I notched my chin up. “I belong to no one but myself.”
“I’ve marked your soul, my Karma. How do you think I find you time after time? When Nyssa and I—when you and I made love for the first time, I marked you just as you marked me. It’s why you feel the things that you do. It’s why you have the urges that you do. We’re connected. Nothing can change that. No matter how many times you’re reborn or no matter how many times they try to take you from me… I will find you. And eventually you will be all mine.”
Lucian’s wings whipped out from behind him…expanding, expanding and expanding some more. They grew until they seemed to be sucking all of the light out of the room just like I’d seen them do before, but this time I was terrified. Michael reached for me even as he gritted his teeth in seeming pain. I struggled to breath, the air suddenly thicker than it was moments before.
“Lucian,” I choked out. I swayed, spots dancing before my eyes. Michael yanked me to him just as everything went completely dark.
25
In the moments before I regained consciousness my mind wandered freely. Lucian had marked my soul. I didn’t bother to question whether or not that was true. It all made sense. It was the reason I felt people’s deepest sins when I touched them. It was why I had taken up vigilante justice. I was tied to Lucian irrevocably. Even when I’d been gifted with the form of an angel, I’d been connected and unable to resist him. How could I not choose him? He was right about everything. Nothing had been as I thought it was—nothing was as it seemed. Lucian wasn’t a new fixture in my life, he’d always been there, I just hadn’t known it—or rather, remembered it.
“Why did father let her be reborn at all? She’s been given more chances than any soul deserves. But why?” Michael’s voice wafted across my consciousness, pulling me farther away from sleep.
“It’s not our place to question. That’s what Lucian did—he questioned. He questioned everything,” a feminine voice replied softly.
“It’s not the same. I may question. I have my own thoughts and opinions. We all do. As long as we don’t defy him. Lucian defied not merely questioned.”
“He couldn’t keep her soul tucked away forever. She had the right to be reborn.”
“Maybe she didn’t,” Michael growled. “She should have been destroyed completely. She is the reason Lucian fell. She seduced him, changed him—”
A feminine peel of laughter cut Michael off. “Lucian wanted to be seduced. Do you really think that a mortal woman could force anything on one of our kind, especially one such as Lucian? How many women have offered themselves to you over the years? How many women have tried to seduce you, Michael? Besides, if you think she should cease to exist, to be punished for her sins…well then, maybe you’re more like Lucian than any of us know.”
“What does he see in her?” His voice softened. “Even now he covets this mortal woman. There is nothing special about her at all. We all hoped he had forgotten her by now. To learn that he’s been waiting all this time…”
“Do you feel sorry for him now? Do you pity what he’s had to suffer being separated from his love? Can you now rationalize all that he’s done because of it?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” A sound of frustration erupted from Michael. “I’ve never felt so uncertain about anything. I didn’t understand his torment before—and I still don’t. But I’ve seen first hand how losing the people they love can affect humans. Maybe…maybe we’re not all that different from them after all, at least emotionally. But how I feel changes nothing.” His voice hardened. “He cannot have her. They can’t be together. Her soul was meant for another. She must choose him and not Lucian.”
“You would leave your brother to suffer for all eternity without her? You are willing to do that? And what makes you so sure she’d fit this other soul anymore? Saying that she’s changed since her original life is an understatement. If she could have him, there seems to be no better suited for her above Lucian.”
“I may pity him, and maybe understand him a bit more than I used to, but he is in a Hell of his own making. He chose to fall. He chose to embrace the darkness within himself. And maybe her true soul mate could heal her. I’ve seen it happen before.”
“So what’s your plan then?”
“I wish to put Lucian out of his misery.” Michael’s voice was flat, emotionless.
