by A. Gorman
Jake’s voice is pitched low when he leans in and says, “That boy has a disability, Eloise. The only thing silly here is your ignorance.”
For a beat I just stand there, blinking back tears. Eloise is young and offensively pretty, and I suspect there isn’t much going on inside her twenty-one-year-old brain, but hearing her talk like that about my son hurts. Hearing Jake stick up for him hurts too, but in a good way.
The gravel crunches beneath our shoes and Jake turns to look at me. His expression is tight-lipped as he leaves Eloise standing with her mouth gaping wide enough to catch flies. He moves toward us. I open Spencer’s door and let him climb in. Eloise storms past us both with her head down.
“Still winning friends, I see?” I tease, smiling through my tears and pretending they ain’t even there.
“Yeah. I’m a real popular guy.”
“Listen,” I say quietly, “I never thanked you properly.”
“For what?”
“For everything. For pulling me and my son out of the car. For helping find Spence today,” I add dryly. “For not sending me your dry-cleaning bill after I puked all down your shirtfront.”
He grins. “Oh, that one’s in the mail.”
I laugh. Spencer winds down his window, and for a moment I think it’s so he can tell me to hurry up because it’s dark already and we’re late for Fried Chicken Friday—he’s a big fan of alliteration and planning our meals to match the day of the week. But Spencer doesn’t say a word; he just sticks his hand out so Nuke can bump up against it.
“Looks like I’m not the only one making friends and influencing people,” Jake says, nodding towards our boys.
“Looks like,” I agree, watching how gentle his dog is. I feel terrible about accusing him of trying to hurt Spence. Deep down, I probably knew that his dog wasn’t trying to hurt my son. He was one of Olivia’s, after all. She wouldn’t let him graduate until he was fully trained. I don’t think what happened that day was anyone’s fault, but that hadn’t stopped me from exercising my right to be completely irrational. I make a decision there and then that might be somewhat selfish, but I think it will be good for all of us. “So you’ll be at the park tomorrow?”
“If you promise not to run me off the road this time.”
I narrow my eyes and fold my arms over my chest. “Hey, you were way past me when I hit that footbridge.”
“So Spencer didn’t just make that up?”
I frown, failing to comprehend his meaning. “Make what up?”
“He may have said some things when you were out to it.”
I sigh. “Of course he did.”
My son and his big mouth.
Too embarrassed to find out exactly what Spencer told him, I walk around to the driver’s side of my car, open the door, and climb in.
“Goodnight, Elle,” Jake says in his low, husky voice. The way he says my name makes my whole body shiver. I wonder what it would sound like in the dark, raspy with longing, our skin soaked with sweat and the sheets sticking to our warm bodies.
“Good night,” I whisper.
“Good night, Jake Tucker. Bye, Nuke,” Spence sticks his head out the window and calls to them both. I tell him to buckle in and wait until Jake and Nuke have moved away from the car, and then I peel out of the lot and float home in a bubble.
Bubbles are bad. Very bad. Because eventually, they pop. No matter how much you wish it weren’t so.
Chapter Six
Jake
Saturday begins like any other day. After a long, sleepless night, Nuke and I get up early and go for a run. Because it’s the weekend, I think Ellie and Spencer won’t be there until later, but the beat up Datsun is parked in the lot and sure enough, the two of them sit on the beach watching the water, though there are at least two yards between them.
I slow to a light jog thirty yards away, not wanting to let my muscles cool down too quickly. I don’t run because I love it; I run because if I don’t this shrapnel in my leg will likely cause me to lose the use of it. From ankle to neck, my left side is covered with pock marks and keloid scars. One whole half of me is ravaged, ruined skin. By the time I was found the pieces were too deep and too many to remove without causing considerable nerve damage, but your body knows when something is lodged inside it that shouldn’t be, and every day there’s new pain as the pieces shift around. Sometimes I wake with the sheets beneath me soaked in blood from the tiny piece of metal that’s worked its way out of my skin.
