Her reply was promising, if a little circumspect. She was being gentle with him, as she had been before, and he marvelled at the maturity of her understanding. Julian was fortunate indeed, he thought.
Grateful for her advice, he was excited to learn that Miss O'Hare may favour him, but he was as yet unready to proceed, waiting first to observe how the lady would respond when they met again. He knew he would see her at church and later at all the Christmas festivities. Jessica had indicated that Kathryn and her sister Elena had been invited to dine at Pemberley on Boxing Day. He decided it would be best to wait until then.
The weather worsened on Boxing Day, and several of the guests who were to dine at Pemberley were delayed by snowdrifts that blocked the roads and the threat of a blizzard on the moors. When neither the Courtneys nor Kathryn and Elena had arrived by late afternoon, it was decided to send a carriage for them, and Darcy volunteered to go. Jessica, who had observed his rather nervous state all day, managed to get him alone and whispered, “Now, Darcy, you must not forget that Kathryn is not likely to promote herself and seek to gain your attention. It is you who must take the lead, if you wish to woo her. She is well read and accomplished but will not presume upon your feelings. Darcy, I truly believe your happiness is entirely in your hands.”
Darcy, not a little surprised by her forthrightness, asked, “And do you suppose she will welcome my addresses?”
He was well aware that the two were close friends and wondered if he had ever been the subject of their speculation. But in this he was to be disappointed as Jessica replied with transparent honesty, “That, I cannot say, because we have never spoken of it as a definite possibility, nor discussed you in those terms. I do know, however, that she has great regard for you, she values your qualities of strength, respects your generosity of spirit, and admires your dedication to matters of principle, as I do, Darcy. Whether she loves you is for you to discover.”
Darcy was disconcerted, not knowing for certain whether Kathryn's regard meant that she thought of him only as an interesting though indifferent acquaintance, with whom she could quite happily spend a few hours in social conversation, or if it signified the beginning of a deeper, more intimate attachment.
Sensing his disappointment, Jessica added archly, “Speaking from my own experience, I might say that, undertaken in the right spirit, such a voyage of discovery can be quite a delightful exercise.”
Darcy smiled and promised he would do his best.
He had to know, for the more he thought of her, the more he was convinced that Kathryn was exactly the woman who, in character and disposition, would suit him. Her understanding and intelligence would complement his own, and they would share a range of interests so diverse as to ensure they would never be bored with one another's company.
Besides these estimable qualities, he was certainly not indifferent to the sweetness of her voice and the loveliness of her face and figure, which, since he had encountered her so suddenly in the park at Pemberley, he had not seen surpassed by any other woman of his acquaintance. Viewed in this context, Darcy decided, discovering whether she did love him as deeply as he would wish might well prove to be as pleasurable as Jessica had predicted.
Arriving at Colley Dale, where it had been snowing since early afternoon, he found both Misses O'Hare ready and waiting, but reluctant to undertake the journey to Pemberley in their modest little gig.
“We were afraid we might be stranded in the snow,” said Elena, obviously delighted to see him. Having helped them in, Darcy proceeded to the rectory at Kympton, and with the Courtneys ensconced in the carriage as well, they set off for Pemberley.
The company gathered there were celebrating the engagement of Julian and Jessica when the late arrivals entered, and while Jessica's parents were accepting the congratulations of their family and friends, some eyes were on the handsome pair that had followed them into the room.
Lizzie Carr, for one, observed her brother closely as he escorted Miss O'Hare into the saloon and later took her in to dinner.
Throughout the evening, he seemed so engrossed in conversation with her, not only did he neglect to ask any other young lady to dance, he even appeared to sit out some of the dances with her, and she seemed not to mind this at all. Certain symptoms, Mr Carr remarked to his wife, of a man stricken with love and a lady who had correctly diagnosed his affliction.
As for Darcy, while members of his family speculated, he was enjoying the exhilaration of discovering that the woman he loved was sufficiently welcoming of his attentions, to let him hope that she returned his affections. While not presuming that she had fallen in love with him to the same extent, he had been convinced by her responses that she was certainly not indifferent to him.
All evening, even when he was not at her side, or she had been claimed by others in conversation, he was conscious of Kathryn and could not stay away from her for long. When he did ask her to dance, he was delighted that they matched their steps so well, and when she danced with some other gentleman, he was so distracted, he found himself quite unable to take the floor with anyone else, waiting only till she was free again. That she seemed to accept all this with some degree of equanimity gave him more hope.
At dinner, after they had been temporarily separated by the insertion of Colonel Fitzwilliam between them at the table, Darcy was delighted when the Colonel was called away to meet some distinguished visitor, thereby allowing him to spend the rest of the meal seated next to Kathryn, engaging her in conversation.
When, on trying to discover the gist of her exchange with the Colonel, it turned out that the Colonel was an admirer of Thomas Paine, Darcy was relieved to be able to claim, quite truthfully, that he had read The Rights of Man while still a student. To his surprise, Kathryn then drew him into a discussion of the subject, confidently revealing her knowledge of the radical author's life and work.
