“About everything getting in the way of future planning, apparently. But even if it wasn’t that, he’d still get mad because I’m supposed to be done with you-know-what.”
Ken drums his fingers on his stomach. “Hmph. You can’t even talk to me?”
“I don’t think he would have a problem if he thought you were just some random guy on the street.” I look up at the ceiling. “But if he knew who you were and that I was still keeping my connections, we’d have a problem.”
For a few seconds, Ken is quiet, staring at his fingers. “You were with us way before you were in a relationship with him, you know?” He stands up. “I know I’m not one to talk or anything since I haven’t had a relationship, but past or present, you’re still one of us. He can’t just ignore that.”
“He’s not ignoring it. He’s just—”
“Snuffing it out? Putting it away? Anyway you slice it, it sounds the same to me.” He sits at the edge of the couch again and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Before all this crazy shit started happening with Mai, the retirement party, and this engagement you seemed a lot happier and a lot less stressed out.” He squeezes gently, then gets up again. “I don’t like seeing you this way.”
As I watch him go, my shoulder prickles where he touched. Is that true? Was I really happier? With everything that’s been happening lately, the notion of life before everything went downhill seems like a distant dream. But when I think about it, I was doomed from the start, wasn’t I? From when I was born all the way to now, those dragons were looking for me. There was a never a way out and Mom knew it. All the running, all the moving, trying to have a “normal” life, that was just an illusion. Now the past and the present are connected again as if the dragons are just picking up again where they left off.
If only I knew what the dragons wanted from me, this can stop. I pull my phone out to check the time.
I guess I owe Amaterasu a visit tonight.
The distance to Ise from work is no where near the nightmare of driving here cold from home. I make it to the tree-lined road with a bar of orange on the horizon to spare. I park on the street. It’s going to be so dark when I get home. I reach across the seat for my phone in my shoulder bag to text Regi that I’m going to be home late. Once done, I slide my phone back, put the bag over my shoulder, and get out.
The shrine’s forest is a different beast when there’s still a little bit of sun out. Branches bob up and down playfully instead of shivering like frightened animals; birds of peace chit-chat with the casualness of friends instead of birds of prey ca-cawing for blood, and the breeze threads through every tree, shaking the leaves with its whispered rumors of Amaterasu’s presence.
It’s been so long since I’ve been here for a peaceful reason. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to visit a shrine for their actual purpose. It’s refreshing, even if you don’t one hundred percent believe in gods. Or maybe it’s just because I’m not an assassin anymore?
There’s an unattended cart of wooden plaques left beside the pathway leading to the river basin I didn’t see the last time I was here. It houses plaques for wishes and prayers. Cobwebs cling to the cart’s eaves, so thin and wispy like the fingers of a spectre. Trickling water breaks up the silence as I approach the basin. Wooden ladles lie across the top of the water trough where the excess water collects. These, at the very least, look somewhat well-kept.
I take the ladle in my right hand, scoop water and pour it over my left. Then I switch hands and wash the right. Then I rinse my mouth. The basin water chills my skin to numbness, dulling sensation to all but a stupefying prickle in my fingers. I think that’s all I’m supposed to do. I remember my Mom being super anal about cleanliness whenever she dragged me and Kyo along to the shrine. Something about the gods disliking purity and all that jazz.
Further down the path, I spot the first sign of life at this shrine, a burly man counting money behind his own cart. I’m not sure if he’s a monk or a merchant. His rice hat and patchy brown robes say monk, but the caddies of matcha stacked on his cart say he knows a thing or two about a business. But considering that he’s situated in a shrine that’s pretty much no better than a ghost town, one or two things about business might be as far as his knowledge goes. I wonder if he’s a regular here. “Excuse me, sir.”
The brim of his rice hat stirs, but he keeps his head low. I can’t see his face this way. He gives a curt bow. “How may I help you?” His voice is a deep rumble as if he has a thunder storm living in his throat.