I ignore the ache in my muscles as Nuke and I walk towards Elle and Spencer. Sweat beads on my brow and I wipe it away with the shirtsleeve of my grey Henley, different from the one that Ellie puked on. I’ve been distracted today, and I didn’t push myself nearly as hard as I usually do, so I’m thinkin’ the heavy perspiration is because this woman unnerves me like no other ever has.
“Hi, Jake Tucker,” Spencer yells. “Mamma, Jake Tucker’s here.”
She turns and smiles at me, and Jesus Christ is she fucking amazing. Warm brown, eyes, cute little button nose, and full perfect lips. I have a semi from that one fucking look alone.
“I see that,” she says to her son. He jumps up and down on the spot like he don’t know what to do with himself.
“Mornin’,” I say, and with creaking bones I park myself in the sand next to Elle.
“Morning.” She smiles, and if I didn’t know any better I’d say she looks as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night.
Nuke whines and I give him a pat between the ears and unclip his lead. “Go be a dog.” His big goofy head looks between Spencer and me, and I shove his flank with my hand. “Go on, get.” He bounds off to play with the kid.
“Olivia is going to kill you,” Elle remarks, and the corners of my mouth tip up into a grin.
I nod. “Yup. I reckon she might.”
“I’ve been savin’ this stick all morning for you, Nuke,” Spencer says. Nuke sits and waits for it to get airborne, but the kid doesn’t throw it. He drops it in front of my dog and they both just stare at it.
“Spence, you have to throw it so Nuke can chase after it,” Elle says.
He looks at his mother as if she’s insane. “Why?”
“Because that’s how you play fetch,” she says matter-of-factly. He looks skeptical but picks up the stick anyway and tosses it about a foot in front of him. Nuke glances at him, still waiting for Spencer to throw it.
“Hey, buddy, can I see that?”
Spencer picks up the stick and hands it to me, looking as if he’d rather be anywhere else because this game of fetch isn’t at all like he thought it would be.
“The trick is to throw it as far as you can, so he has to run to get it. Can’t have him slacking off now, can we?”
“No, sir.” Spencer shakes his head. I throw it as far as I can without standing up to do so, and Nuke takes off down the beach to chase after it.
“Whoa,” Spence says, as Nuke retrieves the stick and drops it at my feet. I hand it to the boy and he throws it, a lot farther than he had the first time, and like a shot Nuke is returning it to his feet so he can do it again.
I glance at Ellie; there’s so much excitement in her expression, so much love and pride in that one smile she gives him. My heart lurches, wondering what it must be like to feel that adoration, and hoping that someday I might feel it too.
Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with me? I should leave. I should walk away before she begins to think I’m someone who deserves to be in their lives. I’m not.
“So, no accidents on the way here?” I find myself saying.
She glances at me, still wearing that smile, only now it grows wider. “Not today.”
“There’s always tomorrow right?”
“Oh, you’re funny.” She glances down at her watch and sighs. “Shoot. Okay Spencer time to wrap it up.”
“You’re leaving already?”
“I have a bridal party coming in at eight. Hair and makeup. I know it’s only seven fifteen, but I figure it’ll take me
at least thirty minutes to get him in the car. As it was this morning, I had to cover up all the clocks before we left so he wouldn’t know we were leaving the house early. Spencer doesn’t like changes to his routine. There are rules, and those rules can’t ever be broken.”
I nod my understanding though I’m disappointed I don’t get to spend longer with her. With them both. Seeing Nuke be a dog for once? Well, it’s nice. We play fetch all the time at home, but it’s work for him and a coping mechanism for me. When those dark thoughts begin to creep back in, throwing myself into something physical is just the distraction that I need. It also helps that he looks so stupidly happy when he retrieves the ball and drops it at my feet all covered in slobber.
“I ain’t leavin’. You can’t make me,” Spencer says, tears forming in his eyes. His face turns red and he stamps his foot hard on the white sand. Nuke whines and nudges his huge black head against Spencer’s side. “I ain’t goin’, Mamma.”
