by A. Gorman
It’s been three hours already. I head to the nurses’ station and ask again, though I know there’s no news. The woman shakes her head, her lovely silver bob glinting under the lights as she moves. I take a deep breath. I should have never run across that road. If I’d only waited five extra minutes, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have seen what I had, and Spence wouldn’t have come out after me.
“Angel?” His voice rolls over me like rough honey, and I immediately burst into tears. I can’t face him now.
I feel his presence behind me. His gentle grasp on the back of my neck has me losing it all together, and he turns me and pulls me into his arms. Nuke sniffs at the grazes on my leg. His cold, wet nose nudges the side of my thigh and his fur tickles.
“What are you doing here?” My voice is muffled by Jake’s T-shirt, and I know I’m leaving wet patches all over him but he doesn’t seem to mind.
“Olivia called. Said she was on her way back from Tuscaloosa and to meet you here, that Spencer had been in an accident. I left so damn fast I didn’t even bother to hang up the phone. What happened? Is he alright?”
“I don’t know. They’re still in surgery and not tellin’ me a thing,” I sob. “Mr. Williams is dead. He shot himself in the face as I was opening his door.”
Jake’s whole body stiffens. “What?”
“He shot Jimmy. He sent me a letter, and I dashed across the road without thinkin’. I told Spencer to stay put, but I should have waited.”
“Slow down, angel, you’re not making any sense.”
“This is all my fault, Jake.”
“Shh. No, it isn’t.” He smooths the hair back from my forehead and kisses my head.
“You were right. I’m a terrible mother. I got my kid run over.”
“Angel, no,” he whispers, squeezing me tighter. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I was afraid that I’d hurt you and Spence. I was seeing a lot of things and I didn’t know if they were real, if I lived them in another time and place and my head was messing with me, or if I’d taken a rifle and gunned a man down in the middle of Fairhope. It’s no excuse for saying the things I said, or for hurtin’ you like that, but you gotta know—you’re an amazing Mamma.”
“I don’t know if he’s going to be okay.” My voice catches on a sob and he pulls me closer, wrapping his hand behind my head and holding it to his chest.
I don’t know how long we stand there, but I know I don’t want to leave the warmth of his embrace. Not yet—not until I know what’s going on with my son.
“Ellie?” Olivia says, and I pull away from Jake in order to hug her. She must have broken every speed limit between here and Tuscaloosa to get here so fast. “Is there any news?”
“Nothing. It’s all my fault, Liv.”
“Oh honey, no. You couldn’t have seen this coming.” She leads me over to one of the hard plastic seats and pulls me down beside her. Jake takes the seat to my other side and together we wait.
* * *
I wake with his warm shoulder beneath my cheek. I rest my head there a moment longer, breathing in his scent. I miss him so much. Jake slips his fingers between mine and gently squeezes. I’m sure he knows I’m awake, but he doesn’t say anything—he just comforts me. Ironic, considering he broke my heart little more than a week ago.
The door from surgery opens into the waiting room, and I jump up at the sight of the doctor whose hands I’d left my most treasured possession in hours earlier. He’s decked out in brightly colored pediatric scrubs that have Marvel characters all over them. I cringe, knowing Spence would have a meltdown if he were faced with the too-loud material.
“Ms. Mason.”
“Is my baby okay?”
He nods. “Spencer’s just fine. He has a compound fracture of the left tibia and fibula. They’re not uncommon, but they’re not easy to recover from either. We’ve placed several pins in his leg, but there’s some tissue damage and possibly some nerve damage too, though we won’t know about that until a little later. He’s in recovery now, but he’ll need to stay in the hospital for a few days. He’ll also need a lot of rest when he gets home and some physiotherapy in the future to aid in his recovery.”
I nod, anxious to visit my son. “Can I see him?”
“Of course,” he says, and looks to Olivia and Jake, and then at Nuke. He frowns, displaying his annoyance at seeing a dog here in the hospital, which riles me on Jake’s behalf.
“He’s a therapy dog,” I say.