The woman gasped. “You wish to end him? Permanently? With no one to rule Hell it will be even worse than ever on Earth. The other fallen, the demons—”
“One of the other fallen will undoubtedly seize control. They are all power hungry fools. With Lucian gone…”
I didn’t hear the rest of what Michael and his companion were saying. My heart was thundering in my ears and my mouth had gone dry. I knew that I couldn’t be with Lucian but I didn’t want him dead. I loved him. And because of what he was his death would be final. He would no longer exist on any plane. I can’t let that happen.
“No, please,” I croaked. “You can’t kill him.” I was still having trouble coming to terms with my feelings, I wavered back and forth, but it was pointless to keep denying them. “I love him. You can’t just kill him.” I continued to struggle to open my eyes. “It’s my fault. You’re right. When I was Nyssa, I seduced him. I ruined him. Why should he be punished for something of my doing? Punish me, not him. Punish me.” All I cared about was saving Lucian. It wasn’t fair what had been done to him. I was the reason why he’d fallen. I was the one who should be suffering, not him. “Please, I’ll do anything.”
“It would be cruel to let his suffering continue,” the woman said. “Michael is right. It would be merciful to Lucian to end him. You can’t be with him. Nothing changes for you.”
“No, that’s not true. Knowing that he would be out there, knowing that he exists, it’s a comfort somehow, and I think it always has been despite the fact that I had no conscious memory of him. My soul felt him somehow.” I rolled onto my stomach and groaned. “Why does it have to be this way? Tell me what I can do to fix it. Tell me…please. There has to be a way I can fix it since I broke it all. It’s my fault, don’t you see? I didn’t know—I didn’t understand. I was a young girl who loved. I didn’t understand what it would do to him. But I understand now. Just tell me what I can do to fix it.” My breathing was erratic as I struggled to open my eyes, clawing at what felt like a bed underneath me. I felt off, as if I’d been drugged or something.
“It’s too late to fix anything,” Michael said. “All that can be done now is damage control. It’s time to end it. It’s gone on too long as it is.”
“No, I don’t accept that. I refuse.” There had to be a way.
“You’re human now and you don’t fully understand. Even when you were made angel, there were things kept from you. Knowledge that was best thought withheld from one such as yourself,” Michael said with an edge of disdain. “And I will not argue with you. You have no control and no power over any of this. Not really. You are a pawn in a game you will never understand.” A large hand covered the top of my head, and all went dark again.
You have no control and no power over any of this. Michael’s words ricocheted inside my head, over and over. You have no control and no power over any of this. No. That had been the problem since the beginning. Nyssa had no power over her life, just as Leitha had no power of hers. Lucian, despite his status, had no real power of his either. He’d taken control. He was the only one that had any kind of real power. Maybe the key lay somewhere within him?
“Tiffany,” I sat straight up and nearly banged my head right into Moretti’s. I grappled with something that was keeping me from lifting my arm all the way. Loud beeping was causing my head to throb. “Calm down, Tiffany. Nurse! Nurse! She’s awake.”
“Moretti? What happened? And what are you doing here?” I blinked a small hospital room into focus.
Moretti backed away from my bed as a nurse entered the room. She was elderly and plump. Kind of reminded me of Mrs. Claus but dressed in hosp
ital scrubs. “Glad to see you’re awake,” she said with a genuine smile. “Your vitals look good. I’ll let the on call doctor know and he’ll be in to check on you soon.” She grinned up a Moretti with knowing before she left.
“Hey,” Moretti shifted from foot to foot. “I’m glad you’re awake, I was worried.” He fidgeted with his hat, bending the bill of it with his fingers, carefully keeping from making eye contact with me. “I hope you don’t think it’s weird that I’m here, being that you don’t even know me.” His deep brown eyes shifted up to meet mine. Butterflies dive-bombed my stomach.
“What are you talking about, Moretti? I know you…” Rather intimately in fact. I decided to leave the last part left unsaid. It was kind of a given.
