Bile touches the back of my throat. “Alright. I’ll do it. Just…tell me how.”
“You can relax for now,” Mai says. “I won’t give you the trial now. I’ve still got unfinished business. You need to find the original Amaterasu before you absorb any other life. And thankfully Vampire and her friend are working on your weapons as we speak, but what you need to learn is our magic. Gods like us are skilled at reducing the pain of other spirits and letting them pass onto the next world.”
I fold my arms, eyebrows furrowing. “Wayfinding?”
“You’ve heard of it?” She doesn’t sound the least bit surprised.
“My boss at my new job told me about it. I couldn’t use ordinary magic because apparently I’m better suited to that.”
Mai nods. “Not surprising. Wayfinding is impossible if you have a lot of emotional clutter weighing you down. Only drawback is that it’s not much in terms of actually hurting people. It can only be used to heal hurts and guide others.”
“Then what am I supposed to use to fight then? Just my weapons?”
“You’d have to learn other techniques. There are gene gems and chi stones that can help make up for that,” Mai says. “Though Vampire and Pan are probably better to ask. The other alternative is our sun magic which you won’t be able to use until you clear trials.”
“I was wondering about that. It seemed strange that I have no control over the sun.”
“It’s tuned to your body clock. As long as you don’t die, the sun will be fine.” Mai waves a hand. “Only drawback to sun magic is that it needs said sun to be effective. After sunset, you have to strain twice as much for everything to have the same power. Which is why I hope you still have that bell. You can store energy in it throughout the day and use the bell’s reserves at night.”
“And how do I—”
A knock to the tune of “If You’re Happy And You Know It” comes from the door.
I look to Mai and she nods her consent. I answer it.
And much to my surprise, Kyo’s face beams back at me. “Meimei-chaaaaaaan!”
I gape. “What are you doing here?”
He lifts the covered box, he’s holding with both hands. “Dropping this off.” He steps inside and sets the box on the bed to give Mai a hug. Though I swear I see the box move a little when he puts it down. “And how are we feeling today?”
“Much better than what I was,” Mai says. Then she gives him a sweeping up and down look. “And have you been eating in Pua’alowhe? You’re so skinny compared to your friends.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve been eating fine.” He flexes a taut brown bicep for her. “Look.”
But the display only teases a grin out of Mai. “If you say so…”
Kyo rounds on me next and crushes me against his chest in a hug. “Mmmm, still can’t believe you’re down here.”
I hug him back just as hard and for a brief moment I feel like I’m back at our old home, where our family was still together, and the only worry I had was what I’d get on my report card. “You didn’t tell me you were a fox too.”
“I didn’t really get many chances.” He pulls back. “And Megumi is always in your room.” His eyes brighten at the end of those words. I know the question before he even asks. “How is she?”
“She’s…not around anymore. She was killed.”
“Oh…” His gaze dims, but he offers a smile. “Well if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.” He squeezes my shoulder. “And also, we’re going to be swimming at the lake, in case you want to join in.”
“Can’t. My tattoo will get damaged,” I say. “And I can’t swim anyway.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Oh well. Maybe next time then. You’ll at least come back and visit right? I’ll be in Tokaido for a while.”
“If you want to hang out, it can’t be here,” I say. “Jin isn’t a fox as far as I know.”
“Right, right. Forgot about him. Eh. I’ll call. We can work something out,” Kyo says. “I need to get downstairs though. Have fun!” He’s out the door before I can say anything else to him.
I close the door. Where’s the fire? I face Mai to find her taking the cloth off of the box. Inside, a queer blue translucent fog darts from one end of the glass box, luminous eyes blinking.
A cold knot swells in my stomach. “What is that?”
“An earth-bound spirit,” Mai says. “I’m going to show you how to heal one. You’re going to need this ability for some trials. If you happen to find spirits that are still on earth like this, you should free them.” She pats the cage gently.
