by A. Gorman
***
Gerald
The physical therapist was a very understanding man. He’d show me an exercise, and if I couldn’t do it, or if my body wouldn’t cooperate, he’d move on to something else, or he’d modify it so that I could do it. It made me feel good to move my body again. I was taught how to safely sit up and scoot to the side of the bed. He taught me how to stretch out my remaining leg and the other limb, and he explained what would happen after my wounds started to heal. I had no idea the lengths I had to go through to prepare my leg for a prosthetic limb. I still wasn’t sure if I even wanted one of those. No offense to anyone who wears one, but I honestly didn’t think it was for me. But, I’d leave the option open.
Sara had to leave halfway through his visit, but I felt okay without her. I knew she couldn’t sit and babysit me forever, no matter how much I pissed and moaned for her to stay. I didn’t want to risk her losing her job just to sit by the side of a new amputee.
After doing the exercises, I was starting to get really sore, so I hit the pain medication and drifted off to sleep.
***
Sara
Even though I didn’t want to, I had to leave Gerald’s side. My pager was buzzing like crazy and I learned that I was going to pull a double shift because Karen had called out. That was unlike her. No matter what she’d come in, so I knew it had to be something serious for her to actually call out.
Mika was also pulling a double shift, and we tried to brainstorm when we’d take our breaks and alternated who’d go on coffee breaks. Since neither of us was prepared for this, we’d require copious amounts of caffeine to get through the sixteen hours.
The first few hours had flown by, but by the tenth hour I was ready to rip my hair out. There were so many people flooding the emergency department that night that Mika had to constantly abandon me at the nurses’ station.
Someone had to man it at all times, to take calls and direct the ambulances and medevac flights to us. This area was very congested, and sometimes it was hard to find us, if you took the wrong road.
***
After a grueling shift, I was thankful to have a day off. I told Gerald when I came back I expected him to be stronger than he was the first day I saw him, and he promised he would.
I chugged a cup of coffee, and it kept me awake long enough to drive home and then I passed out on the couch.
***
Gerald
When Sara told me she wouldn’t be here the next day I was sad. I would barely respond to any of the other nurses, and they decided to up my anti-depressant medication. I hardly wanted to get out of the bed to do my physical therapy for the day, but he was teaching me how to safely get off the bed with a crutch and it was something I needed to learn how to do.
After physical therapy, a team of doctors and nurses came into my room. “Mr. Forsythe, we just wanted to let you know that you’ll be transferred soon.”
“Why? I haven’t even fully healed yet!” I barked.
“We know, but you’re recovering remarkably so far, and being there would further assist with your healing process.”
“But if I leave I can’t—”
“Can’t what?”
See Sara again.
“What could hinder the process?”
“If you got hurt, something didn’t heal properly. Things of that nature, but again, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
That’s what you think. Tomorrow, we’ll be back to square one.
CHAPTER FIVE
Sara
I’d slept so long that I’d slept through my alarm for the next day. I called my boss apologizing, and they understood. I worked an unplanned sixteen-hour shift, and apparently needed as much sleep as I could get because I spent my entire day off on the couch.
I raided the fridge for a quick snack, took a shower, and headed into work to pull a mid-shift.
“Welcome back, sleepyhead,” Karen teased.
“Hey! What happened to you the other night?”
“My son got hit in the head with a baseball. Knocked him completely unconscious. My husband is out of the country on business, so I had to take a personal day to make sure he was okay.”
“Is he okay?”
“Of course. He’s a boy. They’re built to take punishment and recover quickly.”
“Right.” I laughed. “Well, I’m glad to have you back.”
“I’m glad to be back. I see your friend is getting better.”
“Yeah, I guess he is.”
“You know they’re getting ready to transfer him, right?”
“Already?” I snapped.
“Yeah, since he’s recovering well, the doctors called the rehab place in Virginia and he’ll be transferred very soon.”
Even though that was normal protocol, I didn’t want it to happen. I couldn’t imagine not having the direct access to see him whenever I wanted. My eyes must have given away my inner thoughts because Karen placed her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, it’ll be okay. I know he’ll be far away, but you could always call or send him a letter.”
“I guess.”
Karen gave me a squeeze on my shoulder and as I went to grab some patients’ charts, there was a commotion coming from around the corner. Gerald.
***
Gerald
I had a genius plan. I was just going to fall or stumble when physical therapy came, but no. I actually tried to get up and scoot myself to the side of the bed, grabbed for my crutch, had a dizzy spell, and fell to the floor.
Alarms, bells, whistles, anything you could think of went off as soon as my ass hit the floor. A staff of white coats came to my rescue and I was so embarrassed, until I saw Sara. Every time she was around me it made everything better. I didn’t care that I had to readjust. I didn’t care that I was missing a leg. It was like she was an angel that had the power to make me see the good in life.
