“Grant! Do you really think that I’m capable of such a thing?” she demanded.
“I don’t know what I think,” he muttered, still averting his face. “How can I believe you love me after what I’ve seen and felt?”
How can I believe you love me? Theo stared up at him and remembered. She had used almost the same words to him once, had listened stonily while he begged for her understanding.
“So we’re even, then,” she said softly. “Once I couldn’t believe in your love. Now you can’t believe in mine.” A thought came to her. “But don’t you remember? Julian wasn’t the only one to come to your mind while you were here. Do you remember me coming in your sleep? I tried to get you to tell me where you were but you couldn’t. So I just held you safe in my arms so you could rest. Don’t you remember?”
“I remember,” he said after a long pause. “But I thought it was a trick of Julian’s to torture me with—with losing you.”
“You didn’t lose me.” She reached up to touch his shoulder, a quick light touch before he could pull away. “Those were true dreams, Grant. They came from the horn gate, not the ivory. You should be able to tell the difference.”
He shuddered and shook his head. “No, I can’t. I’m just a man now. How can I tell which dreams are true and which are false?”
“Grant,” she began, then fell silent. Just as she had been conflicted and confused in March, so was Grant now. Only he didn’t have a week of spring break to think things over. Theo wrapped her arms around herself and tried not to sob aloud. The Minotaur and Proteus had been nothing compared to this.
“Go back, Theo. Go back to Julian,” Grant said in a low voice, his back still to her. “He’s already won. I don’t have anything left to give you.”
“No. I won’t go back without you.” How could she walk the labyrinth alone again, this time without hope? Her words echoed in her mind. Won’t go back without you go back without you…
“That’s it,” she whispered. “I did the Minotaur and Proteus, but there’s one picture left, isn’t there? These things always happen in threes, in the old stories. I thought that the Orpheus picture was just there to show where you were hidden, but that wasn’t all. This is the third picture and the third challenge. I need to be able to get you out with me.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked dully.
“It’s Orpheus and Eurydice, don’t you see? There were clues to find you in the mosaics in the Great Room—Theseus told me you were in a labyrinth, and Proteus warned me that you would change, though I didn’t understand that one until now. I thought the picture of Orpheus was just telling where the entrance to the labyrinth was, but it’s more than that. I need to walk out of here and trust that you’ll follow me. And you—” She paused and swallowed hard. “You have to trust me enough to follow me. Otherwise, I’ll lose you.”
Grant was silent, his shoulders hunched under the ridiculous red cloak.
“Listen to me, Grant. It was afternoon when I entered the labyrinth, the day before commencement. I don’t know when it is now,” she said, keeping her voice carefully calm. “So you don’t have a lot of time to think about it. But it’s not a matter for too much thought. That’s the mistake I made back in March, thinking too much and not being able to trust that you loved me. I wouldn’t trust you, and lost you because of it.”
She took a few deep breaths, slowly rubbing her hands up and down her arms to warm them. Though there were no visible injuries left on them from her struggles with the cactus and the shark, they still felt bruised and sore. Lucky her, little Miss Immortal. She got to hug giant cactuses and horrible sharks without a scratch to show for it. Was any of it worth a damn, if she lost Grant?
She moved closer to him and briefly touched his shoulder again. “I’m going to start walking out of here. I’m going to walk and not look back, and hope that you can trust me enough to follow. I love you, but we can’t share love if we don’t share trust first.” She took his arm and turned him to face her. The torchlight played on his hollow cheeks and haunted eyes.
“I love you,” she whispered, and leaned forward to kiss him. He twisted away, his face creased with pain. She swallowed the cry of distress that rose to her lips, and reached out to touch his cheek with her fingertips. Then she turned away from him, and started walking the labyrinth once again.
