Vicissitude Yang Side

by Destine Williams

  The heat slowly subsides.

  I raise my shield to find a rooster mech flapping wildly as it recharges. “Bok-bok-bok! Cock-a-doodle-doooooooooooooo!”

  More crowing cries join in.

  My blood goes cold. Uh-oh.

  “Bok-bok-bok! Cock-a-doodle—”

  “Shut up goddammit!” I aim my gun blade at the rooster and fire. The ice pellets sever the head from the body.

  I only get a brief moment to enjoy it before the frenzied whirring and steps of other mechs get closer. Another one runs around the corner. “Bok-bok-bok! Cock-a-doodle—”

  I fire it down. And another and another. Until there’s a pile of severed roosters at the end of the hall.

  I put a shaky hand over my heart and let out a breath. Damn chickens. But I don’t move until I don’t hear any steps. I step over the mechs on the ground and turn down the left corridor with my mirror ready.

  Thankfully nothing clucks at me. Two doors down I finally get to the ICUs. I peer into each one, until finally I come upon the only one that’s occupied. It doesn’t open, so I bring up the chi-guard from the side keypad and crack it.

  I step inside.

  Mai was right when she said that Amaterasu looked exactly like me. She’s got my same tan skin tone. My same straight brown hair. Same small nose on her same heart-shaped face. The only knee-jerk difference is that she smells different. Lavender and vanilla. Wood and grass. Of Ise.

  What do I do? Just do the wayfinding thing here? Is that how the trial is started? Or should I try to wake her?

  Without warning, a gentle warmth floods through my body. At the same time, light pulses from Amaterasu’s. A small orb of light rises from her body, floating at my eye-level.

  I can’t help but step closer to it. It’s like a magnet; I’m drawn to it. It radiates an unmistakeable “mineness” that I understand.

  “Welcome.” The voice it speaks in is mine. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  “You’re Amaterasu?”

  The orb pulses softly. “That I am. I’m ready to relinquish my life whenever you’re ready.”

  “What about the trial? What’s going to happen to me?”

  “As soon as you touch my light, you’ll enter my trial space. I can’t say what you’ll find there, but it will not be anything that exceeds your current abilities.” Amaterasu says. “Your body and spirit will be safe until you return. However, once you enter the trial, you can’t return until it’s complete. And you cannot use any of your fox abilities. So think carefully, and touch the light only when ready.”

  Do I have everything? I only came in with my weapons. My pulse flutters. I gather a slow resolute breath and reach out to touch the light.

  Like an hourglass of sand, the room dissolves. Until all that’s left is me and her. Memories flicker around us like a storm getting lighter until brightness is all I can see and Amaterasu’s light is indistinguishable from it.

  “The trial of self-reflection begins.”

  When the light subsides, I’m at home in front of Tammy’s house. I look behind me.

  All of Sakura Boulevard is grayed out like a silent film and shimmers like a desert mirage. Cars still roll by, engines mute by the trial’s strange rules. Only the house is in color. I inch closer to the grayness, but a magnetic repulsion thrusts me back onto the steps.

  Alrighty, no color means not allowed here. Check. I turn and press my finger to the entry key pad.

  “Welcome Omikami Amaterasu! Okaerinasai!” The keypad chirps.

  With a loud chuff, the door opens. This time it’s the living room that’s grayed out. Jin and King sit on the floor, watching a silent TV that only shows static. Megumi is at the dining room table, doing what looks like homework.

  I start up the stairs.

  A grayed out Tammy comes down with her laptop in hand and arm on the phone.

  Instinctively, I move to the side. She passes me without comment or acknowledgement. I watch her head into the matching living room before continuing. Well, this is a strange trial. What the heck am I supposed to do here exactly? Amaterasu said this is the trial of self-reflection, but what am I supposed to reflect on? The fact that our cable downstairs has no fucking channels? Or that the living doesn’t actually look that bad in monochrome? When I get upstairs, my room door is in color, but there's a wooden plaque on it.

  Two Things To Always Remember From This Point Forward

  "Mirrors are doors too."