Confusion pinched his face as he shook his head slowly. “We never officially met, I’m the one who responded to the call at Club Elite when you were found badly beaten inside the dressing room. You were in and out of consciousness. I told you my name, but—it’s been a week now. You were in a medically induced coma to reduce the swelling. They took you off the meds last night, said you’d probably be waking sometime within the next forty-eight hours. I—when no one came for you—” He shifted again. “I felt some kind of responsibility. I wanted to make sure you were okay. The thought of you being all alone didn’t sit well with me.”
My jaw slowly dropped open in shock. “What? I don’t understand.” There was no way. Had all of it, every single bit since that night all been in my head? Literally? “So, you and I have never—” I blushed. I friggin’ blushed. “—we never went out on a…date?”
A smile tipped up the corner of Moretti’s lips. “No. Is that—did you dream about me when you were unconscious? I did read to you. I—well—I hope that’s not weird either.”
Images of me having sex with Moretti flashed through my mind. Him taking me from behind, me riding us both to climax, the way his chocolate eyes stared up at me from between my thighs. My pulse sped up. Things felt different with him. Before I thought he was a nice distraction, but now, I didn’t know, now I wanted more from him. I felt this kind of pull towards him that I’d obviously imagined with Lucian. Since Lucian wasn’t real, none of what I felt for him was either. I heaved a huge sigh, letting that all sink in. The fate of the world didn’t rest on my shoulders. It had all been a coma-induced dream. Well…nightmare. Wasn’t that what I’d been wishing? Hadn’t I multiple times thought that I’d rather be in a padded cell or out of my mind than really have to deal with Lucian and all that he brought with him?
“Did you get him? The kid that beat me?” I tugged at the neck of my hospital gown.
“Yeah, the footage of what happened was all on the security feed. It’s going to be an open and shut case. The prosecution was just waiting to see—well, how things turned out with you.” Moretti appeared uncomfortable again. He was cuter than I remembered. Of course, according to him I’d only seen him briefly after I’d been beaten and obviously not in the state of mind to gauge things accurately. So why does the memory of him moving inside of me feel so real?
“It’s okay,” I said, smiling. The movement made me cringe and I reached my fingers up to explore my face. I sucked in a sharp breath when I felt how tender and swollen it was.
Moretti stepped towards me, frowning. “Don’t worry. It’s not bad, at least your face isn’t. It was the kick to the head that did the real damage. And the nurse said something about some cracked ribs too. But now that you’re awake the worst is over.”
I nodded. I was disoriented, relieved…sad. An unexplainable sadness settled into my core. I didn’t know where it was coming from. Tears burned the corners of my eyes, much to my shame. Lucian isn’t real. My stomach twisted and my chest ached. I couldn’t really be lamenting the loss of someone who’d I’d imagined wanted to start the apocalypse…could I? Someone who had stalked and tormented me lifetime after lifetime. None of that part mattered, especially since it wasn’t real, I was disturbed over losing the man I loved. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, swiping at my tears with my back of my free hand. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s—it’s kind of embarrassing.” The man I loved? How could I be upset over losing something that wasn’t real? Maybe I’d suffered more brain trauma than the doctors knew about? How did I know what memories were real and what weren’t?
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed. You just woke up from a coma, I think you’re allowed to be a tad emotional.” Moretti offered me another smile and sat gingerly down on the edge of the bed. “Look, I hope I’m not overstepping any bounds. Or any more bounds. You don’t really know me but I just—like I said—the thought of you being alone just got to me, okay? I was doing my civic duty, as a cop.”
I chuckled. “Really? Your civic duty as a cop? Do you hold vigils at the side of every hospital bed of all the victim’s you rescue?”
He reached out and touched my hand briefly before withdrawing. “Nah, just the pretty ones.”
“Oh, I see.” I grinned, wincing in pain again. “How about when I’m better you can take me out to dinner or something? It’ll help me overlook all the creepiness.” I tried not to picture him naked and failed horribly. I was wondering if he’d be as good in the sack as he was in my dreams. I was suddenly looking forward to finding out.