…
“Now that I think of it, Julian made a mistake using the mosaics to choose your hiding place. He knew how much I loved them, how often I used to wander around the Great Room looking at them. I think he just assumed he was cleverer than me. Hubris, in a way. Isn’t it ironic that the king of gods should fall prey to it? Maybe he’d been exposed to mankind for too long. They say that dogs and their masters start to resemble each other after a while. Maybe Julian is becoming too human for his own good. He was certainly guilty of one of man’s classic sins.”
Theo was babbling. She knew it. But she had to keep talking, had to fill the silence that loomed large behind her as she walked.
“Now I know why Orpheus played his lyre all the way up the road from Hades to earth again. He didn’t want to have to listen for Eurydice’s footsteps behind him. I expect it would have driven him mad, knowing she was behind him but not being able to look. I know it’s driving me mad. At least he knew that Eurydice wanted to follow him. I don’t even know if you’re there. I hope you are.”
She stopped speaking and started humming instead. Don’t listen. Just keep walking, one foot in front of the other. Just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking, walking, walking. An image from that movie about the fish—the computer-animated one—floated through her mind, and she chuckled slightly.
“I was thinking about that Disney movie, about the father and son fish who get separated and have to find each other. Finding Nemo, I think it was called. Are all stories about quests? I suppose in a way they are. I came to school here on a quest for intellectual stimulation. At least that’s what I told myself.
“Now I know that I came here looking for you. For the handsome prince to sweep me off my feet and carry me away to Neverland. But I didn’t realize you were the real prince until it was too late. Oh, look. That’s two turns down. They come pretty quickly, this deep in the labyrinth. But you probably know that already. Oh, God, Grant, I don’t know how you stood it down here all that time. I suppose to you seven or eight weeks down here was probably nothing, compared to millennia chained to a rock on Mount Caucasus. But seven or eight weeks searching for you was—was pretty horrid. I haven’t had a chance to tell you what a help Olivia was over all this time. She taught your class for you, so don’t worry about that. She helped me look for you, and helped keep me sane in the process. I’m—I’m glad to be able to call her my friend now. I just wanted you to know that.”
Was that an intake of breath behind her? Theo sternly kept her eyes focused on the floor a few feet ahead. A rat ran past her, coming from behind, and disappeared into a crack in the stones. Not Grant, then. She swallowed her disappointment and spoke again.
“So if that invitation to come to Eleusinian this summer still stands, I’d love to—but I’ll understand if you’d rather I didn’t come. Or if I just visited for a couple of days and left. I’ll need to get a pretty good job this summer, so I can pay—”
A half laugh, half sob shook her. “No, that’s not true. I won’t have to worry about paying tuition here next year, will I? I’ll have to find some other college to finish my doctorate at. I’ll miss Dr. Waterman, and Dr. Forge-Smythe, and the others. And Renee, believe it or not. Even when it was all so strange and mystifying, I was still happy here. I’ll never forget teaching with you, no matter what happens. That was—that was one of the best parts, having you to work and laugh with, last fall. Do you know what being with you reminded me of? Please don’t laugh. But we reminded me of dolphins. It sounds stupid, doesn’t it? But I love to watch films of dolphins swimming, cutting through the water so swiftly and gracefully. You made me fee
l like a dolphin back in September and October, like we were leaping effortlessly through life, keeping pace, just glorying in moving together.”
She paused to let the lump in her throat subside. “Or maybe I’ll go back to Sneed next fall. I’m sure they’d at least consider taking me back. There aren’t too many lacrosse coaches who can teach Latin too, so they may need me.” Back to Sneed? She shuddered.
“It’s so strange, talking to you like this. If you’re there, that is. But I have to believe you’re there. That’s why I’m talking. I need to be able to tell you what I think and feel. Of course, I might end up driving you back into the labyrinth instead, just to get away from me and my thoughts. That’s a joke, by the way. I’m smiling. Can you hear me smiling? You’re human now, so I expect that sort of thing will be easier for you.