  "Don't forget to always look behind you."

  —Amaterasu

  A chill razes my neck nape. I look over my shoulder.

  The grayed version of King growls mutely at me from the base of the steps, his eyes a draconic red. He runs at me, getting larger and larger.

  Holy shit! I draw my gun blade.

  Big as a horse now, King lunges at me.

  I stagger away from the door. The giant malamute bangs his head against the door.

  I swing my blade down on his neck. It goes through him as if he’s made out of air. King dissolves like a mist.

  I get up. So here’s where the trial part begins. I reach for the door only to find that the writing on the plaque has changed.

  :)

  —Amaterasu

  I scowl. Troll. But I make sure to look behind me before I enter.

  A gray version of me sits at the laptop, playing Lords of Earth. In the middle of the room, a giant version of my mirror reflects a starry night sky.

  Taking no chances, I slash Gray Me into oblivion right off the bat and walk into the mirror.

  Stars gleam above me in a strip of inky sky between the leafy tree-heads. Trees and monolithic rocks form a long grayed out walls that look familiar. But I can’t think of where I might’ve seen them from. This isn’t Ise that’s for sure. The trees here are too varied for that.

  Soft grunting noises fill my ears. A giant brown saddled boar steps into the colored lane.

  My heart jumps in shock. That’s Thunder God’s boar!

  The boar comes forward calmly and lowers himself, black eyes gazing at me with an expectant look.

  I don’t know if I should feel honored or paranoid. I look behind me just to make sure, then I climb onto the boar’s back and take the reins. The boar hoists himself off of the ground and kicks into a run.

  And as soon as he does, gray shapes streak into the lane. Gray Me has a boar of her own leading the charge. Megumi, Ash, Hiro, and Heaven ride at her heels on boars.

  Is it too late to be sorry for lopping my own head off?

  Gray Me draws her own gun blade, firing an ice shot at me.

  Adrenaline shoots through me. I jerk the reigns to the right.

  Thunder God’s boar gives an indignant sounding squeal, but he veers.

  I turn and fire a shot of my own.

  Gray Me dodges quickly, but the shot knocks Ash into Heaven and the two both dissolve. As one, she, Megumi, and Hiro raise their gun blades and fire.

  I raise my mirror to protect myself. The shots clang off, but my arm rattles violently at the force, even despite the hover distance.

  Up ahead, another mirror comes into view. But behind me, Gray Me’s boar is speeding up. She holds out her gun blade and swings it at me. I block the slash with my own blade, holding her at bay.

  Her lips peel back to reveal her fangs. “Maybe I should cut off your head, just like you took off mine.”

  “No thanks. Fuck off.” I shove her away. A glance behind me and I bring up my shield again to block more shots from Megumi and Hiro.

  Gray Me tilts a little, but regains her balance. She swings horizontally.

  I duck against my boar’s body. An arc of air whooshes over my back. I thrust my blade into her stomach. She dissolves.

  And so does Megumi and Hiro.

  My boar slows to a halt at the end of the lane and lowers himself in front of the mirror. I jump off and pat him on the head before I enter the next part of the trial.

  This time I find myself in front of my car, pa
rked at the road that runs along Ise Shrine. Above the trees, a bright column of light shines skyward toward three floating circular platforms.

  I grip my gun blade tight. That must be the end. I hope it is. Any longer in this trial and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to sleep at night. Every step forward, my eyes dart to the grayed sides of the forest, to the branches, to the darkness behind me, looking for the trick, for the surprise.

  But the real surprise is that there isn’t a single one. Not in the forest. Not on the torii bridge. Not in the stairs leading up to the shrine. Not even at the shrine itself.

  The column of light stands right in front of the shrine column itself. I walk into it. Warmth washes over me. It lifts me slowly. As the whole Ise Shrine complex gets smaller and smaller, I’m reminded of both times I came here on my own to try detagging my gun. Before I’d been so worried about trying to stay a Showgun, but now it’s astonishing how trivial it seems. How trivial anything earthly seems now.