“My father always spoke of Tom Paine as a man of great principle and integrity, who, in spite of much provocation, even by those he tried to defend, continued to live by his principles,” she said gravely.
The serious tenor of their conversation was plain to those opposite, who wondered at the subject of their discourse, until Kathryn, whose sense of humour was never in abeyance for long, remarked, “Mr Gardiner, I do believe we are being much too solemn. It is Boxing Day after all, and I fear that we may be punished for our gravity by having to participate in charades,” at which he laughed and replied that wild horses would not drag him into charades, which he claimed to hate with a passion, declaring that he would much rather pay a forfeit instead.
Overhearing this rash declaration, his sister Lizzie demanded that he should indeed pay a forfeit and, when dinner was over, insisted that he should sing.
She followed up her demand by going to the piano, opening up the instrument, and announcing to the company that her brother Darcy would entertain them with a popular favourite, whose introductory bars Lizzie began to play.
Drawn unwillingly into the limelight, Darcy threw Kathryn a look that begged for help, and to his huge relief, she responded with kindness and joined him beside the piano.
As Lizzie played and they followed, their voices blending pleasantly together, Jessica, who was sitting with Julian in an alcove at the end of the room, whispered, “What do you think? Do you believe they are in love?”
His response was immediate. “Of course they are, but I doubt that either of them is aware of the extent of it. Darcy is probably unaware how deeply his feelings are engaged.”
“Do you say this from observation alone or from personal experience?” she teased, to which he gave an answer that was bound to please.
“From my own experience, surely; as you well know, Jessie, I never knew my own heart. I was fortunate that you were both patient and loving.”
Jessica smiled, well satisfied with the answer she had extracted, and pressed on. “And having disposed of Darcy's affliction, what is your diagnosis of Kathryn's condition?” she asked.
Julian was more cautious, “Oh dear, there I must be more careful, I am not as familiar with the lady as I am with Darcy; but since you ask me, I think I will have to say that, like all women, she must be aware that the gentleman is falling in love with her, but, being both intelligent and sensible, she is unwilling to allow herself to follow suit, unless and until she is quite certain of his intentions.”
“That sounds very sensible indeed; not all of us are as circumspect when we commit to loving someone…” she began, but he would not let her continue.
“I will not let you say it, Jessie. I knew soon enough that I loved you, but was too afraid to let you see it, lest you should recoil from me—wary of my failure as a husband and father—no, let me say it, my dear. I never believed I deserved you, I was afraid you would say no and am profoundly happy and grateful that you said yes.”
Pleased with all his answers, Jessica troubled him no more on the subject, content instead to observe the course of love, as yet unacknowledged, while enjoying the certainty of her own.
The snow fell all evening.
It was still falling at midnight and some of the guests had not left, for fear of being stranded on the roads.
When news arrived that the bridge on the road between Pemberley and Matlock was blocked by a wagon that had lost a wheel, arrangements were made to accommodate overnight those of the party who remained. The staff bustled around making preparations and while Elena regarded this as a great adventure, Kathryn seemed concerned that her parents and in particular her mother may be worried about them.
Trying to allay her fears, Darcy promised to send a rider over to Colley Dale early the following morning to reassure them.
“Pray do not be anxious, Miss O'Hare, I am confident we should be able to get a man on horseback through early tomorrow, to take a message to your parents. Indeed, it being Sunday, Reverend Courtney will certainly wish to return to Kympton at the earliest opportunity, even if none of his congregation makes it to church.”
She smiled at this, and he added, “When he goes, I shall arrange for a groom to go with him, who can then proceed to Colley Dale. Please do not be troubled; you may rest assured everything will be done to assure them of your safety and that of your sister.”
Whether it was his genuine concern that moved her or her own anxiety which had suddenly overwhelmed her, she could not tell, but without warning Kathryn felt her eyes fill with tears and she was embarrassed that she could not conceal them from her companion.
And Darcy, seeing them, was concerned that he had not been able by his assurances to assuage her fears. He spoke quietly but with great earnestness. Producing a clean handkerchief, which she accepted, he said, “Kathryn, I am sorry, but if it will help, I shall ride over myself at first light, to set your parents' minds at rest,” he began, but she turned to him at once, upset that he had misunderstood her tears.
Involuntarily placing a hand upon his arm, she said, “I do beg your pardon; please do not think me ungrateful. Believe me, I am most thankful for all that is being done; you must not misunderstand my distress. It was probably a result of the relief I felt at your suggestion to send a man over tomorrow… I was temporarily overcome… Indeed it was your kindness that brought it on… Please, Mr Gardiner, you must not even consider going yourself, that would worry me a great deal more… A message sent tomorrow morning should be quite sufficient.”
She was speaking quickly and not always coherently, trying desperately to convince him that she had not been unappreciative of his concern. She had resolved to be sensible and yet, she had not succeeded.
Seeing her thus, uncertain and vulnerable, Darcy was quite unable to contain his feelings. His previous determination set aside, he spoke with a sense of urgency that surprised her.