“Gerald, are you all right? What happened?”
“I got dizzy reaching for my crutches, and well, here ya go.”
“Okay, we’ll have to have the doctor readjust your medication.”
“That’s fine,” I said as the nurses helped me up off the floor and back onto my bed.
“The physical therapist was on his way here, but I think we’ll have to skip it so you can get some rest. You shouldn’t be working yourself too hard if you had a bad reaction to your medication. We don’t need you falling again.”
“Thanks so much.” Even if it only bought me one extra day with her, I’d take it.
CHAPTER SIX
Gerald
One month later.
“Mr. Forsythe, how are you today?” the psychiatrist asked.
“The same, I guess. I really don’t want to be here.”
“And why is that?”
“Because she’s not here.”
“Oh, the woman, Sara, that you mentioned before?”
“Correct.”
“But health wise you seem to be getting better. Your stump is healing nicely. I see you’ve been shaping it with your elastic shrinker sock.”
“Yeah, well, the doctors told me I had to. I don’t have to get prosthesis per se, but it was still good for the healing process. I didn’t want to fuck it up more than it already is.”
“Okay, well, let’s talk about her, Sara.”
“What is there to talk about? I lasted one extra day there after my dizzy spell, and now I’ve been in this hell hole for the last few weeks. The phantom pains won’t stop, and I don’t know how to go on without her.”
“Why do you think you’ve latched onto Sara so hard?”
“Because she genuinely cared about me. That’s a feeling I haven’t had in a long time.”
“I see. When’s the last time you felt cared about? When’s the last time you genuinely felt like someone cared about you?”
“Honestly, when my mom was alive.”
“I’m so sorry, how did she pass?”
“Cancer took her and my dad two years ago. My sister moved to Virginia for col
lege, so I pretty much was on my own.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Sure, but the woman I thought I loved decided she was going to leave me for my best friend. I’d asked her to marry me before I was being deployed.”
“Wow, so I can see why you seem to stay to yourself.”
“Exactly. It’s hard for me to trust people.”
“But you trusted Sara?”
“Yes, I’d trust her with my life.”
“Prior to this accident, had you ever seen Sara before?”
“Not that I recall. Why?”
“Just asking.”
I didn’t remember seeing her before, but sometimes when I stared into her eyes, I felt like I knew her. I wanted to know her. I wanted to be with her.
“You could be going through an attachment phase. You’ve just gone through something traumatic, and she was there at the right time. This could be like lust.”
“You’re absolutely fucking wrong, Doc. Can we end this now? Give me my crazy pills so I can go back to healing.”
Since I’d been transferred to this rehab facility, I’ve felt like shit. I was already dealing with depression, but the fact that I didn’t have her face to look at daily as a reminder that there are better things in life, I practically wanted to kill myself. She hadn’t been able to visit me yet, but she’d called me a few times and, believe me, it made most days and nights go by smoothly. She eased my fears, my anxiety. She also talked me into getting electrical stimulation to my stump. It was supposed to ease the phantom pains and send shocks to my nerves. It sounded like it’d hurt, but I didn’t care. She suggested it, so I wanted to try it.
***
Sara
Since Gerald had been gone, I hadn’t felt like myself. I went through the daily motions of life, but I didn’t feel as passionate about things as I had before. It was like he was my ray of sunshine. Seeing his face was the highlight of my day and now that he was gone I’d been surrounded by pain. I knew he was the same, because he told me.
Most of the staff could see the shift in my mood, and a few had spoken to me, but nothing they could say would make things better. I just did my job and made sure I made it home in one piece. And sometimes I visited my dog because I missed that little mutt so much.
After my shift I was planning on making my way to him. Surprise him. I needed to see him as bad as I knew he needed to see me.
***
After an almost nine-hour flight, I finally made it to the hospital.
“Hey, I’m looking for Gerald Forsythe.”
“He’s on the first floor, room two twenty-two.”
“Thanks a bunch.”
As I walked down the hall, the butterflies in my stomach were preparing for liftoff. I felt like I was getting ready to go on my first date or something. It was so weird. I’d never been nervous to see a friend before.
When I reached the room, I peered in, and he was sitting in his wheelchair staring out the window. I tiptoed behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder. His hard facial expression turned into a soft glow once he saw it was me. I stepped back, and he turned his chair around. He’d changed so much. Facial hair lined his chiseled jaw. He’d let his hair grow out and it was a disheveled mess on the top of his head, but it made him look even hotter. His arms were really toned and I could see the hair on his sculpted chest from the gown that had fallen slightly.
“Sara, I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Sorry I couldn’t get up here sooner. I won’t lie. I was afraid.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” He smiled and reached to grab my hand. His hand was soft, but had a slight roughness around his fingers.
“I see you’ve been working out.”