The doctor raises a skeptical brow. “No other visitors allowed at this time. Just you.”
I nod and look back at Olivia and Jake. “Y’all go on home and get some rest. We’ll be fine. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.”
“Are you sure?” Olivia says, and I reach out and squeeze her arm. “We don’t mind stayin’.”
“No, I want to be there when he wakes up, and I don’t know how long that will take, but thank you for waiting with me.”
“Ms. Mason,” the surgeon calls. “When you’re ready.”
I turn and face him. It’s a good thing the man just fixed my son, because I have half a mind to put him over my knee and teach him some manners.
I don’t look at Jake as I’m leaving. I can’t deal with my feelings for him right now, so I hurry through the doors that lead me to the most important little man in the whole world.
After the pain meds have kicked in and Spencer’s doctor assures me he’ll be out for some time, I decide to head home and catch a few winks so I can be back here when he wakes. I might have just stayed in the armchair by his side, but I’m still wearing a shirt with Mr. Williams’s blood on it. My ruined apron got thrown in the trash when the nurses pulled me aside and cleaned me up so they could bandage the grazes on my legs, but they couldn’t do much about my shirt, and Spencer don’t need to see his mamma looking like she just stepped in from the slaughterhouse.
I give the nurses’ station on the children’s ward my number and ask them to call me the second he opens his eyes. I’m sure they’re not unfamiliar with autism, but that makes no difference to someone who lives with it every day. I need to be there when my son wakes up.
When I leave the ward and head out into the waiting room, I’m surprised to find Jake sitting in the same chair I left him in. Nuke is curled up at his feet. He lifts his head when the doors close behind me, rattling the lead tied tight around his owner’s hand. Jake’s eyes spring open and he’s instantly alert, his torso ramrod straight as he looks me over, eyes scanning. Always scanning for threats, these Marines. Mr. Williams did it too.
“What are you still doing here?” I ask.
“Thought you might need a ride.”
It’s true. I do. I rode in the ambulance with Spence. I hadn’t even thought about that fact when I was leaving just now, and it could be kind of hard to get a cab at three in the morning in downtown Fairhope.
“Thank you.”
Jake stands. “How’s he doin’?”
“Groggy,” I say. “He was talking about skiing and how it was a shame he wouldn’t be able to now that he’d broken his leg and would have to wait until next winter. Spencer’s never been skiing a day in his life.”
“Yeah, those pain meds will hit you hard sometimes.” We start walking slowly toward the exit, Nuke trailing in our wake. “How are you holding up?”
I laugh, humorlessly. “I feel like someone took a whittling knife and pared me down to the core. I’m a mess.”
“And Williams?” he says softly, bringing us to a stop by his truck. “How are you with that?”
“No. I can’t.” I turn to him with tears in my eyes. “I can’t talk about that right now.”
He nods and opens the passenger-side door for me. Of course Nuke goes to jump up, but Jake tells him to sit and the dog gives an unimpressed “woof”. I climb into Jake’s truck and flinch when he grabs the seatbelt and leans over me to buckle me in.
“I got it,” I say, but Jake ignores me anyway, and a beat late
r the metallic click of my buckle resounds inside the cab. I suck in a sharp breath, because just a few hours ago a different metallic click meant a lot more than my seatbelt sliding into place. It meant Williams’s life bleeding away onto his hardwood floors.
“You okay, angel?”
“Yeah,” I say, though my tears clearly betray me. Jake reaches out and smooths a calloused hand over my cheek. I feel the urge to move away from his touch so it won’t burn me, but I don’t, because after everything that happened today it’s nice to have someone in my corner offering me comfort when I feel like my entire world just exploded. He removes his hand and shuts the door, and then he walks around his side of the car and hops in. Starting up the engine, he peels the truck out of the parking lot and onto the road.
I’m exhausted, and the warmth of the cab lulls me to sleep, and then I’m lifted in the air. I blink several times and snuggle into his warmth. “I can walk.”
