughs.
I lie there panting.
I fucking hate him.
“How pathetic,” he says in a singsong voice, using the back of his hand to wipe his nose. “She didn’t love you. Stupid bitch didn’t love anything but herself. She only cared about”—he raises a hand and makes air quotes—“her ‘problems.’ She killed her own grandmother with her smart mouth, and yet you believed in her. Didn’t you?”
He laughs again.
My heart fucking twists. It feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest.
I shoot my hand out quickly, hoping to catch him off guard, but he moves like lightning, stabbing the knife into my hand and pinning it into the dirt. I bellow in agony, blinding pain ripping through my body.
“I’m going to kill you,” he says, straddling me and leaning down close. “I’m going to rip your fucking heart out. I’m going to stuff it in your mouth so when they find you, they’ll know that you fucked up, that you gave it to the wrong woman and that’s what got you killed. You’re pathetic, Noah. But she’s worse.”
He raises the knife over my chest and I stare at it, just stare. I want him to kill me. I want him to fucking kill me. I don’t care anymore. He can take it all. I’ve got nothing left. She left me with fucking nothing. She gave up on me. Goddammit, fuck you, Lara. I believed in you. I believed you were strong enough and you let me down.
“Bye bye, Noah.”
I close my eyes.
Finally, it’s over.
TWENTY-SEVEN
–Lara–
From the second we stepped out of the hideout, I knew what I was going to do. I thought about it while Noah slept. I knew Bryce would fall for it because he believes I’m weak, he believes it with everything he is. I was right. All I had to do was make a cut on my wrist, away from the vein, that bled enough for them to believe I’d taken my own life. Falling to the ground was easy. Shallowing my breathing wasn’t hard.
They ate it up.
I hate knowing Noah is taking this so hard. Hearing his pain killed me, but if I told him my plan he would have never gone for it. I don’t know how much more we could fight Bryce, as injured as we are. When he hit Noah’s leg with the knife, and I saw the pain on Noah’s face, I knew my plan was the right one. Noah will understand, but right now, right now … I have to end this. For both of us.
I grip the knife that I let fall beside me and stand, watching Bryce hovering over Noah, who is looking up at him like he’s given up. He’s given up because of me. Because I let him down. He thinks I’m dead. He thinks that I gave up. But I didn’t. I knew exactly what I was doing. Bryce thinks he has me pegged—hell, maybe he does. He thinks that I’m the reason this failed, but he’s wrong. I’m going to be the reason we win.
Bryce raises the knife and Noah closes his eyes.
I lunge.
I do it without thought. I raise the knife and drive it into Bryce’s back, knocking him flat over Noah, who starts struggling immediately.
“Wha—” Bryce gasps.
I lean down as I twist the knife in his back. “Never, ever turn your back on your victim unless you’re sure she’s dead. I thought you were smart enough to at least check.”
I pull the knife out and drive it back in. He slumps farther down, croaking in agony.
“You never, ever fucking underestimate someone.”
I pull it out and drive it in again, ignoring the crushing of bones and squelching of blood.
“And you never, fucking ever, touch what’s mine.”
I pull the knife back out and let Bryce roll off Noah. I stand, using my foot to kick him to his back. Noah rolls to his hands and knees, staring at me, shock registering on his face. I have to end this for him. For us. No longer will I hurt another person in my life because I don’t know who I am. Right here, right now, I know exactly who I am. I’m Lara, strong and a little soft—a perfect mixture of both.
I straddle Bryce, who is spluttering, blood pouring from his mouth. He looks up at me with shock, but mostly awe. Clearly he didn’t think I had it in me. Neither did Noah. Neither did I. But I did. I’ve had it in me all along.
“You didn’t think I h
ad it in me, did you?” I say, staring into his pathetic eyes. “You thought I’d let him down. You thought I’d fail. You were so sure.”
I raise the knife and his eyes flare.
“But the thing about me, Bryce, is some way, somehow, I always fucking bounce back. You helped me realize that. Your game was meant to weaken me, but you know what it did? It made me strong.”
I slam the knife down into his heart and watch as his body jerks beneath me and his last breath wheezes from his lungs.
“I win,” I whisper.
Then my world goes black.
TWENTY-EIGHT
When I wake, I’m in Noah’s arms and he’s carrying me. It takes my mind a few minutes to realize where I am. When I remember what I did, I gasp and begin to squirm. “Hush,” Noah says, his voice exhausted. “It’s over.”
“Noah,” I croak.
“Over, baby.”
“I k-k-killed him.”
He stops and sets me down. I don’t know where we are. I don’t know anything except that Bryce is dead, and I killed him.
Noah cups my face. We’re both covered in blood, most of it our own, some of it his. Noah’s face is messed up, dried blood all over his skin. “You saved me. You fucking saved me. Us. I don’t have a single word that can express how fucking incredible you were back there.”
“I killed…” My voice shakes as reality sets in.
Noah slams his lips against mine. “We’re breathing because of you, you beautiful, brave, perfect woman.”
We are.
We’re breathing because of me.
Tears run down my cheeks. “We’re free.”
He clutches my hand. “We’re free. Now we need to find a way out of here or we’re going to bleed to death. You didn’t save our lives for us to die out here.”
Save our lives.
I saved our lives.
“I’m sorry I let you believe I was dead.”
Noah stops and turns to me. “You’re a genius, Lara. You found a strength even I couldn’t have mustered. To do what you did, so perfectly—I have no fucking words except thank you.” His voice breaks. “Because I don’t think we would have gotten out of there without you.”