“Kathryn,” he said, speaking her name as he had done some moments ago, “please do not distress yourself; there is no need. I well understand your anxiety and will do everything I can to alleviate it,” and when she turned to look at him as he spoke, he added in a gentler, more serious voice, “and if you will permit me, I should be honoured to continue to do this and more for you, for the rest of my life.”
Then, seeing her eyes widen with surprise, he said, “Dearest Kathryn, I love you. Will you marry me?”
Nothing had prepared Kathryn O'Hare for his proposal.
So sudden, so precipitate, and yet so deeply sincere, coming in the wake of the chaos of a night of wild weather, yet, amidst the ordered elegance of Pemberley, she did not know how to respond. For a few moments, she said not a word.
Seeing her expression, which suggested some surprise and uncertainty, ambivalence even, Darcy spoke quietly but urgently. This was not how he had planned it; he had hoped to find her alone, when they could share their thoughts and hopes unobserved; he had expected to ask her calmly and with style, but circumstances and his own feelings had overtaken him.
“Kathryn, I do not expect an answer now. I understand you will wish to think it over and perhaps talk to your parents before you respond. If you will only assure me that your mind is not set against me, that you will consider my offer seriously, I shall be perfectly content to wait for my answer.”
Kathryn was astonished at his modesty. She was unaccustomed to gentlemen who believed that they may be rejected by a woman to whom they had made an offer of marriage; arrogant men, of the ilk of Hartley-Brown, expected that no woman could refuse them anything. When she spoke, deliberately and with care, she made certain he understood her true feelings.
“Mr Gardiner, I am most honoured by your proposal. Please believe me, it is not any lack of regard for you that precludes me from giving you an immediate answer. I confess I was not expecting this, and there are matters I must consider, apart from the inclinations of my own heart. They are matters of a practical nature.”
Her words gave him hope, yet he wished to know more.
“And after you have considered all these matters, when might I expect to receive your response?”
“If you would be so kind as to allow me a few days, a week at most, I should be most grateful. I do not mean by this delay to suggest…”
He would not let her continue. “Please say no more; there is no need for you to explain; you need time to consider and I am indeed happy to agree. A week it shall be, although I must admit it will be the longest week of my life.”
It was difficult to believe that she would make such a request if she was intending to turn him down, he thought, not with any vanity, but with hope.
Kathryn thanked him. Her thoughts were in confusion, but her feelings, well, they were as clear as she could ever remember them to have been in all her life. She knew with absolute certainty that she had known no other man for whom she could feel such high esteem and warm affection.
Not long afterwards, the ladies were invited to retire upstairs to the rooms that had been prepared for them. Elena, still greatly excited at the prospect of sleeping overnight at Pemberley, came to call her sister away, and having bade good night to Darcy and other members of the family, who lingered in the rooms downstairs, they went.
They were attended by a maid, sent by Mrs Grantham to assist them with their toilette and provide them with suitable nightclothes. The girl could barely suppress her excitement at the engagement of Jessica and Julian, seeking their response to the news. It had obviously pleased the staff at Pemberley. Kathryn smiled, savouring the pleasure of her own secret.
What would they say, if they only knew? she wondered.
Neither Elena nor Kathryn could sleep that night, though for quite different reasons. The younger sister's excitement lay in all she knew she would have to tell her family and friends of Pemberley and its treasures, while Kathryn's mind was too full of a myriad of thoughts and feelings to let her sleep for long. No longer were her concerns of her parents' anxiety at their not returning to Colley Dale last night—Darcy's plan to send a servant with a message had quieted that worry. It was the matter of his proposal, his declaration of love an
d all that it implied, which absorbed her now, and the fact that she could not share her secret with anyone served only to increase the strain.
In the morning, the sun, when it rose, looked upon a much quieter scene. The blizzard had blown itself out, leaving some devastation in its path, but it had stopped snowing.
Some of the men had already ventured out to see what damage had been done, and Darcy Gardiner, together with a couple of workmen, had ridden out to the boundaries of the estate to inspect the condition of the road.
When they returned, he was able to confirm that the road was almost clear of debris and soon one of the smaller carriages from Pemberley could depart, taking Reverend and Mrs Courtney to Kympton. If Kathryn and Elena so desired, they could travel with them and proceed to Colley Dale.
“One of our grooms will ride with you all the way, to ensure that you reach home safely,” he said as Kathryn thanked him.
She had had some trouble persuading her young sister, who had fallen into a deep sleep towards daybreak, to rise and be dressed early, so they could leave with the Courtneys if the road was clear. She approached Jessica, who had joined them at breakfast, and asked that their thanks be conveyed to Mr and Mrs Darcy.
“I should have very much liked to have thanked them myself, but I realise it is too early for them. Please be so kind as to say how very much we appreciated their hospitality and kindness.”
Jessica agreed. The two friends embraced before parting and there was a special warmth between them, though no further words were exchanged.
It was as though each knew the other's feelings, though unable to speak of them.
Jessica had not been able to get Darcy alone to discover how matters stood between them, but had noted that he seemed perfectly at ease that morning, when he had come in to breakfast. No sign of the disappointed suitor there, she thought. Quite the contrary, in fact.
Postscript from Pemberley Page 21