“I have. I had nothing better to do here. I almost felt like my body was just running on autopilot. The days were slipping by, but it didn’t matter because you weren’t here to spend them with me.”
My heart melted at his words. I felt the exact same way.
“Hey, I heard there’s a garden here. Do you think we could go and take a look at it?”
“Sure, Sara. I’ve never been there. You know more than me because I had no idea it was there.”
I grabbed the handles on the back of his chair and started to push him out of the room. I hadn’t asked if it was okay. It just felt right. He didn’t complain at all.
***
Gerald
It was nice to have her taking care of me again. I was fully capable of wheeling myself around this place, but I’d let her do it for as long as she wanted. All the nurses we’d passed gave me the side-eye because I gave everyone else hell for even placing a finger on my chair. I heard a few whispers as we strolled down the hall, and I gave zero fucks.
She stopped to ask where the garden was, and we were told it was on the second floor.
The elevator ride to the second floor was a quiet one, but I still appreciated the time I got to spend with her.
***
“So, Gerald. Tell me something about yourself.”
“Like what?”
“Something you don’t share with most people.”
“My mom had always told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve.”
“I can believe that. I’m the same way.”
“The day of the incident, I thought for sure I was dead. My entire life flashed before my eyes as I flew into the air. But when I got a glimpse of you when I woke up, I thought you were an angel. There was a white glow surrounding you when we met.”
Her cheeks flushed and she placed her hand up to her lip.
“What is it, Sara?”
“I just can’t believe how I feel being around you. I feel like I know so much about you, but I hardly know anything.”
“Well, let’s rectify that right now. What do you want to know?”
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
“I proposed to my girlfriend a few months into our relationship,” I said, admiring a bunch of marigolds behind the bench she sat on.
“Wow, your heart must have spilled all over your sleeve.”
“Oh, it did, and it all came back to bite me in the ass.”
“Why, what happened?”
“Well, the night before I deployed, she told me she couldn’t do this. And that she’d been sleeping with my best friend. So I pretty much drowned my sorrows away at the bar that night, trying to forget what a bitch she truly was to drop a bomb like that on me the night before my deployment.”
“Ouch. Well, the guy I was with wasn’t my fiancé, but he left me to go back to his ex, whom he’d proposed to and was apparently having a baby with. So our entire relationship was a lie in my eyes, and I was used. I came home to tell him about me being stationed in Germany, the job he’d told me to take, by the way, and at that moment I found out why he was so adamant about me leaving. I came home to an empty apartment and a note. I went and drowned my sorrows away that night in the bar too.”
“Wow, that’s shitty. What are the fucking odds, huh?”
“I know, right. We were both burned by shitty exes.” I laughed.
“Pretty much. That night was pretty hazy, but I do remember meeting a beautiful woman at the bar and we had a weird connection, and the sex was amazing.”
She stopped laughing and her face hardened.
“What did I say?”
“Was the bar you went to Jillian’s on A street?”
“Yes, it was.”
“Three years ago?”
“Yeah, that was my very last night in Boston.”
***
Sara
Oh my God. Gerald was the mystery man. “Gerald. That was me.”
“No fucking—”
“You have a small quote on your ribs, right?”
“Yeah, but you could have seen that in the hospital.”
That was true, but I hadn’t seen his tattoo during his stay. He’d alway
s been covered up.
“I didn’t. And the only reason I remembered it was because I remember it was something about love.”
He lifted his gown up and showed me the quote on his ribs. Life is unexpected, the world remains unturned, your heart is a gift you own, revealing a love unknown. I couldn’t stop staring at it and how much muscle he’d put on. His abs were so tight that they looked unreal.
He looked over at me, and I couldn’t read what he was thinking. He paused for a beat and then reached for the wheels on the side of his chair, rolling himself closer to me. He put the brakes on and shifted himself out of the chair and onto the bench beside me. He moved almost effortlessly. A big difference from when I’d first seen him a month ago.
He extended his hand toward mine, and I placed my hand inside of his. It was a perfect fit. I inched closer to him, and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into him. I felt comfortable and safe. Two feelings I hadn’t felt from a man in years. We both looked at each other, and as if on cue, we both leaned in and when our lips connected, it felt like a current traveled through my body, lighting a fire inside that I hadn’t known I was missing.
Gerald was the thing I’d been missing.
***
We talked for hours in that garden. Watching the sun set was even more beautiful sharing it with him. He occasionally stole kisses from me in the middle of our conversations, but I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to do more, but I wasn’t sure the time was right.
Gerald revealed to me that he’d felt like he was damaged goods, like something was missing in his life, but being around me made him feel complete.
And I told him I felt the same. I’d never clicked with someone like this. I could imagine spending the rest of my life with him, and I wouldn’t have cared where we were or where we went.
CHAPTER SEVEN