Something in me stirs. I feel like I know this man from somewhere, but I can’t think where I would’ve seen him. “I’m looking for someone,” I say. “Is there anyone by the name of Amaterasu here?”
Tea Guy meets my gaze with his blue one, then he resumes putting his money back into the cash register. “I suppose you could say she’s always here. This is her shrine after all.”
Well I walked right into that one. “Just curious, but are you always here?”
Tea Guy tilts his head. “Yes I am. I’m here every day, except for the holidays from 3 until sunset.”
I fold my arms. “The business is that good?”
He laughs. “Not really, but I find this a really nice place to relax. Once in a while, someone wanders through and buys something.”
My gaze trails to his cart. But that has to be a pain in the ass to drag out here every day. “Relax with your heavy tea cart?”
At this, Tea Guy doesn’t respond right away. He shrugs. “A man can never know when the right customer will show.”
As much as I admire his dedication, I can’t say the same for his business sense. I try to think of another question to ask him, but then my eyes fall on the phoenix logo on his cart. I put a hand on my shoulder bag, peering closer at it. Isn’t that the logo that was on the membership card that Mai gave me? “Hold on.” I zip open my shoulder bag and rummage through receipts and make up for my wallet. I thumb through the store cards until I find the card Mai gave me and hold it out to him. “Do you accept this card?”
Tea Guy takes the card. His hat shields his expression from view again, but I see him turn the card over to view it’s back. Then he holds it up to the light. “Huh…So then you’re the one the apprentice Mai gave her membership card to?”
My heart jumps. “You know her personally?”
He hands the card back to me with a rumbly chuckle. “It’s hard to not know Mai. She’s outspoken in every meeting. But she’s a welcome voice, otherwise how else would we stay awake?”
I chuckle along with him. “Mai was the one who told me to come here to look for Amaterasu.”
“Ah I see. I’m usually the gatekeeper of sorts during the day when Amaterasu is busy,” Tea Guy says. “But I’m afraid that she hasn’t been here for some time. We’re still investigating her disappearance.”
“Something happened to Amaterasu?” I would’ve thought that a goddess like Amaterasu would be strong enough to do as she pleased.
“A corpse was found here recently. Not Amaterasu’s, but someone else’s. I can only assume that has something to do with it, but Amaterasu hasn’t contacted us since.” He casts glances toward the shrine. “But there’s been no ill signs at the shrine yet, so we know for a fact that she’s alive at least.” Then his gaze shifts back to me. “My apologizes. I haven’t even introduced myself. My name is Susano.”
“Are you the guy that was at Ken’s—”
Susano puts a finger over his lips. “Yes, but that’s not information I’d like to have in the open.”
“Sorry.”
Susano shrugs. “I don’t suppose that you have the holy bell on you now, do you?”
“Holy bell?” I reach into my bag and take out the silver bell from the puzzle box. “You mean this?”
He leans in close to peer at it. “Yes, that’s the very bell. You’re going to need it in a moment. Come. This conversation would be better held in the shrine itself.”
My eyes widen. “We’re going inside th
e shrine? I thought no one was ever allowed inside of it.”
Susano raises a hand. “Believe me. It will all make much more sense once we’re there. But I’d rather not continue speaking here.”
I follow Susano up the stairs into the inner enclosure. We walk alongside the gate in quiet. I scan over the gravel trying to remember where the hole was.
We pass a pile of gravel higher than the rest, next to it there’s a sizable dip.
Ice gongs through my chest. Oh no… Did someone find it? What if they—Calm down, Jun. Even if someone took it, what are the odds that someone opened it? Who took it? Who would take it? “Hey, has that hole always been there, by any chance?”
Susano regards it with a furrowed look. “It has been there for a few days now. Why?”
“N-no reason.” I avert my gaze from it. “It just looks odd compared to the rest of the ground.”
“That’s the reason why I don’t want to talk in the open,” Susano says. “Lately all sorts of people have been trespassing on shrine grounds. Amaterasu has had her hands full trying to keep it under control.”