“Spencer Mason, do not sass me. Now, we’ve had a nice time, but we have to say goodbye to Nuke and Jake and get in the car. Mamma has clients this morning.”
“I don’t care. I don’t wanna go.” He stamps his foot again and folds his arms across his chest. “You’re the worst mamma ever. I hate you. I ain’t leavin’.”
Tears prick Ellie’s eyes and she blushes. “Spencer Mason, you are gettin’ in that car.”
“No!” He picks up the stick and throws it again, and Nuke takes off to retrieve it. I call him back with a whistle and he abandons the hunt to flank my side. I pat his head and move closer to Spencer.
“Hey, buddy.”
“My name ain’t buddy. It’s Spencer Mason. You can call me Spencer Mason.”
I nod. “Spencer Mason, your mamma has work to do today. Now I’m sure she’d like to stay as much as the rest of us, but sometimes grownups have to work.”
“I hate her work; she’s always workin’.”
“I know, but you see adults have to work to keep you in food and clothes.” I pause to let him take that in. His lips purse and his eyes narrow. I can practically see the little cogs in his head turning. “How old are you, Spencer?”
“Eight years old.”
I nod. “And I bet you’ve grown real big since you were seven, right?”
“Yes, sir. I got muscles on top of muscles.” He flexes.
“Whoa. Don’t go flashing those things around, Spencer, you’ll scare everyone.”
He laughs and wipes at his nose with the back of his hand. “I’m gonna be a U.S. Marine.”
My smile falters, and I swallow hard. I look at his mother. Tears slide down her cheeks and ruin her makeup. “Well, you know the Marines don’t take to insubordination of any kind. Do you know what that word means?”
“Insubordination is the refusal to obey orders,” he says, and I could have sworn he’d rolled his eyes at that and his head was screaming, “Duh!”
“That’s right. Now you got ten more years before you can enlist, but if you wanna be a Marine you gotta take orders from your mamma. It’s that simple.”
“But I don’t wanna go.”
“I know that, but I’ll make you a deal. Nuke and me, we gonna be walking this beach tomorrow. You and your mamma are welcome to join us, but you have to go with her now, and you have to be good the whole day.”
“On Sundays we have church,” Spencer says, matter-of-factly.
“And after that?”
“After that we go to the market.”
I nod. “And what then?”
“Then we have an hour of free time, Mamma does the laundry and I play with my toys, and then we have lunch.”
I run my hand over my stubble with a puzzled expression. “Wow, that seems like a pretty busy Sunday.”
“We have another free-time hour after lunch. We could do it then?”
I glance at his mamma, who watches me with a wide eyed expression. “Elle, you okay with that?”
She nods, blinking back tears. “I think we can manage.”
“It’s a deal,” I say.
Spencer frowns, glances nervously from his mother to me. “You’re supposed to shake on it, right?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah, that’s usually how you seal a deal.”
“I don’t like to be touched,” he says, wringing his little hands together.
I lean forward and whisper, “Can I tell you a secret?” He nods. “I don’t like to be touched either.”
“You don’t?”
I shake my head. Spencer’s face explodes with a grin. “Do you have to have all the tags cut off your shirts too?”
I shake my head and his face falls. “No, but I hate fireworks and other really loud noises. That’s why I have Nuke. He helps me deal with everything when my head gets too messy.”
“I like Nuke.”
“He likes you,” I say, grinning at the boy. “I can tell.”
“How?”
“Well, for a start, he won’t just let any old person throw a stick for him. And he does love snickerdoodles.”
“I gave him snickerdoodles at Aunt Olivia’s.”
“I know.” I can’t help smiling at his enthusiasm. “So tomorrow we’ll meet here after lunch and we can throw the stick some more.”
“Deal.” He nods and picks up the stick and holds it tight to his body.
Nuke goes on alert, ready to seek it out. “You gonna take it home with you? Why don’t we just leave it here and pick it up tomorrow?”
“No. then it might be different. It might wash out with the tide, or someone might pick it up and take it. It’s our stick. We need to keep our stick.”