“I know.” His arms are tight around me and he carries me to my door and sets me on my feet. I glance briefly at Mr. Williams’s place. Police tape cordons off the front porch. It’s quiet now, but I imagine the entire street was buzzing with officials and lookiloos earlier. Damn vultures.
I remember the letter he sent. Now I’m taking care of the rest.
And he had. He must have confessed to killing Jimmy over the phone, because I can’t see why else the police would have been racing toward his house. Mr. Williams killed Jimmy. Mr. Williams shot himself in front of me. I can’t even begin to process that.
Jake asks me for the keys and judging by the way he’s looking at me, I don’t think it’s the first time he’s said it. “It’s unlocked.”
“Stay here,” he says, and I don’t argue that he’s being paranoid as he and Nuke push past me into the dark house.
“Nuke, seek it,” Jake says, switching on the light as he enters. The dog takes off and Jake follows close behind. I don’t. I stay put. I don’t think I could handle any more trouble tonight.
Nuke begins barking and I hear Jake’s quiet laughter come from another room at the end of the small house.
“Good boy,” he says, emerging a moment later not with a robber or squatter in tow, but holding something tiny within his enclosed hand.
“What is it?” I mumble, and even I can hear how exhausted I am.
“Nuke found a lightning bug in Spencer’s room.” He unfolds his hands; a tiny brown beetle opens his wings and flies away into the dark. I smile at Nuke and stroke his fur. His tongue lolls out, and he closes his eyes as he tilts his head up at me.
“Thank you,” I say to Jake. “For everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you tonight.”
“You want me to stay?”
Oh boy, was that the loaded question of the century? I should say no, but I don’t want to. It’s downright selfish, but I need him.
As if sensing my hesitation, he says, “On the couch, of course.”
“Would you mind?”
“Not ever when it comes to you, angel. Come on, you’re dead on your feet.” He takes my hand and leads me into the house, locking the door behind us. Nuke skitters about like he just got in on the ground floor of some super-special doggy mission. As if he knows he shouldn’t be in here, but he’s breaking all the rules.
Sorry, Mr. Williams.
I sigh. I don’t know what this all means—Williams dying. I don’t know how long Spence and I will have before they come to evict us, but I can’t worry about that now. I have to come up with a way to pay for Spencer’s costly hospital bills, because I don’t have insurance. I may have to take a second job as a candy striper girl in the post-op ward.
I don’t want to think about any of that right now, though. I just want my bed, and though I know I shouldn’t, I want this man’s arms around me. I don’t say as much, because it’s a line I can’t afford to cross at the moment.
“I’d offer you Spencer’s bed, but I’m not entirely sure you’d fit,” I say sheepishly.
“I’m fine with the couch.”
“I’ll grab you a pillow and a blanket. There’s towels in the linen press if you want to take a shower?”
“I’m fine.” He follows me down the hall. I retrieve the bedding from the cupboard and close it, turning to face him. He’s close. Too close, and tears prick my eyes again as a lump forms in the back of my throat. He reaches out a hand to cup my face. “Go get some rest, angel. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
I nod and hand him the blanket and pillow, and then I push past him down the hall and quietly close the bedroom door behind me. I shower, wash my hair, and brush my teeth, and as I slip on the pale pink negligee that I know Jake liked so much, I climb into bed and hope like hell that Spence is okay and sleeps through the night.
When I switch out the light and pull the covers over me, I break down again. I cry for my little boy, for the man sleeping on my couch, for the man I married whose body was shipped back to his mother in Charleston after the autopsy was carried out, and for Mr. Williams, who sacrificed however many years he had left to make sure Spencer and I were safe. And just when I think my tears should run dry, I cry for me, because I’m so damn tired of being strong, of rolling with the punches and picking myself up when I fall. I cry because the only man I ever loved who was worthy of it can’t be the one to pick me up. He’s too busy fitting the broken pieces of himself back together.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jake
As Elle showers, I listen from the hall. I’d give anything to go to her now, to climb into that too small shower recess with her and take care of her, before putting her to bed. Instead, I walk back to the couch and stretch out on it. I’m too big to be comfortable, of course. My legs hang over the edge and when Nuke growls and jumps up on top of me, burrowing in between me and the back of the sofa, I wonder whether it wouldn’t just be easier to sleep on the floor.