The spirit within breaks off into a loud screech and slams into the cage walls over and over. The glass glows forcing the spirit back toward the middle.
I cringe at the noise. Free it? It sounds like it wants to murder someone! “Is this dangerous?”
“It depends on the spirit. Weak shapeless ones like this usually can’t hurt you physically. But regardless of the spirit you’re healing, you will have to temporarily feel their trauma while you heal them.” Mai removes her hand. “The more terrible the death, the more pain you’ll feel, but you have to remember that what you see isn’t your pain or real. It goes away once you’re done.”
My gaze flicks from the spirit to Mai. My neck nape prices icily. How bad can a little spirit be? “How do I do it then?”
“Think of someone that you care about a lot.” Mai holds out her hands. “And keep them in mind when you’re channeling your magic. When you do this technique, you have to give all of yourself. Not fifty-percent. Not eighty-two percent. Not ninety-nine point nine. You have to make yourself completely vulnerable to the spirit you’re trying to heal. Hide any part of yourself and every attempt to heal is only gonna get harder. Do you understand?”
I bite my lower lip. “Yes.”
“I know it sounds scary,” Mai continues. “And it will feel very strange, but you have to stay calm. The spirit can’t hurt you during the channeling as long as you feed it positive feelings. You know what resonance is?”
I nod.
“Good. Because you’ll have to match yours with the spirit’s when you make the connection. Hold out your hands and try to call your magic.”
I try to remember everything that Heaven taught me. I focus on my resonance first pounding through my pathways. My hands heat, letting loose a soft white glow. A constant unbroken stream. My heartbeat thuds heavily inside my ears in time to my own resonance. A calm. One, two, three, four.
“Now once you’ve done that, move your hands like this.” She moves her hands in a circle. “It circulates the feelings of the spirit and moves them out of you. You do it until you can’t feel their pain anymore. And then…” She pushes out with her left hand. And then with her right hand. “You set them free.”
That’s not so bad. “I can do that.”
She puts a hand on the case door and undoes the latch. “Alright.” The door opens.
The spirit inside hisses and flies out. It flies near me, then zooms near Mai like a fly that has no idea where to go. It flies this way and that, then hangs in the air.
I draw in a shaky breath and think of what comes easiest: Mai. Fuzzed warmth fills me. As I move my hands as Mai instructed, my magic homes in on the spirit on its own. With every circle made my chest feels as if it's opening on the inside. Or as if I'm taking off my clothes.
Exposed. Naked.
A magical mesh forms around the spirit.
I glance at Mai, but her eyes fix on the spirit.
The spirit floats near the mesh, body glowing the same color. Wisp-like tendrils spill from its form, making contact with the mesh.
I'm unprepared for the raw ferocity of the icy pain that stabs me. My mind swirls with the images of pallid white rooms. Something pinning me down to the floor. Invading me. And blood.
The feelings come as a jumbled mess. Terror. Terror of wanting to die so badly. That death is better than violation. The anger of being betrayed. And powerlessness.
All of it feels like it’s mine!
Sharp pain barrels into me like a knife plunging into my chest over and over again. Gritting my teeth, I brace myself and feel for the spirit’s resonance. It’s a simple 2/2 signature. It thrums inside me under my own resonance like a guiding metronome. I draw in breath, shifting my own. My eyes blur with water until I can’t see. I try to close them, but the pain escalates. My limbs shake. I can’t take much more.
“It’s not real, Jun.” Mai’s voice sounds so far, as if underwater.
“It hurts,” I croak.
“It’s not your pain.”
Everything hurts. I want to end it all. I want to scream, cry, and wail. It's the pain that makes you think there's no hope. No salvation. No escape. No end to the torture.
“Jun let go!”
I do and all my senses drown in numbness. I can’t feel my body. Can’t move my hands. The pain escalates. I can’t scream.
Mai’s voice drifts in and out. So loud that my head hurts. Her voice drifts so far that I can’t hear anything.
Then darkness. No pain at all.