“CRISIS-D?”
Susano rounds the corner. “Not just them. Strangers. Spirits.” We pass into the innermost enclosure. “None of the pleasant kind.”
Is she the one that saved me that night then? If so, then why didn’t she talk to me? “What does she look like?”
Susano doesn’t reply to that and instead fishes into his pocket for the keys. He takes me up to the shrine’s steps. “Have that bell ready.” He sticks the key into the giant padlock on the shrine doors and unlocks them. Then he pull them open and gestures for me to go inside.
It’s spacious, and the air inside is ice to my lungs. Almost empty with the exception for an altar against the back wall. A worn silk ink painting of a seated woman hangs over the altar. An image of Amaterasu, I guess. Hard to tell when it’s pretty abstract. There’s a strange torii gate behind the altar. I don’t know why. That gate doesn’t go anywhere. Maybe they think she’s supposed to come out of there? But on the wall behind the torii there’s a small picture of a cave, two tied rock, and words engraved into the wood.
Stand up eight.
The prickly lick of goosebumps slides up my back. Is this where the other half of the proverb went? All this time, the cave and the shrine really were connected.
Behind me the doors creak shut. Susano gently lifts his robes and maneuvers around the altar. He stoops for a long golden box. Chrysanthemums weave around the outer fringe like a frame around nine seated woman—well technically eight. The first and the last one look exactly the same. Each wears an ornate twelve-layered kimono and a golden sun headdress.
Susano sets the box in front of me. “Care to take to guess who these women are?"
I scratch my head. "Well, one of them is Amaterasu, but… I don't know who the rest of them are."
“Actually…” One of his fingers lightly skim over the box top, stopping at the first woman. “All of them are Amaterasu. Different lives, in fact. That is why the proverb goes: Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
“I thought it stood for never give up or some shit like that,” I say.
Susano gives a muted smile. “Well, it means that too. But in normal circumstances, it’s hard for the world to sustain Amaterasu’s power when all nine lives are in one body. And therefore, she splits herself when she is here in our world, however, this can be circumvented with the bell you have. It stores energy in it’s perfect form. But more importantly, Mai is the eighth life of Amaterasu, so it isn’t so important. But you…” His finger slides to the last woman. “Are the last life.”
My mouth opens and shuts a few times. I take a step back. “…Come again?”
He cants his head. “Your name is Jun Mei Akiyama, correct? Hikari’s daughter?”
“Well, yes, but…” I lift a hand to my temple. “The rest of that I have a problem with. Mai? Me? There’s gotta be some kind of mistake.”
Susano shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. I wish I could say otherwise. But I’m sure you’ve already witnessed first-hand what someone will do to get a hold of Amaterasu’s power. That is why Hikari tried so hard to keep you hidden, Jun. And why Mai can’t come out in public. CRISIS-D knew about what you would become when you were very young, Jun. And they’ll chase you down to the ends of the earth. Your body is the most desirable one because you are the only one who can join all other lives besides the original while still being malleable strength-wise. The other lives can only absorb the lives that come before them, minus the original and you. In the past, it was sufficient for one life to take over for another and watch over the Brother and Sister World. But being apart like this fragments your power. So the eight lives that came before you met and decided that in order to be strong enough for whatever may come, each life will have to unite into one body. Either yours or the original.”
“O…kay. You’re telling me that somehow by the powers of the universe, I’m a goddess. And Mai is a goddess. And we just so happen to be that same goddess?”
Susano nods.
“Question.”
“Yes?”
“Why my body?” I ask, stepping back from the altar. “I don’t want anything to do with this.”
“Believe me, Amaterasu, Mai, and your mother didn’t want to involve you if it wasn’t necessary. But at the rate CRISIS-D has been moving, we might not have that luxury anymore.”
“But what are they all about exactly?” I ask. “Mai said something about them being terrorists.”