Not that I think I’ll be gettin’ much sleeping done. For one, I don’t want Elle waking in the middle of the night to my screams; she’s been through enough today. It’s part of the reason I wanted to be here for her. Death is one thing—seeing a man blow his own head off in front of you is entirely another. That shit stays with you. Not to mention the fact that not two seconds afterward she saw her son get tossed across the pavement like a hackey sack.
I stare up at the ceiling and make a mental note to reseal those corner architraves for her before winter sets in, otherwise this room will be too drafty. Though I try not to, I do doze a little, and then I get up and find my feet, walking the hall to her room. I tell myself it’s just to check on the house, but that logic flies right out the window when I turn the knob and find the door unlocked.
Entering the room as silently as I can, I watch her for a beat. Her face is turned away from me. Moonlight spills in through the lace curtains, drenching the end of the bed and silhouetting her body in a slither of pale silver light. My fingers ache to touch her.
I sit down on the floor, my back against the door, and I watch her sleep. Before long she rolls over, facing me. In my mind I trace the curve of her breast and her cheekbone, and run my fingers through her long golden hair. I miss the way it smells. I miss the drape of it across my chest as she lay with me. I miss pancakes and sticky kisses and the way her fucking perfect body had moved beneath me when I’d buried myself balls deep. I miss her lips pressed to my scars, and the way she made a broken man feel complete.
I sigh softly, and she jolts. I can’t see her face properly but I think she’s awake, which means I just got sprung. I close my eyes, waiting for the onslaught, waiting for her to tell me I’m a freak and a pervert and I should leave and never come back.
“Jake?” she says softly.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What are you doing in here?”
I shrug, though I know she probably can’t see it from the bed. “Couldn’t sleep.”
It’s her turn to sigh. “How long have you been
here?”
“You know the only time I ever found any peace was when I was lying next to you.” I get to my feet. “I’m sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep, angel.”
She pulls the sheet back, exposing her soft, milky white thighs in the moonlight. From here it looks as if she’s wearing my favorite little pink negligee. My dick could have done without this discovery because it hardens in my jeans. I stare at the bed and think too much about whether to accept the boon she’s offering me.
“Are you waitin’ on a written invitation, Jake?” she teases.
I cross the distance between the door and the bed with two quick strides, climbing in beside her. We face one another, and she places her hand against my chest. A part of me wants to strip off my clothes, shed them like skin in order to be closer, but I’m already walkin’ a fine line as it is. She traces a pattern over my covered torso, up my shoulder and down my arm, and it’s as if every line she draws with her fingertip is a burn, another scar laid upon my mutilated flesh. I’ve never felt so complete, yet so tortured.
Her hand snakes under my T-shirt, circling the brand on my side and then gliding up to the scars on my chest. I angle my head back so that her fingers can follow the line the whole way. She rolls on top of me, pushing up the hem of my shirt. I help her pull it over my head, and she releases a heavy breath as she settles in my lap.
My cock strains against her softness. I slide my hands along her thighs and under her negligee. She’s not wearing any panties, and I groan when my hands are met with no resistance and instead glide over smooth, slick flesh.
Ellie rocks into my touch. I stroke faster, knowing what she needs without her having to verbalize it, and within just a few moments she comes against my hand. With her head thrown back and her body bowed, she rides out the sensation and I sit up, my free hand going into her hair to draw her mouth down on mine. I’m already covered in sweat, and every part of me is rock hard and longing to get closer, to push into her softness. I roll us so that I’m on top and I spread her legs apart, wanting to taste the sweetness between them. I skim my lips along her thighs, over the mound of her pubic bone and down the other leg, avoiding the place I know she wants me most. Even though she just came, she’s already greedy and panting for more. She squirms against my wandering mouth until I come back to her center.