Am I dead?
Sensation comes back as something warm and fleshy patting against my cheek. Mai’s face and the ceiling pendulums back and forth in double vision. Then everything pulls into sharp focus. A stupefying amnesia settles in my muscles. I can't recall what I felt at all. But I'm exhausted.
The spirit is gone.
I open my mouth, but my tongue is sluggish to catch up. “Wur happ to m-me?”
“You fell on the floor. That’s the norm for first-timers,” Mai says. “You’ll be glad to know that your trial won’t hurt that much. Or leave you on the floor.”
Good. Because that was awful. I summon the strength to sit up. “So what now?”
“I’d advise you to practice more.” Mai rubs the back of her neck. “If you want to find spirits, you should look where people die. Spirits are usually tied to where the body died or the objects that they loved.”
Huh. Is that why I heard Mom’s voice from the radio? And why the piano played on its own? My gaze slides to the empty case then the window. Maybe I should give the house another visit? Though that would mean the headache of driving all the way there and disarming that chi-guard again.
But healing Mom would not only mean letting her finally pass on, but I’d get to see something about how she died too. I might learn something about CRISIS-D too.
Mai studies me with a narrowed gaze. “Thinking about Hikari?”
“How did you know?”
“Her spirit is still in Taitai,” Mai says.
“I’m surprised you didn’t heal her yourself,” I say.
Mai’s gaze lowers. “I’ve wanted to, but it would be best if you did it. She is your mother after all. And besides, you deserve the knowledge much more than I do.”
My chest squeezes to see her like this, and now I realize the full weight of what Genji said this morning. “It’s not your fault you know.”
Mai doesn’t respond to that. She checks her watch. “I need to go. And you ought to go looking for the original Amaterasu. Out of every life, she’s the only spirit that I can’t sense now. She’s not dead, but…” She frowns. “I have the feeling that she could be close.”
“Any idea where she could be?”
Mai folds her arms. “There was a body found on the shrine grounds recently. I haven’t seen the body myself, but the description of the victim sounded like your friend Megumi.”
Megumi? All the way out there? But why? That’s so far away from the lab.
But if Megumi’s body is all the way out there…
The image of the cloaked girl bolting down the hall goes through my head. I straighten. “I think I know where Amaterasu might be.” I just hope that she’ll last long enough for me to have the trial. “What does she look like? Just so I can be sure.”
Mai’s lips curl a little. “She looks just like you, Jun.”
“Me?”
“Yes. Us lesser lives have different appearances for safety, but you and the original look exactly alike,” Mai says. “Hair dyed brown and all.”
Good. Then that makes my job significantly easier.
5-4 'Ah'
“Here.” Vampire hands my Gene Watch back to me. “All the mods are done. You might get the occasional pop-up about some stupid security update, but don’t do it. It’s only going to fuck up everything we did.”
“Thanks.” I take it. “So I can really use it outside the simulator?”
Vampire bobs her head. “Uh-huh. Though, you should probably be careful where you use them. In the simulator, most of our weapon’s power get curbed by the server. But there’s no safety cap for real-life.”
“And they’re not legal in public,” Pan adds from the couch before stuffing pizza crust into her mouth.
I slip the watch back over my wrist. Just like most of what I do anyway. After everything that’s happened in the last few weeks, jail is the least threatening thing that could probably happen to me right now, which is ironic because that was my biggest worry when my gun got tagged. “This can’t get tagged, can it?”
Vampire folds her arms. “Thank gods, no. Gene Watches are still too new for that.”
My shoulders lighten at that. Then I remember Mai’s words from upstairs and ask, “What about gene gems and chi stones?”
“Your watch supports them. You’ve got to install them though before they work.” Vampire’s gaze slides to Pan. “Hand me my case.”
Pan reaches down and slides a thin wooden case onto the table. Vampire picks it up and pries the latch open. Inside, there’s a row of square-cut jewels about the size of my thumb: red, light blue, yellow, clear. On the roof of the case, there are tear-shaped pendants in the same color.