“Alright then. You bring it back tomorrow; you hear?” I say. “And be good for your mamma.”
He nods as if he’s cementing those thoughts inside his head, and with a wave at Nuke, he runs up the beach to the near empty lot. I turn to Elle.
“Thank you,” she says.
I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”
“You don’t know Spence. It weren’t nothing, trust me—it was something. Spencer doesn’t just change his routine like that on a whim.” She sighs, watching her boy as he climbs in the back seat of her car. “I’ve been trying for eight years to accomplish what you just did in one minute.”
“You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re a good mamma, Elle. I don’t even know you that well, but I know that much about you at least.”
She runs a hand through her hair, untangling the locks that the bay breeze had caused. It looks like a nervous gesture. “Sometimes I wonder if that’s true.”
“Yeah?” I say, surprised. “Sometimes I wonder if I actually went crazy over there in that desert, and I’m not really here, but moments like this prove me wrong.”
She laughs half-heartedly. “Point taken.” Elle adjusts her purse strap on her shoulder and says, “Oh shoot, I almost forgot to give you this.”
She pulls a cello bag of fluffy white candies out of her purse and holds it out to me. I take it from her, my whole body tenses when her fingers touch mine. “Divinity?”
“Payment for helping me find Spence. Or a part of it anyway. I haven’t had a chance to bake the cookies yet, but I will. I always settle my debts.”
I don’t bother telling her that she doesn’t owe me a thing because I always was a sucker for a woman who could bake, and the idea of having her make something for me? Well, I ain’t gonna lie. I like the thought of that a lot.
“Thank you,” I say, holding up the bag. I never cared for the candies much, but unless she had them in her house already, she woulda had to get these late last night after we talked or first thing this morning. I happen to know that Punta Clara don’t open this early or stay open that late, so getting her hands on these woulda meant she’d called in a favor or two.
She smiles sheepishly, as if she figured out what I was thinking. “I better go. Don’t wanna be late.”
“Yep, you better,” I say with a grin.
“Goodbye, Jake Tucker.�
��
“Goodbye, Elle.”
She hurries to her car and turns the key in the ignition. She backs out without even a second glance behind her and speeds off like a race-car driver about to lap the track. I shake my head. That woman is a walking time bomb and the more I talk to her, the more I don’t care that I’m going to be swallowed up by the blast once it goes off.
And it is sure to detonate. Anything that comes from this, anything we build will be blown to smithereens because if she is a time bomb, I am a nuclear weapon.
Chapter Seven
Jake
Sunday came and we met after lunch just like we’d said we would. Elle bought coffee in paper cups and Spencer threw the stick to Nuke as they walked along the beach ahead of us. Elle talked pretty much nonstop. She mentioned before that she rambled when she was nervous. Apparently, she was nervous a lot around me.
Throughout the week, we continued training the pups for Olivia and come Friday, we had a graduation party for them before we bade them farewell and Olivia loaded them into crates in her minivan and took them to Mobile. Ellie and Spencer had gone with her to hand them over to the foundation.
As if by some unspoken agreement, the four of us met every morning before Spence started school, and every afternoon too. I never said much because Elle did the talking for both of us, but I liked it. All I had were tales of blood and war, things far too gruesome and dark to be mentioned in the daylight if at all.
From Elle, I learn that with the exception of Olivia and Mr. Williams, she has no one. Her parents are alive but they weren’t on speaking terms with their daughter, and to this day Spencer has never met them. I get the feeling there is no love lost there, but when she talked of her Memaw, her whole face lit up, and I found myself asking more questions so I could see her smile just a little longer.
At night, when the walls of my living room pressed in too tight, I’d find myself walking by her house. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because I wanted to be close to her or maybe I’d finally come to care about someone other than my dog and I wanted to make sure they were safe. All I knew was that I’d take Nuke out for his evening walk and somehow wind up two miles away, standing in her front yard and staring up at her living room window until Nuke pawed at me, and then I’d move on way before I was ready.