“Do you like being human? I guess you haven’t had much of a chance to practice it, down in the labyrinth. But—I hate to say this to you now, after all you’ve gone through—but you didn’t need to become human. You were fine the way you were. I think I was the problem. I needed to learn to be human, too. To get over being Sneed’s ‘poor Miss Fairchild’ who no one found attractive. To stop looking for a fairy tale prince to worship me and heal my ego, and look for a real person instead, to be my friend. You’re the most real person I’ve ever known. I just wish I could have seen that several months ago.
“There’s another turn down. The next one won’t be for a bit now. I’ll think I’ll stop talking for a few minutes. My throat’s getting sore.” It was, but not from talking. Tears streamed down Theo’s face as she walked, and the effort to keep them out of her voice and not break into sobs was lacerating her throat. “I can’t play the harp or sing, either, like Orpheus did,” she whispered. “Guess I’ll just have to cover my ears.”
She kept walking, one foot after the other. Now was her chance to meditate the labyrinth, to keep her mind off who might or might not be behind her. But she felt too empty to meditate. There was nothing left within her to focus on. She felt like a husk, a cold, empty shell. She had spilled out her soul like her heart’s blood as she walked and talked, for Grant. He deserved to know what was inside her, to know if he could still love her. If he was even there.
Another turn. “I hope Olivia’s waiting for us when we get back,” she said, when the silence surrounding her grew more painful than her throat. “She’ll be able to take care of you. Make sure you’re okay. I know you might not want me to—to help you. And Marlowe, too. He’ll be back. Julian did something awful to him when he thought Marlowe was helping me find you. I tried to take care of him after that. At least I’ll have a chance to say good-bye to him, I hope. If he doesn’t hate me for Julian’s turning him into a grapevine.”
Will you have a chance? said a coldly reasonable voice in her mind. What if you climb the last stairs up into the Great Room and find there’s no one behind you, only Julian waiting for you with that charming crocodile smile of his? Will he let you say good-bye to any of them? Olivia? Marlowe? Will they even want to see you? Ah, not so empty after all, are you? There will always be more pain to fill you up again.
She closed her eyes. So long as she was walking, she didn’t have to know what her fate was. She was still in the realm of possibilities, not realities. Like Schrödinger’s cat in the box—was it alive or dead? There was no way to know till you looked. The oblivious voice in her mind—just keep walking, just keep walking—started its refrain once more.
After a while, the crunch of rotting concrete and paint flakes under her shoes drowned out the crazed sing-song voice in her head and told her that she was approaching the labyrinth’s end. Or beginning. She was too tired and drained to decide which. She didn’t bother noting aloud the next turn, or the next. Only when she saw the funny old-fashioned fire extinguisher on the wall ahead did she rouse herself to speak.
“This is where I got into the labyrinth from Dr. Bellow’s office. But I don’t think I can get out that way. I guess I just have to go on till I find the stairs to the basement,” she mumbled. Tiredness rolled over her in waves, and she had begun to suspect that she’d been in the labyrinth longer than she’d guessed. The thought was not comforting.
Approaching footsteps pulled her from her stupor. She turned a corner and blinked. Ahead on the ceiling was a red-lit exit sign and an arrow pointing toward a door. Ah, the stairs. Then this was almost the end. And half running down the hall toward her was—
“Olivia. What are you doing here?” Theo knew she should be more surprised and pleased, but she couldn’t muster the energy. Instead, she yawned hugely and stumbled as Olivia nearly ran into her and grabbed her hands.
“What do you think? Looking for you.” Olivia frowned, and Theo realized she was wearing her own form. Of course. Classes were over. She didn’t need to pretend to be Grant anymore.
“How did you know where to look?” She yawned again. And then it hit her. Olivia had looked at her. Just her. Not beyond. Then that meant—
“You look like you’re about to collapse. Here.” She dropped Theo’s hands, fumbled in her pocket, and held out a bottle of water. The sight of the clear blue-tinted plastic, damp with condensation, made Theo realize that her throat and mouth felt parched, between the dustiness of the labyrinth and her agonizing monologue on her outward journey. A long drink of cold water would feel so good. But there was something more important on her mind right now.