I lean in. “Which ones are which?”
Vampire points to the square jewels. “These are chi stones. They’re safe to have on your watch whenever. Their spells costs less chi than if you casted one cold, but still just as strong, but most are one-trick ponies.” Then she points to the pendants. “These are gene gems. Most of them are on necklaces and rings and stuff so you can’t always put it on your watch. But they’re mostly for protection against certain stuff. They use your chi whenever you’re hit, but some still use it as long as you’re wearing it, so I’d be careful about keeping them on all the time. Want to test one out?”
I blink. “Here?”
“Oh hell no. Not in here.” Vampire clamps the case shut. “Outside. That way you can test how your new weapons feel.”
I nod. “Sure.”
I follow Vampire outside to the front. The wind buffets my body and the sky looks like it has a bone to pick with the whole world. That golden seam of sun that was out earlier is nowhere to be found. Mai didn’t mention anything about storms before she left and that usually means ‘fuck that’ or ‘doesn’t matter’ in Mai language, but the more I look at the sky these days the more I can’t help but wonder if it’s really trivial. Tokaido always gets storms around this time, but I don’t think I’ve seen skies this dark.
“Alright, bish. I’ll let you borrow one of each,” Vampire’s voice snaps me back to the present. She opens the box again.
“What do they do?” I ask.
“Red one is fire, the blue one there is river magic, the yellow one is thunder, and the clear one is wind and ice,” Vampire says. “So the gene gems will snuff out the chi stones.”
Hmm… Which one would be the most useful? It’s not like I’ll ever get to ask what someone is going to use on me before they use it. My gaze scans over them all. The wind and ice one seems the most fascinating to try. And probably the least destructive to the environment. I take the wind and ice chi stone out and fit it into my watch.
It powers up immediately and Lyra appears in front of a hologram screen and says, “Would you like to install Gale (wind) chi stone class E now?”
>>Yes
I tap the yes and the screen changes to a progress bar wit
h Lyra scurrying around in a perpetual marathon while spewing the occasional motivational encouragement. At first the display baffles me, but then it hits me that this is meant to pump everyone up before getting into the simulator or working out, but since no one on the Beta team ever uses chi stones or gene gems, no one would probably see this.
“Oh yeah, before I forget…” Vampire puts the box down. “There’s two ways to use a chi stone. You can use it as an ordinary spell or you can use it as ammo for your weapon.”
As Vampire finishes speaking, Lyra pumps a fist in the air in time with the progress bar filling to 100%. “Whew! Download complete!” Lyra immediately brings up the my brand-new weapon on-screen: a broad silver blade attached to a black revolver hilt. The mirror hangs in the beside it, noticeably better looking than the original artifacts.
My fingers quake in awe. To say that Pan and Vampire did a good job would be an understatement. I activate it immediately.
Custom Weapon Initializing. Please stand by…
A red cone sweeps from my watch, the gunblade and the mirror project in a spinning display. I touch the hilt . The black leather conforms to my grip. The mirror vanishes and reappears hovering above my arm as if by magnetic force. I move my arm experimentally, the mirror moves with it. I hold my arm in front of me. The mirror enlarges, shielding me. Seems simple enough. I lower my arm and back away from Vampire for a few practice slashes. It’s not light, but not impossibly heavy either. I can’t swing it as fast as I’d like. I should probably lift more at the lab. And at home for that matter.
And now for the moment of truth. I aim the gunblade at a treetop across the lot and squeeze the trigger.
Bang! The nine-shaped bead fires, shifting into a white hawk. It screeches hurtles across the lot, flattens the grass, and it cleaves the tip of the tree off. The branch falls to the ground with a rustling thud.
A rush of elation floods me. Now that is amazing. I lower the gunblade and deactivate both the sword and the shield. “I love it.”
Vicissitude Yang Side Page 46