“Well if that’s what I have to do to make up for my creepy behavior—” He sighed demonstratively. “I guess I’m just going to have to take my punishment in stride.”
“Guess so.”
26
It was another couple of days before I was released from the hospital. Moretti came by to visit me every chance he got. I teased him about all the unsolved crimes that he was letting happen because of his little obsession. The truth of the matter was that Moretti, who I’d learned actually had a first name, which was Jacob, made me feel good. I looked forward to our time together. He made thoughts of Lucian fade into the background while I was with him. I needed to forget about Lucian, the fallen angel of my coma-induced dreams.
Since waking from my coma, I found myself in an extremely peculiar place emotionally. I wanted—needed to fill the hole that Lucian had left in my heart. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t real, the hole he’d left definitely was. I never thought settling down or having a real relationship would be in the cards for me, but I was beginning to consider what it would be like with Moretti. I was drawn to him in a way I’d never felt before. Except with Lucian. Maybe I’d even give up vigilante justice. It would be kind of difficult to do my thing if I was with a cop.
For the time being I was going to quit Club Elite. When I was completely healed then I’d figure out what I was going to do beyond that. Who the hell did I think I was anyways? Sure, I got impressions of people’s darkest crimes, their sins, but what gave me the right to punish them? Who had appointed me judge and executioner?
“We’re here,” Moretti said as he threw his car into park outside Club Elite. “You ready to do this?”
I glanced up at the blinking sign and stared. “Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be.” There’d never been a time since I’d been old enough to work that I’d been without a job, and for the past handful of years I’d been an exotic dancer. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my time while I was laid up. The nice settlement that I was going to receive for my pain and suffering would pay any bills but it wasn’t going to take care of my boredom. The kid who had beaten me close to death was from a wealthy family, the kind that was willing to pay to keep their child out of prison. I wasn’t above being bribed. I needed the money too much to think about the rest, at least for the time being. I could always pay the kid a little visit in a few years to take out my real payment in flesh. No, I won’t, because I’ve decided to give up the business of punishing people. I knew in that moment that it would always be a struggle for me to give up dealing out what I saw as Karma. So many injustices happened in the world…so many that I could possibly fix, or at least balance the scales in some small way. I’ll just have to treat it like any other
kind of addiction, and take it one day at a time.
“Tiffany!” Bert exclaimed as I entered the club with Moretti close behind me.
I had a few broken ribs, which made it hard to breathe. I was taking shallower breaths than normal to keep the pain to a minimum. It made me a bit dizzy any time I was up and about. “Hey, Bert. Miss me?” I huffed out, my face flushing from the exertion.
Bert’s eyes roamed up and down my body and he shook his head. “This club can’t take much more of this kind of thing. You have no idea how much I appreciate you keeping quiet about what actually happened.”
I shrugged as Bert hustled us into his office and shut the door. “None of it was your fault, Bert. It’s no skin off of my nose to say it was someone I knew that did this to me. The girls don’t need to start worrying about their safety again. It could ruin your business. Especially after everything with the serial killer.”
Bert pushed his big comfy chair around the edge of the desk and offered it to me. I sat in my usual seat instead. “Thanks, Bert, but I’m going to be uncomfortable no matter where I sit. Go ahead and enjoy your chair.”
Bert smiled and pulled his chair back behind his desk to sit. “So what is it that I can do for you, Tiffany?” I bit my cheek to keep from correcting him. I wasn’t going to be working at Club Elite anymore so it didn’t matter who might over hear my real name.
“I’m quitting. I’m guessing you might have already figured that part out, but I’ve come in to make it official.”
Bert frowned but I could tell that he already suspected the reason for my visit. “You’ve managed to build up quite a clientele in your short time here. Sure you don’t want to reconsider? Of course I wouldn’t ask you to dance until you’re completely healed.”
“Nope,” Moretti supplied for me. “She’s hanging up her clear heels permanently.”
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