  The earth below grays out and fragments into endless sandy grains, raining endlessly into the darkness below. The heavens above lighten as if the sun lay on the horizon: magenta, orange, and blue layering the sky like soft watercolors in a painting.

  The column of light lets me off on the bottom platform, which, to no surprise, is a mirror itself, but it’s not reflecting the sky above. It’s reflecting Aokai’s skyline and the setting sun resting comfortably over it all. On top, two rows of lion-dog statues run parallel up to a spiral of stairs that lead to the next platform.

  Weapon gripped tightly, I watch the statues and press on. The first pair of statue don’t budge, but their bulging eyes follow me. And so do the second pair. And the third pair.

  But the fourth pair leap down from their pedestals and roar in my face. They leap from their pedestals, circling me in perfect counter-arc. Closing in.

  Heart beating fast, my gaze flicks from one to the other.

  Movement flashes in the corner of my eye. I deflect the huge pawswipe with the mirror.

  The lion-dog staggers, baring its stone teeth. The other rears like a horse, bringing its clawed forepaw down. I sidestep, swinging my blade. The force sends the statue staggering into its pedestal. It smashes against it, crumbling into rubble.

  The other lion dog howls, charging.

  With a swing I lop off its head. The rest of it lumbers around on all fours before it tumbles off the platform and false into the nothingness below.

  I look toward the stairs. Almost there. I ascend from the next floor.

  More statues leap from their pedestals, surrounding me. They’re bigger, and their eyes glowing the same champagne gold as my own.

  Heart galloping in my throat, I bring up my shield.

  One lion dog rams against my shield, rattling my arm down to the bone. I stumble to get my footing back, then cleave the head off another statue that comes too close.

  Another races in, rearing to swipe at me with its front paws. I hold it off with my shield while it snaps at me with its huge jaws. I push it off just in time to catch a statue creeping beside me with a backswing of my blade.

  The rearing statue snarls and leaps again.

  I thrust my blade into its heart.

  It shatters.

  I stab my blade into the ground, holding it there for support while I catch my breath. This is it. One last staircase.

  Light envelopes each stair and they pulse warmly. Energy surges into my body, reinvigorates me, cleanses me. Making me new. At the top, Amaterasu sits on a throne of light on the opposite side of the platform. Mirrors surround the edges of the platform, reflecting the two of us from every conceivable angle.

  The sun goddess smiles gently. Even though she’s in that same casual white hoodie from so long ago, she carries a heavy regal air about her. I almost feel inclined to bow or kneel.

  She stands up. The throne vanishes. “You made it.” There’s no surprise in her tone. My tone. Our tone.

  I almost forget to respond. “I never thought I’d meet you in person.”

  She chuckles. “But I’ve always been there.” She gestures to the mirrors around us. “How many times have you looked in the mirror before you left for work? Or when you were putting on make-up? Or when you were getting ready for Showgun parties?” She stick her hands in her pockets, stepping casually around me. “We aren’t separate, you know.”

  I walk in opposition to her. “But what about that time at Ise?”

  “Different bodies.” The mirror surface shimmers under her steps. “But still two sides of the same soul.” She looks at me. “I am the sunrise and you are sunset. But no one can say that we aren’t the same sun, can they?”

  My gaze flicks to Aokai’s reflection below us and my sun heralding the end of the day. It’s strange to watch. Tokaido is the Land of the Rising Sun. By that very notion, it seems I was meant to be the awkward outcast all along. But now to accept everything as mine? “I guess I'm stuck because it seems like you're the total opposite of me.”

  Amaterasu holds out her hand. A jagged, hiltless blade comes to her. She smirks a fanged grin. The kind of grin I would make. “Am I?”

  Slowly, I start to notice that her reflections in the mirror aren’t following her movements anymore. They’re walking out of her mirrors, forming a ring around us.

  “Since you’re having an identity crisis, I’ll tell you what…” Amaterasu points her blade at me. “You only have to touch me once. With your blade, your hand, whatever you want. Just make sure that you touch the real me.” She takes a defensive stance. “Got it?”