Olivia’s eyes were still fixed on her, concern plainly written in them. Theo stared back at her, her exhausted mind slowly spinning. She still hadn’t glanced past Theo, hadn’t asked if she’d found Grant. Surely if Grant were there behind her, Olivia would be making a fuss over him too. Olivia didn’t know about Orpheus and Eurydice.
But if he weren’t there, Olivia would want to know where Theo had been and what had happened. And she hadn’t said a word about any of those things, either. Theo closed her eyes and thought furiously, fighting her weariness. There was something wrong here. But what?
Then it hit her. She straightened and put her hands behind her back. “No, thank you, Olivia. No water. Especially not from where I’ll bet that water comes from. I’ll keep my memory, thank you.” She opened her eyes and calmly met Olivia’s.
She saw them widen, saw them change from gray to something deeper and greener before Olivia vanished without another word.
“Not up to your usual standards, Julian,” Theo called, closing her eyes once more and leaning against the wall for a moment, careless of the dirty peeling paint. Then she squared her shoulders and started up the stairs.
The basement. She risked a glance down the corridor toward Dr. Bellow’s office, but the hall was dark.
More stairs. Each seemed higher than the last as she slowly climbed them, eyes again closed. Don’t you dare turn around, Fairchild. Don’t make Orpheus’s mistake now. You’re almost there—
She felt the Great Room’s door handle under her fingers. Trembling, she pulled it open, walked another three paces into the room and stopped dead, unable to move any further.
If I don’t turn around and open my eyes, I won’t have to know, she thought childishly, even as she turned. But before she could open her eyes, she felt arms close around her. She collapsed against Grant’s shoulder.
“Don’t you even think about going back to Sneed,” he whispered fiercely into her ear. “How can we be dolphins together if you’re there?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
It took several minutes for the two of them to stop murmuring incoherently to each other. At last Theo took a deep, hiccuping breath.
“You followed me,” she said, and reached up to touch his face. This time he did not shy away from the caress.
“I don’t think I could have done it if I hadn’t become a man. But I stood and listened to your footsteps move away from me, and turned my brain off and let my heart and feet decide. They knew far better than I did.” He pulled back to look at her. “I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your
own than when you almost broke it,” he said softly, in Latin, and more tears sprang to her eyes. It was one of the lines from Persuasion that they’d translated together, back in September, when Theo realized that she was falling in love with him.
“Theo!” shouted another voice, from across the room. She turned and saw Olivia, the real Olivia this time, run across the mosaic floor with an ear-to-ear smile on her face, followed by another figure. With a burst of happiness Theo saw that it was Marlowe, still trailing clods of dirt, his beard halfway to his knees, grinning hugely.
Olivia tackled both Theo and Grant, hugging them and chortling with joy. “You did it! You found him!” she crowed.
“What time is it?” Theo asked anxiously, rubbing her eyes and looking up at the sun that streamed through the high leaded windows.
“Thirty-five minutes past eleven, on the fourteenth.” Olivia began to jig in place, still holding them both in her arms.
“You had twenty-five minutes to spare, Theo. Piece of cake,” Marlowe said. His eyes twinkled with their old mischievous glint.
“Are you all right?” she asked him.
“I’m fine. You spoiled me rotten. I haven’t felt this frisky in years. All that ambrosia, and the sunshine and spring water. I’d nearly overgrown the bench. It’s a good thing you kept the groundskeepers off me,” he replied.
Olivia had pulled back to survey Grant. “Are you all right, Magister?” she asked, taking his hand.
“I’m tired. And hungry. Nothing else that can’t be easily fixed. All I want to do is take Theo back to Eleusinian and sleep and eat for a week.” He rested his cheek on Theo’s head.
“Then let’s do that. Theo, could you be ready to leave today?”
“Give me half an hour and I will be.” She had already packed over the last few days. Thank goodness she hadn’t taken any of her things over to—
By Jove Page 26