“We still don’t know what their motives are,” Susano says. “But Mai is correct. They’re what we’re calling magic terrorists for now. Instead of threatening others with weapons, they know how to manipulate people from the inside.” He points to your wrists. “The chi in our pathways isn’t just floating around in us. It’s tethered to our bodies until it gets released via fuel extraction or used for magic or of course if we die. But skilled magic users can control your body if they can control your chi pathways. When CRISIS-D first showed up, this technique was still in its experimental stages, but now we have reason to believe that they can not only manipulate living people, but spirits that are still here. And that’s why it’s so important that we keep you away from them.”
I stay quiet with my mouth slightly open, trying to think of something to say. But I can’t. I just don’t know what to say anymore.
“I know this is all hard to take in, and none of it is probably what you want to hear. But if it’s of any reassurance, our group the Phoenix Oolong will serve you just as well as we’ve served the original Amaterasu herself. All we ask in return is that you keep our activities a secret,” Susano says. “And…” He opens the box and unties a gold string from around a mound of red silk. He places three items on the table: a corroded sword with the hilt and half the blade left, the second a nine-shaped jade bead, and a bronze mirror with a sun engraved on top of it. “Keep these at all times.”
I look back up at Susano. “What are these for? That sword doesn’t look very—”
“Useful? Yes, I know it doesn’t look like much. They used to be the Three Imperial Regalia of the nation, but nowadays they’re just Amaterasu’s weapons.” He gestures to each. “This isn’t their battle form. I believe you’ll only have access to those once you begin joining the other lives. But Mai probably the more knowledgeable person to ask on the subject.”
I touch the mirror. Something hard swells in my throat. I came here to speak to a goddess, not to be one! I barely understand how to be a normal human, still don’t understand how to be a kitsune, and now this? Can I just not draw a line? What else am I? Fedora-Buddha Almighty? Adopted? At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised. Gods, I don’t know how much I can take learning new things about myself. Let me get a handle on what’s here for fuck’s sake. I gather all of the objects. “Do you know where Mai is? She gave me a walkie to speak to her, but I don’t know the range on this thing.”
Susan cants his he
ad. “Do you have it with you by any chance? If you have it and the bell, I believe that I can put you through to her regardless of the range.”
I ruffle through the bag for both the bell and the walkie-talkie and hand them both to him.
He turns on the walkie-talkie and holds the bell close, uttering something inaudible to it. The walkie talkie begins to glow. He press the button to talk. “Base to A8, Base to A8, do you read me?”
There’s silence. Then the walkie talkie buzzes to life with static. Mai replies with a curt. “Go ahead.”
“Jun is here with me at Base. I gave her the regalia, but I don’t know anything about what to do with them. I figured you’re the better person to ask.”
Static. “She knows about the lives?”
“Yes,” Susano says.
“Alright, Jun listen carefully. I want you to come to a place called Bo’s Reservation on Saturday. Bring the Regalia with you and that GeneWatch you’ve got. Is that clear?”
Susano puts the walkie-talkie close to my face. I say, “I know where that is. I’ll be there.”
“Good. I’ve got to keep moving so I need to go, but I’ll see you then. Stay safe.”
“You too,” Susano says. “Clear.” The walkie talkie remains silent. Susano hands it back to me. “What will you do now?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting any of this.” And I certainly wasn’t expecting to have my gun stolen.
He nods slowly. “Well nothing has to happen right this second.”
I put the bell and the walkie-talkie back into my shoulder bag. “If anything comes up, how should I contact you or the rest of the Phoenix Oolong?”
“I’ll be here. Or you can call me on my cell phone. Here…” We exchange numbers and I exit the shrine. It’s obsidian by the time I get to Tammy’s car. I sit back in driver’s seat staring blankly at dark road ahead. What am I doing? Now I wish I didn’t come here. Being a goddess is knowledge I would’ve rather lived without knowing. Aren’t gods supposed to be upstanding, moral do-gooders? Does Susano even know what I used to do? Does he know what Mai does? There’s nothing godly about that? I check my phone to see if Regi replied.
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