  I mirror her. Probably easier said than done.

  “I heard that smartass,” Amaterasu’s voice quips back in my own head. “This trial is only as hard as you make it. So make it easy.”

  All of the reflection leap at me in a flurry. I can’t register anything but chaos. There’s no moment when I’m not blocking, not swinging, not dodging.

  It’s as if I’m fighting off an army of every doubt, hurt, and fear I’ve ever had. They die in one swing, but another comes in and replaces them as if I did nothing.

  “Come on. Don’t you know yourself better than this?” Amaterasu’s voice comes from everywhere all at once.

  Panting, I block another swing, and sweep my gun blade in a wide circle. The reflections dissolve. “You’re being obscure.”

  “No. You’re not self-aware.”

  I grit my teeth. More reflections press in. “What the hell does that even mean here? This is nothing like self-reflection! This is fighting for my life!”

  “I told you that this is only hard as you make it, Jun. You’re making it harder than it needs to be. This is all of what self-reflection is about.”

  “Easy for you to say!”

  A reflection knocks my gun blade out of my hand, leaving me with only my mirror.

  “Where am I, Jun?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Where would anyone find themselves?”

  A mirror bangs against my back. The flat of a blade smacks against my shoulder. A leg kicks me in the side.

  I buckle onto my hands and knees. So this is self-reflection? Getting my ass handed to me by myself?

  The reflections stare at me, their golden eyes mocking. Waiting for me to get up so that they can beat me down again. I stare at the mirror’s surface. Then a sudden realization hits me.

  The reflections aren’t in the mirror under us. But I am. Amaterasu is. I reach out behind me.

  My hand touches hers.

  She helps me up, grinning. "Nice to know you remembered my hints."

  “You’re a real dick. You know that, right?”

  Rather than look insulted, she laughs. “I agree. You are kind of a dick. But a deal is a deal.” She puts a hand to her chest. Light gathers at her fingertips. She presses her hand to my chest.

  Her light engulfs me, raising me off the mirror and pulling me upward towards the sky.

  Amaterasu waves at me. “Never forget, okay?”

&
nbsp; Then the destruction of the earth swallows her whole too.

  5-11 'Ah'

  The ICU slowly assembles itself around me. I look back at Amaterasu's body.

  She's unnaturally still.

  I pull the sheet over her head. It’s the only thing that I can do right now, I guess. I wish I could bury you properly. But I shouldn’t stay here any longer than I have to. Especially not with some murderous bird on the loose.

  My Gene Watch rings a few times. I hit accept.

  Vampire's face appears as a blue hologram. "Are you alright?"

  "Yes, I just finished what I needed to do. I’m coming back now.”

  “About time. That thing we saw earlier was two floors above you, it wasn’t moving so I’m pretty sure it’s looking for you. I don’t know if it’s friendly or not, but today ain’t the day to find that out.”

  My skin starts to prickle. It was waiting? “Two floors above me?"

  “It disappeared not long ago, so I can’t say where it is now. So move that ass, bish. Like now."

  I frown. I hope it’s nowhere near the entrance I came in at. “Got it.”

  “If you don’t answer my next call, I’m going in alright?”

  “Vamp, don’t—” Pan pleads.

  “To hell with staying in the damn car, Pan Pan!” Vampire snaps. “I can’t take all this shit any—.”

  The transmission cuts off.

  Is something wrong? I try the other functions on my Gene Watch. Chi stone screen still works. Weapon screen still works. The others are just static. Even Lyra is a tiny static figurine.

  Uh-oh. Better get out of here. I materialize my weapons and run back to the stairs heart beating fast.

  The air on the ground floor is unnaturally warm and charged like thunder clouds.

  My heart palpitates so hard that I can feel it quakes in my ears. Which way did I come in?

  I bolt down to the other end of the corridor, jumping over a crater. As I start around the T-intersection, I catch a glimpse of something red disappearing around the corner at other end of the hall.

  Ice arrows through my blood. I jerk back against the wall. I hope it didn't see me. Can’t go that way. I go the opposite direction.